Valmont
By HyddenMozy and Furaidochikin
Disclaimer: The characters of Valmont, Shendu, Finn, and Ratso don't belong to me or my collaborator, but to the wonderful, amazing creators of JCA. The song "Lola", to which tune this is set, was written and sung by the Kinks. Now that all that's been taken care of, enjoy!
The setting: A fairly swanky club located on some lower layer of the Dark Hand HQ. It's Company karaoke night. First up at the mic is Finn, hair even more slicked-back than usual. He's sporting a brand-new blue leisure suit and slap-marks from various women all along his cheeks. Anyone with an IQ of 60 can see that he's drunk.
Finn: Hey, everyone!! Having fun?
Random woman: Fuck you!
Finn: What? ::leers drunkenly at woman::
Random woman #2: Yeah!! Get off the stage, you perv!
Finn: Tonight, I'd like to sing a li'l song dedicated to Big V, for bein' such a great boss (and paying all my sex offender-fines for me since I've worked for him!)
Everyone: laughter
Valmont (embarrassed; rolls eyes) Oh, great…just smah-shing.
Finn: I think you'll like it, boss.
The music starts, and Finn begins to sing.
I met him on the streets of old San Fran, where the fruits and the nuts hang outside of the store front! St-st-st-st-stoooooore front.
I came up to him and I asked him his name. In a rich English voice, he responded only "Valmont"! Val-Val-Val-Val-Vaaalmont. V-A-L-M-O-N-T, Vallllllmoooont…
He had Blue eyes and long blonde hair, and a nice green suit that stayed crisp with the weather! Wea-wea-wea-wea-weeeeather.
And four stupid henchmen – huh? ::glare:: -- who all followed him. To them he practically had to tie a tether! Te-te-te-te-teeeether. T-E-T-H-E-R, teeeether….
::Finn gets really into his act here; accidentially spilling a martini on some people nearby, including Valmont.::
Valmont: Grrrr….
::Finn resumes singing::
Though he was quite lovely, I couldn't understand why he looked like a woman and talked like a de-man…
Valmont ::jumping up:: : I do not look like a woman!
Finn: Sorry, dude…I wrote this at 4:00 yesterday morning while high!
::Valmont strides back to his seat, crossing his arms and sticking out his tongue in a display of childish anger.::
Finn ::continues:: : His voice suddenly changed, and he sounded quite odd, almost like he'd choked on a piece of fruit and was gaggin'…ga-ga-ga-ga-gaaaaggin'…
But what I didn't know was it wasn't his voice – he was really possessed by an uber-creepy dragon…dra-dra-dra-dra-draaaagon…
D-R-A-G-O-N, Draaaagon!
There!! I'm done!!
::Finn bows, repeatedly, throwing kisses at certain people in the audience. He is rewarded with lots of rotten fruit and a pair of Ratso's Power Ranger boxer shorts. Valmont walks, head down in shame, from the room, trailing a long line of screaming fan-girls.::
Tall girl with short brown hair and glasses (pinching Valmont's rear): Heeheehee!
Fini