Summary: a oneshot based on a prompt: "I close my eyes and take a breath real slow. The consequence is if I leave I'm alone. But what's the difference when you beg for love?"

Pairing: ShuuRen

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: AU, language, weirdness/abstractness

Author's Note: so, this is a short oneshot for a contest that I joined for the great fun of it (and to be honest, I had fun writing this!). The prompt was given by XxHeartlessKissxX (contest by Unattainable Dreams), them being lyrics from a song by Pierce The Veil – Hell Above. I didn't base this oneshot on the whole song (if you know the song, you'll see it's obvious I didn't XD), just the prompt itself...and well, I guess I interpreted it in a kinda...well, it was fun to write anyway and that's what counts.

Like most of everything I ever wrote, it's weird in its own way. Yeah... don't say I didn't warn you.

And yeah, I know, I guess I like to see Shuuhei suffer...*shot* Oh, and if you want ages, Renji and Shuuhei are in their early adulthood (18-20 if you must).

Disclaimer: Do not own Bleach.

Even Lonelier

It was about ten in the evening when the door to a quiet, one-room apartment creaked open, revealing a tired and sleepy redhead, who quickly kicked his shoes off in a small square space called a corridor, the keys falling on the carpet-less floor with a clank, but the male didn't seem to care as he made it into the only room in the small apartment, falling on the bed there, the old mattress creaking unpleasantly at the contact along with a low groan. Finally, he was at peace...he could rest-

"Oh, Renji! Welcome home!" came a cheerful voice from the 'kitchen' connected to the room, revealing a brunet, who was already strolling towards the bed, "Dinner's ready, if you want any."

"Nah, I'll pass..." muttered Renji, burying his face further into the pillow, "Goddammit, Shuuhei, could'ya turn off the damn lights?"

Stopping in his tracks, Shuuhei took a step towards the switch, clicking the lights off, watching Renji turn to lie on his back, chuckling at the redhead's sigh, "Well, it can't be helped. We only have one light source in the apartment," he sat down on the bed, almost on Renji, since he wasn't yet used to the darkness, the annoying mattress creaking louder this time, "But it's fine. We save a lot of money on electricity bills at least, ne..?" Shuuhei, finally adjusted to the darkness, reached out for Renji's red locks of hair, watching the other tilt his head away, his hand stopping in mid air, an unseen questioning expression on his face.

"...Sorry, I'm really tired and I had to work overtime today," came a mutter from Renji and a loud yawn.

Shuuhei sighed, his hand leaning against the sheets, "Yeah... That's one shitty boss you have there. I told you to consider changing jobs many times already."

"Nah, who would hire a dumbass of an orphan so easily?" Renji stretched, crossing arms behind his head, "I am not as smart or as lucky as you, so it's fine... I get paid at least."

"Well..." Shuuhei leaned his elbows against Renji, staring at the 'kitchen', at all of the food he prepared that long since went cold. At least they could heat it up tomorrow, "I am not smart. I work two jobs, you know... At least we have enough to pay bills and have food on our table," Shuuhei let out a snicker, "The only thing I regret is that we have different days off..." He leaned forward to Renji's face, "I miss the time we could enjoy them together..." he was about to kiss the redhead, only for the other to shift away again, leaving him frowning in confusion.

"...you know, I have a request Shuuhei..." pausing for a second, Renji turned on his side so now his back was facing the brunet, "Can we sleep separately tonight..?"

Eyes wide, Shuuhei stared down at Renji, trying to keep his face cool, even though his mind was racing, racing, ra-

He smiled lightly, letting out another snicker under his breath, "No problem..." he stood up without a word to get himself a thick blanket and a pillow, setting the thick material on the floor in a small space near the bed that was hardly enough, the pillow on top, sitting down quietly.

A small pause followed, before the brunet said, "...Hey, Renji, remember that time in the orphanage, when we were teens, how we skipped the boring History class all the time? Or the time we stole all of the desert from the kitchen? Or...the time we promised to always be together as we grew up? Or the time-"

"The fuck are you suddenly blabbering about all that? I'm trying to sleep..." a pause, "...You were lame too, getting caught eating the last cookie," Renji let out a small laugh, "I remember..."

Renji couldn't see it, but Shuuhei wore a tender smile, "Love you..." he said quietly as he stood up, reaching for Renji's pants, which he still wore.

"H-hey, what gives?" Renji reacted late, since Shuuhei's hand was already in the back pocket of his pants, pulling out a small pack, "The hell you doin'?"

"...You should take off your clothes before sleep," Shuuhei replied, ignoring Renji's question as he opened the pack and took one cigarette, getting ready to go open a window when a hand grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"The fuck? Put down that shit. You don't smoke." Renji frowned.

"Hmm? Yeah, I don't, but I feel like it right now," Shuuhei said matter-of-factly.

"No, don't." Renji replied firmly and his eyes seem to have glittered in the dark.

Shuuhei stared at him for a moment, then let out a sheepish laugh, putting the cigarette back into the pack, setting it beside Renji's pillow, "Yeah, you're right. I don't want to get cancer like you."

"Oh please..." Renji grunted out, letting go of Shuuhei's arm, "Let's sleep. You have to get up early tomorrow, too."

"I guess..." Shuuhei was still smiling as he got himself the extra sheet that they had in the house, watching Renji pulling his clothes off, "Damn hell you're hot and," he ran a hand down Renji's naked leg, "Begging to be banged," he slapped his thigh.

Renji laughed, reaching to squeeze Shuuhei's ass, "Shut up and go to sleep already."

Lying down on his blanket, Shuuhei faced Renji's back, "...It's weird... This reminds me of the time we had to sleep on the floor in the orphanage, since they didn't have enough beds when so many kids entered..."

There was a loud, annoyed sigh from Renji.

"Sorry..." Shuuhei smiled, "Goodnight."

No one could see the tears running down the brunet's face.

During the next week, this turned into a routine for the two. Every time Shuuhei would settle beside Renji, he would be asked to sleep separately. Not only that, but every time Shuuhei touched or tried to kiss his boyfriend, he wouldn't get a reply. Shuuhei acted as if nothing was happening and continued on with a smile on his face.

Then, came the day of Renji's day off. Shuuhei called him from work, cheerful, asking what he wanted for dinner, since he would go groceries shopping later, only to be asked the time he would be back from work. The brunet said he would be back at the usual time, nine in the evening.

That was the first time Shuuhei lied in his life... Especially to Renji.

Carrying a bag with all of the groceries, Shuuhei made his way home in a slow pace. All the while, nagging thoughts have been running through his head and as he reached his and Renji's apartment, he understood why.

His hand paused on the door handle at the sound of two voices. With a shaky hand, he inserted the key and turned it, slowly and quietly as he opened the door without making a sound, stepping inside.

I wonder what kind of guy he's gonna be...

Wait, maybe it's a woman...

No, the voice seems male...

Is he handsome?

Slim?

Fit?

Blond?

Brunet?

Pausing in the doorway, Shuuhei witnessed his boyfriend sharing their bed with another man. They were in the process of taking their clothes off, pants still on. Long, slender fingers, long legs, long dark hair... Perfection. Perfection in a form of Renji's boss at work that Shuuhei has seen many times before...

Why didn't they choose a different place to fuck? Did they want to show off? Hmm...

The two pairs of eyes were on him now as he leaned against the doorframe and...laughed, he laughed soundly, loudly, enough for the entire complex to hear as he managed to let out between, "So this is your type, ne, Renji?" calming down suddenly, Shuuhei let a charming smile adorn his features as he raised the bag with groceries, "You two wanna have dinner?" he made his way past the bed and set the bag on the counter, his smile never once faltering, "Kuchiki-san, I may not look it, but I'm actually an amazing cook. Just you wait and see!"

As Shuuhei was putting the groceries that he got out of the bag, he heard rustling and a quiet "you were right, he is a strange one".

The front door slammed shut and everything went quiet.

Shuuhei, leaning his elbows against the counter, the grocery bag long forgotten, quivered, crying his heart out, tugging on his hair painfully.

He wasn't oblivious nor an idiot. He knew too well what was going on, but... He couldn't leave Renji... Couldn't...

Because, despite everything, he still... He still...

Closing his eyes, he took a breath real slow. The consequence was... If he had left, he would have been alone. But what was the difference, when he was begging for love [anyway]..?

And why is it...when he was left instead... He started feeling even lonelier..?

The End...