Author's Note: This is the first Degrassi fanfic I have ever written, so please be gentle. Also, this has got to be the saddest fic I've ever written. I wrote this when I was pissed off at my parents because of the crap that they have put me though, so yes it's angst. Sorry about that. Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any characters in this fan fiction. If I did, Eli would be tied to my bed posts, Mwhahahahaha…..
Christmas. A time to sing, a time to rejoice. A time of warmth. A time of love. A time to just sit around the fireplace, warming your toes with the glowing red-hot embers, sipping eggnog, munching on a good-old-fashioned red and white stripped candy cane, and enjoying the company of one's family as they laugh and talk about old times, past loves, and favorite family memories. But if Christmas was supposed to be so damned happy, then why the hell was Clare Edwards sitting in her gloomy bedroom, freezing her ass off under a paper-thin fleece blanket as she so desperately tried to concentrate on the falling snowflakes outside her window rather than the retched, angry screaming coming from downstairs?
I had wanted nothing more than a normal fucking Christmas, and with everything my parents put me through finalizing the divorce this past fall, they owed it to me. I had everything perfectly planned. The tree was up and freshly decorated, the house was decked out in lights, the feast was in the refrigerator just waiting to be prepared, and Darcy was even coming home. All they had to do was show up, but now I wished with all my heart that they hadn't. What had happened to the Christmas magic from when I was five? Did it all really just evaporate once I turned ten gave up on Santa? Nothing would ever be same as they had once been, and now, sitting on my bed, toes numb from the cold, my hunched body shaking in sorrow as the tears began to stream down my face, ruining Ali's masterpiece, I finally realized it.
"Clarebears?," came a sweet voice from behind, "Are you gonna be alright?"
"Go away!," I sobbed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, smearing my eyeliner into a huge black, wet glob, "Just please, Darce, I'm not in the mood for any crap you think is going to make me feel better."
"Actually, I wasn't going to try to make you feel better. Because hun, I honestly have no idea where to start." Darcy came to sit on the edge of my mattress, making the rusty old metal springs scream in protest as she did so. She had only stepped off the her plane less than three hours ago and already she was dying to catch the next flight out of Canada, or so it seemed as she awkwardly put her arm around me. When I had emailed her the news of the divorce, Darcy ignored it thinking this was honestly some horribly cruel joke I must have been playing. When she had left for Africa, Mom and Dad were just as perfect as ever, and I was still some meek, nerdy little niner. My world was had crashed and shattered in a million pieces, and there was no way my stupid, abandoning sister would be able to put it back together again.
"...Darcy?" I whispered, my voice a tiny, scared whimper, "H-How was it...over there?"
"Wait a sec, you mean Africa? It was..." Darcy struggled to find a word, "...nice."
"W-what I mean is, H-how was it not knowing?"
"…Clare…I…" she let out a sob, "I…I'm so, so sorry."
"Oh Darcy!" Clare whipped the pillow of her head and latched on to her sister's shaking, sobbing form.
Together, we cried. We clutched at each other's shoulders as the body racking, heart wrenching sobs came, and conquered, with a vengeance unable to control. As our tears mingled, they danced elegantly down faces and necks, finally coming to a rest one the collar of my shirt, soaking the fabric through. Together, we bawled until there were no more tears to weep, leaving behind a throbbing empty ache in my chest.
Finally, when the sobbing had slowly came to stop, I couldn't help myself but clutch pitifully to her blouse. It had been so long, and everything had changed so much since I'd last seen her, and now here she was, cradling me in her toned arms, rocking me gently back and forth as if we were little girls again. Darcy had been my shield, my almighty protector when we were younger, and now, despite all of our differences, she was here once again to save the frightened tiny mess of a girl that was her baby sister. Of course, this time there were no Band-Aids or feel-better-kisses to soothe the pain.
"Shhh…it's gonna be alright, hun. Don't you worry. I'm gonna fix this. Promise." Darcy tried to console me.
"God himself couldn't fix this, Darce," Clare mumbled numbly, her lack of emotion startling, "He sure as hell couldn't save our parents' marriage."
Darcy gasped. "Clare! Do you know you're saying?" Did she honestly think I was still the same little uniform-wearing Jesus-freak?
"….Yeah, I-I do…" I closed my diamond blue eyes, silently willing the tears not to come. "I've…been thinking….a lot…and well, I….I've decided that I….I just…I'm just so confused right now…" Clare inched out of her sister's embrace and brought her knees up to her chest, hiding her face, the last thing she said muffled by the barrier between them. "I don't even really know who I am. Let alone who God is..."
"C-Clare…" Darcy choked on her words. "I know that feeling…all too well. You can trust me on that one."
As I peeked up through my messy curls, my eyes locked with those of the one I had once looked up to the most in my life, and every single word I so desperately needed to say I told through my dull diamond eyes.
"Clare…I'm so, so sorry…"
AN: Hope that was alright. Sorry about the length. I may continue this… Not sure yet. Your reviews are my cookies! :) 3