12 Idiots, a Ticket, and a Can of Raviolis: A most mesmerizing story by the darksquiggle

Chapter 1: Cans and Regis

===Authors Note

All things adorable and fluffy are mine. This includes, but is not limited to: puppies, kitties, horsies, seahorses, and dragons. Pillows are nice too. And so is Shamu.

Harry Potter isn't mine though and I'm glad 'cause it's neither fluffy nor adorable, (if you don't count the doggies, kitties, woofies, werewoofies, unicorns, niffers.... /blah blah ten minutes later/ that is). So I no own Harry Potter!

==Story

Once upon a time in Harry Potter land there were people walking down the street. It was a sunny day and the birds were singing and the bees were stinging random people. Harry was having a pretty crappy summer day because he was INSIDE, he was WITH the DURSLEYS, and he basically was guilty of THIRD DEGREE MURDER of his oh-so-dear-doggy-godfather. Life's great isn't it? Anyhow he looked out his window and discovered something truly amazing... he watched it crawl under the door (yes in my story... doors are not solid MUAHAHAH) and across the carpet. He stared. It couldn't be... it was just impossible, but there it was right before his eyes...that damn can from the Ravioli commercial. Damn thing just sat there while the traumatizing music played from that blasted commercial. Evidently the can had gotten lost. Yes, how sad anyhow...

Harry: Strange... a can moving on its own... I know better than to pick it up though.... because LORD VOLDERMORT BEWITCHED IT TO FOLLOW ME HOME SO I WOULD ACCIDENTALLY POSION MYSELF WITH ITS GROTESQUE CHEESYNESSS!!!!!! HAVE NO FEAR HARRY IS HERE!

Dudley: Harry is where? /peeking out form corner/

Harry: ... HARRY IS THERE! /points at ice cream truck/

Dudley: Damn straight! /chasing after itgets run over by a moped/

Harry: FIRST SIRIUS, NOW DUDLEY, NEXT THE WORLD MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH! Ha? Damn he didn't kick the bucket.

/flashing sign/ CONGRADULATIONS YOU'RE OUR FIRST VISITOR! [annoying elevator music]

/Regis clone appears/ Now you're going to Hawaii.

Harry: But I wanna go to Alaska!!

Regis: Tough shit.

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(2 hours later) Because exactly ten other people also were attacked by magical Regis-clone-in-a-cans, Harry soon found himself on a charter plane (14 seater) that went to Mexico, Britain, Taiwan, and The United Republic of Soupo. Yes, Soupo. It's right next to Kansas if you look hard enough. Anyways, Harry found himself going on a magical journey with Hermione, Ron, the twins, Lupin, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Dobby, and Snape (although they tried to push him out the window, but it turns out he used his eagle nose powers to bring the Magical-Geese-from-Hell to fly him to Hawaii, and since they travel faster than the speed of light, while everyone else was air sick, he was enjoying a Margarita in Honolulu).

Fred: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: No.

Fred: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: No.

Fred: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: No.

Fred: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: No.

Fred: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: No. Shut up.

George: Are we there yet?

McGonagall: ... THAT'S IT!

George: It was me!

Fred: I digress it was most obviously me!

George: Was not

Fred: Was too.

George: Was not

Fred: Was too.

At this point McGonagall shot herself. (Lupin had already hung himself by his luggage strap).

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Just kidding. McGonagall missed and hit Ron, but nobody cares about Ron so it didn't matter. (And Lupin's luggage strap was so cheap it broke before he picked it up--that's what you get when you shop at the 99 Cents Store). So they were off on their magical journey again, and since Dumbledore is all-powerful, he magically blasted "I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane" from every speaker (sore ears ensued). They landed and were happy until they saw... THE DEMENTORS! Yes, that's right, even Dementors like Hawaii

Dobby: Dobby is most gracious, Sir.

Dementor: RAWR!

Dobby: Dobby is most scared, Sir.

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Will Dobby become buttermilk chow?

Will they ever have fun?

Will Snape ever die?

Most importantly, will the author learn (finally) to count (counting on the hand doesn't count)?

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Next time

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Sorry about the short chappie. I got finals tomorrow.