Just so you guys know, this is totally AU - the books did happen but not entirely how they were written. This is only my second HP fanfic, so please cut me some slack. And i know the rhymes are cheesy, but i was board, okay?

Disclaimer:

Sauna's are hot

but deserts are hotter

and just so you know

I don't own harry potter

"Gentlemen," said Harry Potter as he looked at the faces around the table, "This is bad"

With that, he tossed a book to the centre of the table. Everybody leaned in to get a closer look.

Draco Malfoy spoke up. "No." there was a slight strain in his voice when he next spoke. "It's worse."

"No, Draco, actually that's where you're wrong. That book is bad. This is worse." Harry tossed the remaining six books onto the table.

"Oh my god," said the Weasley twins at the same time.

"I thought that-" began Fred

"-they were a myth!" finished George.

Ron was sitting, staring in wide-eyed horror at the paper-backs in front of him. "You got that right."

Harry swallowed. Taking his laptop out gently, he placed it on the table, opened it and turned it to face everyone. "But gentlemen, if that was worse, then this is disastrous."

"What is it?" Ron asked, leaning across the table.

Harry grinned, an evil grin. "They call it…" - he paused for dramatic effect – "Fanfiction."

A collective gasp went up around the table and Ginny fainted.

"Since we are the characters, it's only a matter of time before our lives are shaped completely by the stories. Something which we cannot allow to happen!"

"Why?" came the tentative question from Hermione, "I mean, it's not as though the books are such a bad thing. I mean, from what I've read, the first two were actually rather good. And the plot lines aren't all that bad."

Harry gave a thin smile. "It's not the books I'm worried about. I've been skimming through this site. Some of them are… disturbing."

"What? What ever these muggles throw at us can't be that bad, surely!" Draco Malfoy was confused. Harry noted to himself that this was a boy that had probably never even heard of a Hermione/Sirius fanfic. Lucky sod.

"No?" asked Harry, an unmistakable tremor in his voice, "Tell me, have you ever heard of the Mary Sue?"

Draco scoffed. "Just an urban myth."

"No, it's not just an urban myth. And that's not the worst of it!"

Ron had started sobbing. "We're DOOMED!"

"Have you ever heard of Slash?"

Draco had his hands in the air as if shielding himself from an invisible attacker. "No! Speak not that word!"

"If this abuse continues, then Fred/George pairings will be set loose!" Harry glanced over at Fred and George. George had gone deathly pale and Fred had started shaking. "We cannot let this happen! We must fight against this common enemy!"

Ron had risen now, looking determined. "Harry's right. We can't let this continue!" he stopped for a bit and sat down. "But what can any of us do against so powerful a foe?"

Harry was silent, and when he next spoke, it was quietly. "We cannot cause much damage, that much I know. But we can cause enough! And I know that I would rather die than be involved in a Harry/Draco pairing." Harry saw Draco's eye's widen in horror out of the corner of his eye. "Now, who's with me?"

At first the table was silent, but then Draco stood up, his face set in fierce determination. "I'll follow you Harry! Even if it means I have to go to the ends of the world, I'll follow you there if I have to, Harry!" Draco was about to say more, but he stopped himself and began to turn a funny colour. "I mean, I'm in," he mumbled.

Fred stood up. "if that's what lies in store for us if we do nothing, then I'm in."

George nodded. "me too."

And so, one by one, the characters of Harry Potter voted to lead a revolution.

2, 4, 6, 8!

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