Sasha jerked awake, heart pounding. After a few shaky breaths she closed her eyes and turned onto her back. It was just a nightmare, she told herself. Rolling over, she reached for her husband, only to find the bed empty.
Staring at the ceiling, the remaining cobwebs quickly dissipated. Of course, it was empty. She rolled out of bed, threw on a pair of pants, and headed for the mess hall.
###
Tom spotted her out of the corner of his eye on his way past the mess hall. She always caught his attention, even at three in the morning when he was bone tired. Changing course, he walked in and approached her table in the corner.
"Care for some company?"
"It depends on the company," she replied, giving him a half smile. Taking that as a yes, Tom sat down as she sipped from the mug in front of her.
"Cocoa or tea?" he asked.
She arched an eyebrow. "Why?"
"If it's tea you're up on purpose. Cocoa means something's bothering you."
Sasha sighed. "Cocoa. Sometimes I don't like that you know me that well."
"Likewise," he said, waiting for her to continue.
Sasha opened her mouth, then closed it, hesitant to bring up something that would hit close to home for him. But he never hid the truth from her and expected the same in return. Not always getting it was one of the reasons things didn't work out before. She'd never lied to him, but that wasn't the same thing.
"Sometimes I wake up confused why my bed's empty. Or why I'm on a ship." She picked up her mug, drinking slowly from it. "It only lasts for a few seconds before it comes back, but when it does it can be…overwhelming."
Sasha looked up to see Tom's eyes unfocused, staring at the wall behind her. His voice was rough when he spoke.
"I dreamed about Darien a couple weeks ago. We were at my father's cabin. She'd gone for a hike with the kids while I stayed behind to catch up on some reading. After I finished my book I sat on the porch, waiting for them to come back." His eyes shifted back to hers. "But then I woke up." He paused for a moment, letting the memory and emotions dissipate. "It's less frequent now, but it still happens. And each time I get angry at having to go through that loss again."
"So what do you do? I'm guessing it's not cocoa," Sasha asked quietly.
Tom smiled half-heartedly. "No. I try and force myself to go back to sleep. I can't afford to miss any more than I already do."
"And if that doesn't work?"
"I go find something to hit."
Sasha laughed. "Maybe I'll do that next time." Reaching across the table, she took his hand and squeezed it softly. "Go to sleep. Like you said, you don't get enough of it. I'll be fine."
"So will I," he replied, undeterred.
"Tom…"
Only his name, but in a tone he would recognize; the one that brooked no argument. After a few moments, he nodded.
"Come find me if you need me," he said.
In the past he wouldn't have offered, knowing she'd push through it on her own, as would he. But things were different now. What passed for normal was far more stressful. Leaning on someone from time to time was a necessity, not an option.
"I will," she said sincerely.
Satisfied, he got to his feet and headed for the door. He could't help one last glance before exiting. She was staring at her cocoa, lost in thought again, but appearing less troubled than before.
Navigating the corridors, Tom tried to quiet his thoughts. Their conversation was unexpected; he'd been unprepared emotionally. It hurt…but it had also helped. Sasha was one of the few people he could share his thoughts with unfiltered. Talking about Darien, and knowing Sasha was going through the same thing, it made it less oppressive.
That being said, sleep wasn't going to come easily. Bypassing his quarters, he headed to the gym. He needed to find something to hit.