Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles

title: Of Turtles and Terminators

author: River2027

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Terminator

setting: during "Complications"

genre: drama/romance

rating: T

warning: spoilers for "Complications"

summary: John's viewpoint of the car ride with Cameron, the confrontation with Ellison, and the meaning of the tortoise. slight John/Cameron

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She'd changed.

He realized that much. She'd done things, things that she would never have done in the days before the explosion. Just a few days ago, she'd come into his room unexpectedly, lay down on the bed beside him and talked to him about how she understood that being John Connor was lonely.

It was times like those that almost made him forget she was a machine.

Almost.

He'd seen it just this morning in Mexico, when his mother had stopped to rescue a little turtle that had gotten stuck on its back. Sarah set it down out of the road and he'd seen Cameron watching with a curiosity that a machine should not possess.

Now they were on their way back to Mexico to burn Cromartie's body and here she was, casually sticking her bare foot out of the passenger window.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Feeling what it's like to get away from it all," she replied. Her voice sounded more chipper than the monotone she usually spoke in.

He stared at her. What she claimed wasn't possible. Machines can't feel. "I don't think you are," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"If by feelings you mean emotions, I'm pretty sure you still don't have any of those..."

I love you John and you love me!

John swallowed hard, pushing the memory back down. "And if by feeling you mean what it feels like to have the wind blow through your toes or your hair…" She looked back out the window, and he saw the wind blowing on her face. So human… He took a deep breath. "I'm pretty sure you can't feel that either."

"I don't think you understand how we work," she replied easily. He watched as she held her hand up in front of her face, turning it around as if examining it. "I have sensation." She reached over and held it out the window. "I feel."

She turned to look at him again. "I wouldn't be worth much if I couldn't feel."

It's hot out. I feel heat.

He took a shaky breath. She can feel. Did she feel pain? When she took a bullet that was meant for him, did she feel it? What kind of feeling did she mean? Emotion? Sensation? Both? I love you John and you love me!

He remained silent and she looked back out the window, her hand still dangling out and John tried desperately to remain focused on driving.

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They reached Cromartie's makeshift burial site as the sun was going down. As he began to dig up the dirt, he wondered how his mother was doing, and wished he could be there to help her. But she'd insisted that he and Cameron do dispose of Cromartie's body, despite John's logical protests.

"He's buried in a hole in the middle of the Mexican desert and his chip has been obliterated I think we're pretty—"

"Safe?" Cameron had interrupted. "It's not safe."

John rolled his eyes and looked down at his mom. "She's starting to sound like you."

"She's right," Sarah replied.

John's shovel hit something soft and he quickly scooped out another shovelful of dirt, bending down to pick up a boot. Cromartie's boot.

Cameron stopped shoveling and looked down into the hole, frowning. "Where's the rest of him?"

John's mouth opened as he realized what had happened. Cromartie wasn't in the hole anymore. "It's not here," he said, gritting his teeth.

"Not possible," Cameron stated. "We destroyed his chip."

"He didn't walk out of here but he's gone," John amended, climbing angrily out of the hole. "There's only one other person who knew about this. And only one other person crazy enough to dig him up." He threw the shovel into the bed of the pickup truck.

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On the way to Ellison's house, Cameron reached over and switched John's radio station to some girlie pop channel. He glared at her and she merely gave him a small smile. He heard her cell phone ring and she picked it up. "Hello?"

John wondered who would be calling her. Surely his mother would have called his cell phone if she needed anything.

"Is it?" Cameron asked. He watched her look down at the phone's screen, then flipped the phone shut without another word. John frowned and was about to ask who it was when the phone rang again.

Cameron once again looked at the screen, but this time she didn't hang up. It must be mom, John realized. Someone's using the code.

"So talk," Cameron said. A few seconds later, she looked down at the phone's screen again and John caught a glimpse of a photo. "I got it," she said. "I don't know."

John watched her check the screen again, studying it intently. He could tell the photo was a man, but beyond that John couldn't recognize if it was someone he knew.

"No, who is he?" Cameron asked. "He looks hurt."

John's head snapped over. Hurt? Who was hurt? Cameron hung up and John tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"Who was that?"

"Derek."

"Derek?" John felt a bit startled. Why would Derek call Cameron? He hated her. John felt a pang of fear. If Derek was calling Cameron, it must be something really important. "What did he say? Is everything okay? Is Mom okay?"

"Everything's okay," Cameron replied. "Don't worry." She smiled, as if to reassure him. It was the smile that caught him off-guard. She never used to smile, not unless she was trying to blend in. He hadn't seen that smile since she'd introduced herself as Cameron Phillips, the first day he'd met her. I'm a machine. I can't be happy.

I feel.

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John watched as a car pulled into Ellison's driveway. Cameron made no move to leave yet, and he wasn't one to question a Terminator's judgment. She was probably waiting for the FBI agent to enter his house. Ambushing him then would attract less attention.

"There are some things I don't understand," she spoke up.

John frowned, keeping his eyes focused on Ellison's house. "Like what?"

"The tortoise," Cameron replied.

John frowned in confusion, slowing turning to face her. "What tortoise?"

"It was on its back by the side of the road in Mexico," Cameron stated. "Your mother turned it over."

John nodded slowly. "She was helping it."

"I know," Cameron replied. "But why?"

It was times like these where John felt as if he was explaining life's simple morals to a five-year-old. "Because...that's what we do."

She continued staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

"When we, uh…when we see something that's in pain or in trouble or whatever, we try to help it."

"Empathy," Cameron stated.

"Yeah, something like that."

"But not everyone would turn the tortoise over."

John agreed. "No. Some would just leave it there."

"Some would probably drive over it and crush it," Cameron added.

John glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, I guess they would." He pursed his lips. "Is that what you'd do?" he asked bitterly.

She looked up at him. "It didn't seem like much of a threat," she explained. "We're not built to be cruel."

John smiled slightly. She wasn't human enough to want to help it, but neither was she machine enough to purposely kill it. "Yeah, that's one for cyborgs." Or at least one of them.

Cameron smiled too. "Yes." She looked back out the front window and John saw Ellison getting out of his car. Cameron's smile faded and she became the soulless Terminator again. "That's one for us," she said emotionlessly, opening the door.

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John watched from the shadows as Ellison entered his living room and reached to turn on the light. Cameron emerged and grabbed him by the throat in a chokehold. Ellison gasped for breath and Cameron dragged him over towards the couch.

"Cameron..." John began as she threw Ellison down onto the couch. She stalked forward, tossing an end table across the room. Ellison looked up, eyes wide with fear...and confusion.

"What are you doing?" he asked John.

"The body is gone," John said angrily. But I'm thinking you already know that…

"What?" Ellison asked with a frown.

Don't play dumb. "Cromartie's body is gone," John repeated, clenching his jaw.

"That's impossible," Ellison managed.

John hesitated. He wanted to believe Ellison. But if the former FBI agent didn't have Cromartie's body, who did?

"You were the only one who knew where we buried it," he said angrily. "We need it. We have to destroy it."

Ellison scrunched up his nose, looking confused. "Hold up just one moment…" Cameron didn't give him a moment; she reached forward and grabbed him by the collar.

John stiffened. "Cameron!"

Cameron threw Ellison into the corner, his body smashing into a bookshelf and knocking the contents onto the floor.

"He's lying," she announced.

"You don't know that," John protested. Cameron picked up Ellison again and threw him onto the coffee table, shattering the glass. Ellison landed hard on his back, and Cameron knelt down, grabbing his throat between two coltan fingers.

"Please…John…" Ellison wheezed. Cameron continued squeezing.

John pursed his lips. "If you know, you better tell me right now."

"I don't know..." Ellison managed to get out as Cameron's fingers tightened around his windpipe. "I don't know..."

John bit his lip, thinking hard. This was bad. They needed to find Cromartie's body. Everything needed to be destroyed…every last bolt. It no longer mattered if Cromartie's chip had been obliterated. Cameron was right. It wasn't safe. It wouldn't be safe until it burned…all of it.

Even a single unaccounted for piece could alter the course of technological evolution…and hasten the arrival of Judgment Day.

And that was something John couldn't let happen.

But he wasn't a murderer either. If Ellison knew anything, he was ready to take it to his grave. John was sure the former FBI Agent knew the consequences that would occur if they did not burn the body.

He didn't think Ellison was lying.

John closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "Let him go."

Cameron didn't loosen her death grip. "Why?"

"He's telling the truth."

"We could find out for certain."

"Let him go," John ordered. Cameron obeyed, standing up. Ellison painfully sucked in much-needed air, on the brink of unconsciousness.

"I'm sorry," John whispered.

Cameron looked over at him, then down at Ellison, who was still lying on his back. She bent over and rolled Ellison onto his stomach. Like the turtle, John realized in surprise. Ellison was in pain and in trouble, so she was helping him. Ellison may not understand, but John knew it was a big step for Cameron.

We're not made to be cruel.

Cameron walked over to him, looking almost proud of what she'd done. She was learning from him. Or maybe he was learning from her.

He was teaching her compassion. She was teaching him strength.

As John followed her out the door, he wondered about her. There were so many turtles in their life. Sarah had told him how Cameron had brutally murdered the three thieves in the bowling ally, just because they knew where he lived. She's driven over the tortoise that time, crushed it.

She'd been right to do so. That was her mission. John didn't have to like it, though. We're not murderers.

Today it was Ellison. But John wondered who would be the turtle in their path next.

But more than that, he wondered what Cameron would choose to do about it.

finis

author's note: I hope you guys liked it. I thought it was a great episode of Cameron development and I liked the turtle parallel with Ellison and tried to imagine what John was thinking during those scenes. Anyway, please review! I appreciate all your comments and critique.