The Heart of a Bear
The city streets were buzzing with activity even in the crisp cold and icy layers of snow. I inhaled deeply the smell of cherry pies, candy apples, and other Christmas treats that couldn't have been sweeter. Senri lightly held my hand as we made our way through the maze of people. He was slightly smiling contently, looking around every so often and sniffing the thick air. Then he'd look at me after a few moments and squeeze my hand as if to say 'there's nowhere else I'd rather be'. Then I'd pretend to look at something over my shoulder in case I was blushing.
One vender caught my eye. M&Ms! My mother used to tell me that every Kim-un-kur ate M&Ms near the Solstice. I pulled Senri along with me into the candy shop. I pulled a big bag of M&Ms off the shelf and laid it down on the counter along with a five gillah coin. Without waiting for the cashier to give me a bag or a cheerful "Merry Christmas," I snatched the candy away and sped out the door, Senri following me neutrally.
We sat outside under a frozen tree and the two of us ate the sugar coated chocolates one by one. I was almost glad that I was sitting on Senri's left side so that he couldn't see me staring at his eye patch. I remember when it wasn't there, when I could see both of his glistening silver eyes. But that was a very long time ago. We had been seven. Now we were seventeen.
As if he could read my mind, Senri slipped his arm around my waist and held a few M&Ms under my nose. I looked up at him sadly. Five years ago he left us. All of us! No one else seemed to care though. In that one beautiful eye looking into mine I could see the reflection of all our pain. We were hardly children anymore. Hardly strangers to the reality of life. Hardly unfamiliar with struggle for survival. Yet we were hardly familiar with each other. I held my breath as he wrapped both his arms around me and whispered, "'S alright."
I closed my eyes and pressed my head to his chest. Nothing, nothing, would have the same effect on us like that again. Nothing…
"Awwww! Senri and Reyna! How sweet!"
I looked up to see Cooro, Husky, and Nana standing over us. Nana had her hands clasped next to her cheek, sighing.
"Oh, look at you two."
I growled sharply in a wolf like fashion.
"Careful you."
"Yeah Nana." Cooro cut in. "You shouldn't tease."
"I'm not teasing!" Nana crossed her arms. "I'm being observant."
"But-"
Husky whacked Cooro in the head with his staff before he could say anything else.
"Shut up, idiot."
Senri ignored the three of them and continued to munch on M&Ms. Nana eyed him mischievously.
"I'm sure Rose will be happy to meet Reyna. I saw her just down the road from here. Wolf versus cat over bear. That will be pleasant."
Senri jumped up and his +Anima hand slowly twitched the way it always did when he got angry. I discreetly held his arm in case he accidentally did something stupid. I saw his jaw tighten as he clenched his teeth. I didn't know who Rose was, but I wasn't about to let Senri kill Nana over it. Just as I could feel the tension building in his arm and his mark slightly expand, a voice behind us called,
"Senri! Senri, look over here!"
I turned around to see a girl with orange hair in a magenta cloak running toward us. She leapt forward and swung her arms around Senri. I blew a strand of hair out of my face. Oh. So that was Rose. But who the hell was she?
"Senri! Haven't seen you in ages! I was worried about you. I thought the Astarian military had killed you or something."
She rambled on for a while before she actually noticed me standing there.
"Oh, who's your friend?" She finally asked.
I extended my hand to appear as civil as I could.
"Reyna. I grew up in the same Kim-un-kur clan as Senri."
So don't mess with me, bitch.
"I kind of guessed that you were one of them. Your hair and clothes kinda gave that away." She dropped her tone to a hushed whisper. "So are you a +Anima too?"
"Wolf." I growled.
I could see the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, and I couldn't help but silently laugh to myself. Wolf versus cat over bear? No problem.
"Well," Rose shook it off and smiled, shaking my outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you, Reyna. Have you all ever been to this town before?"
"No." Cooro answered.
Rose grinned.
"Then you haven't heard of the Winter Ball they have every year. It's a huge party in the center of the village. There's music and dancing and food-"
"Food!" Cooro practically screamed. "We'll go! We'll go!"
He was jumping up and down clapping his hands together. Nana's face lit up like a torch.
"Ball?" She echoed. "As in pretty dresses and debutants and gentlemen?"
Rose nodded and Nana squealed in delight.
I curled my hands into fists, ready to punch Rose if she got anywhere near me. I saw what she was getting at, and I didn't want to be any part of it.
I was sick to death of hearing Rose's non-stop mouth blabber on and on about everything that was in existence. It was always, Senri this, Senri that, oh Senri look. I thought I was going to run my sword right through her chest and out her back if she said Senri's name one more time. It was a perfectly nice name, but I didn't think I could stand to hear it one more time. Did she even notice that he was ignoring her? The only thing she was accomplishing was giving the rest of us a headache.
"So Reyna, when did you catch up with the party?"
What? Was she talking to me? Oh dear.
"A while ago."
"What's your story?"
I swallowed hard and the flashbacks started uncontrollably.
I cried. Hard. Every night. Every night that I went to bed dreaming of my best friend, I always woke up without him. No one else seemed to care. Why? Why did no one miss him? No wonder he left, no one else loved him. But I did, and he left me. What did that say about us? Nothing? Everything? Yes, everything. He was a bear being loved by a girl with the heart of a wolf. A wolf who cried. I cried.
Frozen. Starving. Where are you Senri? Thirteen, I'm thirteen! This journey will kill me, but I will find you. Frozen, fur. Starving, a hunter. Darkness, night vision. This journey will not kill a wolf. Sharp teeth, yellow eyes, razor claws, pricked ears. The strength, the skill, the speed, the stamina, it's mine. All mine. I… will… live. I…will… find you!
"I don't have one."
Rose raised one eyebrow.
"Where's your mark?"
I had two of them really, one on each of my upper arms shaped like crescent moons, but of course I wasn't going to tell her. I decided just not to say anything to her. After a few moments of silence she seemed to forget all about me and went back to rambling on about this and that. I rolled my eyes. Whatever.
Eventually we stopped in front of an inn that at first glance appeared out of service. The shutters were falling off the hinges and the paint on the walls was peeling every few inches. At first I didn't even know it was an inn, rather a very old and long forsaken shanty. It stood out from the rest of the charming town, like a stain on a pretty skirt. The rest of us slightly grimaced, but Rose looked up at it as if it was her dream castle.
"Well, this where I'm staying. You all are welcome to stay if you want. It's supposed to snow tonight."
Husky shivered at the mention of more snow.
"I despise cold." He grumbled. "Anywhere is better than out here."
Cooro and Nana murmured in agreement. Senri and I stayed silent. The Kim-un-kur lived in the mountains at high altitude. Harsh cold was no problem for us, but we followed the others inside anyway.
The inside of the inn was no more attractive than the outside. The main lobby, if it could even be called that, was nearly empty of all adornment. In truth it was only four brown walls, two doors (the one we took in and the one other) and a desk. Hunched over the desk was a bent old man with skin as shriveled as a dry strawberry. Brass rimmed specs were perched on the end of his pointed nose, threatening to slide off at any moment. He didn't look up until Rose coughed and tapped her fist loudly in front of his face.
"Demetri! Wake up!" She yelled next to his ear.
He jerked up and stuttered as if he really had been asleep despite the fact that his eyes had been open the whole time.
"Huh? What? Who? Where?" He looked around the room frantically before finally seeing Rose snapping her fingers in front of him.
"Oh, it's you again." He mumbled in relief, sliding back in his chair. "Who's they? Friend's o' yours?"
"Yes." Rose spoke in a loud and annunciated tone the way you'd talk to a deaf person. "They are here to stay with me until the Winter Ball. They are sharing my room."
I shuddered at the thought of being cramped in any small space with her. I'd rather sleep outside.
"Okay, go right long." The old man Demetri murmured, hunching back over the desk with his chin in his hands.
Rose nodded and beckoned for us to follow her to the only other door in the room. It opened to reveal a thin stairway that twisted around a corner. Slowly, the six of us began to ascend it. Strange, I thought. It went on and up farther than one would assume from looking at the outside. It wove around corners and bends that couldn't be possible unless an entire floor of the inn was nothing but a labyrinth of steps. At one point Rose nearly lost her footing and began to fall, but Senri caught her before she hit the ground. I growled to myself. I wouldn't have cared if she went sliding all the way back to the bottom floor. I actually would have laughed. But Senri had a warmer heart than I did. Sure, I was growing to hate that girl from the depths of my soul, should I have one left, just from sheer annoyance at her naïve and stupid optimism, but a rare spark of compassion burnt my heart. Senri would help any innocent just for the sake of innocence, despite the fact that no one ever showed it to him as a child. I smiled.
After an estimated ten full minutes, we finally reached the top of the stairs. All that met us was six doors of different sizes. Three of them were high; the other three were short, annoyingly close to our individual height. Even more annoying was that our names were painted in gold inked calligraphy on every door, one for each of us. I knocked on the wood suspiciously. The door sounded thick and solid but also soft like the trees in the Kim-un-kur Mountains during the spring just when the forest was coming back to life. I leaned over to Cooro's door next to me. It smelled sweet like the bark of an apple tree. Hmm, Cooro, apples. Next to him, Nana's door had a lace doily hung on the front with pink letters spelling 'Welcome.' Again, hmm. Nana and lace. Coincidentally nice pair. It had to be some sort of mind trick. No one knew us that well.
My nose caught a whiff of a trap. Rose's didn't seem so attuned. She waltzed right into hers as if she had been living there for months.
"It's quite alright." She called from inside, "I don't know how it happens, but the inn accommodates for its guests. Looks like we won't have to share a room."
I didn't let anyone see my sigh of relief at not having to share a room with Rose. But at the same time I wanted to sleep in the same place as the rest of my friends. The entire thing didn't smell, look, or just plain feel right. But before I could say anything, everyone else was inside their rooms with their doors shut. I could hear howls, squeals, and shouts of delight at whatever they had found. But then I realized that I was not alone in the hallway. Rose and Senri were looking at each other. Rose's back was to me. I couldn't see her face, but Senri flashed his fingers at me urgently. She didn't know I was there, but he did.
I held my breath, wondering what she could have been up to that Senri wanted me hidden. My hand itched to grab the handle of my sword.
"I thought you'd forgotten about me." Rose said. Her voice sounded pathetic, but my ears could detect a hint of detestation.
She slipped her hand around the back of his neck, edging closer to him.
"Thought you'd… left."
Senri grabbed her wrist and pushed it away from him. He made a low sound that resembled a growl, like the ones we'd use to snap at each other if we really meant that we were serious. Suddenly I realized that it was a code. My head felt slightly swimmy but clear. Even the youngest Kim-un-kur could easily master simple telepathy with one another. One of the reasons we were usually so quiet. We really talked to those of our own kind all the time.
Get out. Run. This isn't safe.
He sounded frantic.
?
I replied with a feeling of confusion.
Just get out!
No!
Rose put her arms around him again, only less tender than before.
"Come on, just say something to me. Anything." She leaned in so that her lips were right next to his ear.
"I know you talk to her, that girl like you. I can see it."
Her fingernails extended to points, the pupils of her eyes thinned, and she parted her mouth to reveal a pair of needle sharp teeth. My hand grasped my sword so tightly that my knuckles went pale. If she tried anything…
But then I stopped and my jaw went slack.
Rose dug her claws into the flesh on Senri's shoulder, causing thick blood to ooze out of the punctures in his skin and onto her hands. He started to open his mouth in a gasp of pain, but before he could let anything escape she jerked forward, pressing his lips to hers.
Senri grasped her arms as if the kiss hurt him. I took a step forward and unsheathed my sword halfway, but Senri stopped me.
Don't! Stay where you are! She's more dangerous than she looks. Run. Run!
No!
Rose slowly withdrew, grinning as if she had accomplished something clever. I wanted to cut that smirk right off her face. Senri leaned over and spit blood out of his mouth. Blood? What the hell?
More blood ran down the corners of Senri's mouth as he straightened back up. But I noticed that his +Anima was fully activated and his claws were at Rose's throat. I couldn't help it. I activated mine and pointed my sword at the back of her neck. She turned around, her eyes narrowing with disgust.
"So what are you now?" She hissed. "His protector?"
"Worse. You're worst nightmare if you try another stunt like that."
That was probably the longest sentence I had ever said to someone I didn't like.
Rose snickered.
"Ha. Typical for a girl like you. Desperate. Jealous. 'Oh poor me, I'm so alone.' Look at yourself. Who would love you?"
Senri's claws pricked the skin on her neck as a warning. She only smiled, eyeing the blood dripping down his neck hungrily. She licked her lips and I pulled at a clump of her orange hair. What had she done?
Thought she was an innocent chatter box? Senri asked.
I nodded discreetly.
Yeah, so did I.
I couldn't help but smile. He was… well… just him.
Rose caught the telepathic tension between me and Senri. She tried to snap the sword out of my hand, but I came around and hit her cheek with the hilt of it. A blow like that would have shattered a normal human's bone, but she only rolled her jaw and bared her red teeth at me. She leapt forward, shoving all her mass against me, sending me sprawling across the floor. One hand wrapped around my throat while the other cocked back to shred my face, but Senri grabbed her arm and threw her away. Rose then set him as her target. She slashed wildly at his ribs but only managed to barely tear his shirt. I sheathed my sword. I wanted nothing more right now than to feel my claws rip her skin to ribbons and tear her flesh apart. Nothing set me on fire more than the fact that she hurt Senri and I had the power to hit her hard enough to make her regret it.
I had never felt like this before. I wanted her to bleed. I wanted her to scream. I wanted her on her knees begging for life. I wanted her dead!
Rose was slicing thin cuts into Senri's hands until his palms and fingers were stained red. As he tensed his entire body in pain she pushed him against a wall to a state of powerlessness. I could hear her inhale deeply, taking in the smell of hot blood. The lust in her yellow eyes was closer to that of a hungry tiger than a normal street cat. She licked the blood off his neck and gathered that that escaped her in her cupped hand. I now could see why the Astarians saw us as savage beasts. I liked the taste, but not enough to go that far.
In a blind furry I violently grabbed the back of her neck and tossed her like a doll to the other side of the hall. Husky opened his door, rubbing his head in exhaustion. How long had we been fighting?
"Can you guys keep it down? I- What the heck?!"
I ignored him, all my attention on Rose. I pinned her to the floor and began to tear at her skin. She howled in pain as my claws came in contact with her flesh. On any other day it would have disgusted me, but to a creeping horror I was enjoying her shrieks and every part of her torment. It felt like hours that I sat there and did nothing but cut away at her until she looked like she had just been thrown against a cheese grader, but I didn't stop. My vision became nothing but a spinning confusion of red and black. I didn't hear anything, Rose screeching, Nana crying, Husky and Cooro shouting, or even Senri whispering my name. I couldn't feel his arms trying to pull me off Rose's body, just her muscle tissue splitting under what felt to me like nothing more than a touch. Just a touch…
"Get her off me! Get her off me, please!"
"Senri make her stop!"
"Shut up, Nana!"
"Husky, she's gonna bleed to death!"
"Do you think I care?!"
"Just make her stop! Make her stop!"
My head screamed as I began to hear again, but I didn't know who was saying what. But I still tore at anything I could get my claws on.
Reyna, listen to me. You're going to kill her. She's dying. Just let go.
No! She hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you again. Not again.
Without pain, we take for granted what makes us feel alive.
For once, I felt something. Senri's hand on my arm.
Let go. Let go.
My eyes snapped open, or maybe they were never closed at all and I just saw the world again. Whatever it was, I wanted to close my eyes again. Rose looked like she'd just crawled out of a cave full of hungry wolves. Her clothes were barely covering her frame, and you'd think her skin was naturally red. Clumps of matted hair were stuck together with something that I was sure wasn't blood. Her left elbow was twisted at an odd angle with a sliver of bone protruding from the skin. Through other parts of torn muscles I could have touched parts of her skeleton. Blood poured over her cheeks like tears until I noticed the most gruesome thing I had ever seen. Her left eye was completely gorged out and part of the lid was completely detached.
I felt like I was going to vomit. I did this to her. She was half blind… Just like Senri.
I buried my face in Senri's chest.
And I cried.
All I knew then was darkness and the warmth of Senri's arms around me. I cried silently so nobody else would see. With injuries like that, there was no way that Rose would survive. Part of me was content that that evil bitch would finally be dead, but another thought that no one, no matter how horrible, should have to die that way.
She deserved it.
No she didn't.
Yes. She did!
No. She didn't!
My own conscience was screaming at its self. Nothing seemed right or wrong anymore. I didn't even know how long I just sat in Senri's embrace. But I did know one thing; the strong smell that filled my nose was raw meat, hot blood, and fresh gore. And it was all my fault!
Senri hugged me tighter, sensing my agony.
Go to sleep. You are so tired. No one is going to hurt you.
I almost relaxed for a moment, feeling his soft presence. But then I accidentally shut him out when the sight of Rose's mangled but breathing body stenciled its self across my mind. I felt like the image was painted on the inside of my eye lids. I would never be free if she died. But at the same time it brought a wicked pleasure and I wanted to see it.
Was this how soldiers and murders felt? I could end up in jail for this. I was the reason Kim-un-kur and +Anima had a bad name. And this cat wouldn't stay in the bag for long.