Blue & Purple
Fighting long tiring battles for the Order of Heroes always worked up a sweat, so Chrom, descendant of Marth and the current Exalt of Ylisse, was more than glad when he got the chance to use HQ's baths.
What a tough battle. At least Robin and Frederick were there to back me up.
He disrobed and set his trusted Falchion near the door, moving to the bath area. It seemed to be empty.
Perfect. All to myself!
Chrom sighed in relief as he sunk his body in the water. Once he closed his eyes, he was able to finally relax. Who knew that his battles wouldn't end with Grima? Smash Bros.? And now this?
"How scandalous, Prince Chrom. If you wanted to get closer to me, you should've said so."
His eyes unclosed at the silky voice in the air. "W-Who's there?!"
"Where are my manners?"
Chrom's throat nearly went dry when the steam gave way to the wondrous sight before him – Princess Camilla of Nohr was standing, her uncovered eye twinkling with amusement. Naked as the day she was born, and for many, that would be the best dream in the world.
"GUH?!" It was a nightmare for Chrom. He bolted out of the water and lowered his head, averting his gaze. "Princess Camilla?! I'm so sorry! Gods, I'll leave!"
"Come now, the bath is big enough for both of us. And you're still filthy," she chided.
"It's….not proper for a man like me and a woman like you to be NAKED in the same room!"
Camilla chuckled. "You might want to lower your voice. My darling retainer Beruka is keeping out a watch for peeping toms."
"WHAT?!" I must've missed her!
"Milord, is that you?" Frederick's voice called out. "Is there a foe in your bath?"
"N-No, Frederick, everything's fine!" Chrom begged Naga not to let him get involved in this too. "M-Make sure nobody else comes in!"
"Understood! I'll be sure to tip your wife off as well."
"My my, you're married, Prince Chrom?"
"C-Could you please sit down or cover up or something?" Chrom blushed and spun himself around, so that he could only see the exit. "How can you be so nonchalant?"
"We're all on the same side, are we not? Surely you want to get back into the water, dear?"
This woman, is she a seductress? The Exalt put a shaking hand to his face, thinking of all of the pruney, filthy, and hag-y people in the world to sheathe his *other* Falchion. "I'm perfectly fine with sitting here, thank you."
"That's no fun," Camilla said, disappointment in her voice. "I enjoy company just as much as I enjoy a good bath."
No, Chrom, say no. You're married for Naga's sake. Her breasts are as big as Lissa's head! Just think. What would one of your loyal Shepherds say in this situation?
An image of Sully popped up. Heh, I'd say they're bigger than YOUR head, Chrom.
S-Shut up!
An image of Vaike popped up. It's not cheating unless you actually do it, bro!
And you call yourself Teach?!
An image of Frederick popped up. If temptation claims you milord, I shall raise the child in secret for you.
I think you're thinking too far ahead!
"Hellooo? Little Chrom?"
The Exalt growled and spun back around. "Don't call me that. You can't be that much older than me."
"Well…." Camilla smiled, looking southward. "You're not little all over, I suppose."
"GUH?!"
The second day, Chrom made sure nobody was in the bath. Around 5 o' clock, he quickly ran into the baths and climbed into the water. Frederick AND Lucina offered watch.
Maybe my daughter shouldn't be so eager to do it…oh well. Finally, I can relax.
"Do my eyes deceive me? Hello, Chrom."
"NO!" Chrom covered his eyes. "You can't be in here! This bath time is mine, Camilla! How did you even get past Frederick and Lucina anyway?!"
XXXX
"Frederick, look at this!"
"Is this…?!"
"YES! The new Zelda game for the Nintendo Switch! Anna was able to get a shipment in!"
"Then we must secure every copy for Ylisse! Milord must be the first one to play it!"
XXXXX
"Temptation is a cruel mistress."
Chrom's eyes were still covered when the princess plopped into the opposite site of the pool. "Well I love my wife, so don't get any bad ideas!"
"Break up a family?!" Camilla feigned a gasp. "Heavens no. In fact, while we sit here and relax, I was wondering if you could tell me about them."
"Wha….? Why?"
"We're both of noble blood, yes?"
Chrom moved his hand away, thanking the stars above her (read: totally tubular) breasts were under the water. "….I see. You're related to the noble Prince Xander."
"And you, to the perky Princess Lissa."
"….hm. Well, the line of the Exalt has been through some tough times, but I think we stand together even stronger."
"That's good to hear. My cute brother Leo tells me you lead Ylisse by yourself?"
"Yes. I….was thrust into the role when my older sister died a few years ago."
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. She died for a worthy cause, and she loved her people move than anything else. In fact, I would be as bold to say why are you right here?!"
Camilla had sauntered over and put Chrom's head dangerously close to her shoulder.
"You need comfort, dear. You need a big sister."
"N-No, I assure you, I'm fine. Could you please back up?"
"Hahaha….you're too much, do you know that? For a leader of a sovereign, you act so humble and nervous. It's adorable."
Oh for crying out loud!
To make matters worse, Lucina had entered the baths. "Father!"
NO! NO, NO, NOOOOO! Chrom turned his head, white as a sheet. "Y-Yes Lucina? C-Can't you see I'm busy?"
"Well Frederick got about…" she trailed off, noticing Camilla (waving) next to her mortified father. This was it. It was over. "…Father…"
"Lucina, it's not what you think!"
"No, I understand!" the princess replied. "You're a man of great stress, and many kings across history had consorts….I promise, I won't tell Mother! Daughter-father honor!"
"I'm not that kind of guy!"
"My father was," Camilla mused. Then, because she thought it would be funny: "Shall I call you daddy?"
"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"
Lucina nodded dutifully and took her leave. "Roleplay? I learn new things about you all the time, Father. How exciting!"
She's not a normal daughter!
"Hey, Chrom!"
The Exalt grimaced when he saw Severa/Selena approach him. "Severa."
"Jeez, what's with you? You kinda stink."
"I am NOT going in that bath anymore. Your lady keeps catching me off guard and testing my patience. I'll just wait until the day is done."
"Actually, Lady Camilla wanted to take you for dinner."
"I refuse!"
"Don't kill the messenger! She thinks you're funny. Besides, it could do a lot in making our lands connected."
"What's the real reason you're telling me, Severa?"
While Lucina was a woman to hold the truth, Camilla was not, preferring to stir up conversation in the most tantalizing of ways. At this point, the only people who didn't have a clue was Chrom's wife and Frederick.
And Severa wanted to win the pot. I think Blue will cave, Gaius had whispered.
"Ohhh….no reason. But would Naga think it appropriate to refuse a request of a lady, Mr. Exalt?"
"…..aw..."
XXXXXX
"Finally, a chance for some real conversation."
Chrom sat numbly at the table, across from Camilla. He flinched when a smirking Anna poured them both wine and left. She was betting he would drink to avoid the situation.
"Yes."
"I hope you remember that I'm no threat to your marriage, dear."
"Is that right?" Chrom replied through clenched teeth. "Do you know half of the camp has congratulated me and the other half thinks I'm scum?"
"Rumors," sighed the princess. "When will they learn?"
"It's because people are idiots and keep getting the wrong idea!" Chrom forced his drink down. "Your dress code doesn't help."
"My boob strap, you mean?"
"I meant the exposed underwear, but yeah, that too."
Camilla shrugged. "You have that cute little manakete in your ranks. Don't people give her a hard time because of her clothing, too?"
Chrom was going to interject but he remembered that he to explain over 50 times to people that Nowi's husband did not subscribe to the saying of "if her age is on the clock, it's…." well you know the rest.
"You're still a princess, milady."
"And you still wear a sleeve on one side of your clothes," Camilla replied, smiling at his now red face. "We all wear some pretty odd things, don't we?"
"…urgh. You know, you remind me a lot of this Plegian woman, Aversa. Always speaking in a sultry tone, coming on pretty strong, having big…"
"Fun zones?" she teased.
"NO! Gods, is torturing me your new favorite habit?"
"Torture? You could've easily said no, Chrom. Only a consensual yes is a yes." Take that comment to the bank, everyone. #lifelessons
"Maybe it's not you. Maybe…..is this common in Nohr?"
"Hmmm…." Camilla pondered for a few seconds. "Chrom, have you ever been forced to your knees, beaten, whipped….and men of all shapes and sizes come to do work on you, and your mind eventually succumbing to the adrenaline and pain/pleasure that you find it difficult to even glance in a man's direction without getting aroused?"
All the color drained from Chrom's face and his jaw dropped. "Did….t-that….h-happen….t-to….you?"
"Hahahahaha heavens no! I intend to save myself for my wedding night. I was talking about this dreck of a novel I read once. Does Ylisse have better literature?"
THUD
"Chrom?"
The Exalt had fell off his chair. His spirit had left his body. ….okay not really, but you have to admit that scared the crap out of him.
For the next day, Chrom had sought out Camilla just as she was getting ready for battle. His glare was calm as it was fierce.
"Chrom? Good morning. Did you want to talk later?"
This is it. This woman has pushed me and pushed me, but now….I have a way to finally to keep her at a better distance. I WILL NOT FAIL!
"..meet me in the meeting room at 8 o' clock tonight."
XXXXX
"He didn't cave? Are you kidding me?"
"I guess so." Severa sighed. "Give it up, Anna, we lost the bet. Might as well drop this whole thing and move on with our lives."
"Oh you're so good at this!"
Both red heads stopped in their tracks.
"I've trained from experience."
"Oh, superb! Keep going, Chrom!"
"WHAAAAAAAT?!" both women raced to the door, listening in to the sexy? scene unfolding under their noses and ears.
"Now it's time to mount and keep at it!"
"Yes!"
Severa and Anna looked at each other, stunned.
"Oh wow! I didn't know that fits in there!"
"Yes there's more room than I thought."
"He's doing a…." Anna dragged Severa way, in utter shock that Julia of all people that had her prediction come true.
XXXXX
"Look at that. 50 rupees in this little spot!"
"Shall I play next, Chrom? I am enjoying this game so much!"
The Exalt smiled and passed the Switch's controller to Camilla. "Of course."
Remember kids, when you're worried about cuckery, chillax and play some Breath of the Wild instead.
FIN
Ending notes: Part of me thinks it could've been a little longer, but oh well! I also kept Chrom's wife unnamed since it doesn't really matter and one is free to use their own headcanon. And it's not like I said Robin was male, either. ;)
Also as you can tell, I'm hyped for Zelda.