At Such Cost
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters but they own my emotions. These stories are the effects of my post-Thor: The Dark World viewing. Enjoy and do let me know what you think.
As Thor grows in strength and wisdom, he loses the people dear to him.
Everything worth having comes at a price. And Thor is fast learning that being a great ruler demands sacrifices, some he was and never would have been, ready to make.
"I am grown older and wiser and somehow worthy of a noble weapon," he muses, "I have the love of a good woman and the respect of the nine realms. Such happiness is afforded to but a few."
But in his darker moments, he ponders the cost of all this good fortune. His mother is dead and his brother is lost to him. And though he has earned his father's admiration and respect, their family's loss has created a distance between them that may be impossible to breach.
Thor is not ungrateful for his current circumstances. But the years and experience have made him more introspective. He is not greedy but he still wishes there was some way to heal old wounds, to rewrite the past, to prevent some of the painful events from occurring.
But the more he remembers and now that he has somewhat clearer sight, Thor realizes that things could not have been avoided. He had been blind to Odin's favoritism because it had been to his advantage. He had never paid much heed to Loki's growing jealousy and resentment though sometimes these were well concealed. He could not have changed the fact that Odin had taken a baby from the ruins of Jotunheim and fed him promises of being a king.
"Perhaps if I had loved him better?" Thor thought. But this was not possible. Because Thor knew that he had truly loved his brother despite everything. And if the truth of Loki's birth had been revealed in different circumstances, Thor knew he would not have loved Loki any less. But all that was gone now, their bond damaged beyond repair.
He knows he must not dwell on such fantasies. Wise men look to the past only to learn from their errors, not to wallow in their regrets.
He tells himself this because he hopes to be a wiser man, a better man.
But sometimes, in his Thor's darkest thoughts he felt he would gladly give up all he had today to be able to live in those days when his family was happy, unmarred by hatred and anger. In the days when he had a brother he loved and who loved him.
A lesser man he may have been then but at least he had been happy. Happier even than he was at this moment and he feared he would never be able to feel that way again.
Because now there would always be a hole in his heart in the shape of his brother.