Hello Everyone!

Well, after this horribly terryfying episode last Friday(How could they do that to Michael?!) I had to write down something! This is my first (hopefully not last story here) I hope u will leave a comment, say what you think ;)

I don't own anything.

~What Is and What Should Never Be.~

-Part I-

Silence was broken by echoing sound of high heels rhythmically striking granite floor.

Despite obvious sign that someone just had entered the Ops, Michael didn't react. He kept his head down, deeply focused on some file he was reading. Or so he pretended.

Nikita clenched her lips. That scene was just like every other day for the past two weeks.

Ignorance.

It was tough time for all of them and Michael was more indrawn than ever. He isolated himself from every other human being with a thick wall of ignorance. He didn't even want to let Nikita in.

In fact, Michael was avoiding her like a disease.

She saw how he looks at his hand with disgust. She knew how much not being able to go into the field means to him. Many times she tried to comfort him, hug him tight to let him know that he is not alone with this but every time she had made an attempt, every time their bodies had touched Michael was cringing.

Nikita, reluctantly accepting this complete silence, took out a bag and started to pack her gears. Another rogue Division agent was on their radar. She and Owen were assigned to take him down.

The only sound filling the room was clicking of a gun which she was loading and unloading to check if it works properly. She wasn't letting Michael out of her sight though, waiting for a glance or a word, anything that would mean he knows she is here. But her hopes were vain.

Nikita was becoming annoyed. The topic of that accident had been forbidden. Every time Nikita had tried to start a conversation Michael was suddenly busy or tired. He had let her know that he hadn't considered it worth discussing. But it was unavoidable. She put the gun back on a table with loud bang. " Ok, Michael that's enough"

He lifted his head with surprised look on his face, like he saw her for the first time in his life.

"You can't constantly push me away. Finally we will have to talk about this ." She said.

"I don't want to talk." Michael simply stated.

"You think I don't know what you are going through? You think it is easy for me to live with what I had to do? It's not. But I don't regret it." Michael looked at her with surprise as she continued." If I was in this situation again I would do the same thing because otherwise you would be dead. And I wouldn't let that happen. You are alive and that's all that matters to me. I love you Michael." She made a step towards him.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't load a gun or shoot straight. I can't do my job anymore. I'm useless Nikita! "

"It's not true."

" Really? Because you are clearly thinking I'm not able to do anything by myself. I can't even make freaking sandwich without your assistance!"

I am trying to help you! I understand it is not easy to adjust to this situation when-"

"I don't want your help! And don't expect me to be grateful that you saved my life. I didn't ask for it."

These words made Nikita froze. "You don't mean this." She whispered.

"Yes I do." His voice was stern.

"I don't understand you, Michael. I am trying so hard but I don't….I don't understand why do you keep pushing me away. Unless… " -her voice trembled when a frightening idea came to her mind. She looked at him with fear in her eyes and continued.- "…unless you don't love me anymore. "

Michael averted his gaze. "You should finish packing. Plane leaves in two hours."

"Nikita I need your report on…." Ryan approached them but Nikita wasn't listening.

She was intensively gazing into Michael's face. She was looking for some sign that he is lying. Twitching cheek muscle or pulsating vain on his neck. Anything. She wanted to find it so hard but all she got was sorrow in his eyes.

"Nikita do you hear me? " Ryan asked once more when didn't get answer.

"Not now Ryan " she said harshly and left Ops as quick as possible.

Nikita didn't allow her emotions to surface until she was two levels higher, on Sublevel 6.

This floor was always empty. She didn't have to fear of accidentally meeting someone and provoking unwanted questions. She rested her back against the wall and let the tears fall freely.

For the first time Nikita started to doubt in Michael. Had he ever loved her? If he can switch off his feelings whenever he wants to, were they ever real?

Doubt is a dangerous feeling. Once it sneaks into your heart it is hard to get rid of. Doubt roots in deep into every memory and you start to question every truth you ever believed in.

All Nikita wanted right now was to sit there and cry until the pain will go away.

And she was about to do so when a strange noise reached her ears.

No one should be here right now. This floor is out of use since months. Nikita wiped the tears from her face and silently walked through the empty corridor straining her ears. Sound was hushed and continuous like typing on a computer keyboard.

She approached the proper door and silently pressed the door handle.

Meanwhile in Ops:

"That's enough Michael. "–Alex said harshly stopping in front of the man.

She watched whole scene from the distance and although she didn't know what they were talking about, there was no doubt that Michael pushed Nikita away once again.

She was done watching how Michael is hurting her best friend. Someone needs to confront him. She needs to confront him.

"Listen, I totally understand you are having a rough time but this is taken too far. Nikita doesn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I know" Michael simply answered.

"So can you tell me why you keep acting like this? "

"She deserves better than me."

"Oh come on... "–Alex snorted.- "How old are you? 12? Cause lately you are acting like an immature kid who is concentrated all about himself. You are so focused on your pain and your tragedy that you miss the fact that Nikita is suffering with you. She was the one who had to make the tough decision. And now you treat her like worst enemy. She thinks you hate her for what she did. I'm not finished yet! "- Alex silenced Michael seeing that he wants to cut in.-" And I hope I don't have to remind you that you are doing the same thing everybody else did to her. You are pushing her away. You of all people should know it hurts her more than anything. And yeah, you are right, she deserves better than this asshole you are right now, but unlucky for her Nikita loves you. And whatever you would do to hurt her she will never leave you. So get your ass together and start acting like a grownup or I swear I will cut you off something else. And prosthesis will not help you this time. "

Alex had almost lost her breath during this speech.

When she had finished, all her self-confidence disappeared. In fact she started to wonder that maybe she said few words too much.

With a feeling that she is starting to blush, Alex decided to leave and let Michael think through everything he had heard. She felt that few more seconds and she will apologize to him.

She disappeared from his sight as soon as possible.

Michael was shocked with Alex's sudden outburst. Since the accident no one dared to be rude to him. Everyone treated him like a broken puppy. This was the first time someone talked to him like nothing had happened.

Michael reminded himself of every moment spent with Nikita since that day. Most of the time, he was snarling at her or worse, he was ignoring her. He even stopped being interested how she feels or what she thinks. All he wanted is to be left alone.

And what Nikita did? She was still there for him. Always trying to comfort him, to let him know that he is being loved. She was by his side despite the fact that he did everything to discourage her.

In that moment Michael felt like a total jerk. How could he be so blind and stupid to hurt the only person who was making his life worth living right now? He quickly checked something on the computer and left Ops.

According to Nikita's tracker, she was on sublevel 6. Michael was not surprised. She was often going there when she needed moment of solitude.

He was getting nervous while standing in elevator and watching how numbers are changing. Alex was right. He became so focused on his tragedy that he forgot that he is not the only one who suffers.

When elevator's door opened he had an impression that he sees shadow disappearing around the corner but with a blink of an eye it was gone. It must have been flickering lights.

Michael came over to the conference room where Nikita was supposed to be and knocked lightly on the door.

" Nikita?"

Well, he would be really surprised if she wanted to see him right now.

"It's me. I'm sorry. Can we talk? " He said mildly.

No answer. Michael wrinkled his forehead and opened the door. Room seemed to be empty.

He hated this weird dimmed light in Division. It was supposed to make you feel like it is natural sunlight but all he felt was chills going down his spine.

Nikita always trusted her instincts and so did he. When you spend so much time with other person you somehow repossess their habits. So when Michael was about to leave, he trusted a strong hunch to turn back one more time. And when he did, he realized the room is not empty. He spotted a bloodied hand protruding from behind a couch with a familiar ring on the finger.

"Oh no…" Michael gasped.

Forgive me possible grammar mistakes, English is not my first language. :) PLease leave a review! :)

-Sylvia-