Happy 411 day everyone!! 8D
And here's something to mark the occasion.
Original storyline owned by Roberta Lannes
Characters owned by Square Enix.
Now to start. Enjoy 83
I could hear them murmuring excitedly. My condition was stable and the operation was a success. I was happy. I could not say it, but every word they said confirmed the good I wished to hear about.
Doctor Xemnas told me the news himself. He kissed me on my forehead, over empty sockets of eyes yet to be.
I suppose I'm confusing you. Let me start from a little earlier. My name was Alrumia before. I was dying of cancer. I didn't really have anyone; my friends just ran off on me. I was pretty much the perfect subject.
They were trying an experiment. They said that they might have a chance to save me, and even make me better than I ever had been before. I was their first.
You can imagine my doubts. But it wasn't like I had anything to lose. So I consented.
Then they started taking me apart.
Hey, it's not as bad as it sounds. I was much more secure having highly trained doctors taking my body apart than a cancer that had no qualms in destroying me completely.
There were six on the team that was operating. Xemnas was the head. He had big dreams, and I was his path. He told me so, all the times he came to visit. He would run a hand gently over my face, although I couldn't see it. He spoke to me softly of the future, and he told me that when I was whole again that we could be together.
I couldn't speak, but I suppose it was better that way. I didn't know what I wanted. I was still in 'today' and just waiting for 'tomorrow' and I just wasn't sure. I wanted to love Xemnas, although I don't know...
The one who took care of me was Vexen. He took on the responsibility of my daily needs. I sometimes wondered if he grew tired of caring for an invalid like me, but he soothed my doubts when he took care of me.
When I first met him, or at least heard him, (my eyes were removed early on) his tone was cold and he was nearly always irate. I sometimes think that Xemnas made him take on my daily needs to scorn him (it was considered remedial work, one that might have been given to a nurse) but I'm thankful that Vexen was chosen to care for me.
He always gave everyone the cold shoulder, as far as I could observe, but when he cared for me, he was gentle. His touches were cool, his movements were soft. When he handled me, he was so careful that he almost seemed loving.
He would tell me things I couldn't find out for myself, like things to be seen. He wasn't one for useless prattle, but he told me all the things I wanted to know even if I couldn't ask him.
I enjoyed Vexen's company. He became part of my daily routine, and I would be worried if he didn't come everyday. He had to leave me on certain days, especially for operations. My operations proceeded as always but in the end he'd always be there.
My new larynx came. The pain was unbearable when I tried to speak. My throat felt like it was ripping apart. Xemnas kept telling me not to push myself. He said that he wanted my first words to be to him. "It may be selfish of me to say, but your beautiful new voice is something I want to admire once it's finally ready. But please let it settle before you try, or you'll hurt yourself." This was what he said. I nodded. I DID want my voice to be heard by someone special.
Later on I was bathed. If I didn't mention it earlier, I suppose I should say that all I am at the moment is little more than a head and a torso. My arms and legs are yet to come. But my voice was finally here, even if I couldn't use it. The pain didn't keep me from trying though.
Vexen washed me like always. I hadn't felt him for nearly a week, and I missed the cool touches. I attempted to speak although I only made short-breathed groans. Vexen told me not to push myself either. I was still stubborn though.
"Ve-xe...n" I was able to force the name out. I imagine that Vexen looked shocked, as far as I could hear...
"Did you just..." He sounded shocked, that was certain.
"Vexen... I-" My throat spasmed, I think. I couldn't say much more than that and Vexen insisted I needed rest, but I was able to say all I needed to. I did want my voice to be heard first by someone special to me. I think that worked out fine.
When Xemnas heard my voice he was ecstatic. I said his name, but it didn't have the effect I imagined on me. I didn't feel as ecstatic as he did. But my excitement was aroused when I heard about my new limbs that were to come.
My legs came before my arms. I wouldn't get into details but they suit me well. Supposedly. The operation was done for my legs first, then my arms. When I got my legs back, I was able to joke, saying that I could dance for Xemnas. I really did want to. It's really silly though.
Xemnas said he loved me. I was able to tell him I loved him. In the frame of my mind I dreamed that he would make me happy. His promises were real to me, and I wanted to be with him soon. It gave me something to look forward to.
But as I said before, I'm a now person, not a tomorrow seeker. Is it right that my mind wants to love Xemnas but my heart says otherwise? I'm good at listening now that I can only depend on that, and what I can hear is that my heart is calling me an idiot for wanting something I don't really crave for. Something I don't... need...
I'm not going to get into that. What I need right now is to focus on surviving. I can't pretend that it will all be okay. At one point I fell into a coma and my larynx became inflamed so I was in deep sleep for about... three weeks was it? This kind of stalled my progress and my legs and arms that I hoped I could use became weaker.
I tried to write with my new hands. I couldn't see what I wrote but I guided my movements and hoped that it worked. Apparently, it didn't do too well, although Vexen remedied that. He taught me braille, saying that I couldn't be idle while my eyes were yet to come.
There were times I wasn't entirely there, especially when my medication needed to take full effect. The pain-killers set me to sleep for days on end. Whenever I was aware of something the first one I'd look for was Vexen. It didn't feel right when he wasn't there. I was so used to him taking care of me.
After one of my operations, Xemnas soothed me with warm touches. My face, my body, my limbs felt his warmth. It was nice in its way, but alien to me. I was a bit worried, and I wanted to know where Vexen was. I didn't say so, though... I knew he wouldn't leave me. At least, I hoped.
Xemnas kept saying he loved me. I began lying to him. More aptly, I began realizing that I was lying to him, when I told him I loved him too. When the meds didn't mess up my head I wanted him, but when no logic registered in my mind, and I could only depend on feeling and my own instinct (which I had to trust; mankind was built on it) I didn't yearn for Xemnas. The only thing that registered in my mind was the want for cool touches and soothing caresses that only one person could give me.
My hair had grown, finally. In the very first part of the experiment my head was replaced, in a way. Don't ask me how it was done, it just was. Maybe just the skin, maybe something else.
I was hardly even in the world of the living as far as I was aware. That had been years ago. I've lost track whether it was two or three. Or five. Half the time I was much less than asleep and just a little more than dead. But dead was what I wasn't, as I soon realized.
My hair had grown out much more slowly than normal people, but by now it was long. They didn't cut it, and I was grateful.
Vexen was telling me that my eyes were shipped in already. They were blue. He said that I would look more beautiful once I was whole.
More beautiful, he said. "So you think I'm beautiful." I said, slowly but clearly. He didn't reply, but he stroked my hair so gently. I leaned into his touch.
"I wish I could see you too..." I whispered. He tensed, but let me revel in the gentleness of his caress. Once my eyes would come, I would be whole.
Over a time I was dreaming Xemnas' dreams, but I have my own dreams now. I have my own goals.
One night I was falling asleep. Zexion was there. He was another one of the doctors. He was likable to a certain degree. Then I heard him leave the bedside.
Vexen wasn't there with me simply because he had the day off. I knew that his life wasn't obligated to me, even if deep down I wished it.
I heard Zexion open the door, and heavy steps alerted me of the other doctor, Lexaeus. Lex was a good person, and though I didn't have much time to get to know him, a few years was enough for me to understand that he was, indeed, a good person.
The two of them were talking. I listened well, and managed to make out a few words.
"He wants to start over with this one." That was Lexaeus. "He thinks of taking this one as his lover. I suppose it's not such a bad idea, considering that the lack of exposure to others may have put a sense of connection between Xemnas and he." Zexion said this one.
"His fear of losing this one is probably small. Why do you think he put Vexen in to take care of him? He was sure that like any normal person, this one would know Vexen as an icy, cantankerous grouch. It was his plan all along." He continued.
"This one is very becoming. It was probably Xemnas' dream to have such a beautiful, perfect lover, someone under his control." Lexaeus said.
"That's where Xemnas' superiority complex is. He feels as though he's practically created this one, although this one still has independent thoughts. There's still the possibility of failure." Zexion murmured. I almost didn't hear that but I did.
So if I didn't love Xemnas, I was a failure in his eyes? The cruel truth startled me. This was enough to make me realize completely, without a doubt, that I didn't love Xemnas. Even if he loved me, I wasn't his.
The next morning, I was greeted with news that I would be having an operation for my eyes. I didn't know if I was excited or scared. Xemnas came in a few hours prior. "Finally, it's almost done. You won't be Alrumia any longer, my love. You will have a new life with me. You are Marluxia." Xemnas said, gentle but excited.
"Marluxia." The name seemed to very natural to me. A new life. A new identity.
But still I was scared.
"We'll have Vexen prep you up before the final operation." Xemnas said, giving me a kiss softly on the lips before I heard him leave. His kiss was warm, but I just couldn't handle it. It was so unnatural.
Vexen had to bathe me clean before the operation.
During these baths I always loved the feel of his cool touch as his fingers went past the boundary that had been set for Xemnas or anyone else. Vexen was the only one I allowed to go so far.
This time he was bathing me too quickly. I moved my hand enough to touch his. I asked him to take his time. I didn't want it to end so soon.
Vexen complied, his hands spreading lather down my legs and my arms, gently and slowly. I noticed that his hands were shaking. I reached out blindly and he held my hand in his. He stopped awhile and let the water in the tub wash off the bubbles in my lower area.
From past experience I learned that he knelt beside the tub as he bathed me, and I reached out clean hands and found soft long hair. I loved Vexen's hair. Before he used to let me feel it, and the soft feel comforted me.
Then I held his face in my new hands. He tensed as I ran my fingers over his cheeks, his skin. I felt the cheekbones prominent and I attempted to construct his face in my head. I couldn't wait so long to look at the one I loved.
It couldn't last; We were called to hurry it up, and I was washed and dried off. They were bringing me to the O.R.
I held on to Vexen till the last moment, and soon I was there, being injected with anesthesia like all those times before, and falling into deep sleep.
When I wake up, it's dark as always, but this time, it's caused by gauze over my eyes. The pain was being numbed and I wasn't thinking straight again.
The bandages would come off soon, but I was told to rest. They were baffled when I turned my head over and over and groped blindly. They would call Xemnas in but I said I was fine.
What I didn't tell him was that I was looking for Vexen. He soon came though. At night I heard someone come into my room. A cool hand touched my cheek and I smiled. "Vexen?" I said aloud.
"Marluxia... that's your name now, isn't it?" He said softly. I nodded, as much as the medication would allow me to steady my movements.
"Vexen, tomorrow, they come off. I want to see you." I said, hoping my words didn't slur too much. I wasn't thinking straight but I was still aware of what I wanted.
Vexen squeezed my hand and laughed, a bit hollowly. "You won't like what you see." "Should I care? I've been living in darkness for years now. I don't care what I see. I feel and hear better than I could ever see, and I feel you and I can hear what my heart is telling me." I was surprised that I got all that out in my current state.
"The medication's just blurring your thoughts, Marluxia. You don't know what you're saying. Get some rest." Vexen said gently.
He stayed beside me like he always did. I reached out my hand and touched his face again, stroking the bony cheek softly again. "Please kiss me Vexen." I said.
Whether it was the meds talking or me, it didn't really matter now. I pulled him near and our lips connected. He was careful but it was deepened. His cold lips gave me the pleasure and joy that Xemnas could never have achieved. I gripped his hair and held as much as I could of him.
"Vexen I love you." I said it quickly, doubtlessly, joyfully. He stroked my hair and kissed me again, quickly and sweetly. "I love you too... Marluxia." He said it. I was happy.
The bandages came off. Xemnas does it himself, and I soon see light. It hurts at first but it's beautiful to see after years. I learned that it took four years in total, not so long as I thought.
"What do you see, Marluxia?" Xemnas asks me. I squint in the light, seeing lines and shapes and shadows.
"Blurred shapes. Moving a lot." I was able to say. Xemnas' skin was dark, and he was handsome with long silver hair running down his back. I smile.
"You're a miracle, Marluxia." Xemnas says joyfully. "I'm a bit tired to celebrate now." I say in good humor. He has everyone leave the room in a matter of minutes.
When he comes near again he kisses me. It wasn't like the night before. In his kiss I felt his passion, but not my own. I can't be his fantasy anymore. Mine, for him, is gone.
I see his features now. He truly is handsome. But I wanted to see someone else. "I want us to go on a trip. How does that sound? It will be lovely. It'll also help your health. Destiny Islands is the best place there is." He starts again.
"It sounds wonderful, Xemnas, but you have to give me a while on my own. Just a short while. I want to learn by myself in the world first." I say softly.
He frowns at my statement. "I'm going too fast?" He says askance. "No... I just want some time to get used to things. I can't always depend on you." I said.
"But I want you to depend on me. I love you. I would give anything for you to just be mine." His voice starts to sound desperate. I was feeling fear crawl up to me. I wanted to call Vexen.
"I need to find myself, Xemnas. This is a new life. I want to learn first." I said carefully. "I have a feeling I'm losing you. I can't lose you, Marluxia. I'll kill you if you-" He stops, looks apologetically at me.
"I'll let you rest." He said slowly. "Thank you." I said.
When he left, I felt guilt. But I couldn't love him.
Then someone comes into the room. I don't recognize this person till he wraps his arms around me and kisses me with his cool lips. I pulled away just enough to see his face.
"Vexen..." I stroke his face again, seeing what I felt under my fingers.
His face was thinned and lined, somewhat skeletal. I could see the effects that might have been rendered by lack of sleep and hard work all through those years.
Was this why he was so nervous? Just because he wasn't as handsome, or becoming as others like Xemnas? When I looked at his gaunt face I saw the devotion of years. I could see the love in his eyes. His eyes were a beautiful green shade. I kissed him again.
"Take me away." I whispered, as we just held each other. We embraced awhile, my head resting on his shoulder. "I love you so much, Vexen. I want to be with you." I said.
"I know. I love you too much. Xemnas... I couldn't give you up to him. Marluxia..." He whispered.
"Shhh... Don't be afraid. Stay with me. If I rest I want you to be right by me." I said. He smiled.
We'll figure it out. Xemnas didn't want to let me go. But somehow... Once I could walk, once I could handle things on my own, I'd figure it out.
But for now, I just sleep. I'm not a tomorrow person. All I know right now is the tranquility in this room as I hold Vexen's hand in my own as I drift off to sleep.
We'll figure it out...
And so we end it here.
I hope it was okay 8D
I think I have to beta my own story XD I think I might've gotten something wrong in there, but for now, I hope it was enjoyed 83
Happy 411 day everyone!!