The Journal By AzureLuna
Summary: Sirius has a journal. Remus needs to talk to him somehow James helps. Eventual R/S **Slash** Don't like? Don't read.
Disclaimer: I own the plot, the whole plot, and nothing but the plot.
Warnings: Slash ((Eventually))
Genre: Romance/suspense/Fluff!
Rating: PG-13 for later chapters
~~~~~~~~ Chapter 1: Forbidden Crushes and Confessions ~~~~~~~~ "Only girls write in diary's" Sirius remembered explaining to his mom when she got him one. "It's not a diary, it's a journal, and you might need it someday." She told him. "For what??" he snapped "You'll see!" she snapped back
^~*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^* End of Flashback *^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^.
Well, she was right. and he hated that she was, not only because was she right, because Why he wrote in it.
..Remus.
Remus Lupin his good friend was why he needed to write in it to release forbidden feelings.
Remus seemed to be the reason for everything lately, at least for Sirius. Remus was just.. just . he couldn't explain it if he tried. How he felt didn't make matters better. He .well it couldn't be love, that's not allowed. Boys can't love other boys. Well, apparently, he did. And did Remus feel the same way? Doubtful. Remus was too smart for that. And he didn't want to find out. He liked it better blissfully unaware in the dark. And at the same time, he longed to know. Damn his curiosity.
'Dear Journal,
Today was pretty normal, I'm cracking under the pressure, I want to tell Remus, I know I've said this before. But now it's more sincere then ever. I love him I know I do. But how to tell him. I'm not sure. "Hey Remus! Have I told you 'I love you' lately?" Yeah, that'll go great. I don't want to lose a friendship but I do want something more.. I want a lot more, First step admit to myself I'm gay and tell myself to deal with it. Hold on, **Ink spills on page** All right that's over with. Next step, tell somebody. But who? Not Lily? ... Not yet.. James. Okay I'll do that 1st, 2nd or 10th thing tomorrow. This is a lot to think about.
-Sirius
He put his journal away, feeling relieved. Tell James, right. 'You can do this, he's your best friend!' he told himself. He went to sleep awhile later, after watching Remus sleep (("Beautiful," he had muttered.))
----- *^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*~^*~*^~-----
The next day: ----- *~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^~*^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~-----
Sirius woke up and he woke up James.
Poke.
"Jamsie, are you awake?" Sirius said shaking him, grinning.
Poke.
"Ugh. I am now" James said rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses, "what is it?"
"Err. we need to talk, I need to tell you something. Can we go for a walk?" Sirius was trying to be, well, .serious.
"O.K." James said obviously hearing the seriousness in his voice. They finished waking up and got dressed ((No, Sirius wasn't peeking you sickos!!)) And they set off towards the lake. Sat down and threw rocks into the water.
"So what's up?" James said breaking the half-way-awkward silence.
"Well. err.. I.. umm.. hang on." Sirius was trying to find the perfect way to say this, but he couldn't find the words. "Ilikeboys" he said in a rush.
"What? You're mumbling." James said, a hint of.. amusement? Was in his voice.
"Well you see.I'm attracted to err." Sirius just couldn't finish his sentence. He broke off and looked down.
"Other guys? Like Remus?" James finished for him, looking at him.
Sirius looked up very alarmed, how'd he know? Was he that obvious? Oh no!
"Wha-? Huh? I, well, yeah, but.How'd you know??" Sirius said, still in shock.
James smiled at him.
"Don't worry, you're not making it obvious. I can tell." He explained. "The way you look at him when he's not looking at you, the way you watch him sleep every night and mutter his name in your sleep, He's never heard you so don't worry." At this point Sirius was sure James could read his mind, just to be sure he thought, 'GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!'. James continued, obviously not reading his mind, "I figured you liked him. Don't worry, I don't care that you're gay. As long as you don't like me."
"Oh O.K" was all Sirius could say after all this.
"Sirius, I think he likes you too," James said staring at the lake again.
"Really?" Sirius said eyeing him suspiciously.
James grinned, clearly enjoying this. "Yeah, I'm serious"
Sirius laughed. "I think you're having an identity crisis, I'm Sirius, you're James"
"Oh, thanks, I didn't know that." James said sarcastically and rolling his eyes.
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------------------------
Remus' POV: -----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------------- -----------
"Curious." Remus muttered, sleepily. He had been watching Sirius write in his diary for a long time. Well, about a month.
Every time he saw him writing, the thoughtful looks. It made Remus wonder what he was writing. Of course, Sirius never knew he was being spied on.
This particular night, it looked as if he was writing something bad, well, not necessarily bad. But something he didn't want other people to see; something secret, Remus longed to know that secret. It was nights like this where Remus almost felt bad that he was spying. Pretending to sleep.
Sirius was .a very handsome young man, to say the least.
Remus' brain: Tsk. Tsk. Lies will get you nowhere Remus.
'OKAY! FINE! I'LL ADMIT IT .to myself only, of course.' He said to himself inside his head. 'He's. erm. hot.'
"Ugh. I sound like a bloody fan-girl" Remus muttered, barely audible.
A bottle of ink was leaking onto part of Sirius' journal. He was cute when he's mad.
He, Remus, did like his friend, a lot. Of course, Sirius was straight. Even if Sirius wasn't straight he wouldn't be so stupid to fall for his friend.
Remus had enough of his damned brain, and decided to finally go to sleep.
"Night, Sirius." He muttered very quietly.
-----*~^*~^*~*^~*^~*^~*----- The next day: -----*~^*~^*~*^~*^~*^~*^*^~*-----
Remus woke up earlier then he could have on his own, he looked around for what woke him.
Oh. Sirius.
"Jamsie, are you awake?"
"Ugh. I am now"
"Err. we need to talk, I need to tell you something. Can we go for a walk?"
"O.K."
Wow, Sirius was never, well, this.. serious. It probably had something to do with the journal thing, since he seemed so upset.
As soon as they left Remus sat up. He saw Sirius' journal on his bed. Figuring he'd probably need it. Remus got dressed and grabbed the journal, bolting out of the door.
He was very tempted, even Remus being very self-contained, and 'good' was tempted.
'Curiosity killed the cat' he reminded himself to keep from looking in the journal. 'Your not a cat, quite contrary, you're a wolf, you're in the dog family. It says nothing about killing dogs.' Pointed out the maurder part of his brain.
.. It had a point. And it was very, very tempting to look. And things were made worse on the way down.
He finally decided. Since Sirius sounded a little worried this morning it's probably something his friends should know, right? Since, he was convinced he'd know later, what was the harm in looking now?
He sat down at the nearest bench and decided only a couple sentences then he'd look away.
He read:
Dear Journal,
Today was pretty normal, I'm cracking under the pressure, I want to tell Remus, I know I've said this before. But now it's more sincere then ever.
He looked away.
"Oh no. Could he tell? Was he noticing the signs? Is he going to tell me I'm a helpless queer?!?" Remus said to himself. "I know!!" Remus said standing up and bolting to the library, journal in hand.
Sirius' POV
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------- -----------------
James told Sirius some things that would help in getting Remus. He gave him a checklist.
-Make him realize you like him. Not to the point of flirting, though. (Hold your gaze "accidentally" too long, grin around him for no real reason.)
- Just in case. Never write it down that you like him, in case he finds it too soon.
-Then after you think you made it clear you like him flirt with him and mentally record his reactions.
-Overly hint your gay.
Okay, sounds easy enough. He went back to the Gryffindor Tower, replaying the conversation. But Remus was nowhere to be found he decided to check the library seeing as that's where he always was in his spare time.
He walked into the library casually. A couple heads turned, and some greeted him warmly. He found Remus at a small table completely absorbed in a book. He walked over to the table quietly.
"Whatcha doing?" Sirius said louder then necessary to scare Remus, and almost laughed when Remus jumped.
"Sirius! You scared me half-to-death!" Remus said angrily with a tone of slight amusement in his voice.
"That's what I'm here for." Sirius replied, flashing a boyish grin. "So what are you doing?"
"Err. nothing!" Remus said, slamming the book closed.
"Remus."
"I was looking for a parchment spell," he said simply and reluctantly. Shrugging a little.
"Why?" Sirius tilted his head curiously.
"I have to help someone,"
"Oh." Sirius said, assuming he meant homework or schoolwork.
"I have to go, OK?" Remus said, holding back and looking away slightly.
"Alright, see you around." Sirius said grinning. Remus sank a tiny bit and got up and walked away.
Sirius left for lunch soon after.
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*-- -------------------------------
Remus had gotten the perfect plan.
He had heard somewhere of a spell to make anything anyone writes in a book appear in the 'brother book' or another book that had the spell cast on it. The ink would disappear and the 'brother' could respond.
All he needed was to find the spell, get Sirius' journal, and cast the spell on his own notebook. He could talk to Sirius while he was writing in his journal, and Sirius wouldn't know it was Remus. Sneaky. But it would be very worth it.
When he went into the library he went to the section he was looking for got a book (('Spells for Parchments and More')) and sat down at a very small table.
Chapter 3: The Communication Parchment Spells
The Conversation Spell:
Have conversations with your friends while writing!
-Just tap both chosen books and say very clearly 'Conversulous' -Make sure that the two books never come in direct contact with each other ever. -If you want the ink to appear permanently just tap the page with your wand. No words required.
This is exactly what he wanted. Easy and prefect.
"Whatcha doing?" Sirius' voice scared him so badly he jumped.
"Sirius! You scared me half-to-death!" Remus said angrily with a tone of slight amusement in his voice. He smiled, happy to see him.
"That's what I'm here for." Sirius replied, flashing a grin. "So what are you doing?"
'Oh yeah. I forgot. The books open!!'
"Err. nothing!" Remus said, slamming the book closed. In case he saw. It had to be completely secret.
"Remus." he said impatiently.
"I was looking for a parchment spell," he said simply and reluctantly, and shrugging for effect. He did not want to reveal too much.
"Why?" he tilted his head.
"I have to help someone,"
"Oh."
"I have to go, OK?" Remus said, a little sad. He didn't want to but he had to do this by tonight.
"Alright, see you around." Sirius said grinning. Remus almost sank completely in his chair that damned grin always made him weak. He rushed to the Gryffindor Tower.
**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_, ~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**
And so ends my first chapter. My first slash fic! I almost like writing as much as I do reading. : P But I'm sure other chapters will be so much better and have more effort put into them, This seems like a good set up for a good story, but I want to know what you think!! Please R&R. I do not want Flames because of homosexuality. I warned you in the beginning. The first 20 reviewers get a rubber chicken, a tub of fish, a rose, a brownie point. It your choice!
Spanks for reading! -*~^AzureLuna^~*
Summary: Sirius has a journal. Remus needs to talk to him somehow James helps. Eventual R/S **Slash** Don't like? Don't read.
Disclaimer: I own the plot, the whole plot, and nothing but the plot.
Warnings: Slash ((Eventually))
Genre: Romance/suspense/Fluff!
Rating: PG-13 for later chapters
~~~~~~~~ Chapter 1: Forbidden Crushes and Confessions ~~~~~~~~ "Only girls write in diary's" Sirius remembered explaining to his mom when she got him one. "It's not a diary, it's a journal, and you might need it someday." She told him. "For what??" he snapped "You'll see!" she snapped back
^~*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^* End of Flashback *^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^.
Well, she was right. and he hated that she was, not only because was she right, because Why he wrote in it.
..Remus.
Remus Lupin his good friend was why he needed to write in it to release forbidden feelings.
Remus seemed to be the reason for everything lately, at least for Sirius. Remus was just.. just . he couldn't explain it if he tried. How he felt didn't make matters better. He .well it couldn't be love, that's not allowed. Boys can't love other boys. Well, apparently, he did. And did Remus feel the same way? Doubtful. Remus was too smart for that. And he didn't want to find out. He liked it better blissfully unaware in the dark. And at the same time, he longed to know. Damn his curiosity.
'Dear Journal,
Today was pretty normal, I'm cracking under the pressure, I want to tell Remus, I know I've said this before. But now it's more sincere then ever. I love him I know I do. But how to tell him. I'm not sure. "Hey Remus! Have I told you 'I love you' lately?" Yeah, that'll go great. I don't want to lose a friendship but I do want something more.. I want a lot more, First step admit to myself I'm gay and tell myself to deal with it. Hold on, **Ink spills on page** All right that's over with. Next step, tell somebody. But who? Not Lily? ... Not yet.. James. Okay I'll do that 1st, 2nd or 10th thing tomorrow. This is a lot to think about.
-Sirius
He put his journal away, feeling relieved. Tell James, right. 'You can do this, he's your best friend!' he told himself. He went to sleep awhile later, after watching Remus sleep (("Beautiful," he had muttered.))
----- *^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*~^*~*^~-----
The next day: ----- *~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^~*^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~-----
Sirius woke up and he woke up James.
Poke.
"Jamsie, are you awake?" Sirius said shaking him, grinning.
Poke.
"Ugh. I am now" James said rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses, "what is it?"
"Err. we need to talk, I need to tell you something. Can we go for a walk?" Sirius was trying to be, well, .serious.
"O.K." James said obviously hearing the seriousness in his voice. They finished waking up and got dressed ((No, Sirius wasn't peeking you sickos!!)) And they set off towards the lake. Sat down and threw rocks into the water.
"So what's up?" James said breaking the half-way-awkward silence.
"Well. err.. I.. umm.. hang on." Sirius was trying to find the perfect way to say this, but he couldn't find the words. "Ilikeboys" he said in a rush.
"What? You're mumbling." James said, a hint of.. amusement? Was in his voice.
"Well you see.I'm attracted to err." Sirius just couldn't finish his sentence. He broke off and looked down.
"Other guys? Like Remus?" James finished for him, looking at him.
Sirius looked up very alarmed, how'd he know? Was he that obvious? Oh no!
"Wha-? Huh? I, well, yeah, but.How'd you know??" Sirius said, still in shock.
James smiled at him.
"Don't worry, you're not making it obvious. I can tell." He explained. "The way you look at him when he's not looking at you, the way you watch him sleep every night and mutter his name in your sleep, He's never heard you so don't worry." At this point Sirius was sure James could read his mind, just to be sure he thought, 'GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!'. James continued, obviously not reading his mind, "I figured you liked him. Don't worry, I don't care that you're gay. As long as you don't like me."
"Oh O.K" was all Sirius could say after all this.
"Sirius, I think he likes you too," James said staring at the lake again.
"Really?" Sirius said eyeing him suspiciously.
James grinned, clearly enjoying this. "Yeah, I'm serious"
Sirius laughed. "I think you're having an identity crisis, I'm Sirius, you're James"
"Oh, thanks, I didn't know that." James said sarcastically and rolling his eyes.
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------------------------
Remus' POV: -----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------------- -----------
"Curious." Remus muttered, sleepily. He had been watching Sirius write in his diary for a long time. Well, about a month.
Every time he saw him writing, the thoughtful looks. It made Remus wonder what he was writing. Of course, Sirius never knew he was being spied on.
This particular night, it looked as if he was writing something bad, well, not necessarily bad. But something he didn't want other people to see; something secret, Remus longed to know that secret. It was nights like this where Remus almost felt bad that he was spying. Pretending to sleep.
Sirius was .a very handsome young man, to say the least.
Remus' brain: Tsk. Tsk. Lies will get you nowhere Remus.
'OKAY! FINE! I'LL ADMIT IT .to myself only, of course.' He said to himself inside his head. 'He's. erm. hot.'
"Ugh. I sound like a bloody fan-girl" Remus muttered, barely audible.
A bottle of ink was leaking onto part of Sirius' journal. He was cute when he's mad.
He, Remus, did like his friend, a lot. Of course, Sirius was straight. Even if Sirius wasn't straight he wouldn't be so stupid to fall for his friend.
Remus had enough of his damned brain, and decided to finally go to sleep.
"Night, Sirius." He muttered very quietly.
-----*~^*~^*~*^~*^~*^~*----- The next day: -----*~^*~^*~*^~*^~*^~*^*^~*-----
Remus woke up earlier then he could have on his own, he looked around for what woke him.
Oh. Sirius.
"Jamsie, are you awake?"
"Ugh. I am now"
"Err. we need to talk, I need to tell you something. Can we go for a walk?"
"O.K."
Wow, Sirius was never, well, this.. serious. It probably had something to do with the journal thing, since he seemed so upset.
As soon as they left Remus sat up. He saw Sirius' journal on his bed. Figuring he'd probably need it. Remus got dressed and grabbed the journal, bolting out of the door.
He was very tempted, even Remus being very self-contained, and 'good' was tempted.
'Curiosity killed the cat' he reminded himself to keep from looking in the journal. 'Your not a cat, quite contrary, you're a wolf, you're in the dog family. It says nothing about killing dogs.' Pointed out the maurder part of his brain.
.. It had a point. And it was very, very tempting to look. And things were made worse on the way down.
He finally decided. Since Sirius sounded a little worried this morning it's probably something his friends should know, right? Since, he was convinced he'd know later, what was the harm in looking now?
He sat down at the nearest bench and decided only a couple sentences then he'd look away.
He read:
Dear Journal,
Today was pretty normal, I'm cracking under the pressure, I want to tell Remus, I know I've said this before. But now it's more sincere then ever.
He looked away.
"Oh no. Could he tell? Was he noticing the signs? Is he going to tell me I'm a helpless queer?!?" Remus said to himself. "I know!!" Remus said standing up and bolting to the library, journal in hand.
Sirius' POV
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*---------------- -----------------
James told Sirius some things that would help in getting Remus. He gave him a checklist.
-Make him realize you like him. Not to the point of flirting, though. (Hold your gaze "accidentally" too long, grin around him for no real reason.)
- Just in case. Never write it down that you like him, in case he finds it too soon.
-Then after you think you made it clear you like him flirt with him and mentally record his reactions.
-Overly hint your gay.
Okay, sounds easy enough. He went back to the Gryffindor Tower, replaying the conversation. But Remus was nowhere to be found he decided to check the library seeing as that's where he always was in his spare time.
He walked into the library casually. A couple heads turned, and some greeted him warmly. He found Remus at a small table completely absorbed in a book. He walked over to the table quietly.
"Whatcha doing?" Sirius said louder then necessary to scare Remus, and almost laughed when Remus jumped.
"Sirius! You scared me half-to-death!" Remus said angrily with a tone of slight amusement in his voice.
"That's what I'm here for." Sirius replied, flashing a boyish grin. "So what are you doing?"
"Err. nothing!" Remus said, slamming the book closed.
"Remus."
"I was looking for a parchment spell," he said simply and reluctantly. Shrugging a little.
"Why?" Sirius tilted his head curiously.
"I have to help someone,"
"Oh." Sirius said, assuming he meant homework or schoolwork.
"I have to go, OK?" Remus said, holding back and looking away slightly.
"Alright, see you around." Sirius said grinning. Remus sank a tiny bit and got up and walked away.
Sirius left for lunch soon after.
-----------------------------*~*~*~*~*~*~*-- -------------------------------
Remus had gotten the perfect plan.
He had heard somewhere of a spell to make anything anyone writes in a book appear in the 'brother book' or another book that had the spell cast on it. The ink would disappear and the 'brother' could respond.
All he needed was to find the spell, get Sirius' journal, and cast the spell on his own notebook. He could talk to Sirius while he was writing in his journal, and Sirius wouldn't know it was Remus. Sneaky. But it would be very worth it.
When he went into the library he went to the section he was looking for got a book (('Spells for Parchments and More')) and sat down at a very small table.
Chapter 3: The Communication Parchment Spells
The Conversation Spell:
Have conversations with your friends while writing!
-Just tap both chosen books and say very clearly 'Conversulous' -Make sure that the two books never come in direct contact with each other ever. -If you want the ink to appear permanently just tap the page with your wand. No words required.
This is exactly what he wanted. Easy and prefect.
"Whatcha doing?" Sirius' voice scared him so badly he jumped.
"Sirius! You scared me half-to-death!" Remus said angrily with a tone of slight amusement in his voice. He smiled, happy to see him.
"That's what I'm here for." Sirius replied, flashing a grin. "So what are you doing?"
'Oh yeah. I forgot. The books open!!'
"Err. nothing!" Remus said, slamming the book closed. In case he saw. It had to be completely secret.
"Remus." he said impatiently.
"I was looking for a parchment spell," he said simply and reluctantly, and shrugging for effect. He did not want to reveal too much.
"Why?" he tilted his head.
"I have to help someone,"
"Oh."
"I have to go, OK?" Remus said, a little sad. He didn't want to but he had to do this by tonight.
"Alright, see you around." Sirius said grinning. Remus almost sank completely in his chair that damned grin always made him weak. He rushed to the Gryffindor Tower.
**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_, ~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**~,_,~**
And so ends my first chapter. My first slash fic! I almost like writing as much as I do reading. : P But I'm sure other chapters will be so much better and have more effort put into them, This seems like a good set up for a good story, but I want to know what you think!! Please R&R. I do not want Flames because of homosexuality. I warned you in the beginning. The first 20 reviewers get a rubber chicken, a tub of fish, a rose, a brownie point. It your choice!
Spanks for reading! -*~^AzureLuna^~*