Jackass: One Piece Edition!
Disclaimer: I do not own the shows Jackass and One Piece. Jackass is from MTV, and One Piece is from Funimation Entertainment and Toei Animation.
WARNING: The following fanfiction features an amount of insane stunts performed by experienced pirates. Accordingly, the producers of this fanfic must warn that no one should attempt to re-create or re-enact any stunt or activity performed on this show...wink, wink.
The show starts off with Luffy in the cannon at the front bow of the Thousand Sunny. There, Usopp and Roronoa Zoro signal to launch Luffy out of the cannon. Luffy gives a thumbs up, signalling for launch and then Usopp lights up a match, putting the lit side close to the fuse line. The starting end of the fuse line is sparked to set for detonation by the match.
"Hi, I'm Monkey D. Luffy!" the captain of the Straw Hats gave a big grin to the camera inside the cannon. "And I'm gonna become king of the pirates! Welcome to Jackass!"
The fuse reached to the end, and the cannon explodes Luffy out of the barrel sending Luffy into the blue skies. Back at the front bow, Zoro and Usopp are catching sight at Luffy flying via binoculars.
"How high do you think Luffy is flying?" Zoro asked Usopp while spectating the moment.
"I don't know." Usopp answered. "Maybe he's sailing high at an altitude of 600 meters."
Suddenly, Sanji came out of the kitchen and walked towards to where Zoro and Usopp are.
"Oi, Long-Nose and Marimo-head, where the hell is Luffy?" he asked.
A second later after asking the question, a loud crash and a sudden shake occurred on the large ship. Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp were startled by the noise and shaking so they turned around and saw that the kitchen was damaged by something flying from above. The three men rushed to the scene, and saw Luffy eating a piece of meat in the wrecked, destroyed kitchen lying on the stove door.
"Luffy...you okay?" Usopp questioned in shock.
"Yeah..." Luffy took another bite of the meat. "I guess I am."
"AHHHH!!" Sanji screamed as he saw the kitchen in a state of destruction. "YOU—YOU BASTARD! LOOK YOU'VE DONE TO MY KITCHEN!" he charged right at Luffy, pissed off.
"Uh-oh!" the rubber prodigy reacted as he avoided the charging, angry cook.
"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FREAKING RUBBER ASS!" Sanji screamed as he chased after Luffy around the deck.
In a distance, Nami and Nico Robin were watching the whole chase unfolding. Both sweat-dropped as they saw Sanji running after Luffy around the ship after the whole chaos had been done by launching Luffy out of a cannon.
"Those two never give up, don't they?" Nami asked the woman beside her.
"Uh-huh..." Robin answered.
The Jackass opening theme starts playing as the scene at the ship continues. The screen fades to black, then to an opening card with the words "JACKASS: ONE PIECE EDITION" on a background of the Straw Hat Crew's Jolly Roger. Then, it cuts to several snippets of the Straw Hats doing crazy, insane stunts as the song continues to play, then at the end the last snippet preview shows Luffy barrel rolling down a hill.
Cut to a scene outside Nami's room in the night. The camera is rolling, but it is in night vision. Suddenly, the four men (and a reindeer) appear in front of the camera.
"Hey, I'm Luffy..." Luffy introduced quietly.
"I'm Roronoa Zoro..." he whispered.
"My name's Sanji..." he said in a quiet voice before taking a puff from his cigarette.
"I am the brave Usopp..." he introduced to the camera.
"...and I'm Chopper!" the small, talking reindeer said.
"And this is Nami saying the F-word!" all five introduced their stunt.
First, Usopp reaches out a key from his pocket a key that leads to Nami's room. He calmly and silently inserts the key into the padlock and turns it slowly to the right, while the rest are giggling quietly at what they are about to do.
"Quiet, guys!" Usopp shushed the rest of the gang. "Do you really want to wake Nami up?"
The four people shook their heads.
"Nah, I was just kidding!" he joked. "But seriously..."
Then he resumed what he was doing. All the way, he shifted the key to the right unlocking the door with a little click. Usopp then opened the door slowly, with the hinges creaking lightly. However, Nami inside the room was sleeping peacefully dreaming about money and tangerines. Once Usopp pushed the door fully open, it was go time.
Zoro, Luffy, Sanji, and Chopper silently entered the room without making any sound. The camera was now held by Usopp as he directed Zoro and Sanji to check on Nami if she was awake or not while Luffy and Chopper searched for any treasure she might've kept inside. Usopp, holding the camera searched under her bed and found 45 bags worth of over 125 million beli. He was shocked to see that much money hidden under her bed!
"Hey Luffy!" Usopp whispered to him searching a few drawers. "I found something!"
Usopp then directed Luffy under the bed as the rubber boy lifted up the covers to find the hidden treasure.
"Hey!" Luffy was amused to find so much beli in there. "Ha ha, time for step two!" he grinned evilly.
And so, the gang carried all of the treasure bags from the bedroom one-by-one quietly and swiftly. When it was all over with, Luffy gave a silent "Shh!" to the sleeping Nami and closed the door. Fast forward to the morning. All of the nakama are still sleeping in the early hours of the morning. But, the boys were staring at each other laughing under their breath for what they had done to their fellow navigator.
Then, Nami woke up...
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" a loud scream can be heard from the ship off into the distance.
The men smiled at each other smugly, as they had now known they accomplished their mission.
Five minutes later, the rest of the nakama arrived at Nami's room as they had known where the scream came from.
"Nami, what happened?" Nico Robin asked the orange-haired female, in a fetal position.
"M-my...my m-money...I-IT'S ALL GONE!!" she broke down in tears.
Robin then walked in, comforting Nami by patting her in the back lightly and hugged her.
"It's all right, Miss Navigator. There's a lot of treasure hidden on the islands we'll go..."
"B-but, how the FUCK could this happen to me?" she wailed.
Robin continues to comfort her, and then glanced at the four men and the reindeer stifling their laughter.
"What are you laughing at?!" she snapped at them.
The gang couldn't take it anymore. They laughed out loud as they made fools of themselves. In fact, Nami turned around in tears and saw them laughing at her.
"Ha ha ha...oh, Nami!" one of them laughed out, and then Zoro finally spilled it. "Oh my God, Nami...you just said the swear word on live, national T.V.!" he then laughed out loud.
Nami couldn't believe it for a second there.
"But where did my money go!" she shouted at the guys.
"Oh, we took care of your money Nami." Luffy answered. "We dumped it into the ocean! Just kidding, we moved the bags to a storage room, right guys?" he asked, and the rest of the gang laughed in response.
"YOU WHAT?!" Nami then spat out in fury.
"Oh relax Nami-swan, it's not like we actually stole your money..." Sanji said.
That was it. Nami had death in her flaming eyes, and she was ready to beat the crap out of them.
"Luffy...Zoro...Sanji...Usopp...Chopper..." she angrily muttered as she put up her fist.
"Oh shit! She's really now pissed off! What do we do?!" Usopp shrieked at Luffy.
"Well, there's only one thing to do...AND IT'S TO RUN LIKE HELL!!" Luffy shouted as he began to run.
The others followed, and they ran like chicken.
"YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! I'M GONNA FUCKING KICK ALL YOUR ASSES!" she screamed in anger and rage as she chased after them in a fast speed.
Robin then got up as she watched the event happen.
"Wow...they really are bastards lately." she said.
After a few commercial breaks, the show resumes with Zoro and Sanji challenging each other to a hill-rolling contest, but this time in wooden barrels. The name of the stunt is shown on the bottom of the screen as "DO A BARREL ROLL".
"Hey, Marimo-head!" Sanji called out to him on the other side.
"What?" he called back.
"If I don't live doing this, you can have my precious Nami-swan all you could want!"
"What?! But I don't like that money-stealing witch!"
"Jokes, Zoro! But seriously, you're going down!"
"BARREL-ROLLERS TO THE EDGE OF THE HILL!" Usopp proudly commanded.
Both Zoro and Sanji heard the command, and then pushed the barrels slowly to the edge of the hill. The men got inside the big barrels and waited for Usopp to start the race challenge.
"ON YOUR MARKS!" Usopp stood in the middle of the two barrels.
"GET SET!"
Luffy and Chopper were watching the race about to start. Their thoughts going through their heads were that maybe there's a possibility that either both of them, or one of them could get hurt doing this stunt. But they were doing the stunt for the show!
"GO!" Usopp proudly cheered out, as he kicked both barrels with the same amount of force for the two.
The barrels leapt shortly in the air, before hitting the grounds of the hill and began rolling. A mini-camera placed in a viewable position showed that Zoro was going to hurl. Another mini-camera captured Sanji in a near-hurling position, but was trying to hold it. It was a pretty steep hill and the two barrels rolled down it at the speed of 80 km/h. Now, how can you survive a roll like this at a fast speed?
When the barrels got to the finish line, there was no winner...except after when the barrels rolled through the finish line Zoro and Sanji got out immediately and began vomiting on the ground.
"Zoro! Sanji! Are you okay?!" Usopp shouted from the top of the hill.
The response was heavily loud vomiting at the safe ground level.
"Okay, we'll be there!" he responded to their response. "Luffy, you coming with us?" he asked to the captain beside him.
"Sure, but first..." the Straw Hat said.
Luffy then rolled down the hill to get to where Zoro and Sanji are.
"LUFFY! What are you doing?!" Usopp shouted at him. "Oh well..." he shrugged as also went down the hill, sliding.
The next stunt takes place in the dining room of the Thousand Sunny. We see pieces of candy scattered around on the table, then Chopper and Usopp come into the view by sitting down on the bench.
"Hey, I'm Chopper!" the reindeer introduced.
"And I'm Usopp!" Usopp did the same thing.
"And this is the Candy-Eating Contest!" Chopper said.
"See, whoever can eat the most candy without vomiting wins!" Usopp explained the rules.
"That means you're going down, big LIAR!" the cute reindeer in the cute hat shouted at Usopp.
"OH, you're the only one who's going down, blue-nose!" Usopp responded to what he said.
"BLUE-NOSE?!" Chopper spat out in anger. "THAT'S IT! LET'S START THE CONTEST!"
Luffy came into the scene as the "official" for this contest.
"On your marks...get set...EAT!" Luffy yelled out the final command, as he walked away to get some meat.
The contest started, and in a millisecond Chopper and Usopp began eating a lot of candy already. They gorged on taffy, lollipops, chocolate, and any other candy they had not ate yet. It was rather a big pile on the table, as there were about over 9000 pieces of candy on the table, all of them waiting to get eaten. After five minutes, 75 percent of the pile was left and Chopper and Usopp haven't felt any sickness yet in their stomachs. Chopper found several pieces of wrapped-up cotton candy and began eating them first, while Usopp found several pieces of his favourites and ate them. It was now ten minutes, and still 50 percent of the pile was there.
"Must...keep...eating...more...CANDY." Chopper thought as he furiously stuffed every piece of candy he could find.
"Must...keep up...with...Chopper!" Usopp thought as he kept on eating the candies.
Pretty soon 25 percent of the candy pile was left on the table, and Chopper and Usopp were now feeling a little bloating as they continuously eat the candies. Both contestants ignored the consequences of having gingivitis, toothache, and other oral consequences as they ate the sugary sweets. The pile was less and less large, as there were now 450 pieces of candy left for the two people. However, their stomachs almost couldn't take it anymore. Chopper was now at a light-green face and so did Usopp.
"Damn! Must not give up to Usopp..." Chopper can only think of it as he ate whatever the candy was.
"Feeling queasy...but not ready to lose!" Usopp thought as he kept on eating.
There were now 10 pieces left, but Chopper and Usopp were about to throw up eating a Hell's amount of candy being supplied by the Devil. Soon, their strategies and tactics changed as both slowly ate the remaining pieces while trying not to barf. When there was only one piece of candy left, both Chopper and Usopp looked at each other with smug, queasy smiles as they faced-off to have the last piece of candy and win. The moment was tense, and so were they. Finally, they two reached out their right hands and reached for the last candy piece.
However, before they even got to the candy the urge to vomit broke out and the man and the reindeer got out of the bench and vomited on every part of the room. It was reminiscent of that drinking contest from the famous cartoon, Family Guy. After the worst was over, the damage had already been done. Chopper and Usopp lay on different sides of walls, covered with vomit and some pieces of eaten candy.
"Usopp..." Chopper panted after he puked. "Let's not...do this contest again."
"Yeah..." he replied. "I don't want one more piece of candy inside me!"
Both hiccupped and burped as they fell to fatigue after losing a lot of energy. Suddenly, Nami walks by in the room and ignores the mess. She notices the final piece of candy being tangerine-flavoured. She takes the wrapped-up candy away from the table and opened the wrapper to put it in her mouth.
"Mmm!" she smiled as she walked away. "This candy's so sweet!"
Usopp and Chopper groaned.
After three commercial breaks, the show was back with Luffy standing in front of the camera at the left hull of the ship.
"Hi, I'm Luffy, and this is mooning at other ships!" he introduced his new stunt.
He uses his scope to check for any ships nearby. He suddenly spots a ship on their starboard.
"Time to show these guys what I'm made of!" he grinned at the camera.
The Thousand Sunny steered toward where the ship was, and slowed beside it.
"Hey people on that ship! Look at THIS!" Luffy then exposed his ass to the unsuspecting people aboard on the other ship.
"WHAT THE--" one man reacted.
"Hey, isn't he—" another man also reacted.
"Uh oh!" Luffy realized. "They're marines!"
"HEY! GET THAT STRAW HAT KID!" a man shouted as the Thousand Sunny began sailing off.
"Gotta go!" Luffy gave a silly smile at them.
"AFTER HIM!" and that's when the chase had started.
It was now the end of the show, and all five men—the Jackass imitators crew—stood on the front bow of the Thousand Sunny facing the camera.
"Sorry guys, this is the end of the show." Luffy said to the camera.
"We don't want to get hurt anymore, so we're just gonna say that there will be always more of this show on the network you're watching!" Sanji said.
"Well, tune in next week when we hit each other...with FIVE-TON HAMMERS!" Usopp held out a 5-ton hammer and bonked Luffy on the head.
"No fair, Usopp! I wanna bonk him on the head!" Zoro told him.
"Hey, if you want to hit him let me in!" Sanji and Chopper shouted simultaneously.
They then fight each other with the hammers as Nami and Robin watched on.
"They will do anything it takes to get them famous on T.V., will they?" Robin asked her.
"You bet!" Nami replied.
The words "THE END" are on a piece of paper taped on Luffy's butt, in which the camera is facing at.
The credits roll, and the theme song plays as bloopers are shown. There, the two barrels roll down at the hill, but Sanji's barrel unexpectedly hits a rock and his barrel breaks into wooden pieces. The love-cook is then sent down tumbling on jagged rocks as parts of his body collide with them. At the end, he finally falls down face-flat on the ground bruised and bleeding and Zoro comes in and asks if he was okay. And, that's when the song and ending ends.
A/N: Well, it took me about three or four days to create this beautiful masterpiece I have ever done. I hope you read and review on this because now I've worked hard on this and my back is aching. PLEASE AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH!