A/N: Howdy. For some reason I've been bitten by the KuroFai bug again, so I'll probably be uploading a fair amount of little oneshots, maybe even taking on some bigger projects!
This one is loosely a songfic. If anyone can figure out what song it's from, I'll... I don't know. Write something for a song or theme of their choice? Or something like that! R&R, let me know what you think, feel free to tear it apart. Looking for a beta, if anyone would be interested, shoot me a PM!
Fai lay, curled on a stiff mattress, in some dark room, in some dark country. They'd managed to secure enough rooms here that each of them could sleep alone, but he wasn't sleeping. There in the quiet dark, without another body or the sound of breath to distract him, all he could do was think. Nothing could stop his racing mind.
He wished, deep down, that he could be strong. Strong like the real Fai had been, like Syaoran was. He wanted to be selfless and careful and kind and real. Not lies and smiles and stupid names. His forehead met his knees as he carefully let out a sob. He was so scared. They could see right through him, all of them, Mokona, and Syaoran, and... him. They all knew he was a liar and a phony and an fake.
Another careful sob leaked out. If he were too loud, that person would hear him from the next room over. All he wanted to do was stay away from his home, how had it come to this? At the start of his journey it'd been so easy to play pretend. To not care. If he died then, nobody would have known anything had changed in the world. The King would have lived the rest of his mad life alone, and that was the end of it. Ashura wasn't powerful enough to skip worlds and leave. But here and now... Fai knew he'd have to fulfill his destiny after all. If he died now, the Princess would be crushed, the boy would be devastated. That person, though, he thought venomously, can go to hell.
If Kurogane hated him, people like him, so much, then why had he done this?
Another, louder sob managed to slip past his lips. He curled in on himself, loathing, hungry, hating everything that he was. Fai knew that tomorrow, or the day after, he would approach, not saying a word but offering up that luscious, tender skin. His mouth watered just thinking about it. He would refuse at first, ignoring the man completely, but he wouldn't be defeated just like that. A blade would be drawn, blood would be drawn, and Fai would lose control over himself for just a moment.
His head thunked against the wall as he shakily exhaled, trying to expel the last of the sobs that threatened to wrack his body.
On the opposite side of the wall, Kurogane sat, head back. He'd been listening to the Mage cry for just over an hour when he heard a final sigh followed by silence. He'd meant to go and allow - no, to force - the vampire to eat, but he thought that it might not be such a great time. He still could not understand.
He understood that Fai had wanted to die from the moment their journey began (coward) for one reason or another. He'd never really said. He understood that now he had a real reason (excuse) to do so. But he couldn't understand why Fai had never even tried to fight. Who would just give up like that?
Despite knowing what had shaped this man into the person he was, he couldn't forgive his pathetic attitude. Maybe he'd forced this on Fai, but he still saved the guy's life. He ought to be at least a little grateful that someone... cared about him. The way that he did. The way the kid did, the way that Sakura did. That they wouldn't accept his death. And in the same breath Kurogane would swear to avenge him. To make the man who did this pay. All the men who'd done this, who'd made such a sad shell of a person where he knew that compassion and worry and care and love were, hidden away from the world. He'd kill that bastard with his own two hands.
He wondered if maybe he should make the idiot eat tonight anyway.
Claws dug into flesh, enough to bruise, but not quite enough to draw blood. Not that it would have made any difference. A bead of crimson already rolled past a ravenous tongue, which quickly dipped to catch it. He couldn't waste a singe drop of this precious life. There was nothing else at that moment, just hunger and the warm red tide that quelled it.
Kurogane felt a bit dizzy as he gently pushed the blonde head away. A rough tongue ran across the wound, sealing it without a trace. Fai stood, turning away and walking towards the door quickly. As he pulled the door shut, the warrior got a glimpse of a cheek, and a tear.
The warrior leaned back in his chair, wracking his brain once again, trying to understand. Instead his mind wandered to his beautiful mother, back when she was still alive. He was small, a child of only three or four, but this was his most precious memory of her.
"Sometimes bad things happen, my child. Not because we wish for them, but because they are necessary. You may not always understand right away why they happen, but when the time comes we will accept them, and move on with our lives. We may not forget, but we will forgive the universe for all the pain it has caused us."
He realized at once that Fai had never had time to forgive. It had been one blow after another in his life. He was bitter inside, under that smile, that emotion that he glimpsed now and again, it wasn't sadness or anger, but resentment and regret. Kurogane sighed, realizing that he had only added to the blonde's list. He'd taken that already broken soul and beaten it once again, unknowingly.
He sighed and stood, exiting the room, not even checking the next over, knowing that Fai wouldn't be there. He stepped outside, and sure enough, Fai was standing, bathed in moonlight, staring up at the open sky. The soft pale light shone on his soft pale hair, and he seemed to glow with its energy. Kurogane approached quietly. The mage seemed lost in thought. He thought he could sneak up on him.
"I really hate what you did to me, Kurogane." He wouldn't be so lucky. A predator could always spot its prey.
Kurogane sighed. He knew. This treatment was his price to pay. But he continued to approach without a word, and wrapped his arms around the lithe form before him. There was a struggle, a shove, and a sigh of defeat.
"I know."