All character belong to the fabulous Richelle Mead. I own nothing.
No More
Chapter One
True pain is a bitch. You breathe and yet you don't feel the air coming into your lungs. It's like your suffocating. Your chest hurts so bad that you're willing the claw your heart out to make the pain stop. Yea… like I said true pain is a bitch. And I'm not talking about physical pain; I can handle that. It's emotional pain – heartbreak. It's been six months since my world came crashing down on me. Six months since I lost the love of my life. Six months since I died. I haven't really died, of course - it just feels like it. I envied death.
Six months have pasted since Mason's ghost told me that Dimitri had been turned strigoi. All this time, I have been training and developing into a one woman killing machine. No one could stop me – guardian, strigoi, or Moroi. I was lethal and wouldn't take no for an answer. When Dimitri was a guardian, he made me promise that if he ever became Strigoi that I would kill him. I never thought that would happen though. Dimitri had been my mentor and my hero. Sometime during the practices, we had fallen in love with each other. He has saved me so many times in many ways that I'd always thought he was invincible. I had seen him take down many strigoi and he had been a god among the guardians, but even the best fall.
I should have known this. Dimitri had taken me to meet Arthur, a legend among the guardians, but strigoi had broken the wards and killed him. He was a lot like Dimitri – strong and admired.
Even thinking about him hurt. I remembered him perfectly. His rare smile, his deep brown eyes, and his gentle touch – each one haunted me. I never showed my pain though. I just killed any strigoi in my path and kept walking. I can't afford to feel. My mission is to kill the man I loved. He isn't my Dimitri anymore. He is my enemy and I can't hesitate. Rule number one – don't hesitate. He taught me that. After months of looking, I had tracked down the strigoi that had taken Dimitri a month ago and was prepared for my final quest – or at least I think I am. Some things are easier said than done.
"Please, I'll tell you anything," he begged. It was quite pathetic really. He was on his knees, surrounded by the seven other strigoi that were living with him, but they were all dead. I made sure to save him for last. He had a stake in his stomach and a deep cut in his throat, but he could still communicate. After seeing me single-handedly take down his whole coven, he surrendered but still didn't talk; that's when the torture began. The first step – slash his throat; the second – shoot him.
In my months of solitude I had invented a special kind of gun. Its ammunition was stakes about a foot long. The stakes couldn't kill but they knocked out the strigoi long enough for me to kill them. The gun itself could hold ten rounds but the attachment I always carried with me had forty extra rounds. Along with that, I carry a stake, and a set of explosives. I never had to use much other than the gun, but I would have to use all of them for where I was headed. They didn't weigh much but it was awkward to wear. I carried the extra ammo like a sash and the explosives and stake on my belt.
"Tell me where I can find Dimitri." When he looked confused, I continued. "After the army came to the Vampire Academy, guardians attacked the caves where you stayed. You attacked a guardian and turned him. Where is he? Where is Dimitri?"
I could feel the hole in my heart expanding and sense the tears coming, but I banished them. All the months had made me stronger, in every sense of the word. I could turn off my feelings like a switch. I had come too far to fail now. Some people said it was coldness, but I said it was determination.
"Oh," he laughed. My anger grew, and I shot another stake into his chest. Not in the heart like he probably wanted, but within inches of it. Enough to hurt like hell. He wailed and screamed in pain. "Okay, Okay… I'll tell you. He's in Siberia. He's reestablishing the army there."
"What do you mean?"
"He's planning another attack on the academy. He's the leader. The last I heard was that he's got twenty or so of the strongest and wisest plus thirty others. It is suicide for any guardian to go there, even you. He knows all about the academy and even the number of guardians to plan for," he explained.
"When," I asked. I had left Lissa at the academy because I thought she was safe. It was the hardest decision I'd made but in the end, Dimitri needed me more. But in my heart, I knew if she was in trouble then I would go back to her.
"The next meeting was to plan the date but the original plan was to strike when the queen was coming."
"But that's in a month!"
"Then you better hurry. They're probably already gathering in Siberia. That's where I'm headed. I've got dibs on the Dragomir Princess," he smiled.
"Sorry to disappoint but I already have dibs," I shot him between the eyes then finished him with a stake in his heart.
Great – now I had more problems. My soul mate, once protector of Moroi, was now planning to kill them. He was planning the same attack he had fought against six months ago. I could go back to the academy and prepare for my battle then or try to prevent it. If the strigoi was right then we didn't have much time. By the time we found them and planned an attack, it would be too late. If I tried to prevent this then I could probably kill twenty before they killed me but then Dimitri would still carry out the plan and probably pick or add forty more. If I could prevent this then I would have to kill the leader – Dimitri.
I had to plan this carefully or a lot of lives would be lost. I only had a month so I had to think fast. I would find out as much as possible and keep the academy posted. I would do what I could in Siberia and hope for the best at the academy. I had to make sure Lissa was safe.
After I filled in the academy, I packed my stuff and headed to Siberia.
Local strigoi said Dimitri wasn't living with the others. He and his strongest allies were staying in a protected house outside the city. I was ready for anything. I was wearing a skin-tight black leather outfit that adjusted to my every move. My boots and gloves were broken in from all the walking and fighting. Around my waist I wore a fully loaded belt. My gun and stake hung from the loops and the explosives were in a small pouch. The strips of ammunition hung over shoulder – I had packed three strips just in case.
I knew I was getting close because the nausea. I walked through the trees carefully until I saw the main entrance. It was guarded by three strigoi. I pulled out my gun and loaded it. I quietly snuck around the trees, listening for them to acknowledge me. They weren't very good at their job because I practically walked up to them. As soon as they saw me, I leapt into action. I shot the two biggest ones and then fought the last one. He was smaller than I was – probably human when he was changed. He didn't have any fight experience. That's probably why he was just a guard. I had a stake through his heart in less than a minute. I staked the others and moved the bodies into the woods.
"Aidan, Aidan, come in," a soft voice called. I followed the sound to a small radio in the snow.
I picked it up. "Aidan and the other two guards are dead." I looked for a camera but didn't see one. I knew they would find me even if they didn't know what I looked like.
"Who are you?" he said in a hard voice.
"You'll find out soon enough," I promised. I quickly shattered the radio. The gate was locked but I noticed a tree that extended over the wall. I scaled the tree and across the limb. I placed some C4 on top of the wall and then jumped down.
Waiting on the other side of the wall were a dozen others. Without flinching, I fired my gun. They didn't think a gun would harm them, so they didn't dodge the bullets. I ran along the wall throwing small explosives as I did. I ran inside and locked the door then searched for something to hold it shut. To my luck, there was an emergency lock down switch. This will work. I broke the glass case and pushed the button. Red lights flashed and metal doors came down. I pushed the explosive activator and felt the ground shake as they went off. I hoped all the strigoi outside were dead but I knew the sun was rising soon so they would all die eventually.
I walked down the hallway with no interactions from strigoi. It was eerie actually. The nausea was there so I knew they were here. I continued down the hallway until it opened up into a large room with a blood red carpet leading up to the front of the room. On both sides of the carpet were columns but beyond the columns, was a bare tile floor. There were four other entry ways so I ran to close them. Each opening led to a room. They were small – like a dorm room. All had a small bed and a dresser. Lucky for me that was all they had. The rooms were empty. I still closed them. It wasn't until then that I noticed a door at the front of the room. It was different than the others. First of all, it was metal and more detailed than the bare wooden ones and second – it was closed. Footsteps alerted me that strigoi were coming. I raced back to the hallway doors. It was too late though and the strigoi had the advantage.
They were closer than the rest had gotten so I didn't have time to pull out my gun before the first one reached me. He forcefully threw me across the room into one of the columns. I crumpled to the floor with the breath knocked out of me. My adrenaline kicked in and I skillfully prepared for the next attack. He picked me up by my hair but what he wasn't expecting was the stake I had in my hand. In one swift motion, I pulled the stake from my belt and dug it into his chest. By the time he noticed, it was already deep within his cold heart. He dropped me but I landed on my feet. I pulled out my gun and started firing. I ran around the edges until I reached the door. As I tried to close it, a massive man pushed the doors open and sent me flying backwards. I landed on my back a couple feet away, but my gun was across the room. I jumped up, pulling out my stake and charged him. The guy must have been an old vampire because he was very strong. We spared off – strength verses speed. I pulled together everything Dimitri had taught me. I ducked from his hit and kicked him hard behind the knees. It knocked him off balance and gave me an opportunity. I slammed the stake into his chest and watched his eyes open in surprise.
I had a little time so I ran and locked the last doors and putting a stake through the handles just in case. The doors seemed strong enough but strigoi could have easily busted through the metal doors if they really wanted to. I had only injured two, so I had to go back and finish them. The first man was skinny but tall. He was still limp from the gun wound so I staked him effortlessly. The other one was recovering though.
He staggered toward me – still injured. I ran toward my gun and turned to him but he was already on me. With one hand he knocked the gun away from me and with the other he slapped me. I hit the wall – hard. My battle instincts kicked in though. I leapt into the fight and blocked his blow. I skillfully fought, always looking for my opening and finally it happened. His chest opened up for a split second and I thrust the stake into his heart. His body hit the ground with a thud.
A slow applause filled the room, but I didn't have to turn around to know it was Him. "Bravo. I taught you well, Roza." he praised.
Chapter 2
I slowly turned to him. He looked like my Dimitri – dark hair, flawless body – but there was something vastly different – pale skin, red-ringed eyes. His smile, the one I'd loved so much, had a wicked, sarcastic look to it now. "No, a very loyal, skilled guardian taught me," I said bitterly.
His smile faded. "Is that how it is? I'm being civil with you, so why don't I get the same respect? I thought you didn't like when we fought."He used my words against me but he was right. I always hated to fight with him but this wasn't Dimitri.
"I was taught never to lower my guard in the presence of a strigoi," I made the last word seem disgusting.
"I give my word that you won't be harmed by anyone or anything," he vowed.
"I'll never trust the word of a strigoi," I countered.
"My word as a guardian."
"You're not a guardian anymore," I argued. It surprised me how cold my voice was.
He thought for a moment "My word as Dimitri. The one who loves you and promised to protect you after we made love in our secret cabin," His voice was calm but I could faintly see the pain in his eyes. For a moment, he looked like my Dimitri – my love. I can't… I won't… let my feelings get in the way.
"You're not my Dimitri anymore. He wouldn't want to talk. He would never want to live as a strigoi," I yelled. "How can you be so against them one minute and then be their leader the next? You once wanted to guard a Moroi with your life, and now you want to take the lives of those you loved so much. How could you change so much?" The tears I'd been holding back burned my eyes, but I pushed them back once again. I could feel my guard going down, but I forced it up. I couldn't risk anything. I had come to far not to succeed. "How could this happen? You were the best. You said you'd protect me no matter what but you left me alone with the heartache."
"I had no choice," he pleaded stepping forward.
"Stay back," I ordered raising my stake.
"They knew about us," he whispered, but he didn't step forward again.
"I don't understand," I said shaking my head. He always had a choice. He knew the problems our love could cause, but he was supposed to forget about me in the war zone. That shouldn't have been a problem.
"They said you were next. They were going to go back to the academy and get you. They would torture you until I agreed to drain you. Believe me, I tried to ignore them, but when they sent the first group out, I called them back. I didn't want you here. I didn't want you to suffer or die. I thought you would believe I was dead and move on," he explained.
"Why does that matter," I asked, "Why am I so important?"
"Because you're best friends with Lissa," he explained. "Once you're out of the way, she's vulnerable. I was bait. They thought you'd come back to the cave to save me."
The weight of what he said hit me. "It's my fault," I whispered.
"No, I have to thank you. This life is incredible Roza." He smiled.
And there it was. His strigoi nature was back. He had seemed like a guardian again but it was an allusion. The joy of power was a strigoi characteristic. This being in front of me was a monster – not Dimitri.
"Why are you here?" He smiled but then recognition sunk in. "you know my plan, don't you?"
"Yes. I'm not going to let you do it either," I swore.
"You're here to kill me, aren't you?" he whispered.
"I have no other choice. I made you a promise. Do you remember that?"
"Do you honestly think you can kill me?" he laughed.
"I'll die trying."
"You were always stubborn."
"It's why you used to love me."
"Used to?" Some of the others began to pound on the doors. "Follow me," he said flatly. He led me to the front where the small door hid. He opened it and waited for me to go inside. I cautiously walked in, never turning my back on him. I don't know why I went in. I guess some part of me still thought it was Dimitri. I trusted him.
It was a small room much like the others I found. A queen sized bed was resting against one wall and a closest and a desk were on the other side of the room. The room was clean except the unmade bed, and it was completely dark. I could see, of course, but it gave me an eerie feeling. It reminded me of a tomb.
"What is this?" My voice was stronger than I felt.
"My room," he said studying me. "What is that?"
He obviously meant my outfit. "Just a little something that came with the job description."
He smiled. "You look beautiful. Just like always." His smile saddened. He sounded like my Dimitri. If I had closed my eyes, I could have believed it really was him.
"I wish you wouldn't do that," I whispered looking at the floor.
"Do what?"
"Make killing you that much harder. You're a monster. You're not my Dimitri," I cried. He started walking toward me then, with quick determined strides. "Sto..." I tried to say but his lips were on mine.
All those months of wanting him finally exploded. Apparently he felt the same way. We collapsed in his bed, never breaking the kiss and discarded our clothes quickly.
"I love the outfit but this is so much better," he whispered in my ear.
It was like our first time in the cabin - Gentle and sweet but also passionate and rough. And just like that night – it ended all too quickly. I lay on top of him as I softly kissed his chest. His fingers ran through my hair gently then continued down my body, sending sparks to my core. "We could be together… forever," he whispered after a few minutes.
I rose up so I could look into his eyes. Together forever – It was what I'd always wanted but it couldn't happen now. He was strigoi. "You mean… no," I said getting up. I finally understood. He wanted to change me.
He got up too and caught me but I wouldn't face him. His arms wrapped around me and he leaned to my ear. "Why not? We could stay in bed for hours and never have to pretend again. We would take control. No one could stop us."
"We would always kill though - Murder innocent people. I can't live like that!"
"It's just survival one-oh-one. You eat meat. I eat humans. In the end, we both kill.'
"But you do it for fun. Plus Lissa would send for me. The guardians would find us."
"I know a place like this where we could stay and no one would be able to find us," he vowed.
"I was able to find you though."
"That's because I'm a part of you, just like you're a part of me."
That was true. We were a part of each other or we used to be. This person – this thing – wasn't my Dimitri. He would have wanted to die the moment he changed. He would have been disgusted by the thought of living forever as a strigoi. This is it. I closed my eyes. I have to kill him.
He released me and started to pace around the room. I slowly and quietly walked toward my belt. "Roza, don't you see? We are meant to be with each other and now we can live forever – together." I picked up my stake and hid it in the sheet I'd wrapped around me.
Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't hold them back any longer. He came over to me and kissed my forehead. He mistook my silence. "Dimitri…" I said. My throat seemed to swell from the tears. The stake felt heavy in my hand.
"My beautiful Roza," he whispered in my ear. His voice sounded normal – no strigoi quality but when I looked into his eyes, I saw the red ring. I had to turn away. My heart screamed to stay with him but my mind had already made the choice. Dimitri – my Dimitri – wouldn't have wanted this life.
It still amazed me how my mind could picture a happy memory in the mist of such a dark time.
Flashback
The guardians were finally ready to attack the caves. I could hardly wait to go. I needed to help Eddie. The fact that I was with Dimitri was the only thing keeping me down. He was talking on the phone – finishing the details. I still get butterflies when I see him – a god in human form.
He hung up and sighed. "Roza, you need to prepare for the worst. Eddie might not be alive. You have to stay alert no matter what or who we find in the caves."
"I know. But Eddie's alive – you have to believe me," I pleaded.
"Mason," he asked. I nodded. "Alright, I believe you." He smiled at me and pulled me into his chest.
"Please be careful, Dimitri," I whispered. I hadn't planned to say it but it slipped out. The loss of Mason had made me cautious. I couldn't lose another person I loved – especially Dimitri.
"Don't worry about me. Keep your head in the fight and concentrate on your battle. Remember rule number one…"
"Don't hesitate," I finished. I kissed him then ran my fingers through his hair. "I love you, Dimitri."
"My beautiful Roza – I will always love you. Forever."
Someone knocked on the door and then my mom came in. "It's time,' she said. Dimitri nodded to her and she left.
I hopped up. "Time to kill some strigoi," I grinned.
Dimitri caught my hand and pulled me to him. He gently tilted my chin up and kissed me. Then we went to join the others.
End of flashback
That was the last time I would hear or kiss my Dimitri. This isn't what he wanted. I made him a promise and I'm keeping that promise. I carefully grabbed the stake and with quick precision, I turned around and stuck it through his heart – my heart. His eyes filled with confusion and sorrow as he fell back on to his bed.
Then he did the unexpected. He looked up at me with his old deep brown eyes – the red gone – and smiled.
"Roza, I love you," he said with shaky breaths. "Thank you."
His eyes closed.
Chapter three
I kissed his lips one last time then slid the covers over his head. My body jerked with the sobs and I curled into a ball to hold myself together. I don't know how long I stayed like that. It could have been hours but eventually I got my emotions under control then I got dressed. With one last glance at my love, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.
I continued in a daze. Placing a trail of explosives, I walked around the building. The strigoi were trapped inside by the sun but I could hear the voices inside. Dimitri's face filled my mind and I silently hoped his ghost would appear but he never did.
I couldn't understand why we couldn't be together. I would never have that happily ever after. If there was some higher power, He had a sick sense of humor.
It seemed like the longest walk of my life as I walked away from the building. Anger was engraved in my face yet tears poured down my face. The explosives I had placed went off behind me but the noise seemed far, far away. I could only hear Dimitri's words. We could be together forever.
I was truly alone now.
With Dimitri gone, the strigoi didn't attack. I wasn't sure if it was because I had killed their leader and the majority of their best warriors or if they knew we were waiting for the attack. The academy stayed on high alert but nothing has happened.
The academy had let me return with the help of Lissa and my mom. I would soon graduate and be Lissa's guardian. Everything was back to normal and yet it felt like I was missing something.
It has been two weeks since I'd killed Dimitri. The guardians had cleared out his room and they had a service for him. I couldn't go though. Dimitri's family had come for the service and to pick up his stuff. My mom wanted me to meet them and I promised her I would before they left. I was excited to meet them. I wanted to know more about them but I knew I would have to tell them the whole story. That scared me.
A knock at my door made me get out of bed for the first time in days. "Who is it?" I called.
"It's Tanya. May I come in for a second?"
I opened the door. "I guess."
"Here," she handed me a package with my name on it. "This was in Dimitri's stuff. I guess it belongs to you," she smiled then walked out.
I closed the door and walked back to my bed carrying the package. I set it down then just stared at it – not sure whether to open it or not. My curiosity got the best of me, and I cautiously opened it. Inside were a small box and a note. I opened the note first and started crying after reading the first line.
My Dearest Love,
From the moment I met you, I knew you were trouble yet something drew me to you. In the mist of all the practices I fell in love with you. I tried to banish those feelings, but I couldn't. My heart was already yours. When I saw you with Jesse, the jealously was too much to stand. When I saw you hurt by Natalie I felt such anger toward her, it scared me. When I lost you, I worried and paced constantly. When I saw you in pain after you made your first kills, I cried. When you laugh, my heart beats faster. When you're mad, I'm mad but never mad at you. Last night in the cabin was a night I'll never forget and being here without you in my arms is torture. I know now just how much I need you – I love you. I don't care what other people think. I want you with me – forever. Tonight there is a full moon, and I want to share it with you. Meet me in our cabin at eight and I'll be waiting for you. Until tonight – I love you.
Yours Only,
Dimitri
I could barely read the last part because of the tears. I pulled out the little box and inside was a ring. It had a golden band and three diamonds – the middle one a little bigger. On the inside of the band was inscribed I Love You, My Roza. He had wanted to marry me. I looked at the calendar. Tonight was the full moon.
I placed the ring back into the box and got dressed. I wore the little black dress he'd loved so much. I picked up the box from my dresser and made my way to our cabin…alone.
I don't know what I expected when I got to the cabin, but when I saw it was empty, I crumpled to the ground. It took all I had to get up. I sat on the bed and took the box out of my coat pocket. "Yes. Yes, I will marry you," I whispered toward heaven. I opened the box once again and slipped the ring on my finger.
I don't know how long I cried. I was surprised I actually had tears left. I wouldn't be like this if the strigoi didn't exist.
Strigoi – that one word sent so much anger into me. No more I thought. They had caused me too much pain. No more. Why should they live if Dimitri and Mason can't? No more. From that moment, I channeled all my sadness into rage and determination. After I was done, there would be no more strigoi.
I wiped my face off and stood up. I took a deep breath then went back to my room. When I got there, I changed into my outfit and packed only what I needed. I left Lissa a good bye note then began my journey.
"I love you, Dimitri," I whispered as I walked away from Vampire Academy forever.
The End