Title: Tight Spaces
Author: MissKitieFantastico
Rating: PG for angst
Disclaimer: We all know who owns these characters, please don't rub it in. I'm trying to live in denial.
Distribution: Anyone who already has my work archived, anyone else—Ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Please! It calms the angry puppy. Kitie's don't like puppies, much less angry ones.
Spoilers: NONE! That's a first for me.
Summary: What happens when a Slayer, a Seer and a souled vampire get locked in a room together? Not-so-nice things.
Pairing: C/A (what else?) *g*
A/N: This was written in response to a challenge posted at Stranger Things by Love's Bitch. All he wanted was Buffy, Angel and Cordy locked in a room together. Pretty simple huh? Pfft! Writing it was a real bitca, I'll tell ya that much. Anyway, I just thought I'd give it a go, I cranked this baby out in 2 (torturous!) hours, so if it sucks-- I'm sorry!
Oh BTW: This was also written while I was in a bad mood. Please be warned, I may not show Buffy in the best light, but it 's absolutely NOTHING against her character. I love Buffy. I just didn't love her in this fic. So please, no flames. Be nice. *g*
~*~TIGHT SPACES~*~
"You've got to be kidding me. What do you mean it won't open?! You're all superhero-y and you can't break a friggin' door down?" Cordelia screeched at Buffy and Angel's backs. They were busy trying to pry the heavy bomb shelter's door off the hinges. Unfortunately, the internal lock had been dismantled and it was meant to withstand atomic blasts. Buffy and Angel couldn't even dent the door when they threw all their weight into it.
"Cordelia!" Buffy spun around so fast, Cordelia jumped back in surprise. "SHUT!… UP!" Her face was bright red from the exertion of trying to open the un-openable door, and the exertion of having to be trapped with Cordelia. Cordelia of all people.
Angel, who hadn't said a word since the door slammed in their faces, groaned in defeat and slammed his forehead against the metal slab in one final futile attempt to get it open. He was gonna die with these two in here. He just knew it.
"Ok. Listen I don't want to be in here any more than you two, but we're just gonna have to wait. I mean, they wouldn't just LEAVE us here, would they?" Buffy looked worriedly between Cordelia, who had thrown herself on one of three cots in the spacious underground room, and Angel who slumped against the door, sliding ungracefully to the floor in a heap of black leather.
"They probably will." Cordelia drew a pillow to her face, only to jerk it away, coughing, as a cloud of age-old dust billowed out from the age- yellowed mound of cloth and feather. She angrily tossed it to the floor, watching as another cloud of dust poofed up from it.
"What?!" Buffy practically screeched, in almost the same manner as Cordelia had just done a minute earlier.
"Like they'd want to let us out knowing there'll be HELL to pay once we get our hands on them." Cordelia spat back, bringing her hands together like she was wringing an invisible person's neck.
Both girls' eyes shot over to the lump of vampire sitting dejectedly in front of the door, starting to laugh hysterically.
"What's so funny?" Both girls snapped at him, both sets of eyes narrowed, twin menacing scowls slipping over their equally beautiful faces.
"I just... We're trapped… You two… I just… Oh god!" Angel tried to spurt out, in between fits of hysterical laughter.
"Try for a complete sentence already!" Cordelia jumped off the cot, and lightening quick, was standing in front of the vampire. He was now gripping at his sides like he was trying to keep his innards from flooding out of him. "Buffy! What'd you do! He's totally cracked!" She threw a glance over her shoulder at the short blonde who stood stock-still, dumbfounded. She'd never seen Angel do anything like that.
She finally found her voice. "What do you MEAN, 'what did I do'? I didn't do anything! It was probably your endless B-horror-movie screaming that tossed him over the cliffs of insanity!"
"Angel! Snap out of it ya big dumb lug!" Cordelia knelt and shook his shoulders, hard. With the contact, his hysterical laughter came to an abrupt halt.
Still hiccuping from his uncharacteristic fit, he looked Cordelia in the eye.
"You really DID crack, didn't you?" She took his face in her hands, studying his eyes intently, searching for something.
"No. I'm sorry. I just…gotta love the irony." He raised his hands up to clamp over hers and dropped them down into his lap, still holding onto her smaller, warmer one's. He looked down at their entwined fingers, then back at Cordelia for a split second before his eyes slid over her right shoulder to land on the petite blonde slayer pacing back and forth.
"Oh. I get it." Cordelia tried to pull her hands from his strong grip, but he held fast.
"Get what, Cordy?"
"You still love her don't you? You're gonna chicken out now that she's here, huh?"
"No! It's just… not the way I wanted... Past and present colliding like this equals very bad."
Buffy stopped her pacing, looking at the two sitting by the door, holding hands. "Hey, what's with the whispering? I hope you're not plotting against me, concocting a plan to eat me or anything if we starve!"
"Oh please! Like I'd ever want to eat you… Pfft. I'd RATHER starve!" Cordelia yanked her hands away and stood.
"What, you're saying I'm not GOOD enough to eat?! I'll let you know, I'm quite the tasty morsel!" Buffy put her hands on her hips, preparing to engage in a bitchfest with the one girl she despised most in her entire life.
"What-ever. Just 'cause you're little miss slay gal doesn't mean you're a four-star culinary masterpiece!" Cordelia mimicked Buffy, hands on hips, eyes glowing with annoyance.
"Would you two stop it. Please." Angel finally stood, coming up behind Cordelia and placing a soothing hand on her tensed shoulder.
Buffy caught the gesture and their previous hand-holding finally registered in her brain. She started to fume over the fact that Angel was babying the brunette. Her brain also finally registered the intense looks her ensouled vampire had been giving Cordelia. Looks that used to only be reserved for her. Jealousy crept its way into Buffy's already overloaded brain, and she could feel her blood start to boil. HE was her man and HE had his hands all over HER. The one girl she'd always loathed.
"We just need to sit tight until they come back for us. They won't leave us down here."
Angel moved his way around to the front of Cordelia, looking into her eyes for some semblance of understanding. He didn't want it to happen this way. He didn't want to face her like this. He knew Cordelia would say something sooner or later, but he was just hoping she would wait until either they were free or at least until Buffy had a chance to calm down.
Cordelia held his gaze for a few seconds until she looked away and dropped her arms limply to her sides. "Fine."
He turned back to Buffy, seeing her reddened face and the glare of evil- death in her eyes. She knew. He knew she knew. Oh, yeah. This would be fun.
~*~
4 HOURS LATER
The air in the sealed room was heavy with tension, practically sucking the oxygen out of it with each passing second. No one had spoken in hours, each minding their own business, waiting for the door to open.
Buffy sat on one of the cots, her back against the cold wall, knees drawn up to her chest. She was watching them. She didn't understand it. Couldn't understand it. The last time she'd seen them together they, well, they certainly weren't like this. Oh yeah, she caught ALL the glances between the two, trying to pass it off as casual glances around the room.
She eyed Cordelia intently, sitting at the small card table that had obviously been put in here by their would-be captors. She was trying to indulge herself in a game of solitaire, but her eyes always managed to wander to the dark vampire sitting opposite from her. He was, in contrast to Cordelia, thoroughly engaged in reading through some old newspaper from the 1940's, but every once in a while he'd look up from his reading to Cordelia. Those dark, soulful eyes drifting up and down her body, only to look at Buffy staring at him, and he'd sheepishly replace his peepers on the yellowed text in his hands.
It'd been like this for what felt like forever and Buffy had finally had enough. She slammed her hands down on the bed, catching their attention. "Alright, what the HELL is going on here."
"Beg your pardon?" Cordelia swiveled in her seat to face Buffy head on, eyebrow raised.
"You heard me. What's with the stealing glances thing!"
"What? I don't know what you're… I was just reading." Angel barely kept control of his voice, stumbling over his words. He REALLY didn't want to deal with this.
"Give me a break. I wanna know what's going on here," Buffy raised a hand and shifted it between the two sitting a few feet away from her, "with you two."
Cordelia opened her mouth to speak, but Angel quickly cut her off. "Nothing!" Ok, that came out a bit pushier than he'd intended.
"Excuse me?! Nothing?! FINE! I'm nothing now is that it?" Buffy was surprised by the ex-cheerleader's sudden out burst, and barely stifled a laugh, as she threw her playing cards in his face.
Angel drew up his arms to shield himself, but not before being pelted with the entire deck of Bicycle cards. "Hey! That's NOT what I meant and you know it!" He stood abruptly, the chair clattering to the floor with the sudden motion.
"Oh yeah? Well why don't you tell her then, HUH? I'll tell you why. You're ashamed! Ashamed of me!" Cordelia slammed her hand down on the metal table to emphasize her anger.
'Well isn't this interesting.' Buffy thought. 'Poor little rich girl's still got a thing for him.'
"He has every right to be." Buffy smirked, her voice coming out cool and low. All those years of Queen C this, Queen C that, Buffy was finally going to get payback for all those times she made her feel like nothing.
"Don't go there, Buffy. You don't know what you're talking about." Angel's hardened gaze shifted from his agitated seer to land on the smirking girl sitting a few feet away.
"You're right, I don't. I don't know you anymore. Three years ago Queen C would've NEVER been your eye-candy. I guess I'm the one that's just not good enough for you." Buffy fought back tears now, a full realization of the situation finally hitting her right in the face.
Cordelia wasn't just lusting after her ex-boyfriend, whom she'd had every intention of reconciling a relationship with on her trip, but HE was in love with HER as well. He no longer looked at Buffy the way he was looking at Cordelia now, and it tore a gaping hole in her chest.
She thought he'd wait. For her. For them. For their future.
She'd tried to move on, but she couldn't. One foot was always planted firmly in the past.
Their past.
While her other foot was striding towards their future. She never thought he wouldn't follow her. It never even crossed her mind.
She swore Angel was reading her soul through her eyes because his immediately softened. His gaze shifted nervously between Buffy, who sat quietly contemplating with a broken heart, and Cordelia who had removed herself from the table and slumped into a heap in the corner, knees drawn to her chest.
"Buffy…" He croaked out the one word that always used to cause him so much pain. "It's not like that."
"Why?" She could barely get the word out of her burning throat. She could feel the sting of her salty tears, waiting to be shed, distorting her vision.
"I… I love her." Angel sighed, whispering those three words that made Buffy's reality crumble around her. He'd only said those words to her. She'd saved those words for him, always for him, and now he was saying them about the one person she could never bring herself to stand.
"You love me. You love me… Angel, I love you. How can you say that about HER." Buffy spat out her last word, disgust plainly evident in her voice as she looked over at the girl still sitting in the corner.
"You don't know her anymore, Buffy. You don't know me either. We've all changed. I- I still love you, but just not like that. I'm sorry." Angel reached a hand out for the girl on the bed, only to have her flinch away from his touch.
"You're sorry for what? Leading me on, or loving her?" Buffy made no more attempts to hold her tears in. She let the tears run freely down her cheeks, looking like streaks of black lightning from her running mascara.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. I never meant to hurt you, Buffy. You have to know that." Angel sat on the edge of the cot, pleading with her to understand.
"But why her? What can she give you that I can't?" She finally met his eyes, practically drowning in the memories she saw in the brown pools. Memories she held of them. But that was just a reflection of what she saw in herself. His eyes no longer held what hers did. No more future, no more fire, no more lust, no more longing.
Just the past. It suddenly felt so far away and so long ago. She'd never felt that way before.
"I… I can't explain it." He finally looked away from her, to his love still curled up across the room. She had her head down on her knees. Angel could hear her quiet sobs, and he could feel her blood pumping furiously through her veins.
He was torn.
Torn between gathering her in his arms and consoling her, murmuring his love for her into her soft brown hair… and torn between making Buffy understand.
"Just tell me, Angel."
Her voice snapped Angel back into reality and he painfully tore his eyes away from Cordelia to stare down at his hands. "When I was with you, you made me happy. But it hurt. A lot. Everyday. It tore me in two every time we were apart. I had to leave because it hurt too much to be near you. You needed something I couldn't give."
He paused to collect his thoughts before continuing in an almost inaudible whisper, "You NEED things I CAN'T give. And there are things that I have now that I never knew I could have. Things you couldn't give me."
"I don't understand. I gave you everything. I've never given myself to anyone but you… Tell me what you need and I'll do it. Whatever it takes." Buffy pleaded with him through her tears, her voice cracking under the invisible weight being pressed against her chest.
Angel looked her straight in the eye, his heart breaking just from the look on her face. But it was now or never. He drew in an unneeded breath to hopefully calm his voice, as he spoke, "Friendship."
"What?" Buffy furrowed her brow trying to understand what exactly he meant by that.
"Unconditional friendship. We never had that Buffy. I never even knew I wanted it until last year. But now it's something I can't live without. I won't."
"I can give you that."
"We can't go back. Not now, after everything. You taught me so much about love, but that quirky, snippy, tactless woman over there taught me how to live. Just by being my friend. I would never give that up."
"I'm sorry…" She whispered so softly, Angel wouldn't have caught it if he were human. "I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you needed. That it wasn't enough…" Her voice cracked again with the emotion.
The hardest thing to do in the world is to live in it. Angel wanted to live. He needed that more than anything else, and he finally found a way to have it.
"Go."
He didn't think he'd heard her right, but she raised her head to meet his eyes, and he saw it in her. Beyond all that green, he saw the understanding. Her heart was broken, but she understood.
~*~
"Cordy…" Angel knelt in front of Cordelia, placing his hands on her knees encasing her hands, urging her to look at him. After a few more moments and no response from her, he gently took her head in his hands and forced her to look up at him.
Her tears had dried, her eyes no longer held any trace of the tears he knew she shed, but they were sullen.
Flat. Devoid of any emotion.
She'd completely drained herself. No—HE'D completely drained her. There wouldn't have been any less life in those eyes if he had sunk his own teeth into her flesh and consumed her blood, not letting go until he she was completely drained of all that rich, life-giving fluid.
"I love you…" Tears came to his eyes, as he gazed at the hurt he caused with his stupidity and stubbornness. He could've prevented all of this if he'd just done what Cordelia asked him to in the first place the moment Buffy had walked through the hotel doors. He couldn't do it, and now he'd caused more pain to the only two women in his life that meant anything to him, and he didn't know if the damage he'd caused was irreparable or not.
He made no motion to wipe at the tears that streaked down his face, following an invisible trail down his chin to finally drop onto her hands. He just held fast to her, one hand gently cupping the back of her neck, tangled in her shoulder-length hair, the other making a lazy stroke across her delicate cheekbone.
She looked away from him and down at her hands resting on her knees. She saw the tears, and felt their warmth.
She'd made him cry. She'd never made him cry before.
When she looked back up to his face, the smoldering fire in her eyes was slowly being rekindled, and she saw into him.
"I'm sorry…" He whispered. "I should've listened to you."
"Yeah." She nodded, her voice slightly indifferent to his words, as her gaze traveled over to Buffy across the now too-small room.
"I should be happy right? Why do I feel like this?" Cordelia brought her hazel eyes back to meet his, practically sobbing, barely able to keep herself composed.
"Like what?"
"Sad. For Buffy. I've never felt that before." She whispered, lowering her gaze again, not able to look him in the eye.
"Please don't do that. Don't make yourself guilty. I'm guilty, not you. I should've been less of a wuss about this. I wanted it but I was scared. There's nothing you could've done to make it better." Angel spoke gently to her, and drew his face to hers, softly laying a kiss on her forehead. "I love you." He breathed his words into her ear and enveloped her in his strong embrace, never wanting to let go.
"I love you…" She whispered back, shaky arms coming up to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, needing him to never let her go.
END
Author: MissKitieFantastico
Rating: PG for angst
Disclaimer: We all know who owns these characters, please don't rub it in. I'm trying to live in denial.
Distribution: Anyone who already has my work archived, anyone else—Ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Please! It calms the angry puppy. Kitie's don't like puppies, much less angry ones.
Spoilers: NONE! That's a first for me.
Summary: What happens when a Slayer, a Seer and a souled vampire get locked in a room together? Not-so-nice things.
Pairing: C/A (what else?) *g*
A/N: This was written in response to a challenge posted at Stranger Things by Love's Bitch. All he wanted was Buffy, Angel and Cordy locked in a room together. Pretty simple huh? Pfft! Writing it was a real bitca, I'll tell ya that much. Anyway, I just thought I'd give it a go, I cranked this baby out in 2 (torturous!) hours, so if it sucks-- I'm sorry!
Oh BTW: This was also written while I was in a bad mood. Please be warned, I may not show Buffy in the best light, but it 's absolutely NOTHING against her character. I love Buffy. I just didn't love her in this fic. So please, no flames. Be nice. *g*
~*~TIGHT SPACES~*~
"You've got to be kidding me. What do you mean it won't open?! You're all superhero-y and you can't break a friggin' door down?" Cordelia screeched at Buffy and Angel's backs. They were busy trying to pry the heavy bomb shelter's door off the hinges. Unfortunately, the internal lock had been dismantled and it was meant to withstand atomic blasts. Buffy and Angel couldn't even dent the door when they threw all their weight into it.
"Cordelia!" Buffy spun around so fast, Cordelia jumped back in surprise. "SHUT!… UP!" Her face was bright red from the exertion of trying to open the un-openable door, and the exertion of having to be trapped with Cordelia. Cordelia of all people.
Angel, who hadn't said a word since the door slammed in their faces, groaned in defeat and slammed his forehead against the metal slab in one final futile attempt to get it open. He was gonna die with these two in here. He just knew it.
"Ok. Listen I don't want to be in here any more than you two, but we're just gonna have to wait. I mean, they wouldn't just LEAVE us here, would they?" Buffy looked worriedly between Cordelia, who had thrown herself on one of three cots in the spacious underground room, and Angel who slumped against the door, sliding ungracefully to the floor in a heap of black leather.
"They probably will." Cordelia drew a pillow to her face, only to jerk it away, coughing, as a cloud of age-old dust billowed out from the age- yellowed mound of cloth and feather. She angrily tossed it to the floor, watching as another cloud of dust poofed up from it.
"What?!" Buffy practically screeched, in almost the same manner as Cordelia had just done a minute earlier.
"Like they'd want to let us out knowing there'll be HELL to pay once we get our hands on them." Cordelia spat back, bringing her hands together like she was wringing an invisible person's neck.
Both girls' eyes shot over to the lump of vampire sitting dejectedly in front of the door, starting to laugh hysterically.
"What's so funny?" Both girls snapped at him, both sets of eyes narrowed, twin menacing scowls slipping over their equally beautiful faces.
"I just... We're trapped… You two… I just… Oh god!" Angel tried to spurt out, in between fits of hysterical laughter.
"Try for a complete sentence already!" Cordelia jumped off the cot, and lightening quick, was standing in front of the vampire. He was now gripping at his sides like he was trying to keep his innards from flooding out of him. "Buffy! What'd you do! He's totally cracked!" She threw a glance over her shoulder at the short blonde who stood stock-still, dumbfounded. She'd never seen Angel do anything like that.
She finally found her voice. "What do you MEAN, 'what did I do'? I didn't do anything! It was probably your endless B-horror-movie screaming that tossed him over the cliffs of insanity!"
"Angel! Snap out of it ya big dumb lug!" Cordelia knelt and shook his shoulders, hard. With the contact, his hysterical laughter came to an abrupt halt.
Still hiccuping from his uncharacteristic fit, he looked Cordelia in the eye.
"You really DID crack, didn't you?" She took his face in her hands, studying his eyes intently, searching for something.
"No. I'm sorry. I just…gotta love the irony." He raised his hands up to clamp over hers and dropped them down into his lap, still holding onto her smaller, warmer one's. He looked down at their entwined fingers, then back at Cordelia for a split second before his eyes slid over her right shoulder to land on the petite blonde slayer pacing back and forth.
"Oh. I get it." Cordelia tried to pull her hands from his strong grip, but he held fast.
"Get what, Cordy?"
"You still love her don't you? You're gonna chicken out now that she's here, huh?"
"No! It's just… not the way I wanted... Past and present colliding like this equals very bad."
Buffy stopped her pacing, looking at the two sitting by the door, holding hands. "Hey, what's with the whispering? I hope you're not plotting against me, concocting a plan to eat me or anything if we starve!"
"Oh please! Like I'd ever want to eat you… Pfft. I'd RATHER starve!" Cordelia yanked her hands away and stood.
"What, you're saying I'm not GOOD enough to eat?! I'll let you know, I'm quite the tasty morsel!" Buffy put her hands on her hips, preparing to engage in a bitchfest with the one girl she despised most in her entire life.
"What-ever. Just 'cause you're little miss slay gal doesn't mean you're a four-star culinary masterpiece!" Cordelia mimicked Buffy, hands on hips, eyes glowing with annoyance.
"Would you two stop it. Please." Angel finally stood, coming up behind Cordelia and placing a soothing hand on her tensed shoulder.
Buffy caught the gesture and their previous hand-holding finally registered in her brain. She started to fume over the fact that Angel was babying the brunette. Her brain also finally registered the intense looks her ensouled vampire had been giving Cordelia. Looks that used to only be reserved for her. Jealousy crept its way into Buffy's already overloaded brain, and she could feel her blood start to boil. HE was her man and HE had his hands all over HER. The one girl she'd always loathed.
"We just need to sit tight until they come back for us. They won't leave us down here."
Angel moved his way around to the front of Cordelia, looking into her eyes for some semblance of understanding. He didn't want it to happen this way. He didn't want to face her like this. He knew Cordelia would say something sooner or later, but he was just hoping she would wait until either they were free or at least until Buffy had a chance to calm down.
Cordelia held his gaze for a few seconds until she looked away and dropped her arms limply to her sides. "Fine."
He turned back to Buffy, seeing her reddened face and the glare of evil- death in her eyes. She knew. He knew she knew. Oh, yeah. This would be fun.
~*~
4 HOURS LATER
The air in the sealed room was heavy with tension, practically sucking the oxygen out of it with each passing second. No one had spoken in hours, each minding their own business, waiting for the door to open.
Buffy sat on one of the cots, her back against the cold wall, knees drawn up to her chest. She was watching them. She didn't understand it. Couldn't understand it. The last time she'd seen them together they, well, they certainly weren't like this. Oh yeah, she caught ALL the glances between the two, trying to pass it off as casual glances around the room.
She eyed Cordelia intently, sitting at the small card table that had obviously been put in here by their would-be captors. She was trying to indulge herself in a game of solitaire, but her eyes always managed to wander to the dark vampire sitting opposite from her. He was, in contrast to Cordelia, thoroughly engaged in reading through some old newspaper from the 1940's, but every once in a while he'd look up from his reading to Cordelia. Those dark, soulful eyes drifting up and down her body, only to look at Buffy staring at him, and he'd sheepishly replace his peepers on the yellowed text in his hands.
It'd been like this for what felt like forever and Buffy had finally had enough. She slammed her hands down on the bed, catching their attention. "Alright, what the HELL is going on here."
"Beg your pardon?" Cordelia swiveled in her seat to face Buffy head on, eyebrow raised.
"You heard me. What's with the stealing glances thing!"
"What? I don't know what you're… I was just reading." Angel barely kept control of his voice, stumbling over his words. He REALLY didn't want to deal with this.
"Give me a break. I wanna know what's going on here," Buffy raised a hand and shifted it between the two sitting a few feet away from her, "with you two."
Cordelia opened her mouth to speak, but Angel quickly cut her off. "Nothing!" Ok, that came out a bit pushier than he'd intended.
"Excuse me?! Nothing?! FINE! I'm nothing now is that it?" Buffy was surprised by the ex-cheerleader's sudden out burst, and barely stifled a laugh, as she threw her playing cards in his face.
Angel drew up his arms to shield himself, but not before being pelted with the entire deck of Bicycle cards. "Hey! That's NOT what I meant and you know it!" He stood abruptly, the chair clattering to the floor with the sudden motion.
"Oh yeah? Well why don't you tell her then, HUH? I'll tell you why. You're ashamed! Ashamed of me!" Cordelia slammed her hand down on the metal table to emphasize her anger.
'Well isn't this interesting.' Buffy thought. 'Poor little rich girl's still got a thing for him.'
"He has every right to be." Buffy smirked, her voice coming out cool and low. All those years of Queen C this, Queen C that, Buffy was finally going to get payback for all those times she made her feel like nothing.
"Don't go there, Buffy. You don't know what you're talking about." Angel's hardened gaze shifted from his agitated seer to land on the smirking girl sitting a few feet away.
"You're right, I don't. I don't know you anymore. Three years ago Queen C would've NEVER been your eye-candy. I guess I'm the one that's just not good enough for you." Buffy fought back tears now, a full realization of the situation finally hitting her right in the face.
Cordelia wasn't just lusting after her ex-boyfriend, whom she'd had every intention of reconciling a relationship with on her trip, but HE was in love with HER as well. He no longer looked at Buffy the way he was looking at Cordelia now, and it tore a gaping hole in her chest.
She thought he'd wait. For her. For them. For their future.
She'd tried to move on, but she couldn't. One foot was always planted firmly in the past.
Their past.
While her other foot was striding towards their future. She never thought he wouldn't follow her. It never even crossed her mind.
She swore Angel was reading her soul through her eyes because his immediately softened. His gaze shifted nervously between Buffy, who sat quietly contemplating with a broken heart, and Cordelia who had removed herself from the table and slumped into a heap in the corner, knees drawn to her chest.
"Buffy…" He croaked out the one word that always used to cause him so much pain. "It's not like that."
"Why?" She could barely get the word out of her burning throat. She could feel the sting of her salty tears, waiting to be shed, distorting her vision.
"I… I love her." Angel sighed, whispering those three words that made Buffy's reality crumble around her. He'd only said those words to her. She'd saved those words for him, always for him, and now he was saying them about the one person she could never bring herself to stand.
"You love me. You love me… Angel, I love you. How can you say that about HER." Buffy spat out her last word, disgust plainly evident in her voice as she looked over at the girl still sitting in the corner.
"You don't know her anymore, Buffy. You don't know me either. We've all changed. I- I still love you, but just not like that. I'm sorry." Angel reached a hand out for the girl on the bed, only to have her flinch away from his touch.
"You're sorry for what? Leading me on, or loving her?" Buffy made no more attempts to hold her tears in. She let the tears run freely down her cheeks, looking like streaks of black lightning from her running mascara.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. I never meant to hurt you, Buffy. You have to know that." Angel sat on the edge of the cot, pleading with her to understand.
"But why her? What can she give you that I can't?" She finally met his eyes, practically drowning in the memories she saw in the brown pools. Memories she held of them. But that was just a reflection of what she saw in herself. His eyes no longer held what hers did. No more future, no more fire, no more lust, no more longing.
Just the past. It suddenly felt so far away and so long ago. She'd never felt that way before.
"I… I can't explain it." He finally looked away from her, to his love still curled up across the room. She had her head down on her knees. Angel could hear her quiet sobs, and he could feel her blood pumping furiously through her veins.
He was torn.
Torn between gathering her in his arms and consoling her, murmuring his love for her into her soft brown hair… and torn between making Buffy understand.
"Just tell me, Angel."
Her voice snapped Angel back into reality and he painfully tore his eyes away from Cordelia to stare down at his hands. "When I was with you, you made me happy. But it hurt. A lot. Everyday. It tore me in two every time we were apart. I had to leave because it hurt too much to be near you. You needed something I couldn't give."
He paused to collect his thoughts before continuing in an almost inaudible whisper, "You NEED things I CAN'T give. And there are things that I have now that I never knew I could have. Things you couldn't give me."
"I don't understand. I gave you everything. I've never given myself to anyone but you… Tell me what you need and I'll do it. Whatever it takes." Buffy pleaded with him through her tears, her voice cracking under the invisible weight being pressed against her chest.
Angel looked her straight in the eye, his heart breaking just from the look on her face. But it was now or never. He drew in an unneeded breath to hopefully calm his voice, as he spoke, "Friendship."
"What?" Buffy furrowed her brow trying to understand what exactly he meant by that.
"Unconditional friendship. We never had that Buffy. I never even knew I wanted it until last year. But now it's something I can't live without. I won't."
"I can give you that."
"We can't go back. Not now, after everything. You taught me so much about love, but that quirky, snippy, tactless woman over there taught me how to live. Just by being my friend. I would never give that up."
"I'm sorry…" She whispered so softly, Angel wouldn't have caught it if he were human. "I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you needed. That it wasn't enough…" Her voice cracked again with the emotion.
The hardest thing to do in the world is to live in it. Angel wanted to live. He needed that more than anything else, and he finally found a way to have it.
"Go."
He didn't think he'd heard her right, but she raised her head to meet his eyes, and he saw it in her. Beyond all that green, he saw the understanding. Her heart was broken, but she understood.
~*~
"Cordy…" Angel knelt in front of Cordelia, placing his hands on her knees encasing her hands, urging her to look at him. After a few more moments and no response from her, he gently took her head in his hands and forced her to look up at him.
Her tears had dried, her eyes no longer held any trace of the tears he knew she shed, but they were sullen.
Flat. Devoid of any emotion.
She'd completely drained herself. No—HE'D completely drained her. There wouldn't have been any less life in those eyes if he had sunk his own teeth into her flesh and consumed her blood, not letting go until he she was completely drained of all that rich, life-giving fluid.
"I love you…" Tears came to his eyes, as he gazed at the hurt he caused with his stupidity and stubbornness. He could've prevented all of this if he'd just done what Cordelia asked him to in the first place the moment Buffy had walked through the hotel doors. He couldn't do it, and now he'd caused more pain to the only two women in his life that meant anything to him, and he didn't know if the damage he'd caused was irreparable or not.
He made no motion to wipe at the tears that streaked down his face, following an invisible trail down his chin to finally drop onto her hands. He just held fast to her, one hand gently cupping the back of her neck, tangled in her shoulder-length hair, the other making a lazy stroke across her delicate cheekbone.
She looked away from him and down at her hands resting on her knees. She saw the tears, and felt their warmth.
She'd made him cry. She'd never made him cry before.
When she looked back up to his face, the smoldering fire in her eyes was slowly being rekindled, and she saw into him.
"I'm sorry…" He whispered. "I should've listened to you."
"Yeah." She nodded, her voice slightly indifferent to his words, as her gaze traveled over to Buffy across the now too-small room.
"I should be happy right? Why do I feel like this?" Cordelia brought her hazel eyes back to meet his, practically sobbing, barely able to keep herself composed.
"Like what?"
"Sad. For Buffy. I've never felt that before." She whispered, lowering her gaze again, not able to look him in the eye.
"Please don't do that. Don't make yourself guilty. I'm guilty, not you. I should've been less of a wuss about this. I wanted it but I was scared. There's nothing you could've done to make it better." Angel spoke gently to her, and drew his face to hers, softly laying a kiss on her forehead. "I love you." He breathed his words into her ear and enveloped her in his strong embrace, never wanting to let go.
"I love you…" She whispered back, shaky arms coming up to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, needing him to never let her go.
END