Hey everyone!
After a month from publishing my very first fic on fanfiction, here I am again ;)
This story can be seen as the prequel from the first I wrote "Only Human"...
This time it's Stefan's pov. His feelings, his thoughts when Elena's lying dead in front of him..
Such a powerful and meaningful moment for all Stelena's shippers!
So, enjoy it and please tell me what you think about it!
BRING ME TO LIFE
I'm dead.
I still can't believe it, but I know it for sure because my heart has stopped beating.
My heart stopped beating when Elena's heartbeat stopped.
I've been crying for hours, from the moment when her body, her heart drowned in the cruelst abyss of Wickery River.
Even if i'm dead, my pain is unstoppable and it'll haunt me forever, in the beyond or wherever my damned soul can be. What hurts the most, aside of the thought of Elena being dead, of her fragile body cold as ice is that I could've prevented this tragedy. I could've saved her.
Instead I haven't. I saved Matt first and then her. Why did I act like this? Why did I let that time to be the last where I could see her as a human? Why didn't I bring her to life along with me, making her breathe and forget what had happened? The questions are too many and the answers I can give myself that don't blame me are only a few. After all the sorrow I caused her, I've also killed her.
Will she ever be able to forgive me? Will I ever be able to forgive myself for what I've (not) done?
Will she ever be able to love me again? I'm a dead one that hates himself! I can't cease staying by her side, I see her lying still in front of my very eyes and I feel so bad that I could thrust the closest stake into my heart. I wouldn't feel anything the same because I'm already dead. My Elena, my only love, the meaning of this mere existence has ceased to exist and I'm here, dead inside, alive outside, once again alone, on my own. I could've saved her if I had only listened to my heart, following its will! I could've laughed with her in this very moment, seeing her gleaming smile lighting up mine or I could've kissed her again, feeling her warm lips sweetly catching my breaths.
Now I can't do this, now my heart is still with hers.
Now she's gone and I'm lost and dead.
Why haven't I saved her? Why have I let her die? Why have I sentenced the end of her life, without thinking twice? I still remember when one year ago she confessed me that she would've never wanted to be what she's becoming now. A vampire.
Now, after one year I sentenced her to her worst nightmare, although I had the possibility to do differently. I will never be able to forgive me of letting her die, of killing her soul.
Because I don't live without Elena.
Everything revolves around her and without her there's no meaning, there's no life.
My tears aren't useful to ease the pain that rips my lungs, but to confirm it, to remind me as soon as they are in my eyes that I've killed her. I that I love her more than all the rest, have wasted her life, I threw it away, making her as she is now. A corpse and nothing more.
A corpse in transition. Now it's her turn to decide. I decided to save Matt first because I did what I thought she would want me to do, although I knew that it wasn't the right thing to do. I don't want to make any more wrong choices that can cause her more pain. Whatever path she'll choose to walk on, I'll support her because I know that she'll choose the best option. In the meanwhile I keep on crying and even if I know that I didn't have any right to make her drink blood in order to save her, I can't stop myself from thinking that I couldn't let her die, without finding a way to make her come back to me. I need her. I'm selfish,but I can face this death if only she holds my hand because despite of the pain that I caused her, she's the reason of everything and I can't let her go without doing nothing, although I know that this means going against her wishes. I'll fight and I'll cry for her, for you Elena for ever. I love you and I hope that one day you'll forgive me, I'll never do that, but I'll let flow these tears till they drop on your skin and make you understand how much I've always loved you and always will.
That's why I'll never stop to suffer.
I'll be dead until you come back to me and bring me to life, therefore we'll be able to live together, forever and always.
Whatever is in hold for us, it can't change my pain, my guiltiness, and above all my feelings.