Well, I usually don't write about Damain's death but I mean why not? No romance! Brotherly bonding only
I don't own the characters, obviously.
When Damian died, it felt as if all things good in the world had died along side him. It left Dick breathless and, for what felt like ages, he felt like it wasn't real. People had died before. Jason had died before and yet...well, Jason had been there. Jason had been right there with him in his apartment, just watching Dick with eyes that seemed just as empty as his own...as Bruce's...even as Tim's. Jason had come back. Dick was sure that Damian would too, he had to, didn't he? Damian Wayne, who was always in your business before you were. Damian Wayne, who was a scared and confused kid underneath all of the rage and snark.
He was a kid and that drove Dick insane.
A kid who didn't know better, even if he was sure he did. He was a kid that Dick wanted to protect, that Dick adored and he had died without any mercy.
As if a child's life wasn't worth a god damn thing.
When Damian died, Dick was sure he had lost his mind for a while. He couldn't have explained it if he tried, explained the cold terror that shook him to his core when he saw a kid who, by chance, looked just too much like Damian in the streets. He couldn't explain the agonizing rage that exploded from him when it wasn't expected, and those were the nights he was so glad Jason was lingering around. He couldn't explain how tired he was and how no matter what he tried he couldn't sleep. But on that front he didn't have to explain anything; Tim understood that well and spent nights awake with him, talking about everything, or not talking at all.
Dick was sure he would have lost his mind for good if Jason and Tim hadn't been around in their own ways to anchor him down.
When Damian came back Dick wasn't stupid, and he knew all good things came with a price. He was delighted to have Damian back, of course. They all were, even if Damian hissed and snarled at them just like he did before. It just felt...normal. It felt okay, and for a while Dick was sure everything was okay. That Damian was okay.
Jason knew better than all of them though. You didn't just cheat death and walk around unaffected, as he had told them all, his voice wavering only a little bit.
Damian hid the nightmares well for a while, until he stopped sleeping entirely. None of them were strangers to the sluggish, almost zombie like state that came with three days of patrol without sleep. In his own way, Tim had managed to ease his way closer to Damian, if only on the sleepless nights. Dick had woken up plenty of times to see them both wide eyed and awake in Damian's room, the tv playing some sort of cartoon that he knew neither of his brothers cared about. It was the contact, the closeness and the security of having someone there with you that both of them had sought out. The cartoon was a cover up. Dick wouldn't have ever said he knew their secret. This was Tim's time with him and if this was how the two would bond, so be it.
No one lived forever, and maybe these two wouldn't hate each other forever, too.
The lack of sleep gave way to the hallucinations. Those were days Dick wished he had been no where near the manor, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't just leave.
It was horrifying, the screams that tore from Damian's throat when they started up. Damian was nearly inconsolable like this, throwing anything he could get his hands on in all directions. Glasses shattered against walls and chairs were broken, tables cracked. Sometimes Bruce was there to hold him down until he calmed, holding the young boy to his chest just tight enough to keep him from moving. It drove Dick crazy, watching the hurt and fear in Bruce's eyes, and it nearly broke his heart to watch Damian tremble for ages after wards, as if his body couldn't contain the rage inside of him.
Dick felt like a complete idiot for being afraid of those days.
"He was dead, Dick." Jason frowned, his eyes following Dick as the older man walked across the room. He stared at him fora bit before he sighed, running a hand through his own hair. "It's to be expected and there isn't much to do about it. There's no use in beating yourself up over it because you can't make it go away."
Dick frowned, fully aware of how right Jason was. He bit the inside of his cheek and it was only when he tasted blood on his tongue that he spoke up again, glancing at Jason again. "Is this...what happened to you when you came back?"
Jason rolled his shoulders, a nonchalant gesture to anyone other than Dick. "Yeah."
"How did you deal with it?" Dick asked, letting the weariness leak into his voice finally. "How did you...how did you stop it?"
"I didn't." Jason scoffed, crossing his arms. "I rode it out, like anyone would. It's not like I had anyone to help, just like him."
Dick frowned again, but this time the look on his face made Jason stiffen. "He does have someone to help him, Jason."
It hadn't been Dick's intention to guilt Jason into...well, anything. He wasn't even sure what his own intentions had been to begin with, but on the days Bruce wasn't around to hold Damian down until the god awful screaming stopped, Jason was there now to hold him down, arms tight around Damian's body while he whispered reassurances into Damian's ear. Not too long after, Damian sought Jason out, if only to talk to him abut anything that would keep all of the chaos at bay. Jason was never one to deny him, maybe because if he couldn't save himself, he could at least save their brother.
Maybe Dick felt a little useless after a while and that made him feel stupid.
Damian was alive and that was what mattered. Sure, he sought out Tim on late nights when sleeping ran from him faster than ever. Yes, Damian sought out Jason when he was terrified of what he was seeing and hearing because Jason understood and Jason was just as afraid. So what if he didn't come to Dick for anything like that? Dick wasn't there to make a competition out of comforting their brother.
That wasn't right at all.
So life continued as best as it could, considering the situation. Damian started sleeping more...even if Tim didn't, out of sheer habit. The hallucinations died down and Jason turned from careful to joking, and Damian was easing back into the sassy snark they all knew the most. Everything was normal, until one night it wasn't.
A night when Tim was gone and Jason had gone with Bruce on patrol, Dick was alone in his room. A long skype conversation with Kori left him happy, but tired. The blankets were pulled down, his light was off, and the only real light came from the moonlight pouring in from the open window. He almost didn't hear his bedroom door open, probably wouldn't have if had been just a bit more tired. He sat up in a hurry, staring at the door way for a second before he realized who was standing there.
Damian, clad in black sweats and a long sleeve shirt, even though it was warm in the manor. He stared at Dick, fists clenched at his sides, and it took Dick a moment to find his own voice. "Damian? What's wrong?"
There wasn't a reply and at first he was sure the other would leave and they'd never speak of this again, but suddenly Damian was walking forward, towards the bed. Dick stayed silent because sometimes Damian was like a fawn, quick to run when something wasn't right. So Dick watched him, and then watched with fainted breath as Damian crawled into his bed, pressing up against him like a toddler. Dick was...lost, almost, until a small smile graced his lips and he very carefully wrapped his arms around him. "You okay, Little Bat?"
There was a long hesitation before the other replied. "It scares me."
"What does?" Dick murmured, nuzzling his face into Damian's hair.
"...Being alone at night." Damian sighed, shaking his head a little bit. "Not always but...at times. I didn't want to be by myself and...I missed you. Spending time with you, I mean. I just...was afraid to get close to you."
Dick blinked in surprise, tried to fight off the wave of hurt that washed over him. "Why?"
Damian sighed and it sounded too tired, too old for just a child. "Everything inside of me has been...explosive ever since...it happened. I couldn't sleep. I was terrified to see...everything again. Drake...helped a little bit. And when I exploded...Todd helped, too. You, though, Grayson...you've always helped me. You're a very...bright presence, even in the worst of situations. I wanted to...spend time with you but I did not...trust myself. Had I hurt you..."
Dick felt his chest ache as his arms tightened around Damian. "You wouldn't have hurt me, Damian."
"I saw your expressions all this time." Damian murmured into Dick's shirt. "You were horrified...I didn't feel like I deserved to be near you. I was afraid I'd hurt you or...do something to make you hate me."
Dick nodded slowly, pressing a kiss to Damian's hair. "...Nothing you could do would ever make me hate you, Damian. I'm just...so glad to have you back. When you were...gone...it was so hard. I...I don't even have the right words to tell you how much I missed you. It doesn't matter if you're a mess or if you're afraid...no matter what happens I'm here for you. Any time. Any place. So don't worry about me hating you, Damian."
Damian's smile was hidden in Dick's shirt and he nodded slowly. "...Is it alright if I sleep here for the night, Grayson?"
"Of course." Dick grinned, pulling the blankets up over the both of them. "Sleep well, Little Bat."
When Damian came back, Dick was sure that even if bad things came into their lives, there were always these small, good moments. Those were the moments that kept him alive.