Yusuke had been watching the sky a lot recently. He tried to do it when people weren't watching him, but Kurama had noticed. He seemed lonely, somehow, even when surrounded by his friends. He also seemed very distant, as if he were separating himself from the rest. Yusuke's ready smile had been showing itself less and less recently and his happy brown eyes were clouded with something Kurama couldn't quite name. It wasn't sorrow, it wasn't despair, but it was close to these, something related but completely separate. So, the redhead watched until he could figure out how to approach their brunet leader.

Before he had a chance to puzzle it out, Yusuke sat next to him on the steps leading up to Genkai's temple. They were supposed to have a meeting with Botan and both had arrived early. Kurama had decided to enjoy the beauty of the early spring day. The cherry trees hadn't bloomed yet, but the promise was there. He glanced at Yusuke when he sat and looked again when he saw the pain in the brunet's eyes. "Yusuke?" he asked softly.

Yusuke rested his forearms on his legs, "What do you know about effigies, Kurama?"

"Effigies?" Kurama asked, making sure he'd heard right.

"Yeah," Yusuke murmured, looking up at the sky again.

Kurama frowned and tried to frame an answer, "They're made to resemble people, usually as pottery or burnable material, and then burned as an act of symbolism. Why?"

"Do you know anything else?" Yusuke's voice was distant, his eyes remaining on the sky.

Kurama looked up, but the sky was cloudless, a perfect bowl of blue. "In the Makai, some believe you can kill an enemy by burning an effigy."

"Is it true, Kurama?" Yusuke's voice began to return and his eyes slowly made their way to meet Kurama's green ones.

"I don't know, Yusuke," he confessed, feeling uneasy at the interest in those brown eyes. If he didn't know better, he would have said it was maniacal. "Why do you ask?"

Yusuke's eyes shut down, closing out Kurama from the boy's thoughts, "Never mind."

The sudden switch startled Kurama. He touched Yusuke's arm, "I'll help you, but I need to know why, Yusuke."

The brunet seemed to collapse in on himself, his head coming down to his forearms. "Kurama, we killed them. I killed them. Isn't that wrong?"

The redhead blinked, trying to understand what Yusuke was referring to, and then his mind flash to the tournament. They'd been home for almost four months. Had Yusuke been holding this back that long? "You mean Toguro and the rest at the tournament?" Yusuke nodded, his head barely moving against his arms. "They would have killed us if we didn't kill them," Kurama answered, his voice somewhere between soothing and heartless.

"Is that all that matters, Kurama?" Yusuke stood suddenly, pacing the steps. "Is that really the only thing that matters, that we survived? Does life really mean so little?" He paused, a disgusted look on his face as he looked at the kitsune, "What the hell am I talking to you about this for? I already know what you think!" He stormed off into the forest surrounding the temple.

Kurama sat stunned a moment. Even when they'd been enemies, Yusuke had never used such a harsh tone with him. He felt anger rising quickly, a desire to chase down the boy and make him regret speaking to him that way. Then, the part of him that Shiori had instilled, the part that made him different from the kitsune who'd sought refuge in the human embryo, rose, reminding him that Yusuke was his friend and in pain. He didn't mean what he'd said, not really. He stood and followed Yusuke into the forest. "Yusuke," he called softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't think before I spoke."

"So, the infallible Youko Kurama can apologize." Yusuke stepped around the tree he'd ducked behind when he realized Kurama was following him.

"Yes, I can apologize, and I'm not infallible, Yusuke. Nor am I truly Youko anymore." He paused. He was justifying himself and that wouldn't help Yusuke. "I am sorry, Yusuke. Can we start again?" He sat down, looking at Yusuke expectantly. The brunet reluctantly sat, his back against a tree, well out of reach of the redhead. "You wanted to know about effigies?" Yusuke's eyes were wary as he nodded. "I've never used one," Kurama continued. "I preferred to deal with my enemies more directly. Why do you want to know about them?"

Yusuke dropped his eyes, looking away. "I want to die," he whispered so softly Kurama almost missed the words. "I want to die," he repeated a little louder, "but, there's something coming, Kurama, something big and I can't just leave."

Kurama's heart was caught between pain and not caring. It hurt, the sudden lurch in his chest, and he had to struggle to breathe around it, to stay calm. "Why do you want to die, Yusuke?"

Yusuke ran his hands through his hair, fisting them in frustration, "I see them, every time I close my eyes, I see the ones we killed. I see their faces, Kurama. I…" he trailed off, turning away from the redhead and dropping his hands to his lap. "I enjoyed it, Kurama," he whispered, his eyes focused on the sky again. "There's gotta be something wrong with me. Something terribly wrong."

"And the effigy?" Kurama fought to keep his voice neutral, to not judge Yusuke.

"If…I was thinking," he paused and looked at Kurama again. "You're going to hate me."

"No, Yusuke. If I can help you, I will."

"You're not going to argue with me?" his voice incredulous.

"No, Yusuke. I'm not going to change how you feel and if I try, I'll just be proving your point that all I care about is myself."

"Hn," Yusuke smiled bitterly, "So you're here to prove me wrong?"

"No, Yusuke," Kurama wondered how many times he would say those words, "I'm here because you're in pain and I do care about you."

Yusuke's expression was bitter as he came to his hands and knees and crawled over to Kurama, invading the kitsune's personal space. Kurama leaned back but didn't move anymore than that. Yusuke kept moving until Kurama was on his back, "You care, do you?" he challenged. "What, you care so you can get your dick up my ass?"

"Yusuke, that is unfair. You're my friend."

Yusuke's hand pulled a lock of red hair away from the ground, looking at it intently a moment before returning his eyes to Kurama's, "Your friend?" Still holding the hair, he sat on Kurama's hips, "Youko Kurama doesn't have friends." He pulled the hair hard enough for Kurama to follow it up. His hand fisted at the nape of Kurama's neck, pulling his head back. "Youko Kurama doesn't care!" he spat out. His expression changed, still harsh, still full of rage, but something changed. "Does this feel familiar, Kurama?" he asked, his tone wheedling, almost singsong.

Kurama's eyes were wide, white showing around the brilliant green, "What do you mean, Yusuke?"

Yusuke threw the red hair out of his hand, causing Kurama's head to hit the ground again. Kurama whimpered involuntarily. "Are you trying to tell me you don't remember, Kurama?"

"Remember what, Yusuke?" The redhead was a little dazed.

Yusuke's eyes burned, "That night, Kurama. Don't you remember?"

Kurama struggled to remember anything he'd done that would have made Yusuke so angry and came up blank. That blankness led him to think of other times he couldn't quite remember. When he was Youko, he only knew what his alter ego told him. "What did Youko do, Yusuke?" he finally asked softly.

"What did Youko do, Yusuke?" the brunet mocked. At Kurama's continued expression of confusion, he relented, though his voice held disbelief, "You don't know?"

"No," he said softly, "I only know what he chose to share with me, Yusuke. When he appeared, I wasn't aware of what he was doing."

"He knew everything about you," the brunet stated flatly, his hands coming to rest on the ground next to the redhead's shoulders. "He knew every fucking thing about you."

All remaining color drained from Kurama's face. "Yusuke," he began only to be cut off.

"Is it true, Kurama?"

"Is what true, Yusuke?" Yusuke pushed off Kurama and walked away, leaning against a tree and looking at the sky again. Cautiously, Kurama sat up but didn't move any farther. "Yusuke, he didn't tell me anything about you. What happened?" He was beginning to feel panicky.

Yusuke's voice was as distant as his eyes, "I want to burn two effigies, Kurama."

"Two?" his voice was tight.

Yusuke's eyes remained on the sky, "Kurama, do you really not know what he said, what he did?"

"No, I really don't know, Yusuke. Please, if he…if I hurt you…" Kurama stretched his hand out to Yusuke in supplication.

"He said you love me." Yusuke's eyes came back to the redhead, "He laughed when he said it. He said you loved me," Yusuke's voice broke and he fell next to the tree, his knees to his chest. "He said you loved me and that's why he had to do it." His arms wrapped around his knees, "He said you loved too many and he had to do it. He had to make me hate you."

Kurama's hand began to shake. "Yusuke?" his voice shook so badly he barely got the name out.

Yusuke's eyes met Kurama's eyes and both were full of pain, "Is it true, Kurama? Do you love me?"

"I do," the confession was barely a whisper.

Yusuke crawled over to Kurama and looked deeply into his green eyes, "He raped me, Kurama. Did he tell you that?"

Kurama winced but maintained eye contact, "No, he didn't tell me. He didn't even tell me that he'd seen you."

"He was pissed, Kurama. He was angry, angrier than he was with Karasu or Uraurashima. Why was he angry with me?" Yusuke's eyes pleaded with Kurama for reason, for comfort.

Very slowly, Kurama reached out to touch Yusuke's cheek, "I think…I think because he recognized you as stronger than he is. And, that he couldn't kill you without compromising his own existence."

"Is he really that separate from you?"

Kurama looked down and though about the answer, his hand going to his lap. He brought his eyes up and answered Yusuke as fully as he could, "Before, I thought we were the same, that I was he and he was me. But, the fruit of past life made it very obvious how much I have changed. I am not the same kitsune who sought refuge in the Ningenkai almost eighteen years ago. I have changed a lot, Yusuke. He hates that. He hates what he sees as the ningen weaknesses I've taken on. He hates that I now have a conscious."

"It didn't bother you to kill at the tournament, though," Yusuke countered.

"I went there knowing I had to be willing to kill, Yusuke. They would kill me without blinking. And when my mother was threatened, that justified anything in my mind."

"I want to burn an effigy of him," Yusuke stated flatly, a challenge in his voice.

"I will help you," Kurama returned, meeting Yusuke's challenge.

"You would kill him?"

"Yes, I would kill him. He hurt something very precious to me. He crossed the line, Yusuke. I will help you, if you will allow me to." Kurama's voice was very soft, but full of conviction. His hand trembled when he brought it up to touch Yusuke's face.

Yusuke held Kurama's hand to his cheek, "He spoke as if you two were separate. I wanted to believe it, Kurama."

"That's why…"

"He told me you loved me, Kurama," Yusuke interrupted. "That part felt good."

"I do love you, Yusuke."

Yusuke managed a watery smile, "I like how it sounds from your lips much better. I tried to forget what he did. It was easier after your fight with Karasu, when you apologized for not beating him in the time limit. When you did that, I forgot long enough to finish the tournament. But, between nightmares about killing and what he did, I haven't been sleeping well, Kurama."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier, Yusuke?"

The brunet released his hand and sat back on his heels, "I thought I had time to work it out on my own, but I have a bad feeling that something's coming. It's been quiet too long and I need to be able to trust you and me again."

"Then, shall we get started?" Kurama had been feeling the same unease.

Yusuke took a deep breath, "Yeah, but one more thing. I want you to make mine and I'll make his."

Kurama winced. The maker of the effigy was the one who wished death on the image they were making. "I…" he began, to be cut off again.

"I know you don't wish me dead, but he does, Kurama." He stood and Kurama followed, his expression uncertain.

"I will because you ask, Yusuke."

Yusuke stepped close enough that their chests were almost touching, "If I had a little longer, I could do this without the effigies." He tipped his head a little, bringing his lips within a breath of Kurama's, "But, I can't quite without him crawling up in my memory, mocking your feelings." He stepped back, giving the redhead a moment to recover.

Kurama was trembling head to foot, "You don't have to do this for me, Yusuke."

"I know. I want to do it for us, Kurama. I need you to get his feelings out of you." Brown eyes pled, "I wouldn't ask if it weren't important, Kurama."

"I know, Yusuke. I told you I would do it."

"You'll let his feelings out?" Yusuke rubbed his hands along his jeans in a nervous gesture.

Kurama swallowed thickly, "Yes."

Yusuke turned and walked away without further words. Kurama followed, matching his pace, not closing the distance between them. They reached a clearing that had been set up for a bon fire. A large pile of wood stood in the middle of the nearly bare earth, a pile of straw and two roughly human shaped figures off to one side. Next to the pile of straw were what looked like clothes and fabric and the makings for papier-mâché. "You're prepared," Kurama remarked, following Yusuke to the straw figures.

"I have to do this, Kurama. I don't see another way. I was hoping you'd help."

Kurama walked up behind Yusuke and hesitantly reached to touch him, "Let's get started, then."

Yusuke nodded and picked up one of the straw dummies, gathered the white material and moved to the other side of the papier-mâché materials. He began dressing the figure in a crude representation of Youko's clothes. Kurama watched a moment before moving to the remaining figure. The clothes were Yusuke's, jeans, a tee. Carefully, Kurama dressed the figure, pain rising in his chest along with bitterness. As he struggled to get the shirt on, Yusuke mixed the paste and paper into a thick pulp and divided it between two bowls. One bowl was set by Kurama's knee and the redhead nodded. Yusuke returned to his figure and began working on the face, adding papier-mâché to the straw and building up the features.

Kurama couldn't watch him work. His own hands wanted to shake. He wanted to stop, to try and convince Yusuke this wasn't needed, but he understood the brunet's reasoning. They needed to rely on each other. Their lives depended on it. With a sigh, he reached for that part of himself he'd been trying to ignore since the tournament.

So, you've called for me? Youko's voice was condescending.

You raped him, the accusation was vicious.

He still doesn't hate you, so what do you care? The words were snide, the tone uncaring.

I am going to help him. You are going to help. You hate him, and that is going into this figure. Kurama began drawing Youko up, bringing his feelings to the surface of his mind. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

You're not strong enough to manifest me, Minamino Shuichi. Youko fought against the pull bringing him to the forefront of the redhead's mind.

Kurama's hands worked quickly while his mind struggled to keep Youko's feelings about Yusuke active in his mind. If his alter managed to slip away, the effigy wouldn't be everything Yusuke wanted it to be.

He wants you to kill him? Oh, how preciously human Youko sneered.

Kurama watched his hands try to transform, try to lengthen into Youko's hands. Youko wasn't strong enough yet to take over his body. Neither of them was strong enough to over take the other, but Kurama was determined to defeat his past. While the struggle continued in his mind, Yusuke's face formed under his hands.

He is handsome, you know Youko conceded when they finished the figure.

And you're never touching him again! Kurama growled and pulled his hands away from the effigy as he felt Youko want to destroy it. He ended up on his back, having thrown himself that hard away from the figure.

"Kurama?" Yusuke's voice was puzzled.

"Youko wanted to destroy it," the redhead panted. "I got him to help me make it and he wanted to destroy it."

Yusuke paused, and then asked, "You in control again?"

Kurama stared at the sky, midmorning when they started, now late afternoon. "Yes, I'm in control again. He's still mad, though."

"Okay," Yusuke replied, "let's get them over there, then." He picked up the figure that now resembled a very crude Youko, the grey papier-mâché looking ghastly, though the intent was clear. He laid it, almost gently, almost harshly, on the pile of wood and looked at Kurama.

Shaking, Kurama pushed to his feet. Youko wanted out now that he'd seen Yusuke's effigy. He was pissed with the redhead for keeping that away from him. He wanted out to punish Yusuke, to punish Kurama. Kurama fought him, struggled to keep him suppressed while he carried the effigy of Yusuke to the woodpile. He managed to lay it down before he feel to his knees, arms wrapped around himself, as the battle in his mind raged. "Start the fire, Yusuke!" he gasped out.

You want me dead, too! Youko raged, fought, ripped at the redhead's mind, showing him everything he'd done to Yusuke. Kurama closed his eyes as his chest tightened, forcing him to breathe in gasping hitches. He rocked, fell to his side as the fire caught. He saw Yusuke's face, full of pain, covered in bruises while Youko drove into him viciously. There was nothing resembling tenderness or gentleness in the touches, but Youko kept saying, "He loves you, Yusuke. Kurama loves you and that is why this is happening!" He heard every word, saw every expression on Yusuke's face, felt everything Youko had. He felt Youko fighting to get out, to stop the fire. He felt his ki trying to reach out, to do something to make the fire stop. Kurama fought with everything he had, writhing on the ground, pain contorting his face as Youko fought to live.

At some point, Kurama must have passed out. The next thing he was aware of was darkness broken by orange flickers. He opened his eyes. The fire had burned down to the size of a camp fire and his head was in Yusuke's lap. He looked at the brunet, but the light was too uncertain for him to read the brown eyes. "Yusuke?" he asked softly.

"You kept flickering between your two forms, Kurama. He would scream at me, and you'd shake, I could see the pain in your face. You told me to stay out of reach. Just before the effigy of him was completely burned, he showed up and demanded to know if I was happy that I'd killed him. I said I was because it would free you. He said you were happy he was going, too." The lilt of Yusuke's voice made the statement a question.

"I am glad. He…he showed me what he did to you, Yusuke." Kurama's voice broke, "I'm so sorry." Sobs tore their way out of his throat, raw noises reflecting the depth of his pain.

Yusuke pulled Kurama up, cradling the redhead in his arms, nuzzling him to his chest, rocking him, letting tears fall without a word between them. After a long time, Kurama became aware of Yusuke's tears wetting his shoulder. Slowly, both of their tears stopped and they pulled back from their convulsive grips, though they still held each other. "I haven't cried once since…" Yusuke let the words trail off.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Yusuke." Kurama let his head hang, turning it to the side, "It's so much more than I deserve that you…"

"Shut up, Kurama," Yusuke's voice was soft as he lifted the redhead's chin and kissed him. There was forgiveness in his lips, comfort, firm pressure, but nothing hinting at anything more carnal. He pulled back, "Do you understand?"

Kurama looked into Yusuke's eyes, the light now hitting them well enough that he could see them. They were reddish in the light, but within them was a calm that Kurama had never seen in them before. Yusuke had come to terms with himself. Also shown by the flickering light was a tentative beginning. "I understand, Yusuke. I love you." A sad smile curved Yusuke's lips and before he could speak, Kurama continued, "I know you can't say it yet, but you can accept it. That's enough." He returned Yusuke's kiss and then wrapped his arms around the boy, "You don't ever have to say it, Yusuke. I'll be here for you."

Yusuke squeezed Kurama to his chest, "I know. We should get going. Your mother will worry if you're out too late." He pulled back, a half smile on his lips.

"The meeting?" Kurama asked, finally remembering why they both had been there in the first place.

"We had it, Kurama. I asked you to come here. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I needed you here. I thought you'd try and talk me out of it if I told you what I wanted." He thought for a moment while Kurama absorbed his words. He was right, the redhead conceded but before he could agree, Yusuke continued, his expression worried, "Can you still use your ki?"

Kurama frowned a moment, "I can still sense the plants." His hand went to his hair and he withdrew his rose. With a flick of his wrist, the long whip manifested, and, with another flick, disappeared. The rose was returned to his hair and he smiled, "It seems so."

"Good. I'm glad," Yusuke's face was a mask of relief. "I didn't really think about it until just now, but if your powers had been completely tied to Youko…"

"I still would have done this with you, Yusuke. What he did was unforgivable." Green eyes were hard as emeralds when he spoke.

Yusuke hugged the redhead, "C'mon. Let's head out." He stood and offered his hand to Kurama, pulling the redhead up when he took his hand. Yusuke continued to hold Kurama's hand as they walked back to the stairs. Silently, they walked, hand in hand, down the stairs.

At the bottom, Yusuke released Kurama's hand so they could walk the separate directions to their homes. "I'll see you later, Kurama."

The redhead smiled, "Yes. See you, Yusuke." He was about to leave when Yusuke grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. He was a bit dazed when he was suddenly released and Yusuke was halfway down the block. "Where is this going?" he mused as he walked slowly to his home.

A/N This is being posted in my livejournal. I'm actually almost finished. Working on the last chapter. I don't know why effigies, but it somehow works. This is nearly cannon, though I'm not completely sure on the timing between the Ankoku Bujutsukai and the Sensui/Chapter Black Saga. I've been told I may be taking a few liberties there, but I'm still calling this cannon. :D Author's perogative. Enjoy and leave cookies. Cookies are yummy ;)