I'm telling this story because Kurt thinks it'll be good for me. I virtually crippled my hands after the last boxing session and he reckons writing wold be a less painful venue for my feelings.
For a long time I was terrified of coming out to my parents. Mainly this was because I knew how they'd react. If I was lucky I'd get a shocked silence, if I wasn't – well, I preferred not to think about it.
When I finally made myself tell them who I was the reactions were pretty much what I'd predicted. Initially you could hear a pin drop, then dad began to yell. Mum didn't stop him, as I'd expected, but despite all my careful preparation for this moment the words stung. After several minutes of loud abuse Coop stepped in.
"Shut up dad!" he shouted.
I waited for him to begin his turn of the rant. I was never good enough for Coop. My sexuality was just another thing for him to criticise. Or so I thought.
"So he likes boys, he's no different from you or me!" Coop exclaimed.
"I'm not a faggot." dad muttered and stormed off to his study.
I couldn't quite believe that Coop had defended me. There was hope for my big brother yet, but my dad was a lost cause.
I looked to my quiet mother, staring hopefully through a film of tears. I wished she'd say something, anything but she just stared back at me.
"Go to your room." she said finally.
"What?" I gasped.
"I – I need some time to think."
Mum tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace.
"Fine!" I snapped and marched upstairs.
I could hear Cooper's footsteps following me.
When I got to my bedroom I dived onto the bed and sat there shaking. I hunched over as I tried to hide my uncontrollable sobs. Cooper sat down beside me and put his arm round my back, drawing me into a hug. For a while we stayed like that, saying nothing until my sobs subsided. Sniffing, I wriggled out of my brother's embrace.
"Sorry. I – I've got tears all over your shirt – "
"I'll let it pass just this once." said Coop. "How long have you been out for?"
"What?"
"I think school knew you were gay before we did."
I gave him a watery smile.
"Was it really that obvious?"
I should've known Coop would put two and two together. I was always coming home bruised.
"I don't think mum or dad noticed." he replied.
That made sense. They were never home when we were. Work always got in the way, still does. Sometimes I think work is all my parents care about.
Looking back at these memories, the most prominent part of them is Coop. That time he stood up for me. The one time he was supportive. Ha. You should've seen him today. Now he's just somebody that I used to know.