Author's Note: A new one-shot or chaptered piece. Not sure which. But I finished it. It's got an Anti-SasuSaku feel to it, but, the SasuSakuness is still there. xD I think I'll leave this out in the open, actually. It depends if people want me to comtinue it, or not. xD Anyway, enjoy it. xD
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own SasuSaku, Sasuke, Sakura, or any of the other characters that appear or are mentioned. I own nothing. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!
The rain fell, silent upon the village known as Konohagakure. The heavens were weeping. It was miserable weather for mission launches. It was miserable weather for me to stay behind in Konoha, hurting from a wound that everyone around me shared. We had lost the Third Hokage, during Operation: Destroy Konoha.
I brushed my pink side bangs backward, and sighed, keeping my eyes on the sky as I adjusted the cape I had to wear over my ninja clothes. Naruto and Sasuke shifted beside me, as we waited in the pouring rain for Kakashi-sensei, so that we could start our next mission. Our next mission being to hunt down Orochimaru and kill him.
Kakashi-sensei hadn't protested when the elders had assigned the mission to us, neither had Naruto, Sasuke, or I. After all, we all wanted to make Orochimaru pay. But, the mission scared me as well. We were bringing Sasuke right into Orochimaru's clutches, weren't we? With that Curse Mark on Sasuke's neck still able to act up, it was a suicide mission in Sasuke's case.
But he didn't seem bothered by it. He just stood there, calm as a cucumber, as always. Nothing seemed to bother him. He just let everything roll right off of his back. At least, that's what it looked like to me. You could see it in his eyes. Those never changing black eyes. He seemed to never feel anything at all.
I often wondered what went on inside his head. Sometimes I wondered about whether he ever thought about me, or if he thought about some other girl that he may be interested in, or if he thought about battle strategies for the next mission. I wondered about him all the time. After all, he was the one I cared about most, who I'd do anything for.
But he didn't feel the same. He didn't ever show any interest in me, not even once. Even after everything I'd ever done for him, he still didn't care about me. He cared about me as far as teamwork went, but after that, he didn't feel anything. He didn't even care whether I was alive or dead. At least, that's how it seemed to me.
Even after I'd held his unconscious body in my arms during the second phase of the Chunin Exams, been the first to see him wake up after he'd nearly died on the bridge, protected him from Gaara of the Desert during the attack on Konoha, he still didn't feel anything. He still didn't care. I still didn't mean anything to him. I bit my bottom lip, and watched the rain fall, sliding down between my eyes. I didn't matter to him, so why did I try?
What was the point of loving someone who'd never love me back? What was the point of caring about someone who'd never care about me in return? What was the point of having this burden weighing me down, shoving me further into the depths of despair if he was never going to save me from it? What was the point of all of this? I closed my eyes, biting down on my lip harder.
I didn't understand myself. Honestly, I didn't understand why I would continue to love someone who didn't care about my existence, let alone how I felt about him. I'd told him that I wanted to be accepted by him, and although he'd acknowledged me, he still didn't care for me. He didn't think I was useful or worth his time. I was useless to him.
It was true; I wasn't really good at anything. I couldn't exactly fight very well, although I'd been given a few tips and pointers by Ino on one of her "good" days. No matter how hard I tried, I'd never measure up to his standards. I was never going to be good enough for him. I was never going to be able to have a chance.
I knew this, and yet I still yearned for him. I knew this and had accepted it long before now, and yet, I still wanted him. I still loved him. Even after knowing and accepting this, as well as all of the mean things he'd ever said to me, all of the times he'd brushed me off, I still longed to have his acceptance. I still wanted to be accepted by him.
This burden I carrying, the burden of loving him, the burden I wished I could let go of, give up on, and rid myself of, it was etched into my heart, permanently serving as a reminder of what happens when you fall for someone like Uchiha Sasuke. The cool, elite type, the class heartthrob who's so cocky and conceited that every girl in the room wants a shot at him. The one you have no chance of ending up with.
But, why did I still care? Why did I want to be with him with all of my heart? Why did I care? Why should I still care about an apathetic, conceited, arrogant ninja would couldn't care less about his one female teammate? Seriously, it was time for me to grow up. It was time for me to grow up and face the facts. Uchiha Sasuke was never going to love me or care for me. It was time for me to move on.
Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. I could feel it in the way she stood there, that soft despaired gleam in her eyes. Something was wrong with Sakura. She was acting a lot different than normal. She hadn't even said a single word to me yet, and we'd already been here for about fifteen minutes. Something was bothering her.
I shifted, unsure of about how to ask her. I wasn't exactly the best at these kinds of things. I didn't have the heart or the guts to offer human things such as comfort or love, which I knew Sakura wanted. She'd told me nearly a thousand times already how she felt about me. She was just another one of those fan girls to me.
And yet, why did it bother me so much? Why did the sudden darkness of her mood hurt me like a thorn in my side? Maybe it was because I actually felt something for her in return? Was it because I actually cared about her as a teammate should? I wasn't sure why, but, something had to be done.
I took a step toward her, and turned my head, blinking my black eyes once. She hadn't noticed my presence, even though I was nearly touching her left shoulder. Normally she'd freak out and throw herself at me, as I was expecting, but she didn't move. She didn't even flick her eyes in my direction. Something was very wrong.
"Are you mad about something or what?" I demanded in my usual, indifferent way of speaking, my eyes immediately hardening, expecting Sakura to revert back to her normal self. She didn't even turn or acknowledge that I was speaking to her. At least for thirty seconds.
"No, I'm fine. But thanks for asking." She replied, turning her dull jade eyes to me, her expression slightly bored, and oddly dead. I couldn't help but widen my eyes in surprise.
"You don't look it." I answered, Naruto stepping up beside me, finally noticing that something was bothering her. Sakura looked to Naruto, and smiled weakly.
"Seriously, I'm fine. When's Kakashi-sensei ever going to get here?" She replied, her now bright jade eyes glowing as she looked upon Naruto. I lifted an eyebrow. What the hell?
"Beats me." I answered lazily, turning to the sky.
No reply came toward me. She just left it there, hanging in the air, without an answer. She never left my comments without an answer, or reply. She always went out of her way to make sure I heard her opinions or what she had to say. This was not a Sakura move. What happened to her, I wonder?
"Sakura, are you okay?" Naruto asked, looking from me to Sakura over and over. I turned and looked back at her from over my shoulder, as she looked at me with those now dead, empty, and dull jade eyes. Did I say something? Do something?
"I'm fine. Just leave it alone, Naruto." She replied, her dim eyes locked with my onyx ones. I snorted.
"Whatever. You're lying and we know that, Sakura." She whirled on me, scowling.
"How would you know? How would you know if you cared about me? How would you know unless you actually paid attention to me?" I narrowed my eyes, although I was surprised on the inside. So it does have to do with me.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" I asked again, more forcefully this time, so that she knew I was serious. Sakura stared back at me, no fear in her eyes. She honestly didn't care.
"Why would you care about it? You're Uchiha Sasuke, after all, aren't you? Don't you have a clan to avenge? Don't let my stupid problems get in the way of your revenge." The fact that she had gone directly for the weak spot was proof enough that she was hurt, hurt badly. Naruto watched us, his blue eyes confused.
"Sakura, that was kind of…Mean. What's going on with you?" He asked her again, Sakura turning to him with a slight smile on her face.
"Nothing's wrong Naruto." She responded, smiling at Naruto as brightly as she could manage, which surprised him. Greatly.
"Why are you smiling at me and not Sasuke?" He asked directly, getting to the point. She hardened her eyes as she looked at me, her irises cold.
"Because…He doesn't care about me. I realized it, and finally accepted it." I widened my eyes, Naruto gaping at her in disbelief.
"You-You WHAT?" Sakura flipped her pink side bangs back, and glared daggers at me.
"You heard me. I've accepted that Sasuke will never love and care about me, because he doesn't have room in his heart to do so. Besides, I'm annoying and I make him sick." My eyes throbbed. She's throwing that back in my face? That's so…Harsh.
"Sakura, listen to yourself. This isn't normal. You should be going goofy in front of him, not harping on his screw ups and flaws." Naruto replied, as I snorted and turned away, not knowing how to handle it.
"Just leave her alone Naruto. She'll come around eventually." I murmured, looking up at the sky.
What if she didn't? What if she decided to hate me for the rest of our lives? What if she never came back around, what if she never came back to me? I bit down hard with my teeth, narrowing my throbbing eyes. There was no point. I was at fault for this, just like everything else. I let my family die, and I let Sakura go. I shoved her aside like she was nothing; I treated her like she was useless.
I cared about her, I truly did. But there was no way to show her that. Not now, it was too late. She'd already given up on me. She'd already thrown me aside, just like I'd done to her. And facing her lifeless jade eyes now, I couldn't see even a soft glimmer of hope or shred of love toward me. She was gone, lost to me. I had lost one of my teammates, all because of my arrogance and attitude toward others.
"But Sasuke! How can you just sit here and let her hurt the way she is? Why won't you do anything about it?" I looked away, tightening my right hand.
"Just leave her alone, loser. Don't you get it? She doesn't want anything to do with me. Just look at her." I muttered, turning, and shoving my hands into my pockets, starting to walk away.
It was over, just like that. Sakura was gone. Lost from my reach. I didn't even have the chance to tell or show her how I felt about her. Not that it mattered. She was intent on staying strong in her decision, that much you could see in her eyes, those dead jade irises.
I didn't know whether I'd be able to work with her effectively on this mission. After all, she looked at me as if she wanted me to die or get swallowed up by the dirt beneath my feet. That was some strong hatred she was feeling. But why? Why did she all of a sudden hate me so much as to wish for that? What did I do to her? What did I do to make her hate me so much, all of a sudden?
I watched him walk away, not able to help the sadness that welled up inside me. I had hurt him. I had hurt him even more than usual. Wait? Why did I care about whether I hurt him or not? He didn't care about me, right?
I thought back to the shattered look in his eyes when I'd told him that he didn't care about me. It was broken, and hurt. His irises had been throbbing from the inside, his heart literally breaking in front of my eyes. It pained him to see me go, that's why he couldn't bear to look at me. Maybe if I just…I shook my head. No! I had to stand strong.
And yet, my feet moved as if controlled by someone else other than me as I ran toward him, his saddened figure. We still had a mission to go on. I'd have to figure it out on the way. I reached out with my right hand when I caught up to him, and grabbed his right hand in mine gently, but firmly, and started dragging him back to the gate.
"We still have a mission to go on, Sasuke. You can't just leave us like that." I scolded hotly, Sasuke looking at me with dull black eyes.
"Yeah, I know." I widened my eyes, and fought back the urge to comfort him. He didn't want me to comfort him, so why should I have wanted to bother?
I bit down on my bottom lip as our eyes met, Sasuke's just as broken and dull as mine were, feelings surging to the surface, beginning to rise. I couldn't give into them right now; I had to focus on the mission. The mission that could kill us all. I had to be focused on protecting Naruto, and Sasuke, unfortunately. He was the one I didn't really want to see at the moment, not until I made up my mind about him. Like right now.
"Sasuke…" I started, gently pulling him back to Naruto, my eyes closed as a dark shadow fell over my face. Sasuke averted his eyes from mine, not looking at me.
"Sakura…" He replied, as I pulled harder, Sasuke following without any words of protest. I shook my head, and bit my lip harder.
"Never mind."