written because of extreme boredom, and is a mary sue so beware! but its one 1 chapter long, so you guys can stand that, can't you?? oh, parody to marysues, not LOTR
Oh and I don't think it's a parody...but that's the only genre I could think of. No offense meant to anyone by this, if it could cause offense, i don't think so, but just in case, sorry. Its one shot, short, stupid, and pointless. Enjoy or flame me. I have no self esteem anyway.
I do not own the lord of the rings trilogy, and I mean no great insult to Tolkien by this...although if he read it, he would turn into his grave.
Warning: i have a dirty mouth: PG 13. self insertion, character death (not saying which), mindless AU, and really stupid idiocy caused by severe boredom and many mary sue plots I read out of boredom.
A Simple Wish
"Make a wish!" Lillia said, placing the cupcake in front of me, a single lit candle stuck in the middle.
"Well there are only three wishes I can think of..." I started.
"Well you can't use your, 'don't let Bush get reelected' wish because that was already your Christmas and Easter wishes and my Christmas, Easter and birthday wishes. It's overused." Lillia pointed out.
"But a worthy wish!"
Lillia grinned. "Yeah...but try something else."
"And not your, 'Let Jacobs fall deeply in love with me' wish, because that's a waste of a wish." Andi interrupted.
"Who asked you?" I snapped, shoving her jokingly.
"Well it is!" she laughed. "I'm sorry Di, but he's a total jerk."
"Humph! He's tall, really cute, not bad bod, really unique and he's not afraid to be himself." I answered.
"He has two lip rings, six earrings, an eyebrow piercing, blue hair, and-"
"But that's what makes him so great! He's who he wants to be. He's the only guy I know who'll wear pajama pants one day, black Dickies and fish net gloves the next, and then all white the next. Besides, all that can be overlooked, if you'd want to." I argued.
"And he has a girlfriend." Andi finished.
I paused, pouting a bit. "Well THAT may not be able to be overlooked, but you never know. He may break up with her." I pointed out, hopefully. "Besides, what else could you want in a guy, besides a motorcycle?"
"Normal hair?" Andi said.
Jen shrugged. "No girlfriend?"
"Longer hair, green eyes, funny, silly, Scott as his first name..." Lillia went on to describe her current crush.
I rolled my eyes and continued. "Well, since you guys overruled those wishes...there's really only one left..." I shut my eyes, and concentrated on my remaining wish: 'Make Middle Earth a real place and please transport me there!'
Then I opened my eyes and blew out the candle. I shut my eyes, and waited a moment...and then another. I waited a moment more, and then looked around. I was still sitting on the ledge of the deck at Lillia's house, and Lillia, Andi, and Jen were standing there. I kept looking. No Aragorn, no Pippin, no Legolas, no horses or orcs or hobbit houses with round doors, no wargs or elves or dwarves or ANYTHING remotely like Middle Earth.
"Damn it all to hell." I grumbled, but I couldn't help smiling a bit at my stupidity. I had known it wasn't going to work. It never does. I should know, I've made that wish every once in a while since I had first read the Lord of the Rings four years ago.
(A/N: I really should end it here!...but oh well, I won't)
I took a deep breathe, before I noticed something. Things were beginning to fade. Literally, all the colors were drifting away and everything started spinning in front of me. Suddenly, I found that the ground had somehow disappeared, and I was falling. I screamed a loud, healthy scream, before I suddenly hit the ground with a thud.
I found myself sprawled out on the ground, a bush having broken my fall. I was dizzy, confused, my left arm was bleeding from scratches from the bush, and my head pounded. Slowly, I sat up, and looked around. I was in the bush, surrounded by other bushes. Around me was a thick wood. I did not recognize the place.
"Where the hell am I?" I asked myself, getting to my feet. Then something occurred to me... "No bloody way!... Holy hell and cousin Mel, I can't be!" I looked around. All I could see was woods. No houses, no high ways, no people. I took a deep breathe, to calm myself. "Okay, I'm either lost in the woods with no memory of how I got here or I'm...nah. Maybe I'm dreaming." I muttered, and then I glanced back at my bleeding arm, and just like that felt the sting again. "Okay, not dreaming...but I can't be." Then something else occurred to me.
"If I was, I'd be different. I'd have to blend in." I said to myself, as I began to look myself up and down, starting with my shoes: black and red converse high tops, (well that's right) then up to my black jeans, (that's right too), then I pulled at my black Ghostbusters T-shirt with the red collar and sleeves. So my clothes were the same, all the way to my eyebrow ring, spiked ring on my right hand, and purple shoelaces tied to my wrists.
"Okay, only thing left has to be me. I had to have been transformed...if its true." I felt my face slowly, no, still same face. I touched the tips of my ears, no still round, damn it all. I ran my fingers through my short mop of black curls that felt the same as always, straggly, tangled, and a little frizzy between all the ringlets. Then I glanced down at myself, yep same self.
I looked around again. Okay, so I was still me. And there was nearly no evidence that I was...where I thought I could, might be. Now I had a tough choice to make. If I was lost in the woods, somehow, and called out, I might be saved...but if I was...there...and called out, an orc or thief or wraith may come out and kill me. I decided against calling out...just in case. Not just about if... but also, I had seen that movie "Wrong Turn", and I didn't want to run into any distorted old mountain mutants.
I walked through the woods, picking a general direction and trying to stick to it. I tried to stay pretty silent, but I was not exactly used to moving through thickets, so I guess I wasn't that quiet. Suddenly I heard something, and stopped moving, so I could hear better. It was people! Voices... male voices...and they sounded familiar...
"By damn!" I whispered to myself. "No fucking way! No way! Slit my nose and call me Freddy, no way."
But it was. I watched those movies enough to recognize the voices. It was Legolas and Aragorn. And they were speaking in Elfish!!
Oh my God!! Oh my God!! Oh my God!! It's true! It actually came true!! I'm there! I'm here! I'm, I'm!!! oh Lor'! Wow! I thought frantically.
But now what do I do? I thought. I couldn't just walk out and say, 'Oh yeah, hi! My name is Di, I'm from the future. I don't know how I got here, but I know whats gonna happen next, so wanna bring me along to whatever battle you're heading to next and I can act as your psychic?' yeah, that'll work. Or maybe I could lie. Say I was some poor peasant girl...or maybe peasant boy from the way I was dressed and the shortness of my curls, I could pass for one...if not for one...no, two things that is.
I take another step forward, and just like on a movie cue, a twig breaks beneath my foot. Instantly, I am surrounded. There's Gimli and gorgeous Aragorn right in front of me with their axe and sword out, the hobbits grouped a little further behind them, swords out, looking wary...oh, there's that hottie Legolas standing to my side, with an arrow aimed at my heart...and look, there's Boromir! Guess he hasn't died yet. I must be early on in the story.
"Who are you and whom do you vow allegiance to?" Aragorn demanded. Oh wow he is so gorgey when he gets all dangerous sounding. But at the moment, he was being dangerous towards me! And this was not a good thing, considering how well I knew he was with that sword.
"My name is..." oh should I tell them my real name? or maybe make up a medieval sounding one? should I pretend to be a boy or not? Before I could stop myself and think some more, I blurted, "My name is Di. Well really, its Diana... I pay allegiance to no one." well...that sounded alright to me, I guess. At least I'm mysterious sounding. Kind of...
"What are you doing here?" Aragorn asked, no demanded again.
"Walking?" I nearly slapped myself. I can never keep my smartass tongue behind my teeth. Not ever! None of them looked amused at my response, just like my teachers never are. I had to do something to make sure they didn't kill me!
Then I could hear the hobbits talking amongst themselves, as I turned in their direction.
"Who is it?"
"Looks like a lad."
"Can't be a lad."
"Why not, Pip?"
"Well, look at its..." to emphasize his point, Pippin held out his hands in front of his chest a good foot or so and bounced his hands around!
Now here's something that I find is a very bad fault of mine. When I'm angry, I just don't think, at all. This has gotten me into plenty of fights, school suspensions, and enemies. So I should have known I wouldn't be able to control myself now...
Boiling over in anger, I didn't even think to stop myself before I started stomping over to Pippin, intent on smacking his hobbit head. "You little punk!" I growled angrily.
Well, I really shouldn't have approached Pippin, since he was, after all, standing right next to Frodo...and I guess I did look dangerous heading towards them and all, with my hand raised and my teeth bared.
The next thing I know, I feel a horrible pain in my gut, and then I'm on the ground. I pull my hand from my stomach, and seeing it note the deep red of warm blood on my fingers. I look up at the faces of the fellowship, starring down at me warily, as if I might attack them.
Holding back a tear, I just remember that my ultimate dream HAD come true...I remember this...right before their faces blur before my eyes, and then the world darkens to me, for the last time.
The End
(Well, if I was a mary sue...I would like to be killed to prevent myself from ruining the story anyway.)
Oh and I don't think it's a parody...but that's the only genre I could think of. No offense meant to anyone by this, if it could cause offense, i don't think so, but just in case, sorry. Its one shot, short, stupid, and pointless. Enjoy or flame me. I have no self esteem anyway.
I do not own the lord of the rings trilogy, and I mean no great insult to Tolkien by this...although if he read it, he would turn into his grave.
Warning: i have a dirty mouth: PG 13. self insertion, character death (not saying which), mindless AU, and really stupid idiocy caused by severe boredom and many mary sue plots I read out of boredom.
A Simple Wish
"Make a wish!" Lillia said, placing the cupcake in front of me, a single lit candle stuck in the middle.
"Well there are only three wishes I can think of..." I started.
"Well you can't use your, 'don't let Bush get reelected' wish because that was already your Christmas and Easter wishes and my Christmas, Easter and birthday wishes. It's overused." Lillia pointed out.
"But a worthy wish!"
Lillia grinned. "Yeah...but try something else."
"And not your, 'Let Jacobs fall deeply in love with me' wish, because that's a waste of a wish." Andi interrupted.
"Who asked you?" I snapped, shoving her jokingly.
"Well it is!" she laughed. "I'm sorry Di, but he's a total jerk."
"Humph! He's tall, really cute, not bad bod, really unique and he's not afraid to be himself." I answered.
"He has two lip rings, six earrings, an eyebrow piercing, blue hair, and-"
"But that's what makes him so great! He's who he wants to be. He's the only guy I know who'll wear pajama pants one day, black Dickies and fish net gloves the next, and then all white the next. Besides, all that can be overlooked, if you'd want to." I argued.
"And he has a girlfriend." Andi finished.
I paused, pouting a bit. "Well THAT may not be able to be overlooked, but you never know. He may break up with her." I pointed out, hopefully. "Besides, what else could you want in a guy, besides a motorcycle?"
"Normal hair?" Andi said.
Jen shrugged. "No girlfriend?"
"Longer hair, green eyes, funny, silly, Scott as his first name..." Lillia went on to describe her current crush.
I rolled my eyes and continued. "Well, since you guys overruled those wishes...there's really only one left..." I shut my eyes, and concentrated on my remaining wish: 'Make Middle Earth a real place and please transport me there!'
Then I opened my eyes and blew out the candle. I shut my eyes, and waited a moment...and then another. I waited a moment more, and then looked around. I was still sitting on the ledge of the deck at Lillia's house, and Lillia, Andi, and Jen were standing there. I kept looking. No Aragorn, no Pippin, no Legolas, no horses or orcs or hobbit houses with round doors, no wargs or elves or dwarves or ANYTHING remotely like Middle Earth.
"Damn it all to hell." I grumbled, but I couldn't help smiling a bit at my stupidity. I had known it wasn't going to work. It never does. I should know, I've made that wish every once in a while since I had first read the Lord of the Rings four years ago.
(A/N: I really should end it here!...but oh well, I won't)
I took a deep breathe, before I noticed something. Things were beginning to fade. Literally, all the colors were drifting away and everything started spinning in front of me. Suddenly, I found that the ground had somehow disappeared, and I was falling. I screamed a loud, healthy scream, before I suddenly hit the ground with a thud.
I found myself sprawled out on the ground, a bush having broken my fall. I was dizzy, confused, my left arm was bleeding from scratches from the bush, and my head pounded. Slowly, I sat up, and looked around. I was in the bush, surrounded by other bushes. Around me was a thick wood. I did not recognize the place.
"Where the hell am I?" I asked myself, getting to my feet. Then something occurred to me... "No bloody way!... Holy hell and cousin Mel, I can't be!" I looked around. All I could see was woods. No houses, no high ways, no people. I took a deep breathe, to calm myself. "Okay, I'm either lost in the woods with no memory of how I got here or I'm...nah. Maybe I'm dreaming." I muttered, and then I glanced back at my bleeding arm, and just like that felt the sting again. "Okay, not dreaming...but I can't be." Then something else occurred to me.
"If I was, I'd be different. I'd have to blend in." I said to myself, as I began to look myself up and down, starting with my shoes: black and red converse high tops, (well that's right) then up to my black jeans, (that's right too), then I pulled at my black Ghostbusters T-shirt with the red collar and sleeves. So my clothes were the same, all the way to my eyebrow ring, spiked ring on my right hand, and purple shoelaces tied to my wrists.
"Okay, only thing left has to be me. I had to have been transformed...if its true." I felt my face slowly, no, still same face. I touched the tips of my ears, no still round, damn it all. I ran my fingers through my short mop of black curls that felt the same as always, straggly, tangled, and a little frizzy between all the ringlets. Then I glanced down at myself, yep same self.
I looked around again. Okay, so I was still me. And there was nearly no evidence that I was...where I thought I could, might be. Now I had a tough choice to make. If I was lost in the woods, somehow, and called out, I might be saved...but if I was...there...and called out, an orc or thief or wraith may come out and kill me. I decided against calling out...just in case. Not just about if... but also, I had seen that movie "Wrong Turn", and I didn't want to run into any distorted old mountain mutants.
I walked through the woods, picking a general direction and trying to stick to it. I tried to stay pretty silent, but I was not exactly used to moving through thickets, so I guess I wasn't that quiet. Suddenly I heard something, and stopped moving, so I could hear better. It was people! Voices... male voices...and they sounded familiar...
"By damn!" I whispered to myself. "No fucking way! No way! Slit my nose and call me Freddy, no way."
But it was. I watched those movies enough to recognize the voices. It was Legolas and Aragorn. And they were speaking in Elfish!!
Oh my God!! Oh my God!! Oh my God!! It's true! It actually came true!! I'm there! I'm here! I'm, I'm!!! oh Lor'! Wow! I thought frantically.
But now what do I do? I thought. I couldn't just walk out and say, 'Oh yeah, hi! My name is Di, I'm from the future. I don't know how I got here, but I know whats gonna happen next, so wanna bring me along to whatever battle you're heading to next and I can act as your psychic?' yeah, that'll work. Or maybe I could lie. Say I was some poor peasant girl...or maybe peasant boy from the way I was dressed and the shortness of my curls, I could pass for one...if not for one...no, two things that is.
I take another step forward, and just like on a movie cue, a twig breaks beneath my foot. Instantly, I am surrounded. There's Gimli and gorgeous Aragorn right in front of me with their axe and sword out, the hobbits grouped a little further behind them, swords out, looking wary...oh, there's that hottie Legolas standing to my side, with an arrow aimed at my heart...and look, there's Boromir! Guess he hasn't died yet. I must be early on in the story.
"Who are you and whom do you vow allegiance to?" Aragorn demanded. Oh wow he is so gorgey when he gets all dangerous sounding. But at the moment, he was being dangerous towards me! And this was not a good thing, considering how well I knew he was with that sword.
"My name is..." oh should I tell them my real name? or maybe make up a medieval sounding one? should I pretend to be a boy or not? Before I could stop myself and think some more, I blurted, "My name is Di. Well really, its Diana... I pay allegiance to no one." well...that sounded alright to me, I guess. At least I'm mysterious sounding. Kind of...
"What are you doing here?" Aragorn asked, no demanded again.
"Walking?" I nearly slapped myself. I can never keep my smartass tongue behind my teeth. Not ever! None of them looked amused at my response, just like my teachers never are. I had to do something to make sure they didn't kill me!
Then I could hear the hobbits talking amongst themselves, as I turned in their direction.
"Who is it?"
"Looks like a lad."
"Can't be a lad."
"Why not, Pip?"
"Well, look at its..." to emphasize his point, Pippin held out his hands in front of his chest a good foot or so and bounced his hands around!
Now here's something that I find is a very bad fault of mine. When I'm angry, I just don't think, at all. This has gotten me into plenty of fights, school suspensions, and enemies. So I should have known I wouldn't be able to control myself now...
Boiling over in anger, I didn't even think to stop myself before I started stomping over to Pippin, intent on smacking his hobbit head. "You little punk!" I growled angrily.
Well, I really shouldn't have approached Pippin, since he was, after all, standing right next to Frodo...and I guess I did look dangerous heading towards them and all, with my hand raised and my teeth bared.
The next thing I know, I feel a horrible pain in my gut, and then I'm on the ground. I pull my hand from my stomach, and seeing it note the deep red of warm blood on my fingers. I look up at the faces of the fellowship, starring down at me warily, as if I might attack them.
Holding back a tear, I just remember that my ultimate dream HAD come true...I remember this...right before their faces blur before my eyes, and then the world darkens to me, for the last time.
The End
(Well, if I was a mary sue...I would like to be killed to prevent myself from ruining the story anyway.)