A/N: I own nothing and am sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes.
He's just so angry.
It's consuming him little by little, this rage that's boiling his blood and moving through his veins never stopping, never allowing him to take a breath and feel nothing. He wants to feel nothing, if only for just a little while, if only for a second, because he knows, he goddamn well knows that anger is the destroyer of everything.
But he can't. He can't let it go and breathe. His blood is bubbling in his veins; his insides are probably all black as charcoal, burned meat. He is burnt meat, just like his mom and just like Jess, just like his father and one day, he knows - but hopes like hell that he's wrong - one day his brother will be burnt meat too. Because that's what happens to people close to him. He burns them with his anger, with his rage.
He burns them until there's nothing else left but ashes.
-:-
He tries so damn hard to control it, sometimes to the point where he feels himself bending and cracking and morphing into a monster he knows he should be. But Dean ... his brother always finds a way to not let that happen. Yet one day, he knows, one day Dean won't be there to do that, because his brother will be nothing more but ashes in the wind.
He tries to steer the fury into something good, into doing good, but anger's a slippery eel, can't be caught easily, can't be made to do anything else but what it's meant to do.
Hurt.
He hurts people, more than he does monsters. He hurts the ones he loves, which aren't all that many, just his brother and Bobby, but damnit, he hurts them good. Disappoints them. Leaves them sad at him and for him, but he can't ... can't contain the rage that's drowning him from the inside out.
When he lies in bed – sometimes - he wishes for peace and serenity to come to him, but they never do, because the rage inside of him burns everything until there's nothing left, but him and the darkness and Dean breathing loudly in the other bed.
Everything is ash, especially love.
Because everything and everyone he ever loved and loved him back, everything and everyone he ever touched ... turned into gray ash that scattered away through the years.
He's just so angry.
And the demon blood in him will one day make ash out of Dean, he's certain of it, but hell, if he won't fight it. Because love … should be pure and bright, not black and gray and nothing.
"Stop thinking so much, Sammy, you might hurt something."
He chuckles nervously, because yeah … he just might hurt someone if he'll continue like this.
"Dean…"
"Yeah?"
"I, uh..."
He'll fight what's inside of him, he'll try to kill the fury in him and he'll try to turn it into something good, because lovefamilybrothers, the world ... is worth him dying.
"Let's just get this over with, burn what's left of mister Caddly here and then go get some beers, what do you say, Sammy?"
Burn. Evil. Ashes to ashes. He wonders if Mr. Caddly had been an evil, evil man even before he died. If he had been an angry man.
"Yeah, yeah okay."
He won't let the anger win. No matter the cost.
The End