Disclaimer: I don't own no nothing -.-
A/N: I know I should be doing a lot of other things right about now. (yeah, like studying for the test I have tomorrow… or updating other fanfics I've left hanging for more than 3 months) but even though I genuinely feel remorse, I really can't do anything because I know I've lost my thing for fanfics, I really have *sobs a bucket*
But I've had this idea for so long, it was criminal I hadn't put it out there for so long. BECAUSE LOVE SO LIFE DESERVES A LOT, LOT MORE LOVE THAN THIS. I hope I can write more for this fandom but I really don't know if I can.
So anyway, here goes nothing…
A Place to Belong
When the twins have spent all the energy for the day and she has tucked them in the bed safely, Shiharu has a lot of time to contemplate. Every day. And it's not particularly welcome because no matter however much she might try to busy herself in the work, she can't escape from the train of thoughts that has become so painfully regular.
Matsunaga-san is late again today. She needs to tell him to stop overworking himself or his health will seriously suffer. She makes a mental note in her head as she finishes up the last bits of cleaning.
She'd really like to admit that she's anxious to see him now. Because all the work is almost done and his face is the only thing that can distract her from thoughts of the future. The kids' grandparents called again this morning and they happily talked to them for an hour. Matsunaga-san said the paperwork was almost ready.
Shiharu sighs as she wipes the dishes clean and places them in the shelves. Every day that she spends watching Akane and Aoi grow up makes it harder for her to think of her life without this make-shift family. This year, she'll graduate. Rio has already made plans and is working hard to get into the same university as Takeru-kun.
But Shiharu would be an absolute liar if she said she was sure about what she was going to do now. Living in her mother's town would be excruciating now that their home is gone. It's funny how the things that have to most potential to make you happy also have the most potential to give you enough pain for a lifetime. No, Shiharu absolutely can't think of living in that town with the vacuum it has created in her life.
Her reverie of thoughts is broken as she catches the cup that slipped her hand and barely saves it from scattering into a hundred pieces. It's the new cup that Matsunaga-san bought her and her heart is racing like crazy because she treasures it more than anything in her life and with every piece she would've had to gather if it broke, it'll be like picking up every single piece of her broken heart.
Because that cup… it is proof that it's okay for her to be here.
She stares at the tiny patterns on it that she remembers by heart now. The cup she broke was special but this one… it means something—just a teeny-tiny bit of something—more than that. Once the twins move, she has no idea what she's going to do with the cup. It'll be too excruciating to hold onto or to let go. Considering that it was Matsunaga-san who bought it, it wouldn't really be okay to take it along with her. But leaving it here wouldn't really be okay either… because it's her cup and even though Matsunaga-san bought it, it was meant for her.
She sighs. Seems like the cup is going to face the same existential crisis as her once… once the twins are gone.
It's just so hard to think about it, and just as hard to not think about it.
That cup triggers a lot of questions.
For one thing she knows, it wouldn't be her proof of belonging anymore.
And that thought is so hard to digest but that's when she hears the doors click and breathes out a sigh 'cause now that Matsunaga-san is here, her mind is occupied with worrying about a lot of other things.
Like trying to keep the heart rate normal.
Seiji just hates it every time he's so late because letting Nakamura-san off so late in the night completely goes against his ethics. Besides, he knows no matter how many times he tells her not to worry about it, she would go out of her way to clean up the house if she has time. It's almost criminal—the way the girl works so hard.
But there is that relief… seeing how she manages the house—and he knows it is only because she loves it so much. And however much he might tell himself that it is unethical, Seiji can't help but feel happy every time somebody identifies them as family. Maybe not in the conventional sense of the term but of what he understands, they truly are family and he just hopes it's not going to change even after… even after the two little devils are gone.
Today, he finds her staring at the cup he bought her as he removes his tie and is ready to collapse. That cup triggers a lot of memories. Of things that Seiji isn't totally proud of but… but it was still worth it. Because those memories bring with them a smile he can't hold back.
"Ma-Matsunaga-san, okaeri…" Shiharu says, looking a little startled. Because she was so lost in her own thoughts, for one second there, she didn't realize it was time to leave.
"Thank you for your hard work, Nakamura-san," Seiji says, the smile still plastered on his face.
And he doesn't see it but Shiharu has to do her own little therapy of not looking straight at him and counting up to ten while trying to maintain her breathing rate because this is what that smile does to her.
"Then… I'll be leaving now," Shiharu says as she goes back to the drawers to put away the cup. "If you are hungry, Matsunaga-san, there's still a few pancakes left. I put them in that dish over there. I hope to be here tomorrow morning before Akane-chan and Aoi-kun are up but if I'm late, just make sure they brush their teeth properly before breakfast. I got a new pack of cereal today so you—"
And Seiji has done it again… he tries his best to not overstep the line he's drawn for himself but in the end, he just can't help himself. He's holding onto her hand with the cup because he can see—no matter how hard she tries to put up a façade—Seiji can see that putting away that cup makes her so, so sad.
Because that cup… it is proof that it's okay for her to be here.
And while she's trying all she can to hold herself together, being around Matsunaga-san does this to her and before she can stop, her mouth has already voiced that one question that's been killing her for so long.
"If… when Akane-chan and Aoi-kun are… are gone…" she stutters, trying to swallow the lump forming in her throat. "Will it be okay if I can keep this cup with me, Matsunaga-san?"
And while it's totally unethical in Seiji's mind to do this, he can't help but hug her tight as tears stream down Shiharu's cheeks. It'd be better if somebody could go ahead and stab him right now because Seiji knows this is a huge disaster… but he's never really had the courage to say this and on second thoughts, he might as well be honest for once. Because if there were to be a day that his make-shift family was scattered, he'd still like to keep the few pieces together… at least he could try what he can.
"Nakamura-san, I was hoping you would still like to keep the cup here even after the twins are gone…" he whispers. "After all… it is proof that it's okay for you to be here…"
A/N: Whaaaaat… I'm not implying anything… or am I? *winks* I'll leave it for Matsunaga-san to decide.
So I know, I know this isn't good enough but cut me some slack. I'm taking up a challenge for the next week and I really, really do hope I'm able to complete it 'cause I need to push through this writer's block.
(Yeah, I might write more LsL fanfics too!)
I just need some motivation.
For me, motivation comes from reviews (thank you very much). So please, please if you took out time to read through the whole thing, just leave a few words of what you thought of this fic? Liked it or not—whatever it is—just leave a review.
'cause it really helps the writer in more ways than one (it really does)
Thank you for reading!