Goofy The Vampire Slayer

presents

Everybody Loves Goofy!

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Disclaimer: These characters are the legal property of Disney Interactive and Square-Enix. The fanfiction is mine, I'm flat broke and besides it's only a joke (I could have made it a really filthy and obnoxious story if I was that kind of person but chose not to, so be grateful for that! ;-) What I'm doing here is only meant in fun and done with the biggest amount of love and respect imaginable for these characters as I'm a huge KH fan) so what would the point of suing me be? It's not meant to harm anybody or your properties, but if it bothers you companies that much then just have it taken down. Okay? Okay. 8-DX

So here I am with my very first fanfic! Actually I got the idea from the story on here called "Blue Night" by Pocky King Windy, which I liked. I was originally going to make it a completely seriousminded fanfic, but then I couldn't resist adding humor to it, I was originally just adding an extra thing or two for comic relief, but one thing led to another and soon it was turning into a complete farce. I mean, I got a real kick out of what I was writing and kept laughing out loud at the stuff I was adding, so I decided to go ahead and simply upload it as it is! I have ideas for adding on to it already, and I'm sure I'll probably get around to writing a serious one, but this one was simply too, well, goofy to pass up the opportunity to upload it.

What can I say, I get a kick out of the Goofy and Sora pairing, deal with it. ;-)

Pairing: Goofy x Sora

This story is pure shounen-ai. Nothing explicit happens in it or anything like that, just a suggestion or two, but due to the nature of things I figured when I was split between a "T" and an "M" rating that I'd better go with an "M" just to be on the safe side. Flame if you absolutely have to, but the real criticisms that I truly listen to would only be ones correcting grammar, creative suggestions or anything else of that sort of constructive nature. There is a lot of over-the-top and cartoonish reactionary styles here which are deliberate as well, so if there's quite a bit of voice-raising and multiple exclamation points added for exaggeration it should be obvious why in the story's context. Heck, I must admit I'd even enjoy reading truly silly flames just to laugh at them and see how much my fanfic freaked such flamers out! But if it makes the flamers feel any better, just think of me Goofy The Vampire Slayer as one of those Elvira-type Halloweenish hostesses who present cheesy and scary old monster movies on late night television while making sarcastic and (so to speak) goofy wisecracks along the way, since that in a way is sort of like what I'm doing here. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Be forewarned that after this you may never look at or think about these characters the same way again! (Insert echoing evil laughter here)

Our story begins in Traverse Town, high up on the ledge of that bell-decorated building that Roxas and his friends were so fond of sitting on as they watched the sunset and shared the trophy's orbs with each other. Only this time, it's just Goofy and Sora alone up there...

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As Sora sat up there side by side with Goofy, the boom box just off to one side on their ledge where he could get at it easily, he reached out and touched the sides of Goofy's face. The dog was so beautiful, Sora thought to himself. So soft, so gentle, so precious.

Goofy sighed with pleasure at Sora's touch. "Awww, gawrsh... yuh make me so happy. What did I ever do tuh win yer heart?"

"You were just being you," Sora smiled. He had been watching Goofy's mouth while the dog had been talking. Sora loved the way Goofy's lower lip moved, it looked just as soft and gentle as the rest of him.

"So," Sora asked him as he gently stroked and played with the dog's ears, "did you ever think over my proposal?"

"Hmm?" asked Goofy with a large dreamy smile, his pupils sparkling.

Sora laughed. "Don't play coy with me, Goof. Come on, really, did you decide?"

"Yup. Sure did." Goofy blushed as he turned to look out at the distant orange glow of the sky above the ocean in the distance. He was partially swept away in the moment, but also looking out at the scenery because he was too embarassed to look Sora in the eyes while answering. Gently, the dog continued in a quiet, shy voice, "Sure did, Sora... and I promise yuh... once yer all legal-aged and all... I promise yuh, you can marry me."

Sora's eyes welled with tears of joy. "You will?"

"Yup."

Sora wiped his face. "I'll... I'll have to get a summer job or something so I can save up and buy you a ring."

Goofy touched Sora's cheeks and began to dry Sora's tears for him. "Take yer time, Sora. I understand."

Sora brought his lips closer to Goofy's. That gentle lip of the dog's was so tempting. "We'll live up here. Somewhere. A nice high place, maybe a penthouse or something! Just so we can always be together looking out at the ocean just like this. Do they... have any penthouses here... in Twilight Town?"

Their lips were an inch apart. Their arms slowly wrapped around each other.

"...dunno..." Goofy answered in a half-whisper. "...we'll hafta check, ah guess..."

Their lips met, and they kissed. Sora and Goofy had long ago learned how Sora's mouth had to be opened a little wider and Goofy's a little smaller in order for their kisses to be full and completely compatible, but now it was second nature to them. Their tounges affectionate played tag as Sora reached over and pressed the PLAY button on his boom box. Instantly the gorgeous dramatic swell of the "Love Theme" from Sora's "Blade Runner: Orchestral Adaptation Of Music Composed For The Motion Picture By Vangelis" soundtrack album filled the air. The lovely notes seemed to make the sunsetted hues of the horizon spread all the more beautifully, and Sora, enchanted, studied the fact that all of lovely Twilight Town was reflected within Goofy's eyes.

"Oh gawrsh..." Goofy blushed. "...gawrsh, Sora... when yuh lookit me like that n'all... it makes me feel all warm and tingly in muh heart..."

Sora began playing with Goofy's vest. "Take off your shirt?"

"Huh?"

"Please?" Sora grinned. "You look cute without it."

"Aw shucks, Sora... well, uh... okay..."

Goofy blushed as he peeled off his vest and laid it aside them. As the spellbinding music swelled while it sequed into the middle beauty of the "Main Title" track of the same album, he then reached for the waist of his green sweater and peeled it off over his head. It came off with a gentle "pop" sound. Sora admired the dog's black chest and arms, gently reaching out to touch him. He felt like a peach.

Goofy sighed happily and made a deep "Mmmmm" as he continued to blush.

Sora quietly leaned against Goofy as he began to quietly remove the dog's gloves. Goofy's touch always felt so much softer and more gentle without them on.

Goofy put his around around Sora, and the two melted together within each other's embrace, their eyes closed, the music sweeping.

After what seemed like an eternity of sheer rapture, Sora said, "Things have sure been tension-free ever since Riku and Kairi fell in love and started dating each other... and you and I finally confessed our own love to each other..."

"Yup," Goofy agreed. "And now, Riku's happy, Kairi's happy, ev-v-v-erybody's happy." He then sighed with a huge smile as he closed his eyes, "...ah'm happy..."

"...and I'm happy," Sora sighed happily as he buried his face contentedly within Goofy's chest.

"...BUT I'M NOT!!!" screamed a furious quack so suddenly that they were both startled. Looking around, they then saw Donald fuming with green-eyed jealousy as he sat on the farthest corner of the ledge glaring at them.

"But Donald..." Goofy began to reason.

"SHADDUP!" the duck squawked. "Goofy, you're supposed to belong to ME! What happened to our date?"

Goofy looked ashamed. "Oh gawrsh, Donald, it's like I told yuh, I just sorta felt more serious about Sora..."

"SHADDUP!" Donald screamed again, tears falling from his miserable and angry eyes. "YOU BELONG TO ME! I'LL GET YOU BACK IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Sora chuckled and turned off his boom box before picking it up. "Come on Goof, let's go down to the beach and get some privacy."

Donald yelled, "WHAT ABOUT ME?"

Sora grinned. "Go get your own boyfriend."

- - -

As Goofy and Sora took their time walking hand in hand down the street to the beach, they were unaware that a pair of eyes was watching them very closely from the alleyways.

"This time for sure," Roxas kept muttering to himself as he secretly followed after them. "I've had my eye on that dog for the longest time and now once he's alone... once I kiss him, he won't be turning back. And ain't NO-body can kiss like Roxas can..."

Pulling out his skateboard, Roxas had his plan all figured out. He would simply zoom by Goofy and smooch the dog while flying past, and while Goofy was still reeling from the surprise of having received such a magnificent kiss from out of nowhere, he would then see Roxas skating away flashing his incredible blue eyes at him... and Goofy would be forever smitten with the wonderful Roxas ever afterward!

Roxas was so busy thinking about all of this as he was picking up speed and zooming towards Goofy and Sora that he failed to notice the pair of dirty underwear, flourescent pink and covered with bright green froggies no less, that the wind had swept off of an overhead clothesline... until it collided with his face, instantly blocking both his vision and breathing.

"MMMPF!" Roxas mmmphfed as he struggled to get the smelly thing off of him, at the same time careening out of control and only managing to pull the obnoxious panties off of his face just in time to see the trash-can-lined alley wall that he was just now about to crash into.

CRASH!

Riku happened to stroll by carrying his yellow surfboard and, having heard the noise, peeked down the alley to see what had happened. Seeing Roxas lying facedown like a discarded rag doll among the toppled and spilled trash cans and covered with rubbish, he laughed. "Oh GOD Roxas, you're SUCH a pronie." And he continued on his merry way.

"...I knoooow..." moaned a muffled Roxas weakly. "...but I can't heeeelp it...!"

- - -

Riku had been looking forward to this meeting all day. It was scorching hot, and he had promised Kairi that he would teach her how to surf. Oh yeah, it was going to be a hot day today, and in more ways than one! And besides, getting to see Kairi in her new swimsuit? Hubba hubba, he thought lecherously to himself.

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Unknown to Riku or anyone else, Roxas had also managed to make his way to the beach in pursue of his prey. The moment he got to the sand, his frantic eyes darted left and right as he panicked, "Where is he??? Where??? WHERE???"

And then he saw them.

Far along the beach, Goofy and Sora were lying within each other's arms as the ocean waves danced around and upon them, their eyes closed, their soft and locked lips passionate as their tounges searched out each other's mouths. Heck, even Sora's nearby boom box had gotten into the act since it was busy playing "Love Is A Many Splendored Thing", and the afternoon sun was all dramatic. It was a truly intense and deeply romantic, not to mention wildly unorthodox, sight to behold.

Roxas stared.

"This is ridiculous!" he snorted. "Goofy and Sora in love! And doing the whole 'From Here To Eternity' bit, with a soundtrack and everything! God, this is so friggin' gross it just makes me wanna hurl! It's SICK! It's DISGUSTING!"

He paused to calm himself down before adding, "I mean, after all, I'M the one who's supposed to be doing all that with Goofy, not Sora!"

Off in the distance, Goofy and Sora continued their liplock, blissfully unaware of their being noticed.

- - -

Sora leaned back on his knees at the feet of the still shirtless and gloveless Goofy, who was still lying on his back.

Goofy took a deep breath, then said, "Well, lemme stand up so we can get something tuh eat!" He rolled over on his front side, placed his palms on the stand and started to lift himself to his knees.

"Just a sec," Sora told him when he was on all fours. "Don't move."

"Huh?" Goofy was confused. "Why not?"

What Goofy didn't realize was that he was now in such a position that his buttocks were now directly in front of Sora, who was smiling as he couldn't help admiring their graceful curves. Without thinking, he reached out and gently touched them out of sheer admiration.

Goofy gasped as his eyes flew wide open. "Sora... what are yuh doin?"

Sora affectionately joked, "Oh, just examining the merchandise. I mean, I do have the right, after all you're my future husband, right?" He began to gently caress and stroke the dog's buttocks, eventually starting to slowly trace his finger along the seam that was stitched down the center of Goofy's pants. Up and down. Up and down.

Goofy panted as he felt a wildly pleasurable burning sensation down there he had never felt before that tingled like crazy, and then with his palms still on the sand his head lowered slightly as his eyes closed and he let out a deep sigh. Occasionally, he let out slight little gasps and shuddered. He was suddenly becoming all too aware of the fact that the male body has the natural built-in instinct within that area to have something inserted inside of it...

"...oh...oh...that feels good, Sora...oh...ohhhhh...gawwwwrshhhh...mmmmmm..."

Sora felt so thrilled. Soon, within a couple of years or so they would be married, they would both finally be free to consummate their passion, he and Goofy would eventually join and become one, and they would share a single bed forever, never to be alone again.

"Sora..." Goofy had a worried tone in his voice. "...should'yuh really be...mm...doin this...tuh me...? Ah mean...you're not gonna hurt me...are yuh...?"

Hearing these words, Sora suddenly realized how thoughtless he was being without meaning to be and removed his hand. It had been innocently done, but even so the shame of what he had just been doing flooded him. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I... I just noticed and... well I guess I got carried away... it's just that you're so cute, I didn't mean to scare you."

Goofy then finally sat up on his knees. He was now in a kneeling position right in front of Sora, and they both suddenly realized that this meant Goofy's buttocks were now pressed directly against Sora's crotch. Sora felt a wild tingling sensation inside him, but did his best to ignore it.

Goofy looked back over his shoulder at Sora, who studied the stubble all over the dog's face.

Noticing this, Goofy blushed, "Gawrsh, Sora... just realized ah hadn't bothered tuh shave in the last two days. Hope yuh don't mind..."

Sora smiled as he gently put his right arm around Goofy's torso, his left hand gently stroking the dog's stubbled face. There was something about kissing Goofy's soft and gentle lips while experiencing the scratchiness of that stubble at the same time. "It's perfect, Goof. You look and feel cuter that way."

"Honest?"

"Honest."

"Awwww, shucks..."

Still in the same position, Sora and Goofy began to french as Sora's hands stroked and caressed Goofy's chest and ears.

- - -

Annoyed at witnessing all of this from his distant spot of observation, Roxas prattled on irritably, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! And to think Sora was always the Wielder Of The Keyblade, but now he never even bothers anymore because he's always too busy swapping spit with Goofy! No wonder it's taken so damn long for Kingdom Hearts II to come out, and at this rate we'll never get a third one at all! I've got to pry those two apart somehow! Gamers everywhere depend on it!"

Roxas looked up and down the beach for ideas. "I've got to get closer somehow without Sora knowing it so he can't tell what I'm doing... I've got to get poor Goofy away from him and alone so I can confess to Goofy my love for him so that we can be together! But how... oh, wait! Someone's coming!"

- - -

Kairi was cheerfully walking along the beach past the outhouses, when she heard something.

"Someone there?" she asked suspiciously.

"Hullo-HULLO, Kairi!" said a deep, disguised voice inside one of the outhouses.

"Uh... who are you?"

"I am The Talking Outhouse!" said the voice as the outhouse's door opened. "And I've got lots of brand new Boy Band CDs in here just for you!"

Kairi's face brightened. "You do? Where?"

"Just step inside and help yourself!"

Kairi eagerly stepped inside the outhouse. Its door calmly closed behind her.

For a few quick moments, the outhouse suddenly bounced frantically around before settling down again...

- - -

"Ah! There you are, Kairi! I've been looking forward all day t----er-----uh...Kairi???!?!?!!!" reacted Riku as he stared in shock at the sight before him.

"Yes, Riku!!!!!" cooed Roxas in his Kairi disguise---that is, the outfit he had "borrowed" from Kairi after luring her into the outhouse combined with the makeshift hair dye he had dumped into his hair to turn it into something approaching the hue of hers---as he tried to stereotypically swivel his hips in what he hoped was a feminine fashion while squeaking in a lousy falsetto. "It's me, Kairi!!!!! And I'm here for my surfing lesson!"

Riku eyed the faux Kairi suspiciously. "What's with you today, Kairi? You look a lot, uh... more stiff than last time I saw you."

"Oh, THAT! Hee hee hee! That's because you've inspired me to start working out Riku, you big hunk of surfer dude, you!" Roxas squeaked as he made a show of having his right hand playing with his hair and his left placed upon his hip, hoping Kairi's shoes wouldn't kill his poor feet. While he pretended to flirt, he kept an eye on Goofy and Sora. Yep, they were still down in the distance on the beach sucking face.

"So, Riku! What say we go down over there a bit more? The water looks... uh... looks, uh, er, cooler over there! Yeah, that's it!" Roxas cooed as he proceeded to drag Riku down in Goofy's general direction.

"Uh, okay, Kairi!" Riku said as he allowed himself to be dragged along. "This looks like a good spot..."

"NO NO! NOT YET! Over HERE more!" freaked Roxas as he dragged Riku along further.

Riku sounded concerned as he turned quickly towards the disguised Roxas. "Kairi, did you forget to take your valium today?"

Unfortunately, his turn was so quick that the head of his surfboard immediately swatted Roxas's forehead and sent him sprawling on the ground.

"Kairi! I'm sorry, it was an accident! Are you okay?"

Roxas stared at the stars circling his vision as he muttered, "Help me, I'm a proniiie...!"

"What?"

"Oh! Uh, nothing! Nothing, Riku! I was asking later if maybe you'd also help me ride a pony!"

"Oh, uh, sure thing, Kairi! Whatever you say! But you'd better start hanging out with me more. I think those other kids in this town you've been hanging out with are having a weird effect on you. You're getting to be almost as much of a pronie as that twit Roxas!"

"I am NOT a twit!"

"Wha? What did you say?"

"Oh! Uh, er, hee hee! I said let's swim a bit!" Roxas splashed into the water as prissily as he could attempt and batted his lashes at him.

Riku stared for a moment, then with a resigned shrug followed "Kairi" into the waves.

Once they were waist deep, Riku positioned his surfboard upon the surface of the water. "Okay, now I'll help you climb on and you'll be surfing in no time."

"Hee hee hee! This is fun!" tittered Roxas in his costume as Riku held his upper arms to help him on.

Riku was just in the process of helping "Kairi" climb on to the surfboard and gain "her" balance when he heard the sound of lighthearted laughter. His eyes happened to look up...

...and he saw the sight of Goofy and Sora playing around together on the beach.

Riku was awestruck.

The whole world suddenly seemed to go into slow motion as Riku took in the sight of the shirtless Goofy, his wet black fur glistening in the sunshine, his lovely eyes twinkling, and his happy smile, and all the while Riku's ears were filled with the tune of a distant old song playing on a boom box Sora was carrying... "Loooooove...is a maaaa-ny spleeeeen-dored thiiiiiiiiiiing..."

"It's... it's Goofy," Riku breathed, not taking his eyes off the magnificent sight he now beheld.

Roxas squirmed. "What? What'd you say?"

"...he's beautiful..." Riku sighed as he absentmindedly dropped Roxas into the waves and began eagerly splashing towards the shore.

"Glub...glub...blub...blub-blub...!!!" sputtered Roxas as he finally managed to get his head back above water.

"HEY!!! RIKU!!!!! GET BACK HE---OWWWW!" screamed Roxas as Riku's now free-drifting surfboard happened to get swept up from behind and directly into the back of his head, knocking him mostly completely unconscious.

As the waves began tossing Roxas around like a cork, he moaned loudly, "HELP ME... (GLUB GLUB) ...I'M A PRONIE!!!!!!!!!!!"

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To be continued...

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That's all for now! Here's hoping that at least a few people managed to stick with me until the end here, and that maybe some laughed and others thought it was cute, or maybe even both. More later on! Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...