Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter because if I did, I would not be writing this nonsense!
A/N: Just a random little one-shot that as been circling my head for a few weeks. We have seen our Potions Master bait the students...whose to say he does not do the same to the staff? I do hope you enjoy it! I would be grateful for feed back! So please please please REVIEW! Thank you.
And a big thank you to gahhMinerva for her wonderful beta reading skills!
Staff Baiting
After having the afternoon off from teaching tedious Potions to first years, Severus felt quite relaxed just catching up on scrolls of homework. Nothing truly eventful had happened, which was a first in months, so Severus was really in quite a pleasant and agreeable mood, and that only happened once every blue moon. With no potions to brew for Poppy, as the flu and sickness season had blown over, Severus scribbled his last scathing remark on the poor unfortunate's homework and sat back to stretch in his old wooden chair. With a sigh of relief, he screwed the lid on top of the ink bottle, and gently placed his quill in the ink well. Feeling a little rumble in his stomach, Severus began to search through the many drawers in his desk, in the hope that somewhere there would be a nice conspicuous bar of chocolate or bag of Cockroach Clusters. Having no luck with his personal drawers at the front, Severus decided to have a hunt about in the confiscated sweets drawer saved from students eating in class, save the Weasley twins. The whole family of the Weasleys had a special drawer dedicated to them, due to the amount of prankster sweets the twins produced, so Severus wisely kept all of their products in one drawer in case of an accident or unless the headmaster decided to pay him an unprecedented visit. Getting one over on the Headmaster usually made Severus's week, as the Headmaster usually got one over on Severus. Only a few days ago the Headmaster had offered him a 'Custard Cream' biscuit while they divulged in afternoon tea and chess. Severus idly took one of the infernal biscuits at a particularly crucial moment during the game, and found himself turning into a large yellow canary while the Headmaster laughed until he was in tears. The game, however, took a rather satisfactory turn as Severus claimed his victory, and took the time to rub it in the Headmaster's face every time he teased him for being a Canary.
After a few minutes, Severus found something that looked particularly appetising, and cast a few spells over the sweets, just in case it was a Weasley product. Satisfied that no charm or bewitchment had enchanted the purple wrapped sweet, Severus unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, savouring the blackberry flavour that had attacked his taste buds. Glancing up at the clock, Severus decided that a nice prowl would do him the world of good as his bottom half was starting to go numb from sitting in his chair too long. Stalking out of his dungeon office, he made his way to check the second floor toilets for any stragglers that had not managed to make it to their classes. Ten points from Gryffindor here, two from Slytherin there, Severus felt he had made quite a bit of progress down just one corridor and decided it would be a good day to visit the Astronomy tower as the afternoon sunshine began to die off into the east. Classes only took place at night so there would be no need for anyone to be there, apart from Auriga Sinistra, who would probably be checking for ink on the telescopes.
Several long strides later, Severus swept into one of the many secret shortcut passage ways of Hogwarts, to enable him to gather speed in order to catch any guilty culprits having a good game of tonsil tennis. Shortly after arriving at the bottom of the steps, which lead to the Astronomy classroom, Severus let his thoughts wander to the upcoming match between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and realised that Minerva and he had not placed a wager yet.
I shall have to remedy that and get the scoop off Rolanda for the best players, he thought, a devious smirk creeping on to his lips. For years, Severus had always seen Rolanda Hooch before any upcoming match as she trained and refereed its members and matches. She had never yet been wrong.
Severus felt a little stab of disappointment to finding no hormonal teenagers to embarrass and take points off as he wandered into the room. Instead he found Auriga gazing out of the window to the Quidditch pitch, with a lens in one hand and a duster in the other.
"Good afternoon, Auriga. I thought I would check for any renegade teenagers in aide of a good time." Severus greeted the Astronomy professor.
"You're far too late, I sent a Mr. Summers from Ravenclaw and a Miss Thompson from Slytherin away with ten points removed from their respective houses." Auriga smirked, as Severus bowed and turned away. "What are the Quidditch bets this time?"
"At present, I have no idea. I need to find Rolanda, any ideas as to where she will be?" he inquired, turning back to her. Auriga, being a fellow Slytherin, was always a reliable source for warnings and whereabouts of the Hogwarts faculty. Severus always cut her twenty- percent of any profit he made in the staff pools if resources proved helpful and reliable.
"She is not on the pitch so I think she will be in the staffroom. Watch out for earwigging team, they're quite desperate for gossip," Auriga replied with a slight smirk.
"The usual lot? Vector and her band of merry gossipmongers?" Severus said in a bored voice, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
"The very same."
"Thank you, see you at tea time." Severus bowed and left the room, in search for the resident Quidditch teacher. Along the way, Severus took another thirty points from the other three houses respectively, every time he saw a flurry of blue, red or yellow disappear around a corner. Severus knew it must have been break time because the whole earwigging team was siting in their usual seats. They instantly picked out the Potion Master's reasonable mood and started commenting on why that could possibly be. Severus picked Rolanda Hooch out near the coffee-pot in the corner, talking to Cynthia Rawling, who taught elegance, poise and elocution to the sixth and seventh years. Narrowing his eyes, Severus felt a little smirk tug at his lips, as he devilishly thought about winding the staff up. Over the years they had been nagging him about his personal life, and any reference to a past girlfriend or lady acquaintance, their ears twitched like a dog that was to be taken out for "walkies".
"Rolanda, I was just thinking about you," Severus greeted the Flight Instructor, and Rolanda looked up with a quirked eyebrow.
"Well, thank you, Severus," she replied in amusement. Rolanda knew his tendancies to wind up the staff and send them on a wild goose chase after a pointless piece of information.
"You're quite welcome."
"In what context were you thinking about her?" asked Marcus McCaine impishly as he joined them, not missing a beat.
"The dirty one," he said devilishly in a low voice, emphasising every syllable. A few heads twitched in their direction, and a few 'tut's were heard.
"What man wouldn't?" Marcus replied, while some of the nearby staff such as Minerva, Sybill and Pomona stared wide-eyed at the Spanish professor. Other eyes followed their example, and soon Marcus found himself covering up by looking around in that direction. "Bloody ghosts," he added with a grin at Severus.
"I think I'm going to go before this gets out of hand," Rolanda announced and made to move towards the door.
"But I haven't told you why I was thinking of you yet," said Severus with mock-disappointment.
"Probably for the best," Minerva said dryly, eyeing Severus with a mixture of resignation and amusement.
"Don't worry, I will leave the naughty bits out," Severus bowed, and poured himself a cup of fresh coffee. By now the staff had ceased all conversation and began looking forward to the scene unravelling before them.
"Well, how about we meet later?" Rolanda said in the doorway, deciding to play along.
"Your place or mine?"
"Mine, it's far warmer."
"But mine has a lot more space,"
"True, but I don't like...talking in the damp cold dungeon."
"Fine, what time?"
"Erm, eight...oh bother. I have to watch over a Slytherin team practice. How about we do it on the Quidditch pitch?"
"Quidditch and talking? Can I join?" Marcus asked enthusiastically, earning himself a smack over the head with Transfiguration Today by Minerva.
"Sounds wonderful. Eight on the Quidditch pitch."
"See you then!" she winked at him, and walked off leaving Severus to be stared at by the very silent faculty, all of which looked as if Santa himself had turned up with a sack full of presents.
"What?" he snapped at them, and they went back to gossiping about the Potions Master and the Flight Instructor's conversation. Picking up his coffee, Severus sat down in his customary seat near the fire, and returned to reading his book he had left earlier.
Gazing intently over to the Potions Master opposite him, Albus Dumbledore watched him calculate his next move on the chessboard. Albus could not bear another defeat to a very smug Severus Snape, especially as every time he came into contact with the man, Severus felt the need to rub it in. At least he would be able to get his revenge by pranking the younger man when he was not expecting it...
Albus sighed and began to idly play with the bottom of his beard, and decided to make conversation to try to distract Severus.
"What's this I here about you baiting the staff again?" he said, the twinkle in his eyes shining at full wattage. "You know what happened last time. As always I have to pick up the pieces and restore the peace and quiet."
"Your point?" Severus offered an indifferent reply.
"I shall label you officially as a disturber of the peace."
"It serves them right; they should not interfere with my personal life."
"Even if it turns out that it was true?"
"Yes. If this is your attempt at trying to steer my attention to other matters, you are sorely losing your touch. Checkmate." Severus sat up with a smug grin, which slowly covered his face at the Headmaster's expression of defeat and disappointment. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have an appointment down at the Quidditch pitch. It will not do to keep a lady waiting."
Now, that is job satisfaction, Severus thought as he wandered off in search of Madam Hooch, leaving the Headmaster to stew in his defeat.
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