Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. In fact, some of the quotes near the end are actually copied from Stephenie Meyer's New Moon. The song also belongs to Death Cab For Cutie. Therefore, I cannot be sued. Ha you lawyer loving fools.
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
My body had gone numb. No. Worse. It was dead. Permanently dislodged from my nervous system.
How did this happen? Rosalie couldn't be serious. It was just another one of her sick jokes, trying to get me to come home again. Bella couldn't die. She just couldn't. It was utterly impossible. But the man on the phone had said that Charlie was at the funeral. That was the proof.
"Bella's dead" my inner demon taunted me. "She's dead and you didn't save her. Now you'll never see her smile; or feel the warmth of her skin; or hear her heart beat for that matter. Never again will you hear her say I love…"
I cut off my demon with a horrific sob. If I could cry, I know that I'd be drowning in my tears by now. My body shook uncontrollably and every now and then I would gasp from the pain searing in my chest.
Being away from Bella had been torture, but this was worse. Knowing that even if I did slip up and eventually crawl back to rainy Forks, there would be nothing left for me. My angel, my point of existence, ceased to exist.
I buried my face in my hands continuing to convulse wildly. Bella smiled at me behind my eyes. She was always there. She soon frowned and reached out to me, as if to take me in her arms.
I clawed at my eyes, trying unsuccessfully to dispel the image. Never again would I be able to relax in her embrace.
"Bella," I'd said, lightly tracing the shape of her lips. "I will stay with you- isn't that enough?"
She smiled under my fingertips. "Enough for now."
I frowned at her tenacity. No one was going to surrender tonight. I exhaled and the sound was practically a growl.
She touched my face. "Look," she'd said, "I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"
"Yes it is enough," I'd said, smiling at the thought. "Enough for forever."
I was sure the people working below could hear me sobbing. I kicked my leg at a beam, snapping it in half.
I froze. The clattering of dishes and talking had terminated. I could imagine every pair of eyes trained on the ceiling, confused by the sound.
This was my sign to leave. Silently, I pulled myself out of the space and into the night.
I walked along the street with no real idea on how. It was as if I were in a trance, relieving memories of a past life.
"I decided it didn't matter," she'd whispered.
"It didn't matter?" I'd replied, incredulously. Not a human on Earth would say that. I felt the anger raising, not at Bella, but at myself for ever letting her feel so comfortable with me, this monster. That was probably the worst thing for her.
"No," she'd replied softly. "It doesn't matter what you are."
"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?" I let a menacing tone enter my voice.
"No."
Surprising myself, I chuckled darkly between sobs. She'd never say I was human now. Not after all I had done to her.
I found myself turning off the street and down an alley. It was dark and I knew about a small, empty warehouse up ahead. Maybe I could find a nice box to crawl and stay an eternity in. No. That wouldn't be enough. But it would until I figured out what to do next.
Everything was quiet as I pushed open the door to the vacant building.
I crawled over to the darkest corner to wallow in. I wished there had been some way to tell Bella that I loved her, that I hadn't meant those things I'd said to her.
"Bella, we're leaving."
She took a deep breath. I could tell she didn't completely comprehend what I was saying.
"Why now? Another year-"
I cut her off. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
A few moments passed as she stared at me, confused. Her face fell as she began to realize my meaning.
"When you say we-" she'd whispered.
"I mean my family and myself." I said each word separate and distinct, trying to not to convey how hard this actually was for me. It had to convince her. For the sake of her loving humanity.
She shook her head back and forth. I waited, watching her lovely hair swirl around her face.
"Okay," she'd finally said, looking me straight in the eyes. "I'll come with you."
"You can't, Bella." But, oh how I wish you could! "Where we're going…it's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me."
I felt a surge of pleasure at her words, but I had to continue.
"I'm no good for you, Bella." That was more than true. She deserved much better than me.
"Don't be ridiculous," she begged. "You're the very best part of my life."
Again, that damn pleasure that almost made me break and take her in my arms again pulsed through my body.
"My world is not for you," I said grimly. It hurt to talk to her this way.
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing Edward! Nothing!" she'd cried, her breathing becoming erratic.
"You're right," I'd replied. "It was exactly what was expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as that was best for you," I'd interrupted.
"No!" she'd shouted, furious. It pained my to see her like this. "This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"
I took a deep breath and stared unseeingly at the ground. Her words cut through me like a blade. I was going to break at any moment. I had to get this over with before I fell to the ground begging for her to forgive me.
I continued staring at the ground for a while, trying to compose myself.
When I finally looked up, she was staring at me intently.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly, trying not to let my pain seep through. This was hard, since it coursed through my body like a snake.
She continued to stare at me.
"You…don't…want me?" she'd whispered.
"No."
If heaven and hell decide,
That they are both satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
A snarl built in my chest, but I held it back. Aro, Marcus, and Caius stood before me. Their eyes teased me with death, but did not giving it.
"Why?" I spoke through clenched teeth. My anger was building, and I couldn't let it out. But if I were to vent a bit, maybe that would push them…
"Why what?" spoke Caius, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Why won't we take your life? Hmmm. That is a question to ponder, now isn't it?"
"Now, now Caius. The boy deserves to know our reasons." Aro turned to me. "You would like to know, am I correct?"
I slowly nodded my head, my fists clenching.
"There are a few reasons we are refusing you," Aro began, sauntering towards me. "To start off, Carlisle is a dear friend of ours, and would probably be very upset with us if we were to kill one of his own without good reason. Now I speak not only for myself, but for the others as well when I say that Carlisle is an acquaintance we do not wish to lose touch with."
Aro began to stroll in circles around me as he continued with his explanation.
"Secondly, I've found you to be very interesting. You're powers are not only a cousin of mine, but a much more powerful cousin." He came to a halt to examine me as if I were a scientific experiment on display. "To read the mind without contact, it's beyond extraordinary." He looked me in the eyes once before continuing to waltz around me in circles. "Furthermore, we all believe you to be of great importance-" Caius scoffed from the back of the room, but Aro proceeded as if nothing had occurred. "If you were to join us, you'd be treated like royalty. A place would be made for you in our highest guard. I am even willing to go as far as to offer you the chance to visit your clan from time to time. What do you say to that?" Aro stopped again to stand before me. His eyes were serious and held a mischievous glint.
I was unsure of how to answer. I could say yes and be forever under the control of the Volturi, but where would that put me? Carlisle would be disappointed. I'd be not only leaving the family, but joining it for another and drinking human blood. The whole family would probably come back for me, which would give Aro the opportunity to recruit even more people.
No. I couldn't do that. It was out of the question. The Reaper's foreboding scythe was all that I was in need of right now.
My eyes flashed black with determination as I answered with a cold, "No."
Aro frowned at my tenacity. "Well that is a disappointment. I had great plans for you." He turned and began to walk back to his brothers.
"Wait!" I called. The entire guard shot me deathly looks for my insolence. "What is the other reason?"
Aro turned to face me and smiled. "What do you mean?"
"You said there were a few reasons for your refusal. You've given me two. What is the third?"
"Ah! Yes. How could I have forgotten? My brothers and I all agree that your reason for death is a bit, how may I say, ridiculous. You wish to exterminate yourself when you have so much potential. Killing yourself over such a thing is…a waste."
I felt my fists clench instinctively as I felt the anger bubble inside me.
"She is only a human, Edward," Aro persisted. "Her death was inevitable from the beginning. Unless of course, you planned to change her." He raised an eyebrow, but I refused to answer. "Go now. Find yourself a mate of your own kind. You'll see that everything is much easier. Live long and happy. Trust me on this; you'll thank me in the end." His expression showed that of smugness, as if he knew everything just by looking in my mind. The extent of my love for Bella could only be seen by Marcus here, and he wasn't about to voice it.
I spun towards the door and began to storm out. What was I going to do now? If the Volturi wouldn't kill me, who or what would?
"However." I stopped in my tracks. The one brother, who was known to be the silent one, had spoken. "If you were to do something too…reckless…we would have no choice but to step in."
I glanced over my shoulder to gaze at Marcus incredulously. His eyes held emotion beyond my years. I could see the sadness, hurt, and agony in them even without Jasper's empathy. He was sending me a silent message, and I couldn't ignore it. I knew what I was going to do.
You and me,
Have seen everything to see.
From Bangkok to Calgary.
And the soles of your shoes,
Are all worn down.
The time for sleep is now.
It's nothing to cry about,
'Cause we'll hold each other soon.
I stared at my feet intently, my hands in my pockets, as I strode through the streets of Volterra. Every few steps, I'd glance up from under my eyelashes to be sure I was headed in the right direction.
I'd made my plans; everything was figured out, and I was more than ready. The agony that filled my being was too much to take. Death would be a relief compared to this.
I finally arrived in a small alleyway near the tower. All I had to do now was wait for the clock to strike noon, and I'd be free of my existence.
However, if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. If only pieces of my body were exposed, the crowd may mistake it for a simple magic trick. This was no trick, and I needed them to know that, which meant as much skin as possible needed to be shown. My modesty would not allow me to run out naked, so I gently unfastened the buttons from my shirt and discarded it to the side.
With my chest bare and hands at my sides, I closed my eyes to wait for my cue.
I watched an angel dance behind my eyes. Her golden aura shown around her as she smiled.
"I love you more than anything on Earth," I whispered so low no one would hear. Her blush was intoxicating. Everything about her lured me in. "I'm so sorry. I know you would hate me for what I'm about to do. I have no choice though. Life is unbearable without you, love. I no longer find reason to live." I was beginning to explain my actions to my own imagination. Even I could see the craziness of it.
I began to sob from all the hurt that I felt. People passing by gave me strange looks, but hurried along and didn't ask questions.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. For everything! I never meant anything I had said that day. With every bit of my being, I wish I could take it all back. It was the darkest, most sinfulness thing I have ever done and will ever do. I could never forgive myself. I love you more than the life itself." I needed her to know it all. I couldn't go on without at least telling my imaginative Bella this.
She frowned, but did not speak. Of course she didn't. My imagination could never go as far as to actually imitate such a sound.
I still had a few minutes before noon, which meant more time to mourn and hate myself.
No.
Bella wouldn't have wanted me hating myself in the end. She'd have wanted me to think of all the good, love-filled moments.
So that's what I did.
I remembered my old home and the first time I brought Bella to meet my family. Her bedroom and all the times I'd snuck through her window to hold her while she slept. The first time she'd said she loved me, and the first time I'd felt her lips on mine. The time we'd spent in the meadow together. Her hand caressing my arms as they sparkled in the sun. Her exquisite blush and heartbeat that made me smile and love her all the more. The list went on for ages.
Somewhere in the middle of my daydream, I heard a faint calling of an angel; an angel that was calling my name. I smiled, knowing it was probably my imagination getting the best of me. All this time, I'd never been able to hear her voice; I hadn't had the vision to be able to make such a chime. With death looming overhead however, her voice was able to break through the barriers of my mind. It called my name continuously, gradually escalating to greater volume. Somewhere deep inside I could feel a slight tinge of happiness and love from the voice.
The clock struck once and echoed throughout the city. It vibrated through my feet right to my soul. My dead heart felt like it was going to fly out of my chest.
The clock struck again. The voice began to become more pronounce as I took a step forward.
Again the clock struck, and I took the last step into the end of my existence.
If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
An ever loving body collided with mine. It almost fell to the ground before I grabbed its shoulders and held it in front of me. My eyes slowly opened to gaze at an angel.
"Amazing," I said. "Carlisle was right." I was in awe at how right he had been.
"Edward," Bella said. She tried to gasp, but no sound was heard. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"
I didn't hear what she'd said. She'd lost me when my name escaped her lips.
My hand reached up and softly brushed against her cheek. Pressure could be felt on my chest, but I took no notice of it. Bella was here, and I loved her more than anything. It was all that mattered. I felt more whole than I had in a long time.
"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing- they're very good," I mused. I closed my eyes again and pressed my lips to her silky hair. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." Romeo was right on more then one account there. Bella was just as beautiful now then when I had last seen her. Somewhere in the distant, the clock tolled.
"You smell just exactly the same as always," I said. And she did. It almost made me thirsty. Strange. You would think I would be able to at least escape the thirst in death. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." I would die a thousand deaths if I could be with her. I would let the thirst of a thousand newborns fill me if I could spend my time with her.
"I'm not dead," she cried. I froze slightly. What had she said? "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"
I felt her struggle in my arms, and it almost broke my heart if I wasn't confused by another matter.
"What was that?"
"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"
I suddenly understood. Bella was here. In Volterra. Where the Volturi lived. And she was here to save me. To keep me from making the biggest mistake of my life. But in doing so, she risked her own.
Dread filled me as I heard faint footsteps approaching.
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
AU: Alrighty. I hope you enjoyed this. I had part of it written for a long time, before finally sitting down today to finish it. I really would love some reviews, so just click that little purple box there and leave some. Flames are accepted, if there is a reason behind it. Meaning, don't just say you hate it. Tell me why so I can improve. Much appreciated!