Choices

"Bella, please. Please don't leave me now. Please." He begged. His grip on my hand was firm and his eyes were shining with unshed tears. It was killing me to leave him behind.

"Jacob, I have to. I'm sorry." I said, trying hard to sound confident and shake the tremble away from my voice. He grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me gently before I could turn to get into the car.

"You're better than this Bella, please just stay. For Charlie. For me. Stay for me." He pleaded, voice cracking.

"Bella, we're wasting time!" Alice chided from inside the car. My sight blurred as the tears started to gather and fall. I needed to save Edward. It was right the thing to do. But so was Jacob. I sobbed once and quickly wrapped my arms around Jacob, squeezing him in one of my own bone-crushing hugs and he did the same, leaning his nose into my hair. It only lasted a second but it comforted me enough to solidify my decision. Reaching up and taking his face him my hands, I gave him one quick kiss on his lips.

"I promise I'll come back for you, Jake." I whispered against his mouth, hoping he could understand me through the cries threatening to spill. The car revved again and I turned, running into the passenger seat. It sped off before the door had even shut and I willed myself to not look back.

*(Everything goes smoothly with saving Edward like in the book except she doesn't speak to him much. When they're waiting for dark in the chamber her answers are clipped and short and on the plane/car ride back to Forks she's either asleep or still too shook up to talk to him. Her mind is completely elsewhere.)*

The next time I woke up, I was in my bed and the alarm clock showed 8:52 in a very harsh red. I stretched, feeling stiff and yawned as a few of my bones clicked while I got out the kinks. "Good morning." I gasped and almost fell out of the bed in a mixture of surprise and fright as a voice rose from the corner of my room. It took me a moment before the fuzz wore off and the memories came back to me. Italy, Volturi, Edward.

"It wasn't a dream, it happened, he's back, I'm alive." I mumbled to myself in a quick summary of the recent events. His silhouette rose from the rocking chair in the corner and I reached sideways to turn on the night lamp. He sat beside me and looked just as perfect as I remembered. I couldn't deny that I missed him but his perfection really did make me feel so plain. I couldn't sit next to him without thinking of a rat sat beside a glorious lion, all courageous and powerful in comparison to the meek and ugly rodent beside it. He just made me look worse than I actually was.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Erm...I don't know. Confused?" I said honestly. Everything was a blur. "Charlie!" I gasped, remembering the existence of my own father who was probably worried sick about me.

"He set off for work about 10 minutes ago after checking up on you. You know I'm pretty much breaking the rules right now...he said I wasn't allowed through that front door ever again though technically I came in through the window but I guess the intent was clear."

"Why are you here?" I asked curiously. He didn't love me and the soreness of my just-mended heart served as a permanent reminder for when he left.

"Because of you. Because you're alive." He smiled, like a child being taken to a toy store, and I smiled back, purely to be polite and lack of anything else to do or say. The cogs still weren't turning in my head yet and I tried to think of a reason why my aliveness would justify his presence. So what if I saved him, shouldn't he have run off by now? Back to somebody prettier and better than me? A small chuckle rolled off his lips at my puzzled expression and he reached up to stroke my cheek. I shrank backward and flinched away before his skin could make contact with mine automatically, as if it was in reflex to a wasp trying to sting me. Why did I just do that? His brow furrowed in befuddlement. "Love, are you-"

Jacob. I need to talk to Jacob. I thought all of a sudden, remembering how I'd left things with him. "I need to shower." I said quickly, cutting him off, and hopped up to gather my things and rush off into the bathroom. I looked like I had been caught up in a windstorm and my hair was knotted so badly the brush got stuck in it more than 3 times. I gave up and ran the shower, stepping under the relaxing stream of warm water that fell down my back, undoing all the knots that had formed. How long had I been asleep? How long had I been away? Was Charlie okay? Was Jacob? I rinsed down and quickly went through the motions of getting dressed and drying my hair. Feeling clean and fresh I was able to focus a lot more now. Edward was still sat on my bed in a position not unfamiliar to how I left him. "Edward, how long was I gone?" I said, my voice nervous as I looked for my rucksack and shoes, avoiding any means of eye contact with him. He turned to look at me with curious eyes. I gathered they were gold today, from a sneaky look in my peripherals.

"3 days." He said calmly. The air left my lungs in whoosh. Poor Charlie. Poor Jacob. I found my sneakers at the bottom of the bed and fastened them quickly, rifling through my bag on the chair to make sure my keys were in there. "Are you going somewhere?" He asked pointedly. I threw a nod in his direction, struggling to find some paper and a pen. While quickly scribbling an apology note to Charlie I muttered, "La Push."

"Oh." He breathed, understanding. "Do you want me to come back?" His words came out slowly and deliberately and I caught the meaning behind them instantly. I looked at him then and my panic level seemed to rise dramatically. Did I want him to come back? I needed to explain things to Jacob urgently but I would feel too guilty sending Edward away forever without any explanation. I nodded again.

"Yes. Please." I whispered hopefully. I walked toward him slowly and leaned up to gently peck his cheek. He still smelt like heaven in a bubble. With one small smile, he disappeared, leaving my curtain to flutter in the dim morning light. I took a deep breath and started making my way out the house, desperate to see Jacob's face again. The car ride to La Push took way too long, especially because I had to pull over at the gas station and fill up my truck. Relief started to chase away the nerves in my veins when his red little house came into view. I jumped out the truck and nearly twisted my ankle in my excitement. I walked around to the garage first and felt slightly disappointed when I saw the cluttered space empty. Nevertheless, I knocked on the front door quietly and when there was no answer, pushed to see if it was open by any chance. It wasn't, just my luck. I realized then that it was just past 9 in the morning and poor Billy might still be asleep. I hoped I hadn't woken him. Jacob would probably still be asleep to, or on patrol with the boys. Trying to be as quiet as I could, I snuck around to the back to where I thought Jacob's room was. The window was slightly ajar and I could just about make out his large figure sprawled across his tiny bed. I took a deep breath to calm myself and stop from leaping in (and probably breaking an arm trying to do so). I was about to tap on his window when he shifted and his face came into view. He looked so young and vulnerable when he was sleeping. I would feel too guilty waking him from a sleep as peaceful as this so I made my way back to my truck. Snuffling around the floor I tried to find another piece of paper to write on and found an old weathered newspaper underneath the seat about the hikers' deaths. I ripped a page off and, using a pen from the glove box, etched out another note.

I'm at first beach

Meet me there?

I miss you, I'm sorry

Bells

I circled back round to his window again and dropped the note into his room. Hopefully he would find it and read it. With nothing else left to do I decided to leave my truck and walk down to the beach. Perching down on our driftwood, I ran through different scenarios in my head. Would he be mad when he came? Would he even come or would I not be worth it enough? I shook the thought out my head. I kissed him before I left...surely that would count for something, right? What if it didn't, though? What if he was sick and tired of me dragging him down? The minutes ticked by at snail's pace and I started to think about heading back. I was seconds away from standing up and leaving and after counting to 60, I stood up and turned to go. I stumbled over myself a bit when I saw him standing a few metres away with a thoughtful look on his face and his arms crossed, wearing dark jean cut offs and a white shirt. "How long have you been stood there?" I whispered.

"About 10 minutes." He shrugged, pursing his lips.

"What time is it now?"

"It had just turned 10 when I left the house. How long have you been sat there?" I counted it out in my head; half an hour at home, 20 minutes getting here, 10 minutes walking down...

"About 20 minutes." It was my turn to shrug now and I felt awkwardly uncomfortable with this distance between us. My relationship with Jacob had always been very physical and after 3 days away, it made me miss it, and him, tremendously. I twitched, desperately wanting to wrap my arms around him and let his heat wrap me up. Like usual, he seemed to read me like an open book and crossed the space in two small strides to grip me in a very powerful hug.

"God, Bells, this has been way overdue," he murmured into my hair, breathing me in just as I did him and just like that we were back to normal again. I nodded into his chest, agreeing. He smelt like...home. After a few moments he let go, keeping hold of my hand, and led me back toward the tree. We sat down and I fell into his side, craving his warmth against the sea breeze. "So what happened when you left? Did you save him?" He said.

"Err...yeah. We managed to get him back here in one piece which is good I guess. It was a nightmare in Volterra though. He didn't reveal himself but the bad guys spotted him and they took us inside and all sorts of superhuman vampire stuff happened. It was awful and-" I paused mid sentence as a specific part sparked in my brain, the 'you'll have to change her, she's too much of a liability' part.

"And..." Jacob prompted. What have you done, Bella? I could've kicked myself right then.

"Oh gosh. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap."

"Bella, and what?" He sounded so concerned and guilt seeped deep into my bones as my head fell into my hands and through my hair. I struggled to get air in and out my lungs steadily as I realized the enormity of this and if I'd eaten anything this morning it would have been trying to come up right about now. "Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" He rubbed my back and tried to pry my hands away from my face so he could look at me. How could I be doing this to him? What was wrong with me? I should have been left in that forest to rot and everything would have been better off.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob, it shouldn't have happened like this, I came here to make it better and fix it but I can't because I agreed with it, with them. I told them I would change because they said I knew too much and now I don't have a choice, they're gonna come, and they're gonna check and if I'm still human they'll kill us all." I babbled in absolute terror, sobbing into my knees. I was such a ruthless person. I didn't deserve Jacob or Edward or Charlie or anybody. I was slowly crossing them out of my life without even knowing it.

"What? What are you saying, Bella?" I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and looked at him.

"I wanted to choose you. I came here today, to tell you that I chose you over him...but," He waited patiently, caution in his eyes. "But I can't now because.." My voice broke toward the end and I couldn't even speak, I didn't know what I wanted to say anyway. What could I say? Nothing would make this situation any better.

"How did this happen, Bells?" He said, and I could tell he was trying desperately to understand. I didn't want to tell him, he would hate me knowing how I threw my life away for Edward but I couldn't not tell him. He'd done so much for me that it would be heartless to leave him confused and seeking answers. I took a deep breath and looked at the grey waves crashing over the surf, trying to stop my hiccups. He would truly hate me after this.

"They said I was too much of a liability to the vampires because I was a human that knew about their world and the only way to get me out of there alive was to agree to let them change me. So of course, Edward jumped at the chance and offered to do it himself. We were lucky enough to get me out of there with a beating heart and not writhing in pain for 72 hours. They said they would visit to make sure though. I don't know how long we have...maybe a year. I don't even know. Gosh, this is all so messed up! I'm sorry, Jacob." I sniffed and tried to dry my cheeks and nose with my dampened sleeve. He moved closer to me and put his arm around me, pulling into his side. I shook my head. "Don't. You deserve better than me, Jake. Go find her."

"You're being stupid; I've done shitty things too." He said, trying to make me feel better. His attempts were futile.

"Oh, yeah? Things that will most certainly ruin the entire rest of your life?" I challenged.

He gave a small laugh. "No, I guess not." We shared a comfortable silence between us for a few minutes as I tried to recover from my mini-breakdown and he absorbed the news. "Bella?" He was looking at me carefully, like he was treading on thin ice.

"Hmm?"

"Remember when you asked me to run away with you*? That day in your bedroom, when you still didn't know who I was?" I nodded, remembering the vague outline of our conversation. "Do you think you could?" He said, reluctant with excitement blazing in his eyes.

"I could what? Run away with you?" I said blondly.

"Yeah. Think about it. You said you were gonna choose me and that we'd have at least a year before they came, right? Why don't we? We have college savings and two dirt bikes, what's stopping us?" Disbelief was written all over my face.

"You really wanna run away? With me? Are you crazy?" This wouldn't work. We wouldn't be able to survive alone. What would we do? I didn't have that many savings left after spending them on the bikes and certainly not enough to last us a year.

"Why not? Give me one good reason to stay." He pushed.

"Billy, Charlie, money, Edward." I said, thinking the most obvious answers.

"Billy'll understand, he knows I'll be safe, Charlie likes me and he knows I can take care of you, money we'll come to when we get there and why is the pale one a good reason to stay?"

"Because I haven't even spoken to him about this yet. I owe it to be honest to him and I've already told him to come back."

"Fine. The sooner, the better. You wanna go get this over with now?" He said, standing up. I looked up at him and the brightness of the cloudy sky made me squint. He really was a giant. Taking his offered hand, I stood up beside him. "Geesh, did you get shorter in three days?" He said, trying to lighten the mood. There was no harm in laughing so I scoffed and pushed him.

"No, you're just too giant to understand what being average means!"

"Sure, sure, shawty." I rolled my eyes at him and we walked back toward his house, my fingers threaded through his.

"You sure Billy's not gonna care you're gone?" I asked, worried about Billy waking up alone as I climbed into the cab.

"Nah, I skip out on him all the time." He shrugged.

"That's really bad you know, you should tell him where you're going."

"He knows I'm a big guy, I can handle myself. I do it so often now it's like I don't even live there anymore." He muttered and I started the truck down the road. When we were a few minutes away, I quickly cautioned Jacob with the basics.

"Jake, you can't over-react when he's there, okay? Don't get too protective and please call him by his actual name instead of Mr. Leech, I at least wanna prove that I chose a good guy over him, okay? Please." I pleaded.

"Yeah yeah, I'll play nice for today. You know I think, if it wasn't for you and this whole arch-enemy thing, that me and him would be friends actually." He said, completely genuine. I looked at him incredulously.

"Oh, yeah?" He nodded at me.

"He's reminds me of the pre-wolf Embry."

I raised an eyebrow, trying to picture them sat at a table without itching to beat one another or holding their noses because of the 'smell'. When I got in the clock read 12:07. Had we really been on the beach for almost 2 hours? Charlie's cruiser still wasn't parked in the drive which meant he would've been working the evening shift. At least I wouldn't have to worry about him for a couple hours. "Juice should be in the fridge and there'll probably leftover pizza too. I'm gonna call Edward." I said, grabbing the emergency contact list from the utility draw. I'd written this a while ago so hopefully his number would still be the same after all this time. I held my breath as the dialling tone rang. He picked up after 3 rings.

"Bella?" There was the velvet voice again.

"Yeah, it's me. Can you come over please?" I squeaked.

"Of course. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Oh, and Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Jacob's here."

"Okay." I think I might have just heard him sigh before he put the phone down but I wasn't the one with the supernatural hearing. True to his word, he showed up exactly 4 minutes later, carless. There were water droplets in his copper hair and I fought the urge to touch it. I took a deep breath.

"We need to talk." I said, unnerved, and slid into a chair under the table. Jacob was in the main room, probably listening to us seen as I couldn't hear any TV. Edward followed and gracefully seated himself opposite me. I didn't understand why it felt so formal; I certainly didn't like it. He waited patiently across from me, arms folded on the table, with his golden eyes carefully observing me. I looked down and wrung my hands underneath the wood. "Well, I did as you said," I started, speaking slow and trying to choose my words in the nicest way. "It might have taken a while but, Jacob's helped fix me...you know, after you left. When you'd gone I was really...empty...and he helps fill that emptiness up. I feel good around him and the world almost feels normal. I've learnt how to live without you once and I didn't like that one bit. I don't want to learn how to live without him." I looked up, scared of what I might find in his eyes. There was a hint of a smile playing around his lips. "What?"

"I'm glad, Bella. I'm happy for you." He flashed me a toothy smile. "It killed me to leave you, but at least you've gained something from it." He said, smiling. He looked beautiful when he smiled and it made me relax a lot more too.

"Wait, it killed you to leave? Why?" I asked. Surely he wouldn't miss Forks that much, what was there to miss?

"Well, isn't it obvious?" I shook my head. "You. I never stopped loving you, Bella." My jaw dropped.

"Then why did you leave in the first place?" I asked, more confused than ever. He just laughed.

"For you! I did it for you. I thought you'd be better off without me, away from this world of vampires and killing. After that little 'blood incident' I knew we weren't good for you. The only way you'd let me leave was if I convinced you I didn't love you but everything I'd said to you that day was a lie. It went to moot anyhow because you seem to just attract all means of danger no matter what. Falling for a vampire, and then falling for a wolf straight after. You'll end up bringing zombies to life next." He mocked, rolling his eyes. Jacob walked in at that moment, calm and almost friendly-looking.

"Edward," He said curtly, nodding in his direction as he leant on the counter behind me.

"Jacob," Edward did the same.

"So...what now?" I sighed. "Are you gonna leave again?" He shrugged, leaning back and stretching his legs out underneath the table.

"I'm not sure, actually. We shouldn't stay in Forks but we probably won't move far, what with the Victoria situation still happening. We might move up to Vancouver. We'll be far enough to remain inconspicuous but still be close enough to protect you that way." He said, looking toward Jacob. "Would that be okay with you?" Jacob nodded.

"Yep."

"And Jacob, you probably won't want to call me so can you at least tell Bella when you find any vampire trails so she can ring me? My family and I can be of great assistance and you know Emmett's always up for a good brawl." Edward offered. I nodded, agreeing with it all. It sounded like a good action plan.

"Okay, sure. Thanks." Jacob tacked on. Somehow that reminded me.

"Edward?" He trained his gaze on me again. "What do we do about the Volturi? When are they gonna come?" I asked reluctantly. Jacob inched closer.

"Oh, they won't be here for a while." Edward said nonchalantly.

I tried to throw a secret glance at Jacob. "How long is a while?"

"Plenty of time for you to live, 30 years at least. They have bigger concerns to worry about rather than us. We'll have plenty of warning from Alice and during that time we can think about what to do for when or if they even come." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and my shoulders dropped.

"Thank you," I breathed, relief pouring from me like a waterfall. His pale face truly was handsome.

"It's really no problem," He paused for a brief second. "It's about time to get settled in somewhere again anyway and Vancouver isn't so far. There's no point enrolling into a school now, with summer break around the corner so we should be able to get things steady pretty quickly. Alice will be able to email you all the details and I see you've still got my mobile number so...this should go smoothly. Is that all?" It amazed me how well he could plan together these things but it also annoyed me a little that he was closing this discussion as if it was business meeting but I guess being in the same room as your arch-enemy put you on edge.

"Er, yeah, I think." I looked at Jacob. "You wanna say anything?" He cleared his throat a bit.

"Thanks a lot, Edward. For everything." A knowing look passed between them and I stood up, same as Edward. He started making his way to the door and I followed him, wanting one last private moment. Putting my index finger up, I mouthed 'one minute' to Jacob and closed the door behind me.

Once outside with the door closed I said, "Edward. Thanks. It's really nice of you to do all this and I'm sorry for the hassle. I didn't mean to-"

He cut me off with a finger to my lips before awkwardly moving his hand away. The brief touch of his icy finger to my skin sent an invisible chill through all of my bones and brought back memories.

"We do this stuff regularly love, it's nothing new." He said, smiling. Water droplets started to paint the shoulders of his grey t-shirt and splatter into his hair as he stood at the edge of the porch. He gently placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face so I could look into his eyes. They looked like melted honey. "Will you promise to be happy with Jacob?" He asked quietly. I nodded as best I could.

"Yes, no matter what. I promise I'll be happy with Jacob." I said solemnly. "Will you promise to call and keep in contact with me?" He smiled the same toothy smile as before and nodded.

"Of course, we'll come down every few years to check in, maybe even spend a night at the old house every now and then."

"Good." I sighed. Without realizing it, I leaned in toward him and hugged him. It took a moment to adjust to him after having hugged Jacob for all these months but when I did, it felt nice. I took a deep breath, trying to catalogue his scent somewhere in the back of my mind along with how it felt to be in his arms again.

"You smell like dog," He laughed into my hair as I scoffed into his chest and he squeezed me gently before pushing me back. I clutched onto his shirt. "Wait. Before you go, just once, for old time's sake, kiss me again?" I asked hesitantly. His mouth split into a smile and he cradled my face, leaning down to press his lips to mine for what would most likely be the last time. His lips were cool and hard and I also tried to memorize this moment somewhere in the back of my mind. A second too early he pulled back, like usual, and stroked my cheek. "You're always gonna be my first l-boyfriend, you know. That just won't change. I won't get another you." I stated. He pretended not to notice my slip-up.

"Believe it or not, same here. You're the first girl I've ever wanted in my whole century and a bit of living. Guess it's sad that I've only had 1 girlfriend in all that time, huh?" He chuckled. I smiled.

"Yes, yes it is." I sighed for umpteenth time.

"I'll miss you." He said and he kissed my forehead before turning away and walking out my life.

"You too," I mumbled after him, but he was already gone. I made my way back into the house and Jacob was hunched forward in the chair I was sat in spinning a piece of scrap paper between his hands. Crap. He would have heard pretty much everything outside. So much for private. "Jake, I'm sorry. It's just-"

"How come you said first boyfriend instead of first love?" He asked head down and concentrating on the piece of paper in his hand.

"You were my first love. I've loved you since I was 8, I just never noticed how much until he left last year." I said simply. It was the truth. He looked up and although his expression still held traces of bitterness, his eyes showed eagerness. He stood up and walked toward me, putting his arms around my waist.

After a small crinkle of his nose he said, "I won't accept your apology...until you go up and shower." A smirk tugged at his lips and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine." I whined, and trudged up the stairs to get into shower for the second time in less than half a day. When I came back down, smelling of strawberries and jojoba body wash, I found Jacob with his head in a cupboard. "So, I take it you're hungry?" I guessed. He clambered out and the expression on his face was that of an abandoned kitten. He nodded with a pout. "Is there actually anything in the cupboards?" I asked, wondering how Charlie could eat so much in just 2 nights.

"Just biscuits and such." He responded as I checked the fridge. There was a tub of leftover Chinese and a bag of uneaten store-bought salad. Deary me. I shut the door and looked at Jacob, walking to him and taking his hand as well as grabbing my keys and jacket.

"We're going to the supermarket."

Authors Note:

*"Remember when you asked me to run away with you" - I don't know if this happened in the book but it definitely happened in the movie.

The original idea for this was just to have Jacob and Bella on the beach but somehow I twisted it into her choosing Jacob and having to break the news to Edward. It seems unlikely that they'd still keep in contact but I don't hate Edward enough to get rid of him completely. Longest story yet! Hope you enjoyed and I know it's not the best thing I've written.

Thank you for reading, please review! Yours Sincerely,

ColourMeChaos :) x