Tooled
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Another summery Mineral Town morning dawned, just the same as had many before it. The sky was as bright and clear as a happy child's eyes, smiling down on a rippling field of wildflowers and smooth, velvety lawns.
At the Dip Ranch, Jack Bobo smashed his chickens brutally with a large hammer.
"Why don't you die?!" Jack shrieked helplessly as the chicken merely squawked and glared at him, unaffected by the heavy blow. He tossed the shiny blue tool aside, whipping out his mystrile hoe. "Where's my money?!" He plowed into the chicken.
It squawked and glared.
Jack fell to his knees, sobbing in confusion. How was this?! Why?! Why did they affect his fields so, but nothing else?!
The chicken pecked absently at the ground, scratching for worms.
Running in a mad, tear-blurred panic from the henhouse, Jack grabbed his sickle, staring desperately at his arm.
A swing and a white-hot explosion of pain revealed that he had chopped off his left hand, a spray of blood spattering and coiling into a rosy smoke in the nearby fish pond.
Jack's eyes shone with tears as he picked up his ragged, severed hand, staring at it in awe. Beautiful...
He grabbed the sickle once more, digging into his stomach, ripping out his intestines, sending them flying like streamers free in the wind - defying the presence of normal gravity! What a beauteous thing!
Even as grey cobwebs began to speckle across his dimming, blurring vision, he dragged the sickle through his ragged, blood-soaked body once more, catching on his taint and ripping his entire penis free, a strangled scream of masochistic pleasure ripping from his blood-clogged throat. He coughed and gagged, spewing crimson bubbles.
His sphincter quivering and puckering in anticipation of an anal invasion that would sadly never come, Jack's brain went mad, using his fading strength to gouge out his eyes, rip out his tongue, tear his earlobes... puncture and deflate his lungs, before driving the sickle straight into his heart.
His tools really worked... They really worked! They really...
A final quivering pump gushed a stream of blood and bile onto the soiled farmland.
Happy summer solstice!