Chapter 1: Tension.
Dear Diary,
It's been a while but I need to vent a little. It's been over 10 months since Stefan left with Klaus. And even though we've found him and tried to bring him home, after we risked our lives to help him, after I begged him to come back to me, he's refused all of our attempts at saving him. I've done everything I think I could do to bring him back. He truly doesn't want to come home. Fine. Then I don't care anymore if he comes back. I want him here with his friends and Damon but he has to make that choice for himself. Bonnie and Caroline have said that I need to move on and stop dwelling on Stefan. He's gone. So I decided they were right and went back to living life normal again. Well, better than normal was before Stefan. Things seem to be kinda quiet in Mystic Falls lately. It's refreshing J But Damon and Alaric have insisted that training never stop. They say that I always need to be prepared. I agree but they're always telling me how well I'm doing lately. Maybe I can beg for a few days off. Haha.
But something's happened and I don't know how I feel about it. Damon and I have been spending a lot of alone time together since he's teaching me to kill vampires and he's around the house a lot. I think he's lonely without Stefan. He's kinda acting like his old, snarky self. But he's also being pleasant. I've actually really enjoyed the time we spend together. He makes training fun when he sees I'm having a bad day. He quickly quiets any mention of Stefan or Klaus when he knows I was thinking to hard about it. He's really caring when he wants to be. And I guess we've been getting a lot closer. And, Diary, I can feel this tension between us that's so strong that I think sometimes I'm just gonna scream out because of it. And that's the problem. I want Damon. But I'm scared. I know he wants me too, but… There's Stefan. Isn't there? I guess I don't know really.
But how can I ignore the way Damon sets my blood on fire when he looks at me. And when that smirk plays across his lips, I can barely sit still. I want to press the boundaries. I get too close sometimes. There are moments when I'm sure he's gonna kiss me, but he doesn't. I never pull away, no matter how close he comes. I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips press hard into mine. I want to feel his hands all over me. But there's Stefan… Isn't there?
"Caroline, where are we going?"
"Elena, stop worrying. We're gonna relax and have fun for once. I mean, come on, I can't even remember how long it's been since we all just hung out without plotting some elaborate plan to save someone's life."
"This IS a good idea, Caroline." Tyler said as he came around the front of the car. Of course he would say that, wouldn't he? He'd agree to anything Caroline said. He was truly smitten Elena thought.
With a very obvious eye roll, she turned and walked into the house. "Come sit down while I get ready."
"What do you have to get ready for? We're just gonna be hanging out." says Tyler with a confused look on his face.
"Tyler, I've spent most of my day on the couch and I'm standing here in my pajamas and would you look at my hair. Let me clean up just a LITTLE bit please." and without another word,she stalked up the stairs and into her bedroom to find Damon sitting on her bed.
"Hi." she says as she closes the door and slips the lock into place.
"Why is your house full of Rugrats?" Damon shoots back. Geez, would it kill him to just be polite sometimes?
"We're going out tonight. I don't know what we're doing exactly but Caroline says we need to hang out and relax. And she's right. It's been a long time since we've had and vampire free time."
"Oh." Damon looks hurt for a split second and Elena wonders if it was the "vampire free" comment she made, but as she was going to apologize and clarify, his face smoothly and easily changes to one of indifference. After a moment, he shoots a playful glare, "If you didn't want my company tonight, Ms. Gilbert, all you had to do was say so. Not make plans with Barbie as an escape route."
"Damon. Oh. My…." she stammered. "I'm so sorry, Damon. I completely forgot. When Caroline started going on about how we needed this break I got lost in that and the idea of fun again." Elena felt like a total jerk. How could I forget? We were supposed to do some night time training. I volunteered for it so I really should have dedicated myself to it. "Hold on," she says as she turns to the door. "I'm gonna go tell them that I can't go. I already made plans."
As she grabs the door knob, Damon's hand is there in an instant, covering her and stopping her from sliding the lock out of place. Holy cow, I don't think I'll ever get used to how fast he is.
"Don't." he says. "You're right, go relax. We can do this another night. Go enjoy some time with your friends."
She turns around to see Damon is standing right behind her. He's close, very close. His hand is still on the door knob and he moves it to rest higher on the door so that as he lifts his other hand and presses it to the door behind Elena's head, she becomes trapped between him and a very solid door.
Elena looks him straight in the eye. "What is it, Damon?"
"Elena," he nearly whispers. "I want you to promise me something."
"Okay." she chokes out. What could he possibly need me to promise him?
He steps into Elena and presses her body against the solid wall at her back. His body isn't touching her at all, but Elena swears she can feel an intense heat building up between their bodies. His eyes are all over her lips and Elena could swear her heart was going to leap right out of her chest. He was so painfully close that she had a hard time finding herself caring about anything but him and her in this locked room. His face inches forward and Elena can feel his breath on her ear. Elena bites her bottom lip as to stop herself from screaming out at the closeness of their nearly touching bodies. She glances to her diary as she thinks, This is what I'm talking about. Oh, what I wouldn't do for him to just make a move.
With clenched fists and a completely unstable train of thought, Elena's barely able to get out his name. Forget about the question she was GOING to ask him.
But as his name leaves Elena's lips he says, "Promise me you'll be safe. Remember all the training. You might need it."
At his last words, his gaze finds hers and Elena can see that's he's not being over-protective or demanding about his request, he just doesn't want her to get hurt. He wants her to try to take care of herself.
"I promise." she says and, as she swears this promise to Damon, she can't help but think about how Stefan would have pressed to go with her. He would have made a huge deal about how it wasn't safe for us just to go out and act like there was nothing to be worried about. Damon might spy on whatever they did and justify it by saying he was protecting them. But he wouldn't hover or even let them know he was around. "Thank you for not telling me it wasn't a good idea."
"What do you mean?" As his smooth voice caresses her ears once more, her entire body shivers.
"I mean, thank you for being okay with me going and not making a big deal out of it cuz it MIGHT be dangerous. Thank you for trusting me."
"Oh. You're welcome, Elena."
Oh my… My name on his lips is delicious and I want nothing more than to taste those beautiful lips. Is he doing this to me on purpose? Does he know how badly I want him to do something, ANYTHING.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Elena jumps and bumps her head into Damon's. Before she can apologize for nearly knocking him out, Caroline's demanding voice is heard.
"Hurry up, Elena, we ARE waiting for you!" she yells through the door. In a much quieter voice she adds, "Hi, Damon."
"Okay, Caroline. I'll be down in a minute." Elena shouts back at her, greatly annoyed at her untimely interruption. "I'm sorry, Damon. Are you ok?"
He laughs. "Yes, Ms. Gilbert, I am fine." he steps away from her and moves closer to the window. "I'm a vampire so you're gonna have to try a little harder than that to hurt me." All the heat and sexiness that was present only moments before had vanished. Damon seemed very collected. Elena, on the other hand, was having a hard time seeing straight let alone thinking straight. She was stupefied into silence.
He laughs heartily at her speechlessness. "I gotta go catch some food. I've been skipping a few meals lately and tonight's a beautiful night for a meal under the stars." he smirks and cocks his eyebrow in his signature way. "Have fun tonight. If you run into any trouble, call me." Then he jumps out the window and disappears.
Dear Diary,
Damon was just in my room, waiting for me. We'd made plans for tonight for some nighttime training. I forgot about it and started making plans with Caroline. Anyway, long story short, since Ms. Demanding herself has ordered me to hurry, I think Damon almost kissed me and I wanted him to more than anything. I had absolutely no thoughts of Stefan at the time and I'm completely ok with that. I thought this moving on thing was going to be a lot harder than it has turned out to be. I would be lying if I said that it doesn't feel nice though and I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. As much as Stefan will always be my first true, amazing love, I can't wait around for him forever. I can't stop myself from feeling ever again just because he COULD come back. I think there's a big part of me that will always love Stefan, but I think he's hurt me too much. He pushed me away, he said mean things, he even did horrible things to innocent people. So he got his wish. I can't wait around for him anymore. My only regret when it comes to me and Stefan is: I wish I didn't start falling for his brother. That would make things a whole lot easier. Cuz if Damon wasn't Stefan's brother, I would know what to do, how to act. I would know what was okay and what wasn't. I would know that the way I feel is normal. And that nothing is wrong with how badly I want to be with Damon. He makes my blood run lava hot and when he touches me, all I can think of is his hands all over me. I loved Stefan, but he never consumed my mind the way Damon does. Of course I thought of being around Stefan, and him touching me… But with Damon, these thoughts are spontaneous, random. I find myself having naughty thoughts about him even when I tell myself not to. Or in situations when I know I shouldn't even be thinking about him, let alone the things I want to DO TO HIM. Anyway, I'm gonna go, Caroline, Bonnie, and Tyler are all waiting downstairs and all the time it took NOT kissing Damon has been long enough for them to wait. I just hope that I can figure out my feelings before I lose any kind of opportunity.
Elena rolls over and over on the hard stone floor. The sleeping bag beneath her is doing little to nothing for comfort and Elena can't sleep worth a damn. A sleepover on the Lockwood property wasn't the original plan but it ended up being the way she and her friends had spent the last few hours together. But since there was alcohol in the mix, no one was able to head home because no one could drive. So they all decided to stay where they were for the night and make date out of the whole affair. You get more than a couple drinks in these guys and they all pass out quick. Elena thought as she moved a pebble from beneath her sleeping bag.
Elena was getting tired of tossing and turning to no avail and laying in complete silence while being wide awake. She felt as if she was going to slowly go crazy if she couldn't fill the silence soon.
"Bonnie." she cautiously whispers. "Are you awake?" No answer. With a heavy sigh, Elena reaches into her purse and pulls out her cell phone. She pulls up a blank message and sends it before she can change her mind.
Hegt cmoe get me. - E She waits for what seems like forever for a response.
Wow, Elena, you really need to pay more attention in school. Your spelling's a little off. Are you ok? Where are you?
I'm fine. Jst a lil drnk. I'm on the Lockwooood property. I cnt sleep and I can't lay here anymore. - E
And where exactly would you LIKE to lay, Ms. Gilbert?
Wood u jst comme get me?
Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes.
After quietly and quickly jumping up off of the floor and gathering the few things she had to take with her, Elena rushes up the stairs and waits outside. No reason for Damon to come in and wake everybody else up, so I'll meet him outside. Elena thought.
As she waits, leaned up against a stone wall that seems to be crumbling away, her thoughts are brought back to the encounter in her bedroom earlier. Would I have let Damon kiss me? Yes. She knew the answer and she wouldn't have had a second thought about stopping him if he had kissed her while they were up in her bedroom. But Caroline still would have interrupted. Maybe tonight he'll kiss me. No one should be around to cause a distraction. Elena smiled at this thought but the moment didn't last because in the next second she heard a branch snap behind her.
As she quickly turned to face the direction in which the noise came from, Elena pulled a stake out of her back pocket. Always handy, I guess. She thought.
Alaric told her to trust her senses. So Elena focused on everything she could. She cold smell the damp dirt beneath her feet. She strained her hearing for any noise, any movement. She couldn't see anything in the dark, unlit woods, but at another crack of a branch, she turns towards the noise only to come face to face with the ground. She was knocked over as she spun around. Her arms are immediately pinned at her sides and she can't see who's holding her down. Even though she can't move she struggles against the strong arms that are holding her but they never give. The fingers are pressing into her arms but she was surprised that the hands holding her down didn't seem to want to hurt her. Elena was used to getting taken and this didn't feel like that, but Elena kept fighting. She needs to get away. This person might try to take her and that was not in her cards tonight. Elena struggled against her attacker until she felt like it was useless. She was about to give up when she notices her captor laughing. It was Damon.
"What are you doing, Damon?" she asked angrily. I should've guessed it was him.
"I was trying to stop a would be attacker when I realized it was you sitting around in the dark by yourself. Outside. In the woods. Not smart, Elena. Why do you always have to be reminded that you are human?" he scolded her.
"I was waiting for YOU. And it's very clear to me that I'm human. Thanks." she slurred.
Damon thought about this for a moment. "Well, why didn't you just wait inside? It's not safe just hanging out in the dark by yourself. And not to mention, you've been drinking."
"Damon, shut up. I don't need a lecture right now. I just want to go somewhere. I'm bored out of my mind and can't sleep and all I can think about is earli-" she struggled to finish because she had ALMOST said that she couldn't stop thinking about him and his tasty lips. What's with me? Elena thought.
Elena was so used to pushing any and ALL thoughts of Damon out of her mind. While she was with Stefan, Elena refused, unsuccessfully at times, to deny ANY feelings for Damon. Elena cared about him, but was always so afraid of being with him.
Damon was unpredictable. He acted like he had to answer to no one and the world was his playground. That always scared Elena.
Once she had fallen in love with Stefan, Elena embraced that he was a vampire. Knowing it wasn't what she wanted, he never pressed her about it. They honestly only talked about it one time. Stefan was predictable, he'd never pushed her, he never did anything that would hurt their relationship, he never even did anything that would make Elena remotely unhappy. And she liked that about him, until that's all he did. He used to be so careful and protective, but towards the end he started letting her make decisions without thinking about them. He'd let her do anything as long as she said that's what she wanted to do. Elena loved that he let her make her own choices but she started testing him to see if he'd weigh in on the decision making with her and he'd give in the moment she seemed to have made a decision.
Elena thought now about how Damon treated her. Damon was always looking for what was best for Elena. He never cared about how plans might hurt anyone else as long as Elena was always safe. That's the only way he'd agree to a plan. She thought back to the time Damon forced her to drink his blood. Klaus killed her and had it not been for Bonnie, she'd be a vampire now. As angry as she had been with Damon for forcing that choice on her, she ultimately understood.
Elena wasn't stupid, she knew that Damon had intense feelings for her. And even though she did all that she could to keep them JUST FRIENDS, somehow his feelings for her never let up and she found herself having romantic thoughts about Damon. That was when she was still with Stefan and she did everything she could to avoid situations that might be complicated to navigate. But now that Stefan's been gone for almost a year, hardly any word, Elena decided to move on and she was going to stick with her plan. If she moved on to Damon, then so be it. He was as good a candidate as any, right?
Elena snapped back to reality when she heard Damon's voice and just her luck, he must've picked up on her filtering her thoughts and pressed for more information. "Please," he smirks, "Do continue. What was it you were going to say, Elena?"
Elena felt her face flush with color and immediately looked away from Damon. She started to get up when Damon's hand appeared in her face. She took it and stood up.
"Let's go." she said, changing the subject. "Take me somewhere, Damon. Anywhere."
With the way that her friends found ways to worry about her, Elena thought it would be a good idea to let someone know that she wasn't kidnapped in the night. Initially, she was going to call Caroline, but then realized that she was alone with Tyler and she was liable to get a good talking to about interruptions. Not that Caroline would have had much backing seeing as how she interrupted a perfectly private moment earlier in the night, but just to be safe, Elena texted Bonnie.
Hey BonBon. Damonns is taking me home, I couldn't sleep on the ground. I'll see you tom rrow. *kisses* - E
Are you ok? -B
Yeah. Still a lile drnk J But was just tosingNturning and thinking about things too much. I ethr need 2 sleep or occupy my mind. -E
So are you going to just go home and go to sleep? -B
Not right away. Hes takin me somwhre frst. I aked him to take me somewhere. -E
Take you where, Elena? -B
I don't know. Just away. -E
From what? -B
Nothing. Evryting. -E
Is this about Stefan? Do you need to talk? :( -B
No. Not about Stefan. I've decidedd to move on. -E
What exactly does that mean, Elena? -B
It means im not gnna be scrd anymore. Im going to lvie my life. Do whatever I want J. -E
Care to be a bit more specific? -B
Bonnie, I wnt him. I hope smething hppns tonite. Cuz I knw I wont stop him. -E
Elena! -B
Whts wrong w/that? Stefan's gone, Bon L I cnt wait arnd forever. -E
I don't know, Elena. … … Just be careful. -B
We're stoping now ttyl *kisses* -E
Okay. Well, you can always keep texting me. I'll text til I fall asleep. -B
I knw. U cn go to sleep tho. Love you. -E
Goodnight, Elena. -B
Oh and dnt tell Care. :) -E
Shutting her phone off, she shoves it into her purse and gets out of Damon's car. "Where are we?"
"You don't know?" he asks.
"I wasn't paying any attention to the drive."
"Off in la-la-land, huh? Well, take a look around, I'm sure you can figure it out." he smiles and starts down a trail leading away from her.
Elena rushes after him and takes in her surroundings. She knows she's in the woods and she can hear water nearby, "We're at the waterfall?"
"Good job. Have you been here before?"
"Only a couple of times. Once when I was a kid and it was on a field trip and the other time was…"
Damon stops as she hesitates, "With Stefan?"
"Yeah. He brought me here after you forced me to drink your blood."
"Oh." Damon started forward again without another word.
Elena slowly followed Damon down the winding path to the water. She knew where they were, but she'd never been down this trail before. She could tell you that it led to the water, but other than that, she was hoping Damon wasn't leading her somewhere just to leave her. And as she thought it, she knew he wouldn't do that. But it did seem like something that Bad Damon would do to a harmless nemesis. It made her giggle.
"What's so funny, Ms. Gilbert?" Damon said from in front of her.
Elena stopped walking. "Why do you call me Ms. Gilbert sometimes and not Elena?" she asked him, a little annoyed at the formal way he talked to her.
He turned to face her and after a cock of the brow and a slight smirk, he replies, "Excuse me. I didn't know that it offended you to be formally addressed."
"Damon, you 'formally address' the President. Or the Mayor. Or a Princess. Or a stranger. Not me."
"How do you wish for me to address you?"
"Anything… Anything other than Ms. Gilbert. I hate hearing you talk to me as if we're complete strangers. Damon, we're closer than that." Elena looked hopefully into Damon's eyes.
"Oh." he smiled. "But you are my brother's girl. I'm supposed to talk to you as such. Right?" the smile was now gone. It seemed as if Damon was challenging her.
"No, Damon. I'm not Stefan's girl. Not anymore. And 'Elena' will work fine." Elena stomped her way past him and made her way to the water's edge. Sitting down on a large rock, she slipped her shoes and socks off her feet and rolled up her pant legs. She heard Damon come up behind her somewhere and decided to give him a bit of the silent treatment.
He deserves a few minutes of reflection. Elena thought with a wicked grin on her face. She stepped in the water and looked around. She took in the fact that the moon was almost full and it was bright out. The stars could be easily seen and the rays of moonlight were casting wonderful reflections on the river bed. She looked to the waterfall and noticed that this was the closest she's ever been to where the water fell. She's been to the top on both of her previous visits here, and once she had been to a Cliffside that over looked the fall, but that was from a distance and never this close to the bottom.
"I've never been this close to the bottom. It's loud." she said without thinking about her silent treatment. There was no answer so when she looked behind her to see Damon unbuttoning his shirt she gasped. "What are you doing?"
"Scared of a little skin?" he asked deviously.
Speechless again, Elena turns away from his gaze before he sees her blush.
"Elena," he says with an agonizingly sexy lilt to it.
Elena's eyes close and she takes a full, deep breath. "What, Damon?" she manages quietly.
"You never told me what was so funny."
"Oh." Not the direction she was hoping for. Damn. "I was thinking about never having been here exactly, to this spot, and I was hoping that you weren't leading me into the unknown to leave me here."
"What purpose would I have to leave you here?"
"Not me exactly. I know you wouldn't do that to me, but I was thinking about how it would be the style of game you'd play on a nemesis that wasn't much of a threat to you. How it'd be easy just to take them somewhere they've never been and just leave them there."
"You wouldn't be able to find your way home or to help from here?" he asked. Elena had the distinct feeling that this might turn into a vampire hunting lesson if she wasn't careful. With still having more than enough alcohol in her system to be a little sloppy with her words, Elena didn't need to be taught anything that might be remotely important to hold on to.
"No, probably not, but now is not the time for a lesson, Damon. I want to enjoy myself. I don't want to think about all the things that MIGHT happen. I want to live in the now and enjoy this beautiful place that you brought me to, the moonlight, the quiet, and mostly the lack of vampire/doppelganger/werewolf/hybrid nonsense. Okay?" She looked up at him when he didn't immediately answer her.
"Okay, Elena." he nodded. "You wanna escape for a little bit?" Damon held out his hand to her, "Then let me show you something."
Elena was a little puzzled by this. What could he possibly show me out here? More trees? More river? she thought. But she said "Okay." and took his offered hand.
Damon smiled and tugged her into his arms. Before Elena knew it, Damon had picked her up and was moving closer to the water. She glanced up in time to see a devilish grin on Damon's face. He immediately motioned to throw her in the water but he never let her go. Instead he set her down, placing her feet in the cool water, "You might wanna take those off.".
Elena looked down to see Damon pointing to her pants. "Excuse me?"
"Do you trust me?" he asked.
This worried Elena but that didn't change the first and only answer to the question, "Yes." How many times had Damon asked her if she trusted him. Every time the answer was the same. No hesitation, no thought needed. She trusted Damon with her life and so much more.
"Sometimes that can be a very bad decision, Elena." he says seriously before letting out a small chuckle. "But take the clothes off anyway."