Disclaimer: All Characters Belong to JK Rowling
A/N: I Don't mean any offense to anyone in this story, especialy Christians. I'm one myself, and believe me, I'm not making fun of you.
Chapter One:
All was normal. At least, for now, that was. Harry, forced to do his homework late at night, lay crouched on his bed, very hot because he was laying under his blankets, in fear that the light of his flashlight would shine into his relatives' rooms.
As sweat rolled down his forehead, he sighed with exasperation, clicked off his flashlight, and threw off his covers. It was remarkably cool for a summer night, and all was still.Tired after a long line of chores he did for the Dursleys, he slumped back into his itchy feather pillows (they were all that were left, since Dudley had taken the remaining 4 silk ones) and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before Harry was enveloped into the dark, dreamy world of sleep.
That night, strangely, he dreamed of red goats. They were grazing in a long, grassy field, and they looked up as Harry approached them. An expression of fear flitted across their woolish faces- then anger. Somehow, Harry knew that they thought that he wanted their wool. He didn't. He tried to tell them this- but they wouldn't listen. They were in rage; they reared their reddish legs, then charged toward Harry, who stood paralyzed. Just as a praticularily large goat almost speared Harry in the chest with his long horns, there was a blinding flash of pink light, and Harry woke, sweating again.
The pink light had been real. Harry let out a cry of surprise.
"Ron! What in the world are you doing here?"
For Ron was standing over Harry's bed, his wand shining pink brightly in Harry's face.
Harry raised his hands over his face to shield the blindingly bright light, and Ron lowered his wand.
"Ron?" Ron said, bewildered, and looked over his shoulder to see who Harry was talking to. "Oh, is that me? I don't know what I'm doing here. All I remember is a bunch of blue light..what happened?"
"I don't know. Are you okay?" Harry asked, peering at his friend anxiously from under his black bangs.
"Yes, it is a lovely afternoon. Would you care for some wizarding chess? Or perhaps gobstones?"
Harry didn't answer. He merely stared.
"What is your name? I really hope that my brother- what's his name- can't remember- doesn't turn my teddy bear into a spider again. I didn't like it at all." Ron shuddered, and then, his head lolled over onto his shoulder and he fell asleep, standing up. Harry sat there for a moment, not knowing what he should do, and then he stood up and dragged Ron onto his bed by the scruff of his shirt. Ron didn't even wake; he seemed fast asleep.
Just then, there was a loud roar outside, and Harry jumped four feet in the air. He got up and peered out his window anxiously. Then, he gasped in surprise.
"Sirius! What are you doing here? What are you riding, how did you get it, and what are you wearing?" Harry stormed at his godfather with this line of questions. It took a moment for the full impact of what Harry was seeing to hit him. For Sirius, riding atop a giant motorbike,was wearing long, white robes, a bible sticking out his pocket, and a golden cross around his neck, shimmering in the light of the lamp-posts of Number Four. There were several bumper-stickers on his vehicle, reading thins such as "I love Jesus", "God is the ONLY way," and "The way to communicate with God is Knee-Mail."
"What?" Sirius said, following Harry's eyes to his cross dangling around his neck."Oh, this? Well, I've decided that following God is the only way. We're all in danger, and if we believe in him, all will be well. He told me tonight that I was to come and get you, and take you to my house. Come on then, on my bike, hurry."
Harry continued to stare. "Er- can we take Ron, too? He's here, but he's er...out of it..."
"Of course. Bring him here. We'll pray before we go, to ensure a safe journey home."
Sirius stepped through the window, took Harry's hands, and bowed his head solemnly, then muttered a pray of safety. Then, he helped Harry position Ron on his bike, then Harry, and they set off into the moonlight, and watched it disappear behind the gray clouds.
The night air whipped Harry's hair, making it even untidier than it really was. The bike was uncomfortable, as the three boys were squished together, and Harry had to hold Ron upright by the collar of his scarlet sweater.
Surprisingly, it wasn't long before they reached, assumingly, Sirius's home. Actually, it was Lupin's. The bike landed on the wet ground with a thud, and, with relief, Harry stepped off with Sirius. Lupin was staring out the window, and he jumped to meet them when they landed.
Only it wasn't the Lupin as Harry had remembered. He was wearing tye-dyed robes, sunglasses, and beads around his neck, along with a glow-stick.
"Dudes! You feelin' groovey? I am! And, rememba, I'm Lupes, now, not Lupin. Lupin's gay.."
Harry closed his eyes, and then opened them again. He couldn't quite believe what was reaching his eyes and ears. But Lupin remained as he was, a hippy, as some would call him.
"Err, hi, Lupi-- I mean-- Lupes, was it? Well, Ron's out of it. I think he could do with some rest. Could you take him?" Harry said calmly, as though convinced that, if he behaved normally, they would, too. It didn't work.
"Poor, cat, eh? I'll make 'im groovey again! Try some smokes, old guy!" Lupes said to Ron, brandishing a cigarette at him. Ron, still fast asleep, didn't blink. His closed eyes stared out blankly into the darkness, and his rising and falling hands didn't reach out.
"Err- Ron's asleep, Lupes. And what do you think you're doing, giving him weed! He's bad enough already!"
"Whatever, dude. C'mon, let's take him in, then," Lupes said, reaching under Ron's arm to help him up. Sirius took the other.
"May God make him well again," Sirius said quietly as they carried him up the steps.
Lupe's house was quite a shock. There was graffiti on the walls everywhere,which looked like, before, it had been a quite moderate home. A fireplace lay in one corner of the room, but it was hidden under a large heap of books, which looked suspiciously like bibles. A guitar rested on the side of a green and red -sprayed arm-chair, and a Grindylow in a purple tank swam behind it.
"His name's Grindydude," Lupes said to Harry as they helped Ron into Sirius's room.
In Sirius's room, just as his bike, there were posters of Jesus everywhere. On one corner of the room lay a collection of crosses, including bracelets and necklaces with WWJD. One poster perched on the ceiling above Sirius's bed read ,"Wake up in the sunshine and the glory of our Lord!," in front of a picture featuring Jesus standing in front of the rising red sun behind a mountain. On the other side of the room, there were jars upon jars labeled ,"Holy water".
Sirius carried Ron over to a bed with WWJD sheets. Ron didn't even move; he continued to be fast asleep.
Lupes took Harry to his room. In there, it was much different. The walls, just like the livingroom, were sprayed rainbow,and there was an orange armchair beside a bed with different colored sheets.
"Welcome to my pad, dude. Make yourself at home!" Lupes said, showing Harry another bed, which was much the same as his own. Harry, tired from his busy night, sat down on the bed, which seemed fragile; it leaned under his weight. Just as he thought he would go to sleep, another figure appeared at his door. He was surprised to see that it was Hermione.
"Hello, Harry! I see you've arrived. Strange place, isn't it? Well, we'd best go off to bed. Good night, then!" she said cheerfully, and walked off. Harry was relieved to see that she sounded normal. He settled off to bed, and was lucky that he didn't know how much different his friend was.
Harry discovered what this was the next morning. He shuffled off to the table for breakfast to find Ron and Hermione already sitting there, next to Sirius and Lupin.
"Harry! Hi. It turns out that Ron has amnesia...too bad. Oh well, it's about time you've met Cuddles!" Hermione said enthusiastically, holding out a green stuffed animal.
"What in the world is Cuddles?" Harry said, bewildered, as he took a seat next to her.
Hermione seemed mortally offended.
"What do you mean, what is Cuddles? Cuddles is a who, not a what! And he's only the cutest Furby in the world! I went on a vacation to America, and I went to a place called Mcdonalds. It's a fast-food restaurunt. But I made the biggest and most important discovery of my life. I found Furbies!" Hermione said, hugging the stuffed animal close to her chest.
"Isn't he just adorable, Harry? I have sixty seven Furbies now. They're in my room."
"Er- whatever you say, Hermione," Harry said cautiously, picking up his spoon to begin on his breakfast (Honeynut Imperios).
A/N: I Don't mean any offense to anyone in this story, especialy Christians. I'm one myself, and believe me, I'm not making fun of you.
Chapter One:
All was normal. At least, for now, that was. Harry, forced to do his homework late at night, lay crouched on his bed, very hot because he was laying under his blankets, in fear that the light of his flashlight would shine into his relatives' rooms.
As sweat rolled down his forehead, he sighed with exasperation, clicked off his flashlight, and threw off his covers. It was remarkably cool for a summer night, and all was still.Tired after a long line of chores he did for the Dursleys, he slumped back into his itchy feather pillows (they were all that were left, since Dudley had taken the remaining 4 silk ones) and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before Harry was enveloped into the dark, dreamy world of sleep.
That night, strangely, he dreamed of red goats. They were grazing in a long, grassy field, and they looked up as Harry approached them. An expression of fear flitted across their woolish faces- then anger. Somehow, Harry knew that they thought that he wanted their wool. He didn't. He tried to tell them this- but they wouldn't listen. They were in rage; they reared their reddish legs, then charged toward Harry, who stood paralyzed. Just as a praticularily large goat almost speared Harry in the chest with his long horns, there was a blinding flash of pink light, and Harry woke, sweating again.
The pink light had been real. Harry let out a cry of surprise.
"Ron! What in the world are you doing here?"
For Ron was standing over Harry's bed, his wand shining pink brightly in Harry's face.
Harry raised his hands over his face to shield the blindingly bright light, and Ron lowered his wand.
"Ron?" Ron said, bewildered, and looked over his shoulder to see who Harry was talking to. "Oh, is that me? I don't know what I'm doing here. All I remember is a bunch of blue light..what happened?"
"I don't know. Are you okay?" Harry asked, peering at his friend anxiously from under his black bangs.
"Yes, it is a lovely afternoon. Would you care for some wizarding chess? Or perhaps gobstones?"
Harry didn't answer. He merely stared.
"What is your name? I really hope that my brother- what's his name- can't remember- doesn't turn my teddy bear into a spider again. I didn't like it at all." Ron shuddered, and then, his head lolled over onto his shoulder and he fell asleep, standing up. Harry sat there for a moment, not knowing what he should do, and then he stood up and dragged Ron onto his bed by the scruff of his shirt. Ron didn't even wake; he seemed fast asleep.
Just then, there was a loud roar outside, and Harry jumped four feet in the air. He got up and peered out his window anxiously. Then, he gasped in surprise.
"Sirius! What are you doing here? What are you riding, how did you get it, and what are you wearing?" Harry stormed at his godfather with this line of questions. It took a moment for the full impact of what Harry was seeing to hit him. For Sirius, riding atop a giant motorbike,was wearing long, white robes, a bible sticking out his pocket, and a golden cross around his neck, shimmering in the light of the lamp-posts of Number Four. There were several bumper-stickers on his vehicle, reading thins such as "I love Jesus", "God is the ONLY way," and "The way to communicate with God is Knee-Mail."
"What?" Sirius said, following Harry's eyes to his cross dangling around his neck."Oh, this? Well, I've decided that following God is the only way. We're all in danger, and if we believe in him, all will be well. He told me tonight that I was to come and get you, and take you to my house. Come on then, on my bike, hurry."
Harry continued to stare. "Er- can we take Ron, too? He's here, but he's er...out of it..."
"Of course. Bring him here. We'll pray before we go, to ensure a safe journey home."
Sirius stepped through the window, took Harry's hands, and bowed his head solemnly, then muttered a pray of safety. Then, he helped Harry position Ron on his bike, then Harry, and they set off into the moonlight, and watched it disappear behind the gray clouds.
The night air whipped Harry's hair, making it even untidier than it really was. The bike was uncomfortable, as the three boys were squished together, and Harry had to hold Ron upright by the collar of his scarlet sweater.
Surprisingly, it wasn't long before they reached, assumingly, Sirius's home. Actually, it was Lupin's. The bike landed on the wet ground with a thud, and, with relief, Harry stepped off with Sirius. Lupin was staring out the window, and he jumped to meet them when they landed.
Only it wasn't the Lupin as Harry had remembered. He was wearing tye-dyed robes, sunglasses, and beads around his neck, along with a glow-stick.
"Dudes! You feelin' groovey? I am! And, rememba, I'm Lupes, now, not Lupin. Lupin's gay.."
Harry closed his eyes, and then opened them again. He couldn't quite believe what was reaching his eyes and ears. But Lupin remained as he was, a hippy, as some would call him.
"Err, hi, Lupi-- I mean-- Lupes, was it? Well, Ron's out of it. I think he could do with some rest. Could you take him?" Harry said calmly, as though convinced that, if he behaved normally, they would, too. It didn't work.
"Poor, cat, eh? I'll make 'im groovey again! Try some smokes, old guy!" Lupes said to Ron, brandishing a cigarette at him. Ron, still fast asleep, didn't blink. His closed eyes stared out blankly into the darkness, and his rising and falling hands didn't reach out.
"Err- Ron's asleep, Lupes. And what do you think you're doing, giving him weed! He's bad enough already!"
"Whatever, dude. C'mon, let's take him in, then," Lupes said, reaching under Ron's arm to help him up. Sirius took the other.
"May God make him well again," Sirius said quietly as they carried him up the steps.
Lupe's house was quite a shock. There was graffiti on the walls everywhere,which looked like, before, it had been a quite moderate home. A fireplace lay in one corner of the room, but it was hidden under a large heap of books, which looked suspiciously like bibles. A guitar rested on the side of a green and red -sprayed arm-chair, and a Grindylow in a purple tank swam behind it.
"His name's Grindydude," Lupes said to Harry as they helped Ron into Sirius's room.
In Sirius's room, just as his bike, there were posters of Jesus everywhere. On one corner of the room lay a collection of crosses, including bracelets and necklaces with WWJD. One poster perched on the ceiling above Sirius's bed read ,"Wake up in the sunshine and the glory of our Lord!," in front of a picture featuring Jesus standing in front of the rising red sun behind a mountain. On the other side of the room, there were jars upon jars labeled ,"Holy water".
Sirius carried Ron over to a bed with WWJD sheets. Ron didn't even move; he continued to be fast asleep.
Lupes took Harry to his room. In there, it was much different. The walls, just like the livingroom, were sprayed rainbow,and there was an orange armchair beside a bed with different colored sheets.
"Welcome to my pad, dude. Make yourself at home!" Lupes said, showing Harry another bed, which was much the same as his own. Harry, tired from his busy night, sat down on the bed, which seemed fragile; it leaned under his weight. Just as he thought he would go to sleep, another figure appeared at his door. He was surprised to see that it was Hermione.
"Hello, Harry! I see you've arrived. Strange place, isn't it? Well, we'd best go off to bed. Good night, then!" she said cheerfully, and walked off. Harry was relieved to see that she sounded normal. He settled off to bed, and was lucky that he didn't know how much different his friend was.
Harry discovered what this was the next morning. He shuffled off to the table for breakfast to find Ron and Hermione already sitting there, next to Sirius and Lupin.
"Harry! Hi. It turns out that Ron has amnesia...too bad. Oh well, it's about time you've met Cuddles!" Hermione said enthusiastically, holding out a green stuffed animal.
"What in the world is Cuddles?" Harry said, bewildered, as he took a seat next to her.
Hermione seemed mortally offended.
"What do you mean, what is Cuddles? Cuddles is a who, not a what! And he's only the cutest Furby in the world! I went on a vacation to America, and I went to a place called Mcdonalds. It's a fast-food restaurunt. But I made the biggest and most important discovery of my life. I found Furbies!" Hermione said, hugging the stuffed animal close to her chest.
"Isn't he just adorable, Harry? I have sixty seven Furbies now. They're in my room."
"Er- whatever you say, Hermione," Harry said cautiously, picking up his spoon to begin on his breakfast (Honeynut Imperios).