Disclaimer:I do not own Lord of the Rings or anything related to LOTR, accept for the unnamed OC in this story.
"I thought you said you couldn't cook?", Haldir said accusingly.
"No," Eowyn replied, hands on her hips. "I said that I could cook, just not very well. Now, do you want to know how to make bread or not?" The Battle of Helm's Deep was just over and Eowyn was going to teach the Marchwarden of Lorien how to make bread whether he liked it or not.
"Does it matter if I want to?"
"No, not at all. Think of it this way, you can tell some elf maid that you can cook a meal, she will be impressed. Now, we get out the ingredients." Eowyn said.
"A meal?" Haldir was having doubts about this whole affair.
"Yes, a meal. You said you can make stew. So, stew, bread and some fruit. A meal. Now, be quiet and listen." Haldir clammed up and followed the instructions the shield maiden issued.
"It's easier to kill orcs," Haldir muttered. Eowyn glared at the elf, then stifled a laugh as Haldir accidentally splashed flour all over his shirt, turning his forest green tunic, white.
"Now, it's time to knead the dough. Dump it out here." She gestured to a flour-covered patch of table.
Haldir raised his eyebrows. "Come again?! Dump it out!"
Eowyn looked at him calmly. " Yes. How else are you going to knead it?"
"Knead? As in 'I need to change my shirt because it's covered in flour?' That kind of need?" Haldir asked.
"No, k-n-e-a-d, not n-e-e-d. You have to knead the dough for it to get the right texture when you bake it." Eowyn preceded to show the frustrated elf what she meant. Then her eyes widened and she exclaimed, "We forgot the yeast!"
"And this is a bad thing?"
"Yes! Now the dough won't rise, so you can't bake it!" Haldir groaned.
"I knew tis was a bad idea! I should nev..." Suddenly, Haldir as knocked to the ground. He quickly sprang up with a leather ball in his hand. "Who threw the ball at me?" he exclaimed angrily. Then he saw a set of tear filled eyes looking up at him.
"I am so sorry! I...I didn't mean to! I kicked it too high...and...and...I'm really sorry! Please don't eat me!" the little boy stammered. Haldir felt his heart soften as he knelt down and handed the boy his ball.
"Who said I was going to eat you? Don't worry, I won't eat you. Just be careful where you play ball, all right?" They boy nodded quickly and darted away.
"You handled that very well. I am sorry about the yeast. At least you got the general idea." Eowyn said apologetically.
Haldir sighed. "I understand. Thank you for showing me." Someone called Eowyn away, leaving Haldir trying to decide what to do with the bread dough. Tentatively, he tasted a bit and then immediately spit it out. "And to think that this becomes bread." he muttered with disgust and promptly threw out the dough.