AN: I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll with The 100 fanfiction right now?! This takes place between episodes 3 and 4, because I didn't realize what a shit show episode 4 would be. Also, shout-out to Jaha for being this season's biggest Bellarke fan. Enjoy! And if you liked it, please review! :)
The days had become so shitty and stress-filled, that Clarke had taken to challenging herself to think of three good things that had happened, each day (no matter how small). Some days were harder than others. Actually, most days were just hard. Sometimes she could only think of one or two things. Never mind three.
She was sitting outside, under the stars, near one of the several bonfires that kept burning throughout the night. Arkadia wasn't ever really quiet, especially these days, but at the moment, the only people up and moving were the guards patrolling the perimeter. Clarke knew where everyone was - Raven had fallen asleep at her work bench and Abby had to forcibly walk her to bed so she would rest. After that, Abby had gone to her own cabin to sleep as much as she could. Clarke had a pretty good idea of where Monty and Harper were (and what they were doing), and Jasper had taken to sleeping outside each night.
Her gaze landed on him, far enough away that she couldn't really make out much other than a shape spread out on the ground. He said it made him feel comforted to sleep under the stars each night. Clarke supposed she could sort of understand that. Sometimes when she looked up, she felt comforted, too.
This brought her back to her list of good things that had happened that day. The sunset had been beautiful that evening. Clarke had trudged to the top of a nearby hill to watch it - by herself, the first moment of peace she'd had in a long time. As the sun set, the sky had exploded into a burst of orange and pink and purple and it really had been breath-taking. So that was a good thing.
She stared into the fire, trying not to think of all the things she should be doing with her time. The flames mesmerized her and they crackled in the silence. It smelled good. Warm. Did warm have a smell? She wasn't sure, but it was the first thing that came to her mind.
Clarke fiddled with a cup of tea (she used the word loosely) as she continued to think back on her day. It seemed like for everything that went right, two things went wrong. She had inadvertently pissed off Raven when she reassigned two people from patching the ship to gathering medicinal herbs in the forest. Abby had come to her with bad news about one of their patients in the med-bay…situation was declining, strength was weakening. So those were two shitty things.
Her stomach rumbled. The last thing she'd eaten was a watery bowl of potato soup for lunch. And she'd been lucky to get some before it had run out…others had been forced to make do with nuts and tasteless 'cakes' made of whatever grains they had. So she supposed that was a good thing.
Ok, two good things. One significantly better than the other.
She heard the crunch of boots on gravel before she saw him out of the corner of her eye. Bellamy had been on guard duty while everyone else slept. He unslung his gun, dropped his pack on the ground, and sighed heavily before sitting next to her.
"One of the captives from Farm Station isn't going to make it," she said by way of greeting. Realising that maybe she had been rude or harsh she continued quietly, "At least it doesn't look that way."
Bellamy just sort of grunted in response. She looked over at him and appreciated how honest they were with each other these days. It was easier to speak to someone plainly - tiptoeing around issues was exhausting. She did enough of that with everyone else.
"I tried," he finally said. "I couldn't leave them there."
"I know," Clarke said softly. "I get it. You made a call."
"Yeah." His voice was rough when he spoke, probably thinking about the grief Raven had given him when they returned without the machine they so desperately needed.
They were silent for awhile, and when the flames got low, Bellamy got up to put some more wood on the fire. Clarke was still trying to think of another good thing about her day.
"Can you think of three good things that happened to you today?" she asked, suddenly curious.
He turned to her and raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised at the question. "Give me a few minutes to think about it."
So she did, still thinking about her own day.
"Patrol was quiet. No issues. I guess that's a good thing." Lately there hadn't been much of an external threat, but there were still always crowd-control issues in Arkadia. Some people had too much time on their hands and no willingness to help out.
Clarke nodded her head, thoughtful. "Anything else?"
"I heard a bird chirping this morning when I went down to the river."
Clarke smiled, uncharacteristically hitting him in the arm. "That's a really good thing."
He nodded slowly and agreed, "Yeah, it was. It was peaceful."
She tried not to think of the waves of radiation that would shortly kill all the birds, and she knew he was thinking of the same thing. He really had been lucky to hear a bird at all. One step forward, two steps back.
"I guess I should be getting to bed," Clarke finally said, the warm air from the fire making her feel increasingly drowsy. It was late and in the morning she'd have to think about all the things she was putting off right now.
"Yeah, me too," Bellamy admitted. He nodded in the direction of the shape stretched out on the ground. "Although I might pull a Jasper and sleep out in the open tonight."
It was Clarke's turn to raise her eyebrows at him, and she watched him meet her gaze. His eyes were especially warm in the firelight and a strange feeling was flooding her body. The corners of his mouth were pulling up in a smile and she suddenly had to look away.
"What?" he asked, and she couldn't help but enjoy the roughness of his voice.
She shook her head, and for some reason she was panicking a little inside. It was thrilling but also terrifying. Had she thought about him before like this? Maybe in the middle of the night she had admitted to herself that she felt something for him. In the light of day, though, she felt it was a betrayal to what she'd had with Lexa and so she tried to not think about it. The problem was that the things you tried to ignore could only be ignored for so long.
Clarke heard him shift next to her and suddenly his hand was on her knee. "Don't stay up too late, Clarke. Lots to do tomorrow, like every other day on this planet."
He gave it a squeeze before getting to his feet and she felt her heart lurch in her chest. Clarke watched him leave and had a strong, sudden urge to hear him call her 'princess' again.
"Bellamy," she blurted, surprised at herself. He turned around, his profile strong in the light of the fire. "Do you know what time it is?"
"Just after midnight," he answered. "Go to bed. Or do I need to haul you there myself?"
He disappeared from her view, and er heart was still pounding and she could still feel his hand on her knee. It was technically the next day, but Clarke went to bed that night with three good things about her day.