Title: In Life and Death
Author: bookworm835
Rating: T (that's PG-13, right?) for character death
Summary: Claire loves Charlie in life and death. All the Best Cowboys have Daddy Issues spoilerish stuff... Claire's POV of what's happening. Anyways, please R&R!
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, any of the characters, or anything like that, and I'm not making money... but you all know that already. :)
A/N: Hey peoples, whoever likes my Found and Lost in Her Mind thingies, yes, unfortunately I have started yet another new story instead of worked on them. It's been FOREVER since I've done Found... so I apologize! I'm truly stuck, very very much so, in both stories. I have the ends pretty much worked out... but I'm not sure how to piece it all together. So, until then, here's a relatively short fic... not all that creative or detailed (or exciting), I wrote it at 2:00 in the morning... :yawn: Uh, don't ask why I always write such depressing stories... I apologize for that as well... :")
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Oh, God. I can't believe this is happening... This wasn't supposed to happen... and it's all my fault...
It's dark and humid, typical weather on this godforsaken island. Rain is mixing with the salty sweat and tears that coat my face. It's so hot... but inside, it feels cold.
Inside, I'm dying. Just as you are. My belly hurts; the baby is going crazy and I can't blame it. My stomach is doing flips and my heart just jumped into my throat. My cry is choked I can't get out my pain no matter how hard I try because the pain is worse than you can imagine.
Oh no... oh Christ, no, what's he doing to you? I can't watch but I can't turn my eyes away. You struggle and shout my name "Claire, Claire!" over and over but I'm helpless, tied with my back to a tree. Warm tears sting my eyes and streak my face and a lonely wail of sorrow slides past my lips. If only you knew how much this was hurting me. You feel physical pain but my mental pain, my sadness, my frustration, is worse by ten no, twenty times and more.
Please stop... please, don't call for me anymore! You're ripping my soul in half as your murky blue-green eyes grow cloudy. He's kicking you, punching you, he's hurting you, turning your sweet pale skin awful shades of black and purple. Stop, stop, it hurts me stop, I miss you already! I miss the times that we did (and didn't) spend together. I miss the gleam in your eyes. I miss yoru smile. I miss the comforting warmth of your arms. I miss YOU! Stop calling for me when you know I can't come!
He pulls a dirty rag out of his back pocket and wraps it around your eyes. I sob harder because I know I'll never see your eyes again. You grope blindly, still yelling. I don't even fight against the cords that secure me to the tree. I know it's too late... Why do you have to hope? Don't you konw that hope only worsens the pain of disappointment when you're let down? Stop fighting so that I don't won't have to watch this! I don't want to watch you get harmed because it tears me apart inside.
Inside, I'm dying...
Now you're saying something else... You're telling me to be brave, be strong, but how can I be? You're stripping me from all of my happiness, all of my fond memories. Belief, love, blankets on cold nights, and peanut butter... it all begins to fade away...
No, no, what's going on? He's wrapping vines around your neck. No, what's happening! I never should've left the caves... I never should've doubted you...!
I can't take this! I should die, not you! You were only trying to look after me and I broke your heart and pushed you away. You're braver and stronger than me; I should be the one with the noose 'round my neck. Oh but I do love you, I want to be friends: I want to feel your warm palms back on my belly, I want to your eyes light up when the baby kicks because, hell, it's kicking now.
Now what's going on? You're fighting to get to me when he yanks on a vine behind you. You scream out that you love me and I break down completely, shrieking shrill, piercing howls, tears falling like the rain, my shoulders shaking. I fight now too, yanking against the ropes that bind me, because I never imagined that losing you would hurt this bad.
And it's a horrible sight... My heart feels like it's going to burst out of my ribs. It hurts, it hurts, to see your once-gentle, calloused, musical fingers clawing desperately at your throat. Your face is blotched blood-red and chalk-white and I'm glad you have a blindfold because your eyes must reflect the pain that you must be feeling in your neck, your lungs, your soul.
Your checkerboarded feet leave the ground and you begin to wildly kick your legs
Now I struggle to get to you. I see your arms trembling as you tug frantically at the noose. Your red mouth is open wide and a terrible gutteral moan comes out from deep in your throat.
I beg him to stop, I beg him to let you go... I offered myself and my baby to him if he'd only let you live... but he only smiles and I can't believe how much I hate him. I never knew I could feel this sort of anger. I've never felt this mad at anyone, not even my ex-boyfriend Thomas, and Thomas was the one who got us into this in the first place... But I'm even angrier at myself for letting this occur. If only I had fought harder... maybe I could've... saved you... saved us...
Your choked groans are slowing until finally they stop. Your shaking arms weakly drop to your sides and your thrashing legs dangle limply. Seeing you there, hanging, all hope lost, I don't think I can take it I can't, I don't I don't know... what's going to happen... because I'm beginning to... forget...
I cry for you to try to escape to have the will to live. No, no, don't you hear me? I've changed my mind please don't lose hope... please...!
And then he laughs. He laughs as you die. And it's driving me completely insane.
You only hang there, swaying slightly in the wind, the vines creaking. So I stop struggling because now it is truly too late... If you don't have hope, how do you expect me to? But I still can't stop watching you, as if I expect you to suddenly wake, suck in a breath, and have him mercifully cut you down and set us free...
This is a terrible kind of lonely; the kind where you realise too late that you had everything and more, only to lose it at the beginning of realisation. And it's gone forever because you're gone forever.
If only I had trusted you, let you look after me, let you love me... None of this would've happened if I had followed my heart instead of my mind because I'm far from clever but everyone's always told me I've had a true heart. I'm not even sure of that anymore... After all, if I had a true heart, why would I have let you slip away so easily? And now my pounding heart, true or not, is ready to explode and my mind, clever or not, is misted over, my thoughts jumbled and disappearing.
I couldn't save you...
The words echo numbly around my brain...
And... and... oh, God, I'm sorry. Sorry that you're gone forever. Sorry that I can't remember how. Sorry that I can't remember why. Sorry that I didn't try to rescue you before it was too late... But mostly, I'm sorry that I never told you... I'll love you, no matter what, in life and death.
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Ahh, not the best ending :coughcough:itwasCRAPPY:coughcough, but I'm tired... so... review please! I will try to update my other stories soon...