I sighed. Us sitting around the table at 3:30am was not going to
solve anything.
Everyone seemed to agree. "I'm tired. Can't we go home?" came from Mark, slumped across the table. I do not know what to think of him. He likes my little sister, so he can't be all bad, but he's a human. On top of that, he is also the little brother of my soul- of Mary Lynette. If I don't think it, then maybe it won't be true. I laugh at myself for thinking that. There is no hope for pretending we are not.
I glance over at her. She sighs too. "If there wasn't a goat-killing psychopath on the loose, I'd go look at the stars."
"Why not? I'll go with you." Why the hell did I say that? Going with her is not going to solve my problems. I refuse to look at my sisters, who are right now giving me looks of total shock, or at Mare, who seems to have a sudden fascination with her shoes. "I mean, the goat killer can't be out murdering things 24/7, and even if it did show up, I could protect you, I mean that we could handle it." Smooth, Ashy-boy. Now she can get on the defensive because I called her weak. Wait, why do I care? Damn it!
"Look, now," was all that Mark could figure out to say. Okay, the guy has more brains than I credited him for. He realizes I could kill her a dozen different ways, even if he does not realize that doing that would destroy me in the process. Part of me finally has realized that soulmates are real, and Mary-Lynette is it.
She just smiled at him. "We won't go far, I promise." Thank you, Mare!
We get up and leave slowly. "I'll drive," is the only thing she says, so we get in the car. We go along back roads for about fifteen or twenty minutes. Finally, we come to a stop, in the middle of the forest.
"I thought you said we were going to look at the stars. I can't see any!" What is she trying to pull?
She just smiles at me, saying, "You can if you look straight up." Wow, does she ever have a pretty smile. "See that there," she asks, doing all but touching me to point one star out, "the one really bright star? That's Vega."
"It's been getting higher in the sky every night for a while now," I say calmly, until I see her shocked look. "When you are out at night, you tend to notice the stars, even if you don't know their names. What's the green donut-shaped thing under it?"
Her eyes bug out for a second, and then she smiles. "That's the ring nebula. I can see that, with my telescope." She sounds so wistful, like she would love to see the sky with her own eyes. If only she knew what people who could were like, maybe she wouldn't envy us.
She smiles that smile again, and asks "Want to go for a walk?"
I nod and walk beside her. We are silent for a minute or two. "Can I ask you something?" She nods. "Can we stop fighting now?"
"Sure," and she looks at me in a way I can't describe. My soul trembles, which I thought was something that only happened in sappy romance novels, but I guess they didn't make it up after all.
"This is so weird," was all I could say, and she looks just looks at me. "Someone told me this would happen."
"That you would go to a hick town and chase a goat killer?"
"That I would care about someone and it would hurt. This just happened to my cousin James." She looks at me, curious. "He's lamia too, but he lives with humans. His soulmate, Poppy, was a human, dying of cancer. He changed her so she would live, and they were happy enough. I tried to turn her in, but James saved her. Dammit, I am so stupid! Now I am in the same trap, and Quinn is going to turn us in." My head slumps. I am so tired of all of this. "I didn't mean to love you, I didn't want to! But now I do, and it puts us both in danger."
"It isn't very flattering to tell someone you love them against their will."
"I know."
She sighs. "This is so weird. We are completely wrong for each other. Even if I was a vampire, we'd be wrong for each other, and we're soulmates. We are, aren't we?" I nod. "But we aren't really compatible at all."
"We might not be as wrong for each other as you would think." She looks shocked. "I think I could show you how compatible we really are, if ..."
"If what?" She really seems to want to know. She really seems to want to be with me!
"If you could bring yourself to kiss me." I rush on before she can say no. "I know, it's a radical idea, but it might work. If you are willing to try it."
"Would you kiss a 300 pound gorilla?" What? She must see the look on my face, because she finishes, "I'm sorry. You don't look like one."
"What then, I smell like one?" If she's trying to push me away, it's working.
"No, you are just much stronger than I am. Would you trust a gorilla, knowing that she could snap you in half and you would be powerless to do anything about it?" That makes sense.
"You wouldn't be powerless against me." I break a yew branch so it has a nice sharp point and hold it to my neck. "Here, take it." What the hell am I doing? She could kill me now and solve both our problems. She takes the end of the branch, still holding it to my throat. "One jab here, then one in the heart, and I am out of your life. Now we have equal footing. Of course, you don't need a spear like this, a pencil would do the trick."
Mare just looks at the branch, then at me. Suddenly, she chucks it. "You've changed a lot."
"I don't know myself anymore," was all I could say. And I don't. I'm in love with a human.
She nods slowly, and then she stands on tiptoe, wrapping her arms around my neck. We kiss. Oh God, this feels amazing! It isn't like I have never kissed a girl before, far from it. But it has never, ever been like this.
Slowly, she pulls back after a moment. Our arms are still around each other, and every part of me that's touching her tingles. I can't read the look on her face. Doesn't she feel the way I do? "Mare, did you like it?"
She smiles. "I want you to make me a vampire." I just look at her for a second. Is it worth being with her forever if I have to make her like me? One good look into her eyes stops that. She is sure she wants this.
I tilt her head back, exposing her neck. How many times have I done this to girls who didn't know what was coming? But she isn't afraid. I hate myself so much at how eager I am for her blood. My fangs are sticking out so far that my gums hurt. My heart is beating so fast, all my blood is rushing to my face, just as much from embarassment as from thrill at feasting. I touch my mouth to her neck, and my teeth sink into her throat.
Ash? She sounds confused. She's never communicated telepathically before.
It's okay. I'm right here. This is weird. I never get this close to people when I bite them. It's like Mare and I are sharing our souls.
This is dangerous to her. She can see anything she wants in here, and I'm not sure that I can stop her. There are things I have seen, and done, that she should not have to know. I am ashamed of it all now, but that does not take it all out of my memory.
I've had enough, if I take more I will hurt her. I slowly pull back, trying to avoid hurting her with my teeth. I have had too much practice causing extra pain with my fangs, so I have to concentrate on it. It does not help that Mare has her hand on the back of my head, and she is trying to hold me to her. "Don't push me, or you will get seriously weak, sweetheart." I try to say it like I would to any other human girl, but it doesn't come out right. Probably because I mean it.
I finally disentangle us and walk over to the yew branch I had handed Mare a few minutes ago. What if something goes wrong? What if we get caught by the Nightworld, or the goat-killer, or even just my sisters and Mark? What will we say, what can we do? Damn it, there is so much that could go wrong right now, I do not even want to think about it. But of course I am, so I had better get on with it before I lose my resolve.
I lean up against the tree in front of Mare, then use the yew branch to open up my jugular. I think Mare is just now realizing what I am doing. She walks up to me, and we wrap our arms around each other. Her lips go to my neck, and I close my eyes.
It's happening again. We are in each others' souls. If only there was not so much that no one, especially Mare, deserves to see inside me, then I would really enjoy this.
Why won't you show me? She sounds hurt, upset. She thinks that I am lying to her. I don't think I could if I tried!
Because even I get nightmares from this stuff, and I see, and do, this sort of thing daily. I think she understands. She is finally realizing what I have been doing in my free time for the past eighteen years. But she also sees that I will never do it again.
I whisper out loud, "Time to stop." She lifts her head slowly, and I wipe the blood off her chin. She just smiles at me. She really has such a pretty smile. I let go of her waist, and she reels on her feet. I put my arms back around her, and I do not know if I am doing it just to keep her from falling over or because I want to hold her. Her grin gets wider and she leans on me, her head on my shoulder.
"I think we need to go back so you can rest."
"Why? I feel fine."
"You are going to get dizzier and more tired, so we had better get you home." I think she realizes I am right, so she lets me guide her back towards the car. My arm stays around her, and she leans on me heavily. Not that it matters, since I could probably hold her with one arm. She was right, I am a gorilla compared to her, but not for much longer.
Suddenly, she lifts her head. "What's that smell?"
"Smells like metal and burning rubber ..."
"Oh my God, the car!" We both take off at a run, and a distant part of me realizes she was leaning on me more than she needed to, and the same part of me is glad.
When we get there, the entire car is in flames. "Claudine said this would happen sooner or later," was all she could say. I pat her arm, and she smiles that beautiful smile again.
I hear a noise behind me, but before I can react, I am being knocked to the ground. In a moment I am barely concious, sprawling on the ground, and a horrible pain in my neck. I realize I am bleeding, but the weapon wasn't wood. I look over at my attacker, a blur of hairy... something ... Jeremy! That was the last thought before paint took me out.
I slowly come awake, Mare holding my head in her lap. "Ash? Can you hear me? Ash, please answer!" She sounds so hurt.
"Where is he? I'll protect you." I struggle to sit up, but she just holds me there.
"You don't need to, he's dead." She is really upset.
I sit up slowly again. She doesn't stop me this time, and I pat her arm. My neck is already healing, thankfully. I don't remember anything. Was it me? "Did I kill him?"
"No. I did," she mutters quietly.
Oh damn, she was friends with him, good friends. Now he is dead, and he wouldn't have died if my sisters and I had not come. "I am so sorry." Suddenly, without either of us having moved, we were holding each other. She started sobbing, and I just held her while she cried. We must have been there for a long time.
She slowly lifts her head. "He was going to make me like him, a werewolf," she said. I snarl. No one is going to hurt my Mary Lynette, ever. I would have killed him. Oblivious, she continues, "and he probably wanted to kill you. I had to stop him, so I used a silver letter opener. I keep it to pop open the gas cap. Then, the car went up, with him in it."
I just give her a big hug, and hold her for a few minutes, since I know she needs it. Then I realize that everyone has to be worried about us by now. "We need to get back."
"How? The car is in flames."
"I'll call my sisters."
"There aren't any pay phones around here."
"Vampires don't need pay phones." I reach out my mind. Rowan!
Ash, we agreed not to use telepathy while we are here.
I never agreed to that. Besides, this is important. Mare's car is up in flames. Come pick us up.
Ash, just get a tow truck. Right now, Mark is the only one in the house, and we do not even want to do that, because of the vampire-hunter or whatever, but we have to feed.
Jeremy was the goat-killer.
He was? Wait, was?
Mare killed him.
Oh God. Is she okay?
Really shaken, but she's alive. Come get us, I'll give directions as you get closer.
Be there soon. And Rowan left my mind.
"Well?" Mare suddenly looks like she is going to collapse.
"Rowan is on her way," I say as I hold her again, kissing her forehead.
"I am so tired, so drained." She looks it, I can tell she really needs to lean on me right now.
"It's okay. I told you that would happen from the blood, and few full vampires are willing to take on a werewolf."
She nods, then slumps foward, nearly passing out. I just pick her up again and hold her like a baby. Come on, Rowan!
Almost there.
* * *
I don't want to go, I don't want to leave. How do I say goodbye to her? When night falls, I have to meet Quinn so we can leave. I don't think I'll last five minutes, let alone a year. I know Mare needs it, she's still in high school, and I have some making up to do, but damn it! How the hell am I going to manage?
Suddenly, my train of thought derails as a little jolt of lightning touches my shoulder. "Hey," is all that seems to make it out of Mare's throat, that and a little sigh.
"Hey," is the best reply I can think of, until Ash's thought train is back on schedule. "I don't want to leave you. I don't want to go!" She just sighes and rests her forehead on my shoulder, and the electricity is becoming a current running through my body. "I am fortune's fool," I swear under my breath.
"Don't say that, Romeo wound up dead."
"You're right. Juliet died too, and that's worse." I think she knows what I mean. "I love you. What am I going to do for a year?"
"Live." She says it with a straight face, at least until she remembers what I am. Then we both giggle for a few minutes. "Maybe you should enjoy being single, since you will have a girl waiting when you come back," she adds, but her laugh is a bit forced now.
"Never! I love you too much. I couldn't." I really couldn't, and I don't want her to think I ever could.
"I love you too."
Suddenly, we are in each others' arms, both crying our eyes out. I keep kissing her on the back of her neck and whispering, "I don't want to go, I love you so much," over and over again.
Everyone seemed to agree. "I'm tired. Can't we go home?" came from Mark, slumped across the table. I do not know what to think of him. He likes my little sister, so he can't be all bad, but he's a human. On top of that, he is also the little brother of my soul- of Mary Lynette. If I don't think it, then maybe it won't be true. I laugh at myself for thinking that. There is no hope for pretending we are not.
I glance over at her. She sighs too. "If there wasn't a goat-killing psychopath on the loose, I'd go look at the stars."
"Why not? I'll go with you." Why the hell did I say that? Going with her is not going to solve my problems. I refuse to look at my sisters, who are right now giving me looks of total shock, or at Mare, who seems to have a sudden fascination with her shoes. "I mean, the goat killer can't be out murdering things 24/7, and even if it did show up, I could protect you, I mean that we could handle it." Smooth, Ashy-boy. Now she can get on the defensive because I called her weak. Wait, why do I care? Damn it!
"Look, now," was all that Mark could figure out to say. Okay, the guy has more brains than I credited him for. He realizes I could kill her a dozen different ways, even if he does not realize that doing that would destroy me in the process. Part of me finally has realized that soulmates are real, and Mary-Lynette is it.
She just smiled at him. "We won't go far, I promise." Thank you, Mare!
We get up and leave slowly. "I'll drive," is the only thing she says, so we get in the car. We go along back roads for about fifteen or twenty minutes. Finally, we come to a stop, in the middle of the forest.
"I thought you said we were going to look at the stars. I can't see any!" What is she trying to pull?
She just smiles at me, saying, "You can if you look straight up." Wow, does she ever have a pretty smile. "See that there," she asks, doing all but touching me to point one star out, "the one really bright star? That's Vega."
"It's been getting higher in the sky every night for a while now," I say calmly, until I see her shocked look. "When you are out at night, you tend to notice the stars, even if you don't know their names. What's the green donut-shaped thing under it?"
Her eyes bug out for a second, and then she smiles. "That's the ring nebula. I can see that, with my telescope." She sounds so wistful, like she would love to see the sky with her own eyes. If only she knew what people who could were like, maybe she wouldn't envy us.
She smiles that smile again, and asks "Want to go for a walk?"
I nod and walk beside her. We are silent for a minute or two. "Can I ask you something?" She nods. "Can we stop fighting now?"
"Sure," and she looks at me in a way I can't describe. My soul trembles, which I thought was something that only happened in sappy romance novels, but I guess they didn't make it up after all.
"This is so weird," was all I could say, and she looks just looks at me. "Someone told me this would happen."
"That you would go to a hick town and chase a goat killer?"
"That I would care about someone and it would hurt. This just happened to my cousin James." She looks at me, curious. "He's lamia too, but he lives with humans. His soulmate, Poppy, was a human, dying of cancer. He changed her so she would live, and they were happy enough. I tried to turn her in, but James saved her. Dammit, I am so stupid! Now I am in the same trap, and Quinn is going to turn us in." My head slumps. I am so tired of all of this. "I didn't mean to love you, I didn't want to! But now I do, and it puts us both in danger."
"It isn't very flattering to tell someone you love them against their will."
"I know."
She sighs. "This is so weird. We are completely wrong for each other. Even if I was a vampire, we'd be wrong for each other, and we're soulmates. We are, aren't we?" I nod. "But we aren't really compatible at all."
"We might not be as wrong for each other as you would think." She looks shocked. "I think I could show you how compatible we really are, if ..."
"If what?" She really seems to want to know. She really seems to want to be with me!
"If you could bring yourself to kiss me." I rush on before she can say no. "I know, it's a radical idea, but it might work. If you are willing to try it."
"Would you kiss a 300 pound gorilla?" What? She must see the look on my face, because she finishes, "I'm sorry. You don't look like one."
"What then, I smell like one?" If she's trying to push me away, it's working.
"No, you are just much stronger than I am. Would you trust a gorilla, knowing that she could snap you in half and you would be powerless to do anything about it?" That makes sense.
"You wouldn't be powerless against me." I break a yew branch so it has a nice sharp point and hold it to my neck. "Here, take it." What the hell am I doing? She could kill me now and solve both our problems. She takes the end of the branch, still holding it to my throat. "One jab here, then one in the heart, and I am out of your life. Now we have equal footing. Of course, you don't need a spear like this, a pencil would do the trick."
Mare just looks at the branch, then at me. Suddenly, she chucks it. "You've changed a lot."
"I don't know myself anymore," was all I could say. And I don't. I'm in love with a human.
She nods slowly, and then she stands on tiptoe, wrapping her arms around my neck. We kiss. Oh God, this feels amazing! It isn't like I have never kissed a girl before, far from it. But it has never, ever been like this.
Slowly, she pulls back after a moment. Our arms are still around each other, and every part of me that's touching her tingles. I can't read the look on her face. Doesn't she feel the way I do? "Mare, did you like it?"
She smiles. "I want you to make me a vampire." I just look at her for a second. Is it worth being with her forever if I have to make her like me? One good look into her eyes stops that. She is sure she wants this.
I tilt her head back, exposing her neck. How many times have I done this to girls who didn't know what was coming? But she isn't afraid. I hate myself so much at how eager I am for her blood. My fangs are sticking out so far that my gums hurt. My heart is beating so fast, all my blood is rushing to my face, just as much from embarassment as from thrill at feasting. I touch my mouth to her neck, and my teeth sink into her throat.
Ash? She sounds confused. She's never communicated telepathically before.
It's okay. I'm right here. This is weird. I never get this close to people when I bite them. It's like Mare and I are sharing our souls.
This is dangerous to her. She can see anything she wants in here, and I'm not sure that I can stop her. There are things I have seen, and done, that she should not have to know. I am ashamed of it all now, but that does not take it all out of my memory.
I've had enough, if I take more I will hurt her. I slowly pull back, trying to avoid hurting her with my teeth. I have had too much practice causing extra pain with my fangs, so I have to concentrate on it. It does not help that Mare has her hand on the back of my head, and she is trying to hold me to her. "Don't push me, or you will get seriously weak, sweetheart." I try to say it like I would to any other human girl, but it doesn't come out right. Probably because I mean it.
I finally disentangle us and walk over to the yew branch I had handed Mare a few minutes ago. What if something goes wrong? What if we get caught by the Nightworld, or the goat-killer, or even just my sisters and Mark? What will we say, what can we do? Damn it, there is so much that could go wrong right now, I do not even want to think about it. But of course I am, so I had better get on with it before I lose my resolve.
I lean up against the tree in front of Mare, then use the yew branch to open up my jugular. I think Mare is just now realizing what I am doing. She walks up to me, and we wrap our arms around each other. Her lips go to my neck, and I close my eyes.
It's happening again. We are in each others' souls. If only there was not so much that no one, especially Mare, deserves to see inside me, then I would really enjoy this.
Why won't you show me? She sounds hurt, upset. She thinks that I am lying to her. I don't think I could if I tried!
Because even I get nightmares from this stuff, and I see, and do, this sort of thing daily. I think she understands. She is finally realizing what I have been doing in my free time for the past eighteen years. But she also sees that I will never do it again.
I whisper out loud, "Time to stop." She lifts her head slowly, and I wipe the blood off her chin. She just smiles at me. She really has such a pretty smile. I let go of her waist, and she reels on her feet. I put my arms back around her, and I do not know if I am doing it just to keep her from falling over or because I want to hold her. Her grin gets wider and she leans on me, her head on my shoulder.
"I think we need to go back so you can rest."
"Why? I feel fine."
"You are going to get dizzier and more tired, so we had better get you home." I think she realizes I am right, so she lets me guide her back towards the car. My arm stays around her, and she leans on me heavily. Not that it matters, since I could probably hold her with one arm. She was right, I am a gorilla compared to her, but not for much longer.
Suddenly, she lifts her head. "What's that smell?"
"Smells like metal and burning rubber ..."
"Oh my God, the car!" We both take off at a run, and a distant part of me realizes she was leaning on me more than she needed to, and the same part of me is glad.
When we get there, the entire car is in flames. "Claudine said this would happen sooner or later," was all she could say. I pat her arm, and she smiles that beautiful smile again.
I hear a noise behind me, but before I can react, I am being knocked to the ground. In a moment I am barely concious, sprawling on the ground, and a horrible pain in my neck. I realize I am bleeding, but the weapon wasn't wood. I look over at my attacker, a blur of hairy... something ... Jeremy! That was the last thought before paint took me out.
I slowly come awake, Mare holding my head in her lap. "Ash? Can you hear me? Ash, please answer!" She sounds so hurt.
"Where is he? I'll protect you." I struggle to sit up, but she just holds me there.
"You don't need to, he's dead." She is really upset.
I sit up slowly again. She doesn't stop me this time, and I pat her arm. My neck is already healing, thankfully. I don't remember anything. Was it me? "Did I kill him?"
"No. I did," she mutters quietly.
Oh damn, she was friends with him, good friends. Now he is dead, and he wouldn't have died if my sisters and I had not come. "I am so sorry." Suddenly, without either of us having moved, we were holding each other. She started sobbing, and I just held her while she cried. We must have been there for a long time.
She slowly lifts her head. "He was going to make me like him, a werewolf," she said. I snarl. No one is going to hurt my Mary Lynette, ever. I would have killed him. Oblivious, she continues, "and he probably wanted to kill you. I had to stop him, so I used a silver letter opener. I keep it to pop open the gas cap. Then, the car went up, with him in it."
I just give her a big hug, and hold her for a few minutes, since I know she needs it. Then I realize that everyone has to be worried about us by now. "We need to get back."
"How? The car is in flames."
"I'll call my sisters."
"There aren't any pay phones around here."
"Vampires don't need pay phones." I reach out my mind. Rowan!
Ash, we agreed not to use telepathy while we are here.
I never agreed to that. Besides, this is important. Mare's car is up in flames. Come pick us up.
Ash, just get a tow truck. Right now, Mark is the only one in the house, and we do not even want to do that, because of the vampire-hunter or whatever, but we have to feed.
Jeremy was the goat-killer.
He was? Wait, was?
Mare killed him.
Oh God. Is she okay?
Really shaken, but she's alive. Come get us, I'll give directions as you get closer.
Be there soon. And Rowan left my mind.
"Well?" Mare suddenly looks like she is going to collapse.
"Rowan is on her way," I say as I hold her again, kissing her forehead.
"I am so tired, so drained." She looks it, I can tell she really needs to lean on me right now.
"It's okay. I told you that would happen from the blood, and few full vampires are willing to take on a werewolf."
She nods, then slumps foward, nearly passing out. I just pick her up again and hold her like a baby. Come on, Rowan!
Almost there.
* * *
I don't want to go, I don't want to leave. How do I say goodbye to her? When night falls, I have to meet Quinn so we can leave. I don't think I'll last five minutes, let alone a year. I know Mare needs it, she's still in high school, and I have some making up to do, but damn it! How the hell am I going to manage?
Suddenly, my train of thought derails as a little jolt of lightning touches my shoulder. "Hey," is all that seems to make it out of Mare's throat, that and a little sigh.
"Hey," is the best reply I can think of, until Ash's thought train is back on schedule. "I don't want to leave you. I don't want to go!" She just sighes and rests her forehead on my shoulder, and the electricity is becoming a current running through my body. "I am fortune's fool," I swear under my breath.
"Don't say that, Romeo wound up dead."
"You're right. Juliet died too, and that's worse." I think she knows what I mean. "I love you. What am I going to do for a year?"
"Live." She says it with a straight face, at least until she remembers what I am. Then we both giggle for a few minutes. "Maybe you should enjoy being single, since you will have a girl waiting when you come back," she adds, but her laugh is a bit forced now.
"Never! I love you too much. I couldn't." I really couldn't, and I don't want her to think I ever could.
"I love you too."
Suddenly, we are in each others' arms, both crying our eyes out. I keep kissing her on the back of her neck and whispering, "I don't want to go, I love you so much," over and over again.