Main Characters: Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Pairings: None

Spoilers: 'Proof', as well as references to events and comments from 'It Takes a Village', season 6, and season 2 (see warnings).

Warnings: References related to drug addiction and drug use.

Disclaimers: I do not own Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds and its characters are the property of CBS.

A/N:

-I've heard and read about many people's perceptions of Reid and JJ based on their behavior in Proof. Many people took sides, including myself. I waited months to write this in order to gain the distance necessary to try to write both characters as fairly as possible and I hope I've succeeded in that. The first 2 chapters of this fanfic really focus on putting the reader into JJ and Reid's heads in order to get a look at where each of them was coming from and fill in some background on what may have happened off-screen, based on comments that were made and events which have been alluded to in some way. The payoff for this will hopefully begin in chapter 3, so if you tend to get bored reading about people's thoughts and such, please know that it's building up to something more, so I hope you'll give it a chance.

-Though reviews are appreciated, no flames please.

-No Beta was employed for this fanfic. If you notice any glaring mistakes, feel free to let me know.

What have I done? How could I have been so stupid? JJ thought.

The team had gotten back from their case in Oklahoma 3 hours ago. JJ was home now and all she wanted to do was relax, but that wasn't about to happen. It wasn't because she had to cook dinner or clean the house or take care of Henry. Will knew how exhausted she usually was after she got back from a case, so he had the house already cleaned and he had cooked them a wonderful dinner, even if she hadn't been in the mood to truly appreciate it. Though she hadn't told him about what happened between her and Reid, she knew he could sense that something was wrong. That's why he'd suggested that she go take a relaxing bath while he put Henry to bed. After giving Henry a kiss goodnight, that's exactly what she'd gone to do.

So, here she sat in a nice, hot bubble bath and relaxation was the furthest thing from her mind. Even before this case, she'd known Reid was angry. He'd been giving her the cold shoulder, had barely been able to so much as look at her, for weeks. Still, she hadn't fully realized…no, she hadn't allowed herself to realize just how angry, how hurt, he'd really been. She hadn't known how to approach him and she'd thought it would blow over. That's what Hotch and Emily had seemed to think. "Give him time," and "Let it go," they'd said. Obviously that hadn't worked and, despite her prior concerns, she'd never expected things to get this bad. Now she couldn't stop replaying events from the last few months and the last few days in her mind, each event triggering thoughts of another and always circling back to the confrontation between her and Reid in the police station the day before.

She knew she'd been defensive. Reid had been hurling one snide remark after another at her all day and he'd refused to talk about what was driving them. She couldn't stand it anymore, so she'd decided to approach him again at the station. This time, when he'd shut her down yet again, her frustration had finally bubbled over and that's what had done it. That's what had caused her to say things she didn't really believe. I mean, had she really thought that this was all because he hadn't been able to pick up on her and Hotch's deception? She knew Reid better than that. She knew he was hurt, but she just couldn't think rationally at that moment.

It had stung when Reid called her "Jennifer." When he'd mentioned coming to her home all those weeks after Emily had "died", it felt like a knife to the heart. It had killed her inside to see him suffer like that and not be able to do anything about it, but she couldn't. Not only was she under orders, but Emily's safety and the team's safety had depended on her silence. She'd never imagined that he'd considered using dilaudid again and the guilt over the fact that he'd actually considered it, maybe even come close to relapsing, now felt all consuming.

Is it possible that he's still thinking about it, craving it?

He'd been in so much pain and he obviously still was. What hurt JJ the most, though, the thing that she kept hearing over and over again, the thing that made her entire body go cold, was Reid's response when she'd finally spoken the words,

"Spence…I'm sorry."

"It's too late," he'd declared.

"It's too late," she heard reverberating through her mind once again. Had she truly lost Reid, one of her very best friends, her son's godfather?

"Babe, what's wrong?" Will asked as he entered the bathroom and knelt at JJ's side by the bathtub, slipping one arm behind her back. It was then that she realized her face wasn't just wet from the now lukewarm bath, but that she was crying. More than that, she was quietly sobbing.

"Will, I really messed up. I don't know what to do," she choked out in a trembling voice as she leaned her head against his chest.

"Shh, it'll be alright, cher. Come on, let's get you out of here before you freeze, then you can tell me all about it."

She nodded her head in agreement and let him guide her out of the tub.

JJ and Will talked until past 1am. Will always had a way of calming her and helping her put things in perspective in those rare instances when she couldn't quite work through something on her own. Though she was still frightened of what the future held between her and Reid when she drifted off to sleep, she did so with some small sense of hope that maybe, maybe she could make things right. When she got up the next day, it would be her goal to do just that.