Hi! This is my first fic! Well, first fic that I manage to "finish". I've written tons of fics already but I can't finish it. This fic is semi-fin. Still thinking if I'm going to continue this fic. Comments are welcome :)

"I'm leaving because..."

"It's easier to walk away than to fight for what you really want"

I could've begged for him to stay but he left. Yes, Reed had left Shane for a year now. It may be a year ago but the memory still burns in Shane's mind. Whatever he does, it just won't go, go like what Reed did. Shane dated guys, even girls, to fill in the big gap in his heart but no one can fill that gap. And Shane knows that. He should've did everything but he didn't

"Reed, please stop! Just don't leave me like this. Please."

The last word almost came out as a whisper, a desperate whisper. Yes, desperate is the perfect word to describe what Shane sounded to Reed's ears.

Reed paused, dropped his bags and turned to face Shane. /Wrong move/ He shouldn't turned to face Shane because seeing Shane like this, so vulnerable and broken, breaks his heart.

"S-shane...I have to do th-this. I NEED to do this. You don't need me here. I've been a burden to you for God knows how long and I'm just doing this because I know it's the b-be-best for the both of us." Reed said it. He succeeds in saying the words he'd been practicing to say, the words he dreaded to say. He didn't think he would need to say it. He though it would go smoothly and Shane will just let him leave. But knowing Shane, he won't just give up without a fight. Until...

"Fine" Shane said one word; one word that ended his fight, one word signifies his defeat.

"Wait. Wha-"

"I get it. You want to leave so I'll let you." /Liar/ Shane knows he can't, he won't but he did.

"Look. I don't want to be the barrier between you and your true happiness. I love you Reed, you know that. You've never been a burden to me. Catching you everytime you fall is something I really enjoy to do because I know that no one can catch you like I did. Besides, I promised you before, when the feelings were just coming from my part, that I'll catch you, literally and figuratively. I never thought I'd catch you figuratively. W-why would you want someone who's blurting his thoughts and feelings every now and then, someone who acts without thinking... someone like me. But being loved by you is one of the things that I will cherish the most. I love you today. I love you tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after the day of tomorrow. I will love you as long as I can. Even if you don't love me back anymore. I don't know when to stop, I don't know if I can stop because you're the person who made my heart beat again. So don't you dare say the you've been a burden to m-" Shane's speech/proclamation of appreciation and love for Reed was cut off by Reed hugging Shane. Shane was shocked but he hold onto Reed like there's no tomorrow (Well, there is no tomorrow for them) and cry his heart out because it hurts.

Reed comforted the guy that he love most, the guy that he hurt so badly. "I'm really blessed to meet someone like you. I've never been appreciated by others the way you appreciated me. You made me feel special, you made me feel wanted. You're perfect, Shane. Don't you ever dare to think that your flaws define you. Our flaws make us different from others and you're different and special. You deserve someone better and clearly that's not me. I would never regret loving you this much. I'm leaving not because I don't love you anymore. I'm leaving b-be-because I can't give you the love you deserve. You deserve someone who's strong enough to go on with this fight with you and I'm just too weak for this. I'm so sorry I have to hurt you this way. I'm so sorry. I promise you won't see me again..."

Before Reed can continue, Shane sobbed louder and starts to terribly shake. "Hey." Reed tried to make Shane stop but he didn't. Reed placed his hand in Shane's chin and made the younger guy look at him. Shane's eyes, the usually bright eyes, are swollen and red. Reed caressed Shane cheek. Shane leans in the touch. "R-r—re-reed" Shane's voice cracked and it made it harder for Reed to leave but he must go.

"Shhhhh. Close your eyes, Shane." Reed instructed but Shane shakes his head in disapproval. "Please. Close your eyes" And Shane did close his eyes, still holding onto Reed's hands tightly. As Reed began to talk, he also began to walk closer to the door with Shane still holding onto his hands. "Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Calm down. Breathe." Now that Reed felt that Shane had relaxed a little, he continued "All of this is just a dream. Did you hear me? It's just a dream. You'll count 1 – 10, slowly. After 10, you'll open your eyes and realize that nothing happened, that I didn't exist. You'll continue your life and find your happiness. Promise me, Shane. Promise me." Reed was already crying that time. It's a wonder why his voiced didn't cracked or why he didn't stuttered. In that moment, he knew why. It's because he means what he said. He wants Shane to be happy.

"I pr—prr—prrooo-promi-promise." It was so hard for Shane to say those words because he don't know if he can really do what Reed wants him to do.

Reed felt a little relieved. Shane promised. He's very true to his promises.

He started to let go of Shane's hand. At first, Shane hesitated to let go but eventually he did. Reed went to take his bags and stars to hand them to his driver who's waiting outside the door for minutes already. With one last bag left, Shane started to count.

"...1...2...3...4..."

Before he could continue to 5, Reed's lips were connected to Reed. Reed can't handle it anymore. He knew that it would be really hard for Shane to do this. It is really hard for him too. So before he truly leaves, he gives in to one last kiss. The kiss went on for 5 seconds. It was Reed holding onto Shane. Shane resisted to wrap his arms around the little guys waist because if he let himself do it, he won't let Reed go. After the kiss, Reed's silently sobbing at the sight of the boy he loves in front of him. Eyes closed, stiff as a tree, tears freely falling in his cheeks -Shane. He never wanted to see him so vulnerable and broken. He never thought he would be the reason why. He hated himself so much for doing this.

"...5...6...7..." Shane continued to count. Reed knows he needs to leave before Shane opens his eyes.

"...8..." Reed's hands reached the doorknob.

"...9..." He twisted the knob and walked past the door.

Shane hesitates to say the next number. He knows that by 10 everything will be gone, Reed will be gone. Reed looks at Shane for the last time; Examining the features of the boy who used to be a bundle of joy but now a cloud of sorrow. At that moment, Reed knew that he will never forget Shane even if he tries. With that, he turned away; hold onto the knob and...

"10" the door closed. Reed ran to the car as fast as he could. He tripped a few times but lifted himself up knowing that no one will be there to catch/lift him from now on. It was impossible for him to see the way because of the tears that can't stop streaming in his face. After tripping a few more time, he finally reached the car and there he let all the emotions out. The driver looked sympathetically at Reed. Knowing of what's best for Reed, he started the engine and drove the night away.

Slowly, Shane opened his eyes. "It was just a dream. It was just a dream." He tried to convince himself but he can't. A bitter chuckle came out of him; And with that, he broke down for God knows how long. He already miss the strawberry blond boy but he knows that this thing –whatever you call it—is for Reed and he'll do anything to make Reed happy; Even if he have to let him go.

Maybe he did fight until the very end. But it wasn't enough.

Shane still remembers the past like it only happened yesterday. It's tough. He promised Reed that he will try to be happy, truly happy. He hasn't reached that point yet but HEY, there is no time limit. He did say that he will love Reed as long as he can. Shane's still in his pool of thoughts when...

"OW!" He got hit by a roll of newspaper, thanks to his friend, Samantha. "What is that for?"

"For you to wake up! I know you're in your "pool of thoughts" again. Are you seriously going to do this every single day of your goddamn life? Come on, Shane. Man up and be happy. I'm not saying that you let go of what you feel for whoever that person is –I know that you won't do it even if I say so, so why bother. But live your life. You're missing a lot of things in life by secluding yourself from the real world!" Yes, Shane haven't revealed to Samantha who's the person he still love. It's not because he doesn't trust Samantha, it's just something he want to keep for himself; even just the name of the strawberry blond artist. Shane's back to his "own world" so he received another smack in the head.

"HEY. STOP IT!"

"You won't listen to me. Just hear me out, okay."

"Okay. So what did you say awhile ago?" Shane asked. Seriously, he didn't hear a single word.

PAK. PAK. PAK. "That's 3 hits for you, Mr. Who-won't listen!" PAK. PAK. PAK. Okay. Maybe more.

"Sam, please stop already. You already have my attention."

"Oh. Really now?"

"Yeah" Shane can't help to roll his eyes.

"So...? ! Somanycolors! Alreadysawsomeofthem&they'regorgeous."

See what I did there? Samantha is friends with Shane because of their similarities.

"WOAH. HOLD UP! I didn't comprehend a word."

"How could you? You talk like that too! You should've understood what I said!"

Shane was taken by what his friend said. How long have I been secluding myself? When was the last time I was truly happy or just simply laughing? It's been a long time and Shane admits that he missed being happy-happy, like really happy.

"I'm sorry. Start over again. And this time, please do it slowly"

"Okay. I said, would you come with me in this art gallery? I really love to look at the paintings inside! So many colors! Already saw some of them & they're gorgeous!" Samantha said with the same excitement she had awhile ago.

"Who's art gallery is this? I really want to go outside and do something. Besides, I missed seeing splash of colors!" real excitement can be heard from Shane's voice. He finally decided to look at the brighter side of life.

"I don't know. There were alot of people blocking the way but I saw when the art gallery will open for the public!"

"Really? When?"

"TONIGHT!"

"So tonight we go!"

It's been a year. Reed is in his room and his pool of thoughts is starting to eat him alive. The past still haunts him. He can't stop thinking what could've been happening right now if he didn't left Shane. He didn't really want to do it. It's just his mother –ugh! So demanding. Design for this, design for that. Gallery here, gallery there! IT'S TOTALLY INSANE. Not that he doesn't enjoy designing clothes and painting, actually he loves doing these things BUT he doesn't like to be forced.

Everything changed ever since his mother found out the thing with Shane. His mother is not homophobic. She loves Reed so much, her only child. It's just that she thinks that Reed has been losing focus. She wants to ensure that her only child will have a bright future so she threatened to do something drastic. Reed, loving Shane so much, gave in to what his mother wants.

*knock knock*

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Van Kamp. Ms. Hilde is asking if you're ready to go." Janina, Hide's assistant, asked.

"Yes"

At the art gallery

"Look at that painting Shane! It's so beautiful. I wonder what message lies behind it" Samantha proclaims in awe her appreciation on the painting.

"It really is beautiful. We should find the artist and ask."

The crowd started to get noisy once the artist arrived in the venue. Some extends their congratulations for the beautiful painting, some asking for the meanings behind the paintings and some just simply want to talk to him.

"Hey. Look! Isn't that the artist? Let's go talk to him!" Samantha grabbed Shane's hand and runs to the direction leading to the artist.

The artist was just finishing a conversation with an old couple when they arrived near him.

"Thank you for coming to my art gallery and thank you for the appreciation you have in my paintings. There are more paintings on the other side of the venue. Enjoy the evening." Those are the parting words the artist said to the couple.

Samantha patiently waited for her chance to talk to the artist while Shane is busy looking at the paintings around him that he didn't noticed that Samantha already approached the artist.

"Hi. I'm Samantha. I really love your paintings. Can you explain some of it? I'm really amazed with the colors but I also what to see what meaning lies behind these."

"Hi Samantha. Thank you for coming to my art gallery. I hope I don't disappoint you with my paintings. It's a pleasure to explain a painting to a guest like you. You know, I really appreciate those people who ask the meaning behind my paintings. It's one of my basis if the guests are really interested and fond in painting. Anyway, which painting do you want me to explain?"

Samantha led the way back to where Shane is. Shane still adores the painting in front of him. He didn't notice that Samantha is already back with the artist who is ready to explain the painting to them.

"Oh. This painting. Interesting choice, Samantha." Reed said upon seeing which painting she was referring to.

With the sudden familiar voice, Shane was pulled back to reality. He turned and saw who owner of the voice.

"Reed"

"Shane"

comments please :)