He knows that he frightens people.
Despite his words to Momoshirou among others, he doesn't like people to be afraid of him. He's different, he knows. Just not because of his being a tensai, but due to his different point of view.
Often, things that would stump others on how to solve it, he knows instinctively what to do. He doesn't fully understand what the major problems are with other things, which people can be so passionate about.
So to hide the fact that he's so different, he shows people what they want to see. Not many people have been let in enough to see his true thoughts, his true feelings. So he smiles, to assure people he's fine, to put off awkward questions about his well-being. Not that people care, anyway. They only want to hear he's fine, and move on with their lives in which he's only a supporting player.
It's strange, he muses, that he doesn't even consider himself the main character in his own show.
The people-the rarity they are-that he lets in, he trusts beyond belief. They are aware of this fact, and they are careful with it. His loyalty to them extends to that if they were ever threatened in any way, he trounces them without mercy, regret, or second thoughts.
Such as when Mizuki hurt Yuuta, he wanted to harm the despicable boy until he crawled. It was only because his brother and others who he respected were there to stop him. Yuuta was among them, and he knew his brother, despite his protestations that he didn't. It hurt Syuusuke more than he let on, his estrangement of his brother and himself. Yuuta was one of the precious few who Syuusuke truly cared about, and when Yuuta shied away, it hurt his heart.
That hurt was mended soon enough, but the scar was left, a horrific reminder of what could happen again.
He sometimes wonders if he wants people to leave him alone, or to just pay attention and care for once.
He smiles now; it is bittersweet, if anything. He isn't quite sure what he wants now-to quote a rather wise person, "When I decide what I want, there'll be a parade. With 66 bloody trombones."(1)
He laughs, full of mocking bitterness. Once the rare show of true emotion passes, he pastes on his normal smile. People see what they want to see, after all. He moves away from the ledge facing the ocean, and starts to walk away. It's only when he's facing the water do these melancholy thoughts fill his mind.
In his myriad of thoughts, he has forgotten his companions.
"Ne, Syuusuke?" the younger of the two ventures.
He turns to face them.
The older (and taller) wraps his arms around the thoughtful boy's torso, bringing warmth to his chilly exterior. The younger boy has somehow found his way between the two, and both of the normally stoic people smile at him.
Syuusuke breaks.
Tears flow down his frozen cheeks, and he's trembling. Ryoma gently wipes away the tears, and Kunimitsu nuzzles his other cheek.
"We love you," Ryoma informs him, softly but firmly. "And don't you dare think otherwise."
Kunimitsu kisses him slowly and sensually. "Syuusuke, what's wrong?"
Syuusuke looked down. "You really care, don't you? You really think," he hesitated. "That…I'm valuable to you?"
"Syuusuke, you're our world," Ryoma reassured, unusually open. All three of them are uncomfortable with showing emotion and saying lovey-dovey things to each other, not even in bed, but when two can sense the other is feeling unusually insecure, like this frigid January night, that is when the barriers are gone.
"Syuusuke, we will always care," Kunimitsu hushed him quietly. "Always."
Syuusuke smiled slightly, eyes open and pleading. Ryoma and Kunimitsu begin to strengthen their embrace, as they walk to their apartment.
When they get to their doorstep, they all pause.
"I…love you," Syuusuke muttered. It was easy enough for him to say this on a daily basis, but now he meant it more. For answer, his lovers squeezed him, and they opened the door, to disappear into the dark apartment.
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1: This is a quote taken from Buffy the vampire Slayer, in the truly brilliant episode, once More with Feeling.
Fuji's soliloquy at the beginning was actually inspired by thoughts I had in my Spanish class, and I wouldn't be surprised if these were truly hidden feelings of Fuji's. People do see what they wish to see, and if people want to see Fuji smiling, then he will be.
I like to write angst, but it is a stretch to make it non-emo. It's normal for everyone to feel angst at some point or another, without it being emo-inspiring.
-Humorous-Broadway-Persson