When Kon landed in front of the massive Wayne Manor door, he had expected many things – especially to be greeted by Mr. Pennyworth, - but to find Tim scowling like a little kid – and wasn't that the cutest thing in like, ever? - arms crossed, eyes narrowed, a pout curling his lips.
"What the emergency?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and trying – and failing – not to coo at his best friend slash boyfriend.
"You told Superman about the 'Super Husbands' thing?" Tim growled, glaring at him.
Kon gulped.
"The… er…"
It was true, in a way. The Super Husbands was something the Teen Titans had started calling Superman and Batman after one of their many we-have-a-mission-and-it's-super-secret-but-we-are-really-just-gonna-go-and-party things Batman allowed them every two months or so. And of course, Cassie had to comment that Tim's and Kon's mentors appeared to be awfully close in the old married couple way and Bart just HAD to laugh and comment they were THE SUPER HUSBANDS because they were just perfect and awesome and most likely their not-love would be epic.
Tim, who had been quite drunk, had decided to accept such joke and wrote the tale of the epic not-love of the super husbands, which had, in the end, become a song they all sung at the top of their lungs, trying their best not to fall down giggling.
And Kon, giddy as he was, had gone back home humming the Super Husband's Epic Ballad, only to find Clark staring at him with wide eyes, his cheeks a deep red.
Blinking, he turned back to Tim, whose glare had intensified to artic proportions and tried his best sheepish smiles.
"Oops?" he asked, shrugging, and could practically see the urge to reach for the Kryptonite ring in his friend's cold eyes.
"Damn it, Kon!" he hissed. "It was supposed to be a secret!"
"How was I supposed to know he would overhear!?" Kon asked, trying to defend his case. Tim raised an eyebrow.
"He's fucking Superman, idiot, of course he can hear EVERYTHING!"
"Well, yeah, but…"
"It doesn't matter," Tim sighed, running a tired hand through his hair in a way that made Kon want to forget the whole incident and just drag his best friend somewhere else to do naughty things and kiss the anger away.
"You fix this," the other teen continued, his finger pointing at the manor proper. "You go there and take him away before Bruce kills him!"
"What?"
"Go there and take him away," Tim repeated, unamused.
"Take who?" Kon asked, feeling dread pooling on the pit of his stomach.
"The idiot who decided to Google 'Super Husbands' and is now pouting his way into the Batcave?" Tim replied, his pretty mouth curling in distaste. "You did this, you fix it."
Kon blinked, not sure he understood why Clark googling 'Super Husbands' would cause such a mess. Seriously, Clark was an adult, and usually a very calm one at that. He would possibly laugh, share the joke with Batman, if only to see him seethe and then fly away back to Metropolis to chuckle on his own?
But pout?
Clark?
Impossible.
Except for the fact that, the moment Tim opened the Batcave to him, he found Clark himself, his mature, calm, adult Clark, sulkily resting heavily over Batman's shoulders, both arms hanging limply over the other man's while his cheek rubbed against his, a serious oh-my-god-it's-there pout on his lips – and it wasn't as pretty a pout as Tim's, obviously – while Batman tried to ignore him and work.
"They are not as handsome as we are," Clark muttered, his index finger tracing lazy patterns on Batman's gauntled wrist. "Plus they don't know eachother for as long as we have, right?"
"I can't believe you want to have this sort of conversation, Clark," Bruce commented, still typing away.
"But we are the Super Husbands, right?" Clark insisted. "What do THEY have to do with it?"
"I'm not having this conversation."
"Plus!" Clark continued obliviously. "They don't have Super on their names! I am SUPERman, of course WE can be the Super Husbands, they would be the Captain Husbands or the Iron Husbands or something, but not the SUPER Husbands, that's us."
"See what I mean?" Tim growled, standing by Kon's side and once more crossing his arms over his chest. "He's been like that for over three hours."
"What the hell is his problem?" Kon asked in bewilderment.
Tim shook his head.
"If you google 'Super Husbands' you don't get pictures of Batman and Superman, Kon," Tim explained, shrugging. "You get Captain America's and Iron Man's supposed marriage."
"The ones from the movie?" Kon asked, blinking in confusion.
"Yup."
"And Clark…"
"He didn't like it."
"Right."
Both teens turned once more to the two adults, just in time to see Superman poking Batman's cheek, his pout even more pronounced.
"Maybe if we act a little closer?" he suggested.
"Not happening, Clark," Batman replied instantly, still ignoring his old-time friend's attempts.
"But those two actors are nothing compared to us!" Clark complained. "You are seriously better than Iron Man, more loyal and definitely smarter."
"You keep comparing me to a comic book hero and I'll bring out the Kryptonite."
"But Bruce!" Clark whined. "You are my Super Husband!"
"Then I'll just Super Divorce you."
"Broose!" Clark pouted. "You can't do that! There are epic ballads written about us!"
"What?"
Tim narrowed his eyes, his hand curling harshly around Kon's shoulder.
"You did this," he repeated. "Now fix it!"
"What? Me?" Kon gapped.
"If you don't go there and fix this mess, Kon, so help me god, I'll put you in the driest spell you have ever lived through," Tim threatened, eyes positively freezing. "I'll take it away and you won't see it until the next coming of the Haley Comet!"
Kon's mouth fell open.
"You'll take it away? What will you take away?" he asked tremulously.
Tim gave him a sideway glance, then his eyes strayed towards his own middle, and even lower, before they rose to meet his once again.
"What do you think, idiot?" he hissed.
Kon instantly flew towards his mentor, frantically pulling at his arm and trying, not unsuccessfully, to prevent him from singing the Epic Ballad of the Super Husbands to Batman.
Tim sighed, his fingers rubbing at his forehead.
At least Clark hadn't read far enough to realize that Marvel Comic's Super Husbands had a kid, he would most likely demand Bruce gave him some of his prodigious DNA to clone one kid because that would totally be better than adopting Spiderman and really, Tim wasn't sure Wayne Manor had enough room for another prodigy-clone. Plus Damian would have an aneurism.
He blinked.
"Now, that doesn't sound so bad…" he mused to himself, deciding to amuse himself with the struggle Superman was putting and Kon's desperate attempts to dislodge him from Bruce. Smirking when he noticed that, not once had Bruce tried to push Clark away, nor had he denied the fact that they were, indeed, husbands.
He shook his head.
Epic Super Husbands, indeed.