AN:
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Friends' and neither does My friend Meg
This is a continuation of Friends, Series 11. It is in a script format not a story format. My friend wrote and she wanted me to post it here so that she could find out if people liked it. Here it is-
Episode 1- The one with Ms. Green's date
(In central perk- Joey and Ross are sitting drinking coffee and Rachel is on the phone)
Rachel: Mom, I'm so sorry...yeah, I know...I promised, yeah...Ross has booked an expensive hotel room for us...Mom! That's no way to talk about Ross!
Rachel: Ok, Mom, can you give me a second!...Ok...
(holds phone to her chest)
Rachel (smiling): Hey Joey!
Joey (scowling): What do you want?
Rachel: Could you take my mom out on a date, tonight?
Joey (shocked): What! No! That's weird! She's your mom!
Rachel: Not a date like that, just as friends... please, Joey, can you do this for me?
Joey: . Because, otherwise it would be like when Ross snogged Chandler's mom and you know...
Rachel: You kissed Mrs. Bing!
Ross (sarcastically): Thanks Joe!
Joey: Or when you went out with Rach's sister!
(Rachel looks annoyed)
Joey: Or when...
Ross: Ok, bro, know when to stop...
...OPENING CREDITS...
(Mike and Phoebe's apartment- Phoebe is holding about 10 dresses up by their hangers and Mike is sitting on the couch)
Mike (bored): The blue one.
Phoebe (holding up one): This one?
Mike: No the other blue one.
(Phoebe looks at the dress)
Phoebe: Actually, I don't have any shoes that match this one...
Mike: Then the Emerald one...
Phoebe: Hmm...I'm not sure that that's quite my colour...
Mike: My God, woman, make a decision!
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but Jenna, Sadie and Carla are my only friends that I had before I lived on the streets, so they're like...(Sounding disgusted) normal!
Mike: Why go... If you don't like them so much...?
Phoebe: Well, I like to remember a time before my Mum killed herself and before I made sombreros for a living and lived with albino Bob, or was shot at on a regular basis...
Mike (sympathetic, but worried): Aaaghh...
Phoebe: Also... Jenna's brother is just like yum... (looks at Mike's face) yummin... Which means ugly, but kind.
(Mike laughs)
Mike: Where's that black dress that I love of yours?
Phoebe: Oooh...good idea, I'll go get it!
(Phoebe drops the dresses, runs into the bedroom and Mike shakes his head to himself)
(Monica and Chandler's house- Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Ross are sat in the living room)
Ross: We better get going...
Monica: You can't go! We haven't played our organised chess tournament yet...
Ross: As I said, we better go...
Monica: Ok, I guess me and Chandler can do it on our own.
Chandler (whispering to Ross): Can you take me with me?
(Monica gives Chandler a disapproving look)
Rachel: Thanks for letting Emma sleep here, oh...and thanks for tea, Mon, Ross simply refused to pay for dinner at the hotel.
Ross: Complain all you like, that hotel was ripping us off... RIPPING US OFF!
Rachel: Ok, Ross. Bye Guys.
(Rachel goes to take Ross' hand, but he moves it away)
Ross: RIPPING US OFF!
(Ross and Rachel leave)
Monica: Ok, Mr, it's chess playing time!
Chandler (sarcastically): Oh, joy.
(The two of them go over to the set up chess board in the corner)
Monica: Prepare to have your ass kicked!
Chandler: Well, I'll have you know I used to be in the chess club.
(Chandler makes a move)
Monica: You can't move a knight in a straight line!
Chandler: Really?
Monica: I thought you went to chess club!
Chandler: Well, I used to serve my dad refreshments when he was playing strip chess with his 'friends'.
(At a restaurant- Joey and Rachel's mom are being showed to their table)
Waiter: Here we are, and here are the menus.
(Waiter hands the menu)
Joey: Wow! This is expensive! Good thing it's on Rachel!
(Waiter turns to leave)
Joey: No waiter! (Waiter turns round to face Joey) For starters, I'll have the Filet Mignony thing, a few plates of Kansas city strip steak, let's say six, Salmon and your most expensive wine.
Waiter: Er...
Joey: You heard me, go!
Sandra/ Rachel's mom: Joey, darling this is just wonderful!
Joey: Oh, don't mention it...Er...Rachel says for me to tell you...(Joey looks thoughtful, trying to remember and then his face lights up because he remembers that he wrote it on his hand and on it is ,scrawled in scruffy writing 'sorry') Sorry.
Sandra: Oh, well it turned out that I ended up better off anyway...
Joey :So, ...
Sandra: Oh, call me Sandra!
Joey: Er..Ok, Sandra...
Sandra: I was so thrilled when I found out that you'd be taking me on a date!
Joey: It was nothing...
Sandra: I mean, my sex life isn't all that it used to be...
Joey (shocked): Oh..no, no!
(Sandra silences him with a passionate kiss and Joey looks startled)
(At another restaurant (less fancy) - Phoebe, Jenna, Sadie and Carla are eating)
Phoebe: So, Jenna, how's your brother?
Jenna: Oh...he's been working out and he's currently single...
Phoebe (hopefully): Oh!
Jenna: …...and way out of your league!
(Jenna, Sadie and Carla titter)
Carla: The last me and Sades saw him was your 30th birthday...
Sadie: Actually, for me it was the morning after...
(Sadie, Carla and Jenna giggle and Phoebe looks at her watch)
Phoebe (sarcastically): Oh no, look at the time...I've got to go, it's way past my bedtime.
Jenna: it's 6:00 o'clock...
Sadie: And we've only been here (looks at her own watch) 10 minutes...
Phoebe: Oh no, my watch must be wrong...
(Carla, who's sitting next to Phoebe look at her watch)
Carla: No, it's n...
Phoebe: Ok, b..blondie..you better watch it!
(Carla looks strangely at Phoebe)
Jenna Ok, babes, I think it's...Catch up time!
Phoebe (Sarcastically): Yeay!
(gulps down her wine glass)
Sadie: Ok...Well the most recent news in the Sadie household is that I …..got a promotion! (Jenna and Carla squeal in delight and Phoebe imitates them) I have my own office and everything!
Jenna: What about you, Carla?
Carla: Well, me and Jonas are buying a new house, because 6 bedrooms just isn't enough for the 4 of us! (Phoebe looks at her weirdly, but Jenna and Sadie squeal in delight) Oh yeah, and I'm getting another puppy! (Jenna and Sadie squeal)
Jenna: Guess who's engaged to a millionaire! (Carla and Sadie gasp)
Phoebe (confused): Who?
Jenna: Me of course! (Carla and Sadie squeal)
(The three girls look expectantly at Phoebe)
Phoebe: Well, as I said last time we spoke, I'm married! (Phoebe grins, but the others continue to look expectantly at her)
Phoebe: Er...and...the other more interesting news is that...surprisingly...I just so happen …...to be...pregnant! (The girls squeal, once again, in delight, but Phoebe looks guilty at the fact she's told a lie.)
(The restaurant where Sandra is passionately kissing Joey)
(Joey manages to break apart from Sandra)
Joey: Ok...
(Sandra starts licking Joey's hand and he pulls it away)
Joey: Don't you think that this is weird, me being your best friend's mom and all that...
Sandra (laughing): Not at all! (Tries to kiss him again, but Joey pushes her away)
Joey: I need to go to the bathroom! (Joey runs out into the mens room)
(In the toilet- Joey gets out his mobile and phones up Chandler)
(In Chandler & Monica's kitchen-Chandler picks up the phone)
Chandler: Hello?
Joey: You've gotta help me man!
Chandler: Oh, hey Joey, how's the dinner with Rachel's mom going?
Joey: She keeps sticking her tongue down my throat!
Chandler: What!
Joey: I know!
Chandler: How come women never stick their tongues down my throat!
Monica (her voice coming from the other room): I heard that!
Joey: What am I gonna do! She's talking about having sex with me!
Chandler: Oh my God! What are you gonna do!
Joey : I don't know, man! …...I know! Chandler, what's your secret for putting women off sleeping with you?
Chandler (sarcastically) : You can't teach it, Joe, its a gift you're born with!
Joey: Come on, man, try!
Chandler: Why don't you try talking about disease and illness and make really bad jokes...and eat really messily …...and try kissing really badly or snort when you laugh... I could write a book about this! (looks into the distance) 'How to make women run' by Chandler Bing...
Monica (her voice coming from the other room): Chandler! Hurry up! I'm winning!
Chandler (annoyed and rushed): Gotta go, see you, bye! (Chandler puts phone down)
(Back at the restaurant restroom with Joey)
(Joey puts his phone back in his pocket)
Joey (to himself): Well here goes.
(Joey exits the toilets)
(The restaurant- Sandra is sat down waiting for Joey and trying to look sexy and Joey enters)
Sandra (sexily): Well, hello, tiger...
Joey (nervously): Hello.
(Joey sits down in his seat opposite her)
Sandra (sexily): Here's a plan, let's order some chocolate sauce and you can smother it all over me and...
Joey (Worried): Er...Maybe later, but for now, let's talk...
Sandra: Okay, they say half the fun of sex is talking about it...
(Joey does a nervous laugh)
Joey: Yeah, well that is more fun than the plague... (laughs at his own 'joke' and then snorts)
(Sandra looks at him weirdly)
Joey: Yeah, that bad boy killed a LOT of people...
(The waiter comes over with a soup for Sandra, followed by some others carrying all of Joey's starter)
Waiter (looking weirdly at Joey): Your starter is served.
(Joey's face lights up and he starts eating some of his steak normally, but then remembers what Chandler said and starts chewing it like a cow)
(Sandra does a nervous laugh and gulps down her glass of wine)
(Phoebe walks down the corridor leading up to her apartment and she opens the door to her apartment only to reveal Mike not looking best pleased surrounded by a room packed with baby things.)
Phoebe: Oh no.
Mike (annoyed): I think you have some explaining to do.
Phoebe (screaming): I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! OK! They were looking at me with scary expecting eyes and it was like all the times I was being questioned by the police, so I did I always do in that situation...I LIED! I'M SORRY! SO VERY SORRY! (Phoebe gasps for breath)
Mike (starting to smile): Come here...
(Phoebe starts to try and climb over all the baby things and whilst standing in the crib falls over into Mike's arms and he hugs her)
Mike (confused and pulling her away slightly): Phoebe, for starters you've been questioned by the police!
Phoebe (looking proud): Sooo many times!
Mike (looking slightly worried, but bemused): Okay, anyway, back to the point, there will be a time when we will have the joy of telling everybody that we're expecting a baby Buffay-Hannigan
Phoebe (beaming) : You like the name 'baby' too!
Mike (nervously): Er...let's talk about baby names when you actually are pregnant.
Phoebe:Ok (turns to leave to the kitchen)
Mike: Wait! What do we do about all this stuff (he picks up a stuffed Gorilla and shakes it)
Phoebe: What do you mean? I thought it made the apartment look a lot nicer!
(Phoebe tries to walk over to the kitchen, but trips over one of the bouncy chairs full of teddies and falls to the floor)
Phoebe (On the floor): Okay maybe we should get rid of a few things!
(Chandler and Monica's house- Chandler and Monica are still sitting on the floor playing chess. Chandler looks very tired and bored, but Monica is loving it)
Monica: Check mate! I win...AGAIN! What's that! 27, nil to the team Monica!
Chandler (bored): I think that it's safe to say you win...
Monica: You Bet I am!
Chandler: I'm just gonna check on the babies.
Monica: Okay, I'm giving you thirty seconds (Pulls out a stopwatch from her pocket)
Chandler (looking horrified): Oh my God, I married my PE teacher!
(Chandler runs upstairs)
(Upstairs in the babies' room- Chandler looks round the door at Emma, Jack and Erica sleeping peacefuly and looks disappointed)
Monica (Calling from downstairs): 30 seconds is up, Mr, get your lazy ass down here!
Chandler (Meekly calling downstair): Yes, dear.
(Chandler turns to go downstairs, but then has an idea and goes over to the cribs)
Chandler (whispering): Wake up! Wake up little babies!
(The babies stay asleep)
Monica (shouting from downstairs): Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, come on! You always wake when I'm in the middle of sex, but for chess you stay asleep!
Monica (shouting): Chandler get down here!
(The babies start to stir)
Chandler: Oooh! So this why I married someone so loud!
Monica (screaming): Chandler Muriel Bing, you better have a good excuse for wasting a minute of my precious, chess playing time!
(The babies start crying)
Chandler: Yes! You go babies! Looks like (imitating Monica) Chandler Muriel Bing won't be playing chess tonight!
(Phoebe and Mike's apartment, Phoebe is sitting on a rocking horse ,on their sofa, and Mike on a large stuffed frog , on the sofa, and they're watching Tom and Jerry. Phoebe is laughing every now and then)
Mike (bored): Why do you make us watch this?
Phoebe: We need to get used to it, for when we have a baby of our own.
(Mike gives Phoebe a look)
Phoebe: Ok, it's because I think it's really funny.
(They continue watching it, Phoebe still laughing every now and again)
Mike: You know when you said about calling the baby (sigh) 'Baby'...
Phoebe: Yeah,
Mike: You were joking, right!
Phoebe (shocked): You don't like the name baby!
Mike (lying): Of course I do! But out of interest, what other slightly less... controversial names?
Phoebe (lying): Of course! Um...I also like 'Little Baby'.
Mike: Huh...Well, we have a long time to think about it...
Phoebe: Oh my gods! Look what just happened to Tom!
(Mike looks slightly worried)
Mike: What about Claire?
Phoebe: What?
Mike: For the baby's name.
(Phoebe looks worried)
Phoebe: Er...as you said we shouldn't be even thinking about this yet! I mean, we'll do all that when we get there! (nervous laugh)
(Mike looks fed up)
(The Hotel- Ross and Rachel are at the check in desk, with a long line of people behind them)
Receptionist (in a sing song voice): Hello.
Rachel: Hi there, we would like one of your superior deluxe rooms for one night...
Ross: Don't listen to her, we would like one of your cheapest rooms...
Receptionist (in a sing song voice): All of our cheapest rooms are taken I'm afraid. We only have three rooms left and they're all (double checks on computer) Super Super deluxe.
Ross (high pitched voice): Super Super?
Rachel: Ross calm down, this is gonna be great! We are gonna be in one of their best rooms. We'll be able to like judge all the other people, as if to say "Oh my god, you commoners are in like in the cheapest room". We are gonna be in the Super Super Deluxe room! Doesn't that excite you at all?
Ross (high pitched voice): Nah-ah! Deluxe is just code for expensive, so this room is like...Super Super expensive!
Rachel: This is not about the money, this is about us spending the night away together for the first time since we got back together! (Ross still looks angry) Plus, you'll probably make up for it by stealing a hold load of batteries and stuff!
(Ross' face lights up)
Ross: Yeah! I am really good at that!...We'll take the room!
Receptionist (in sing song voice): Wonderful, that'll be $870.
Ross (Voice high pitch again): What! That's ridiculous! Come on Rachel!
(Ross drags Rachel along by the arm and grabs the pot plant on the way out)
Ross (at the people in the queue staring at him): What do you think you're looking at!
(At the restaurant- Joey and Sandra)
Joey: and then when I was 15, another fungus grew on my mom's foot- the same one that had grown on my nanna's foot, when I was 5...
Sandra (looking bored and disgusted): So, Joey, as interesting as this all is...I need to go soon, so we better screw now.
Joey (worried): Er... you still want to... I haven't put you off or anything!
Sandra: The long talk on the illnesses of your family didn't exactly turn me on, but I'm at an age now, when single women can't afford to be picky! (Sandra starts kissing Joey again, but Joey pushes her away)
Joey: Ok... there's something I need to tell you...
Sandra: Go on...
Joey: You are a beautiful,sweet, sexy girl...
Sandra (laughing): You charmer! Rachel told me that you were smooth with the ladies... (leans in to kiss him again)
Joey: AND!
(Sandra draws back confused)
Sandra: And, what?
Joey: any man would want you...
Sandra: Oh.. Joey!
(Leans in to kiss him again)
Joey: BUT!
(Sandra draws back, once again confused)
Sandra (laughing): But, what?
Joey: I'm gay!
Sandra: What!
Joey: I'm sorry...It's what you old people call homosexual...
Sandra: But...Rachel tells you bring a girl home every night! You're Joey the sex magnet!
Joey: Yeah,I'm just trying to cover up my ga...homosexualness...
(Sandra's startled face turns into a sexy grin)
Sandra: Well I'll be the one one helping you cover it up tonight... (Whilst speaking, she runs her fingers up his thigh and joey jumps up)
Joey: I wish I could, but... I met this guy...Ringo...and I think that it's time to come out of the...box!
Sandra: Oh my! Well, I'm sorry... I guess I must be going... I hope that you and Ringo will be very happy together...
(Joey spots Mona (Ross' ex girlfriend) sitting on a table alone, looking at her watch and the empty chair opposite)
Joey: Mona!
Mona: Joey!
(Sandra starts to leave)
Sandra (When she's at Mona's table, through clenched teeth): Don't get your hopes up...he's gay..
(Mona looks weirdly at Joey)
…...CLOSING CREDITS...
(The coffee house, the next day- Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Mike are sitting down drinking coffee)
Phoebe: Thanks so much for keeping all that baby stuff in your loft until we need it!
Monica: Oh, please... I loved it! I got to try out my new label maker deluxe and I discovered a checkers board while I was up there, so me and Chandler will be able to play organised checkers tournaments!
Chandler (looking up): Kill me...kill me, now...
(Rachel and Ross walk in looking unhappy, especially Rachel who slumps onto the sofa)
Monica: How was your romantic night away!
Rachel: Uh...Ross refused let us sleep at the wonderful, classy 5 star hotel, because it was too expensive...so instead we spent the night at some crappy motel, where we had to go outside to pee!
(Everyone sighs sympathetically, apart from Ross)
Ross: They were ripping us off...
(Joey enters, followed by Mona)
Joey (beaming) : Hey everyone! Er... Ross... Er... I thought you were at the hotel...um...
Rachel: Don't get me started.
Monica: Hey Joey! Er... hi Mona, what brings you here?
Mona: I spent the night at Joey's... (Ross' face turns to thunder and Joey starts to pull her out of the coffee shop)
Joey (nervously): I'll take you to your house...
(zoom in on Ross angry/dismayed face)
THE END
AN: So there is the first episode, let us know what you think. Please?