A/N: Hey there (x. This is a side story about Bianca that branches off from my other fic, "When Things Are Broken". If you read that, then this author's note is not of importance to you. If you didn't read that, you should probably know a few things. Bianca used to date Fitz, and she broke up with him, then he died saving her life (sparing you all the details about that), and this is how she is now. Oh, and so you're not confused, Imogen is pregnant (though she doesn't play a major role in the story), because she was raped. O_O. Yup… I hope you enjoy.

I turned the key in the lock quietly, knowing I was supposed to be home by eleven, and it was now a little past midnight. It wasn't my fault; Imogen and Eli pushed to watch one last three hour movie to complete out long weekend of Harry Potter movies. I opened the door and slowly walked into the darkness of my small house, sighing in relief. My aunt, Juliana, must've been gone for the weekend.

I closed the door and leaned against it, happy at the fact that I could just go to bed without any screaming or yelling. Of course, I let myself assuage too soon, because the living room flicked on to reveal my aunt standing by the light switch, perched against the wall with her hands on her hips. "Sorry," I said quietly, pushing off the door and attempting to walk past her.

She moved to block the stairway, her stare looking like it could cut me in two, "Where were you?"

"Imogen's," I sighed and tried to push passed her again, "And, I just want to go to bed."

She wouldn't get out of my way, her voice rose so she was decibels away from yelling, "Yeah, I'm supposed to believe that! It's past midnight, I bet you were getting 'wasted' or 'high' or whatever it is that you kids do! And, probably with some twenty-something guy!"

I rolled my eyes to cover the pain her words emotionally caused me, "I. Was at. Imogen's." I told her clearly, blinking smugly before completely pushing past her to go upstairs.

"Yeah! I'll believe it when you stop being such a dumb slut!" She called after me, but didn't actually care enough to try to follow me or punish me for being out past curfew.

Juliana wasn't like normal guardians; all she ever did was yell and call me names. I'd grown used to her inability to care for me over the years. Especially recently, she blamed me for everything that had happened back in August with Dr. Chris. She reminded me daily of how much she wished I had been the one who died that night; that Fitz didn't deserve to die on my account.

I sighed and walked into my room, closing and locking my door. I plopped on my bed and blinked a few tears from my eyes. It really was my fault, though. I blamed myself just as much as Juliana did. I'd made stupid decision after stupid decision that led to what happened to Fitz.

I'd let one of the only people who actually cared for me die that night, and I would never let myself live it down. Imogen and even Eli had stayed by my side since then, but I only felt like a third wheel, probably bound to ruin their relationship by just hanging around too long.

I slid my hand under my pillow, feeling for the cold, metallic piece that I hid there. I found it and pulled it out, looking at the razor that I now held in my hand. I sat up and smiled through my tears at the sharp object clenched between my thumb and index finger. It was my only release, the only thing in the world that I deserved.

It's all your fault, I slid the razor across my wrist, you good for nothing, I made a second cut directly underneath the first, where blood was already beginning to trickle down, SLUT, I made a final cut just below the two, deeper and longer than the others. I waited for the pain to come as I watched the blood start to ooze from the fresh wounds.

The pain wasn't much, but it was the sort of distraction that I needed.

Physical pain was the key, the release.

I placed the razor back underneath my pillow and got up, deciding that I didn't want to get blood all over my sheets. I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my dresser and quickly walked down the hall to the bathroom. I rinsed out the cuts and put on the sweatshirt on, hoping it would capture anymore lost blood.

Looking in the mirror, I wiped my eyes, not recognizing the person staring back at me. My eyes looked tired, I looked weak, like a low-life, only possessing half the confidence that I once showed off everywhere I went.

I ran my fingers through my hair and splashed my face with water before turning off the water and trudging to my room for the rest of the night.

~x~

A broken down car,
wont get very far.
But, that's alright 'cause we like it here…

My alarm sounded the next morning, waking me from my not-so-deep slumber. I groaned exhaustedly and dismissed the alarm by slamming my fist hard on top of it. The action made my fist ache slightly, but I ignored the minor pain and got up.

It was difficult, forcing myself out of bed every morning even though I felt like I had nothing to wake for, nothing to live for. But, I did it anyway, moving slowly with no motivation over to my dresser. I picked out clothes carelessly, figuring I had no one to impress and that I'd rather not care about what anyone else thought at this point.

Skinny jeans and long sleeved shirts were my friends, so simple and so easy. Not flattering, and I wouldn't stand out in any crowd since two-thousand-ten—or whenever the universe had decided to bring skinny jeans back into the world of fashion. But, whatever, it worked. Seemed like I was becoming like the basic bitches I'd been trying to avoid.

I jumped into the shower, not caring if the water was going to be scalding hot or freezing cold. Either way, I was hoping for a shock into a reality that would help me look alive for the rest of the day when I felt so dead. I ended up using cold water, seeing as my aunt had used enough warm water so that I couldn't get it hot enough to be boiling.

After my shower, I threw on my plain black skinny's and navy blue Domo shirt, then finished getting ready, putting on no makeup and only brushing and adding a de-frizzing product in my hair.

DONE WITH THOSE MESSY LOCKS? ADD A LITTLE OF OUR PRODUCT AND YOU'LL HAVE LUCIOUS LOCKS ALL! DAY! LONG!

Good to know.

When I was finished getting ready, I went downstairs to eat breakfast. Nothing sounded good to eat so I settled for a cup of coffee and left the house only ten minutes for the first bell was supposed to ring at Degrassi. I didn't care much if I was late, but I knew I wouldn't be anyway. I always settled into my seat in my first class moments before it began.

I drove to school alone.

Last year, Fitz would pick me up and we would go to school together. That would never happen again… I sighed and shook the thought from my mind. It just sucked that Fitz couldn't be there to enjoy all the perks of senior year. He would've loved scare the little niners who got in his way, pulling senior pranks, and wreaking havoc on the senior trip.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about him for at least five seconds? I needed to be happy... He'd want me to be happy, wouldn't he?

What the Hell did I know?

I arrived at school and sulked at my locker for a few seconds, seeing as this was the point where Fitz would take my books and walk with me to my first class, resulting in him always being late to his class, but giving me a reason to smile during the time that I was stuck with the annoying people I had to be around for an hour.

I went to my class and sat down just as the bell rang.

"How do you do it?" A male voice said to my right while Ms. Dawes started talking about the genius of tragic heroes in the front of the room.

I turned my head slightly to the side to see Owen Milligan looking at me curiously, "Do what?" I asked, not really in the mood for any antics that he was most likely up to.

"You always just saunter in here, all calm and worry free, like you don't care about anything…" He said, raising one of his dark eyebrows.

Worry free? I shrugged, "Sorry?"

He rolled his sky blue eyes at me, "No, I'm sorry for trying to be friendly," His voice turned cold and dripped with sarcasm, as if my lack of care—the very thing he was complimenting me on just a few seconds ago—had annoyed and angered him.

"Whatever," I sighed, turning my gaze back to Ms. Dawes at the front of the room, noticing Owen do the same out of my peripherals.

~x~

Before my fourth hour class, media immersion, Imogen stopped at my locker, "Hey Girlie!" She smiled as I shoved my books into my locker and closed it.

"Hey Imm," I smiled as sincerely as I cold and started walking with her.

"So, Marisol Lewis tried telling me how sorry she was about Fitz today…" Imogen said kind of quietly as we walked into class together.

I scoffed, "You're kidding. How many times did she call him a scumbag and rag on him for being poor? People are so fucking fake." I rolled my eyes, my blood boiling and my heart aching.

"Too many to count," Imogen nodded and took her usual seat in the class room, and I sat in my usual seat right beside her.

"Okay," Ms. Oh began, "Today we're working with photo shop, which I know some of you are already familiar with."

"Some of us more than others," Katie Matlin spoke up from the other side of the room, glaring at me with stone cold eyes.

I shook my head, Jesus, I'm not going to steal your boyfriend.

Imogen looked between the two of us before resting her eyes firmly on Katie, "Shut it."

"I don't—"

"Girls," Ms. Oh said authoritatively, cutting off Katie abruptly, "Like I was saying," she continued after the room went silent, "photo shop can be used to…"

I tuned her out because Katie was right, I already knew enough about photo shop, because Fitz had been an expert on it, putting faces on bodies as pranks and a ton of other imaginable things like that. He had taught me everything he knew.

I pulled on the sleeves of my shirt subconsciously, getting upset that this was about the thousandth time Fitz infiltrated my mind today. Things just weren't getting better, and it felt like it was eating me alive.

~x~

I sat with Imogen and Eli at lunch and they discussed the doctor's appointment Imogen had after school. They were supposed to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat and they were excited. She still didn't look pregnant, and nobody at school really knew about it besides Imogen's teachers, Mr. Simpson, and Ms. Sauvé.

No one really knew anything about what happened the previous summer, Imogen's parents had asked the police to keep our private lives private; and they agreed, having Dr. Chris incarcerated and keeping reasons for it—for the most part—out of the media's grasp.

~x~

I walked to my sixth hour class, Canadian Geography, pushing myself to go instead of skipping the rest of the day. I took my normal seat at the back of the classroom, where I was normally left alone.

But not today.

Today, Owen took the seat next to me and sat sideways, looking right at me until I would give him my attention. I didn't feel like being harassed until he got what he wanted, so I turned sideways and looked at him, "What?"

"I don't get you, you look so upset and lonely, but then I try to be nice and it's like you're stone cold," He looked at me strangely, with an expression that looked like he was both burdened and intrigued.

"I know I am," I sighed, deciding I would take all his criticisms and get them over with.

"You know, Fitz was my friend, too," He said coldly, a quick stem of grief flashing across his bright eyes.

"You have a lot of friends, Owen, and you hadn't talked to either of us since Drew broke up with me," I told him, fact checking in the back of my mind. Okay, so maybe I had zoned out a lot of Drew's friends at the time, and Owen had continued to talk to Fitz right up until Fitz and I started dating..

"Those are more like sports friends, Fitz was more like a brother; a partner in crime," He said, shaking his head quickly as if he was clearing it, "But the point is, life goes on. You can't let this haunt you forever."

My mouth gaped open at him, Seriously?

"Okay, so those were all the wrong choices of words, I'm sorry," He corrected himself quickly after seeing my expression. "But, seriously, you need to wake up and smell the roses, sunshine."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, "We're done here," I told him then walked to the front of the room to ask for a bathroom pass.

I spent the rest of the day sulking and tuning everyone out, especially the jocks, until my last class of the day with Imogen, where I put on my happy face and gossiped with her all of class. I wished her luck at her appointment before we parted ways at the end of class.

"You sure you don't want to come with us?" Imogen asked for about the billionth time.

"I'm sure, Imm, just call me later or something?" I looked at her as Eli approached the two of us.

"You ready, Immy?" Eli smiled, taking her hand.

"Of course I am. And, I'll call you, Bianca!" She smiled and walked away with her boyfriend.

I sighed, watching them walk away and went to my locker then left the school, walking in the general direction of my car. Pushing past groups of people, noticing Owen—looking at me strangely again— in one of them and continuing to walk right past.

"Bianca, wait!" Owen called behind me, catching up to my and taking me by the shoulder to spin me around. His bright blue eyes that shone in the sunlight met mine, they were filled with sincerity, "Look, I really am sorry."

I sighed and opened my mouth to speak just as Katie and Marisol walked by. "Look, probably befriending Owen to get to Drew," Katie spoke venomously, glaring at me jealously.

"She obviously isn't even upset about Fitz. Bitch," Marisol added with a devious smirk resting on her face, her arms folded and her hip popped to the side.

"Don't forget whore, Mare" Katie giggled in a way that made my skin crawl. .

I shook free of Owen's hand and mumbled, "I gotta get out of here," before pushing through the giggling girls and walking to my car.

I made it my car quickly without any followers or anymore comments thrown my way that I could hear. I got inside and locked the doors before turning on the car and searching through the glove compartment. In there, I found another hidden razor. I pulled it out and lifted my sleeve.

A/N: And there is the first chapter. This isn't going to be a long multi-chapter story. I have it planned out for four chapters. There with be A LOT more Bowen interaction in the next chapter, though, so if you a fan, read on (x. Oh, and please review and tell me what you think?