If Love Were All

This is an extended version of chapter 6 part 2 of "Pen Pals" written partly in response to Catwoman99 and Sarah's review.

A few notes and explanations:

Many thanks to ermireallydontcare for noticing the problem of shifting tenses, I am trying my best to mind my technicalities aside from content. An apology in advance if this is bad as this is my first attempt to write a rated T story.

Using the word "dumbass". I know this is not a standard swear word around 1919-1920 but as I could not find any appropriate swear words of the time, I used "dumbass" to illustrate either a) the man does not know who the Earl of Grantham is or b) the man knows who he is but there is no deference and Lord Grantham is simply another human being - a microcosm of what is slowly happening in society after the war. (I was also partially inspired by that scene in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home where Admiral Kirk is nearly run over by a taxi.).

The title is taken from a chapter in Anthony Hope's The Prisoner of Zenda.

Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham had a distracted look on his face as he made his way through Ripon's streets. So distracted was he that he had already knocked down a man carrying a basket of vegetables

"Watch where you're going, you dumbass!" the man bellowed as he shook his head and started to retrieve the fallen vegetables.

"I'm sorry. Here allow me," Robert said apologetically while he bent down to help.

"Humph," came the grunt followed by a curt, "good day sir." Basket in hand, the man left Robert to his own thoughts

Continuing his walk, Robert sighed. Today wasn't exactly turning to be a good day for him. First, his oldest daughter Mary had been her uncommunicative self for the second day running and he supposed that it had something to do with her upcoming wedding to Sir Richard Carlisle. Robert felt that Mary was reluctant to marry Richard but why was she persisting with going ahead with the wedding? What was story between them? Was she hiding something? There were so many questions and yet no answers to any of them.

Then he and Cora had an almighty row over his decision to help Bates with his upcoming trial. She thought it wasn't a good idea given that there might be less than kind talk about him helping a man who had gone to prison once and was behind bars again this time for murder. Robert was convinced of Bates's innocence but Cora was not. He knew that she had never taken to the erstwhile valet and what embarrassed him further was that Amelia Tomlinson, the secretary had accidentally witnessed them rowing – a first time a servant had done so. Not even Mr Carson or Mrs Hughes in all their years of service had seen Robert and Cora quarrel now the dubious honour belonged to a secretary who had been in the position only for three months.

It was assumed that after the war and having recovered from Spanish flu, things would settle down between them and for awhile it did but it was not to last long as Robert became increasingly distant and Cora throwing herself into various existing charity causes and starting some of her own that would sometimes take her away from Downton for days. They had also started sleeping in separate rooms only coming together for dinner or social events.

The row over Bates was not resolved as Cora had departed for London to attend charity meetings and accompany Isobel to Buckingham Palace where she would receive her Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire award from the King himself. With Sybil now making her home in Dublin, Mary and Edith preoccupied elsewhere, Matthew in Manchester and Cora in London for a week, Robert was more or less alone in the big house.

Something else came to Robert's mind as he finally reached the town centre. It had been occupying his thoughts since he accidentally found a school report amongst his mail. Where did she go, he wondered but like the mystery about Mary and Richard, he doubted that there would be an answer to his recent question either.

Robert had been so preoccupied with his thoughts that the next thing he knew, he was lying on the ground with a boy of about eleven or twelve on top of him.

What had happened?

"I'm all right, I think," he vaguely heard the boy say "What about it? A perfect no point landing."

He felt slightly reassured when the boy finally managed to stand up relieving him of some body weight. His head felt dull and throbbing, suspecting that there was a bump somewhere. The next thing he knew he was being helped up by the boy and a woman who he assumed was the boy's mother.

"Ohhhh...what was that?" Robert finally groaned. He wished he was still lying on the ground as standing up seemed to have made it worse in terms of the pain.

"You were hit by a bicycle," came the woman's response as she and the boy helped him on to a nearby bench.

Robert gave a start as that voice sounded familiar to his ears but he quickly chided himself. You idiot! You've just been run over by a bicycle so your mind starts playing tricks. From the corner of his eye, he sees the woman staring at him intently, maybe searching for any cuts, bumps or bruises. Now that her face was quite close to his, he could have sworn that he could have encountered her in the past.

"Maybe we should call the doctor," the boy said and Robert could hear the apprehension in his voice. "He looks woozy to me."

Robert tried to straighten himself "It won't be necessary...I think I'm fine...ow!"

"I don't think it is wise to move your head that way sir," the woman said as she sat next to him "Please be careful."

The boy stepped forward "That was me on the bicycle sir, I'm really sorry. I hope you're not hurt and I don't get into trouble."

"Not at all, you're not in trouble with me. You have a fine boy here Mrs..." Robert smiled and turned to look at the woman next to him and as he did his eyes widened. Surely it wasn't possible but there she was next to him.

"Jane...it is you!" he exclaimed relieved that his mind was not playing tricks on him.

"Lord Grantham," was all Jane could say with a nervous smile plastered on her face as she went on. "This is my son Freddie. Freddie, this is Lord Grantham."

So this was Freddie. Robert took a look at the boy in front of him – a smiley, quite nervous young man leaning on his bicycle with dark hair and pale blue eyes, almost like his mother. A part of him envied Freddie who seemed to enjoy being young with his bicycle, playing with friends, and a close relationship with his parents. It didn't hurt that he was also academically inclined and probably excelled in some kind of sport as well.

Robert also finds out that Freddie is not all shy either. Within minutes, he finds himself agreeing to Freddie and his friend Kenny visit Downton then being introduced to Kenny. Impulsively, he takes out a pile of coins out of his pocket and gives Freddie and Kenny equal amounts.

"I didn't see that coming, you shouldn't have," Jane smirked turning to Robert after waving the boys goodbye.

Robert shrugged "I just thought they both should have something."

"I hope you have not spoiled them," Jane said shaking her head in disbelief "First the invitation to Downton then some pocket money."

"I like Freddie," Robert said quietly "I have sometimes thought what might have been if I had a son, if Cora had not miscarried."

Jane disagrees "But you have Mr Crawley. I have seen how you treat him as if he was your son."

"You're right," he agrees then turns to face her "Will you be coming to Downton with the boys?"

"No, I can't," Jane swallowed hard then added hastily "It's not possible...I have work."

"As a visitors' guide?" Robert asked gently

"Yes and head house maid at Harewood," Jane was now blushing "I don't think they will allow me more day offs so soon after this."

"I understand.

An awkward silence followed.

"Would you like some ice on your bump?" Jane asked trying to diffuse the awkwardness between them.

"I probably should given it still hurts," Robert grimaced

"I live nearby," Jane offered "Why don't we go home and I'll get some ice."

Robert follows her to the house she, her mother and her son lived and once inside, she leads him directly to the sofa. "I'll be at Mr Simpson's shop. It won't be long."

He shrugs off his coat and jacket then diverts his attention small sitting room- furnished simply but neat as a pin. His attention was diverted to the mantelpiece which was stacked with mementos – a vase filled with wild flowers, several model trains, war medals, Freddie's composition award, a post card and a guide book depicting Harewood House.

He heard the door open then close which indicated she was back. Going to the kitchen, she puts the ice in a bowl and takes a clean tea towel from one of the drawers. Deftly, she wraps the tea towel around some ice cubes and secures them with a clean knot.

"Here you are," Jane situates the bag on where the bump was and takes his right hand then guides it to hold the improvised ice bag. "This should hopefully reduce the swelling."

Robert smiles as she releases her hand from his "Thank you...it seems to be feeling better now."

Jane leaves him in the sitting room to prepare lunch and she later returns with a tray that held a tea pot, two cups and small jugs that contained milk and sugar, two slices of her mother's Victoria sponge cake and roast beef sandwiches.

"I hope you don't mind having sandwiches for lunch," Jane's tone was apologetic, trying to appear normal. Robert could tell that she was getting nervous around him and from what he was reading from her expression, it was a look of panic.

He has taken the tray from her hands and sets them down on the table. They were standing next to each other, only inches separating their bodies. Jane keeps her eyes down not looking at him, her arms firmly at their sides.

"I have missed you," Robert said softly, his fingers under her chin to tip her head so he can see her face. There was no question about her beauty, countless times he had thought about her and where she was. Perversely, being run over by a bicycle had turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Jane mumbled something incoherent.

"Don't say anything," Robert whispered as his lips finally met hers.

Taken aback by his brazen declaration and bold move, Jane pulls back and her eyes flicker over his face curiously. She felt blood rushing to her face and fear has overtaken her clumsy attempts to remain calm. Her breathing turned quick yet heavy and her legs felt heavy as if it were chained to the ground. Robert moved closer to her, his desire for her taking over. Her lips parted as if to say something and before any of them could react, he was kissing her as his arms encircled her waist.

Jane uttered out a soft cry as her head jerks back and her hands move up to clutch his shoulders. She kissed him back with a fierce need that surprised her. Her head was beginning to feel dizzy as she first hesitates and then finally stops. Jessica would indeed have a field day if she ever saw this! She could just imagine her saying and pointing: "Told you so! He does exist!"

As if reading her thoughts, Robert drew her even closer to him. "Shhh...it's just the two of us here," he assured her.

Jane swallowed hard as her eyes stared wildly into his. He was doing the same and they both continued to stare at each other, trying to read each other's mind and expressions for what seemed like an eternity. She could see the passion and desire in his eyes while he noticed the fear and desire in hers.

Robert lets out a moan of passion as his lips found hers again. Jane whimpered in response as his tongue forced her mouth open. While her arms went around his neck, his lips had moved towards her ear, his teeth playfully nipping her earlobe while his hands were busy pulling out the pins that held her hair.

A ragged gasp escapes from Robert's throat as she bites his lower lip hard in response. He pulls back to admire her glowing face, the long hair streaming behind like a velvet curtain. How this day was turning out for him, just as his thoughts were turning to Jane the next thing he knew she was standing next to him fussing about his bump. Part of him now was feeling guilty about his feelings and designs on her as a few months ago; he had asked himself whether this was fair to anyone. Jane knew the answer; she was no fool and had left before things went out of hand. Now that they had found each other again, he was reminded by how she made him happy, made him feel more a man not just an earl. Brushing aside the guilt, he focuses his attention on the woman in his arms.

"Did you get my note?" he whispered in her ear while stroking her hair.

Jane nodded as she rested her head on his shoulder "You surprised me...I was trying to picture you when you were Freddie's age and why you disliked mathematics so much."

"I liked History and English but hated Latin, Greek and Mathematics especially the latter. Before I went up to Eton, I had a tutor named Mr Judd - a nice man but could be strict at times. One day, I failed to solve a problem and he made me stand outside Downton with a dunce cap on my head."

"Oh no!" Jane gasped at the mental image forming in her mind then she dissolved into fits of giggles.

"I can probably date my aversion to numbers, angles and the Pythagorean theorem to that incident," Robert chuckled.

When their eyes finally meet again, Jane drew a deep breath as she surrendered herself to him, her body turning liquid at his touch. Robert was taking his time studying her beautiful face while his fingers were caressing her cheek. Then his lips frantically find hers again, his kisses becoming deeper as she arches her body against his. His mouth turns towards the nape of her neck then her hair as her hands slid around his waist to draw him closer to her.

While Robert unbuttons her blouse he lowered his head to leave a trail of gentle kisses on her neck, shoulders and collarbone. There was a pause as he frantically tugs her corset down to reveal her breasts. Jane blushed at the sight of her naked breasts exposed but he hushes her protests by covering her mouth with his.

"You are beautiful," Robert murmured his hands moving to caress her breasts while hers instinctively went up to undo his tie and waistcoat.

"Is there somewhere comfortable we can go?" he asked huskily as Jane made a move for his shirt.

Jane lowered her eyes as she hesitated. Finally, she pulled back, took his hand and together they made their way towards the room she shared with her mother.

Phew! That was hard to write. The second & last chapter will be coming soon.

Any comments, suggestions and violent reactions are welcome.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all on this site!