A/N: This story was co-written by Pantherstar. And it was inspired by making "Miis" on Jessara'sWii and Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged.
Disclaimer: We do not own Voldemort, Harry Potter, Seto Kaiba, or Yu-Gi-Oh in any way. We do, however, own the cheesy jokes they make in this story except for littlekuriboh's puppy joke (YouTube). We don't own the poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas" either. But we do enjoy defacing it. We also don't own Cartoon Network.
One jolly December morning, the Little Riddle (AKA Tom, the name he hated and despised, yet is usually called anyway) ran downstairs with all the other little orphans, who he also hated and despised, waiting to see what Santa had brought him.
And what to his wondering eye should appear but a moving box with his name written all over it- literally. He picked the box up gingerly with hope in his eyes. Had someone actually sent him, the Little Riddle a…well, whatever it was. All Tom knew was that the box was still shaking and the corner was wet and smelled very strongly of urine.
His hands shaking with excitement, he opened the top up to find………………………………a puppy!
It was the kind of puppy that was so adorable it made you want to throw up. So Tom did (although he did it the polite way by actually going to the sink to do it, which the janitor would no doubt thank him for later).
When he came back, he declared dramatically, "I shall name you Sir Monarch Butterfly! I can call you Sir Butt for short!" Tom didn't know that his new puppy was, in fact…a girl, but that's not important to the story. The plotline probably wouldn't be any different if Sir Butt was a boy…I don't think.
The Little Riddle loved Sir Butt more than his own soul. He frolicked in the meadow with Sir Butt. He told all his secrets to Sir Butt (which probably triggered the puppy's abnormal stress-related bowel problem). He went shopping with Sir Butt. He got kicked out of the mall with Sir Butt. He even got arrested with Sir Butt for shoplifting.
"It was just a board game," Tom muttered, but the police didn't seem to think this made the crime any less worse.
"C'mon kid. We're taking you to jail for a week," the officer told him. He started to drag him towards the police car.
"Wait! Arrest my puppy too!" Tom cried.
After much rolling of the eyeballs, the policeman put handcuffs on Sir Butt's legs and shoved her in the back of the police car too.
Jail actually wasn't so bad with Sir Butt there. Tom simply told even more secrets to her, and although the jail cell smelled very, very bad, he was happy.
When the lady who ran the orphanage came to bail the Little Riddle out, he held on tightly to the bars of the prison cell, screaming and crying. Sir Butt howled and yellowed the lady's shoe.
"Tom! Get your stupid dog and yourself under control or she goes to the pound!" the lady screeched, out of patience. She pried Tom's fingers away one by one and brought him (and Sir Butt, a little more reluctantly) back to the orphanage.
The next day, she woke up and found herself bald (wizards. What can you do with them?).
In the next room, the Little Riddle was watching TV with Sir Butt. The channel was Cartoon Network, because his puppy dearly loved watching animated things beat and blow each other up. The next show was Yu-Gi-Oh (which meant animated monsters beating each other up! Joy!). Suddenly, Seto Kaiba came on. He said some unimportant dialogue to Yugi, and stabbed the poor two-foot-tall boy through. Then he took the Millenium Puzzle. Then he smiled.
And suddenly, Sir Butt gave a sigh of relief and dropped dead.
In the last few seconds of Sir Butt's life, she thought, Finally. I'm free from that fiend.
But Little Riddle was devastated. He curse Seto Kaiba to what the orphanage owner had described as "H-E-double-hockey-sticks" and then disappeared in a puff of smoke.
And to many children's wondering eyes, up onto the scream popped….Little Riddle! Apparently, for some odd reason, he had an enormous sword in his hand, along with lots of other pointy objects. And he yelled, "FOR SIR BUTT!!" and maimed and killed Seto Kaiba on the spot.
Before Seto Kaiba died, he exclaimed in great confusion, "What? My butt?" And then he slumped over, never to show his hideous, puppy-killing smile again.
And then, in another puff of smoke, Tom reappeared in the orphanage, crying over Sir Butt's body. For weeks and weeks, he kept that corpse close to his chest, until the smell got to him through that weird snake-like nose he has.
And thus, the Little Riddle's undying hate for Kaiba caused him to become Lord Voldemort (or, as many witches and wizards call him behind his back, Lord Moldybutt).
See Harry? Look at how much trouble you could have been saved if it wasn't for Seto Kaiba showing his one moment of true happiness. Stupid Seto.