Author's Notes: Wow. It's been a long time since I put anything up here. I must apologize; I've hit a major block these days. Whenever I try to write something substantial, I seem to get cut off in the middle... Um. So, after a long time of pulling my hair out and cursing my imaginary cat insane, I've finally put this thing together. It's not much, but I hope it can get me out from the dump I've fallen into these days.

Warning: Occasional slip-ups from our favorite ninja; mentions of booze

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII and anything associated with its name!

Hope y'all enjoy~!

Chapter One

Of Cars, Boys, and Parking Lots

In which Tifa and Yuffie get trashed and discuss about cars, boys, and parking lots.

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The pub was closed for the night.

Or day, Yuffie mused as she downed her she-didn't-know-how-many-anymore mug of beer.

It was a rare occasion, simply sitting there and getting trashed.

And Tifa seemed eager to agree, reaching for the expensive sake she was so reluctant to share on Cloud's birthday.

Yuffie watched on amusedly as the other woman struggled, in her drunkenness, to screw the cap off, to no avail. "Maybe the sake doesn't want you to drink it!" She crowed as Tifa nearly smashed open the bottle in frustration.

She glowered at the ninja.

Yuffie merely shrugged with a cocky grin, and reached over for the bottle. Slipping the cold glass into her mouth, she uncorked it with a tug of her teeth and spat the cap onto the floor, where it hit with a resounding clang.

They paid no attention to it as Yuffie poured two large glasses.

"That too much?" She mumbled, hand shaking as she raised it up.

Tifa didn't even bother replying when she took it, downed it in a gulp, and wiped her chin with her sleeve. "Refill, please," was the only thing she said to a bemused Yuffie. The ninja quickly complied, pouring her yet another large cup of expensive sake.

She knew Tifa was going to regret it in the morning – or should it be in the afternoon? – but for now, she – did not, Tifa protested – needed it.

A woman had come to the bar that night – last night – claiming that she met a brunette clad in red with green eyes and sweet smile and was called Aerith on her way here.

And Cloud hadn't returned since then.

Yuffie was jolted out of her thoughts when the woman beside her fell onto the floor in a heap. "Whoa, girl! Get yourself together! We've just started this drinking marathon!"

Tifa chuckled coarsely, supporting herself up with her arms and collapsing into her chair. "Since –" she hiccupped. "– when did this turn into a drinking marathon?"

Yuffie shrugged. "Dunno," she mumbled around her sake. "But we're gonna drink your store, and your basement dry." As if to prove her point, she downed the glass of sake quickly and filled herself another.

Tifa pulled the bottle out of her hands as soon as she was done, and did the same thing. "How did you know I had a basement of alcohol?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm Yuffie Kisaragi, the awesome ninja! 'Course I know about your basement!" Yuffie crowed, downing her glass again.

Tifa shook her head drunkenly. "I – I don't believe you," she muttered with another hiccup. "You're just bluffing."

Yuffie simply laughed and poured herself another glass.

"Wh-what do you think...he's doing right now...?" Tifa asked quietly, staring at her glass of sake with morbid fascination.

Yuffie felt as if the sake in her mouth had turned sour.

Suddenly, the room had gotten very silent.

And then she coughed and hiccupped, breaking the uncomfortable silence effectively.

"You know –" the ninja waved her glass around, the liquid sloshing against the rim precariously. "Boys are like parking lots," she declared with a slight slur, cleverly evading the other's question.

Tifa tilted her head to one side. "Parking lots? Why?"

"Because all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped! Not that I have anything against handicaps, don't get me wrong," she was quick to add, glancing about her suspiciously.

Tifa laughed and lightly slapped her hand on the ninja's shoulder.

"It's too bad we don't have a car around here. Then we can go see if that's true," Yuffie remarked, throwing a pointed look outside the window at the gleaming surface of Cloud's motorcycle. "We just have a worthless piece of metal called a motorcycle."

"Don't let Cloud –" there was a visible wince "– hear that."

"Tch, who cares about that spiky hairball?" Yuffie leaned across her seat and beckoned the other woman to come closer. Tifa obliged, though a little wobbly. "You know, I think that guy's just got an icicle up his ass all the time. I mean, if he hasn't, he'd notice you! I mean, it's you, Tifa! With the ass and the boobs–" Tifa pushed Yuffie's glass up into her mouth, turning away when the ninja choked on her drink.

"I'm going to bed."

Yuffie gave a sloppy wave.

She continued mumbling on to herself, "But really, I think he might be gay. Maybe he's screwing around with Barret. Or Cid. Wait – Cid has Shera. Uhh," Yuffie paused when Tifa poked her head into the room. "What, Teef?"

"Shut up, Yuffie."

The ninja shrugged.

And then brightened. "I've got it now, Tifa! I think you should just take up Reno's offer." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "The sex one–"

Tifa rolled her eyes, smiling lightly though, and clambered up the stairs, shutting out the ninja's chattering with her hands over her ears. "Good night, Yuffie."

"It's probably morning now, Teef!"

---

And when Cloud went back home that evening, fruitless from his search, he was shocked to find that:

1) the bar was littered with bottles – his eye caught the particular gold-lined one of that expensive sake he really wanted to taste;

2) nobody had broken in; and

3) Tifa was still in bed.

Fin

A/N: There will probably be a second and third chapter to this, if my muse hasn't been murdered by then...

Uh. Anyhoo, feedback for this is welcome, and greatly appreciated, though it's fine if you go to read another story now...

So, anyways, thank you for reading,

Jean V.