BPOV
He's gone. Edward is gone. I am numb. I feel no pain. I know that I will soon be happy. I know that I won't be in pain much longer. I just have to wait until my dad leaves. He is going on a fishing trip with Billy. He is planning on coming home from work early. He will eat dinner then go pick Billy up. He isn't planning on coming back until Sunday night. By then I will be long gone. I will be free from pain. I won't think about him anymore.I am pulled out of my thoughts and plans by the sound of the door opening. I dish out the spaghetti and sit at the table. Charlie walks in and sits down. We eat in silence as usual.
"Bella you have the number of the lodge we're staying at right?" He asks after dinner.
"Yeah"
"Call if you need anything. Do you have Mark's number?"
"Yeah"
"If anything happens call him. I'll be back on Sunday."
"I love you. Your the greatest dad ever. Bye."
I gave him a hug and a kiss and he left. Edward had left a in September. It is July. I can't take it anymore. After Charlie left I went up the stairs and wrote my final goodbyes.
Dear Charlie,
You are the greatest dad someone could ask for. I don't want you too feel bad. I know that you will feel like it is all your fault and that yo failed me as a father. You didn't. You were an excellent father. I just can't go on. I can't stay numb forever. But I can't keep thoughts of him out of my head forever either. There is only one way to end this and I am sorry. You can't shut down. You must live on. Find love. Get remarried. Be happy. I love you.
Love,
Bella
Dear Edward,
What do I say to you? I know you don't want me but I want you. So bad. I have spent months without you. I can't do it anymore. I know you will feel guilty. Don't. Don't feel guilty. Don't go to the Volturi. Don't do anything stupid. I still love you and your family loves you. So stay alive for them. I always have and always will love you.
Love,
Bella
Dear Renee,
You are probably freaking out right now. You always were a bit overemotional. Don't freak out. Your main goal in live was for me to be happy. I am happy now. You will see me again. When you die at the age of 80 you will see me. I need you to look out for Charlie. He is probably going to be a mess. Take care of him and help him move on. I love you.
Love,
Bella
Dear Alice and Jasper,
Alice you were a great sister. For some reason I actually enjoyed your shopping trips. I just didn't want to say anything because then we would probably end up moving to the mall. I need you to take care of Edward. He will flip and try to go to the Volturi. I don't care what you do, keep him alive. I am sorry.
Jasper you were a great brother. I know that the family is probably going to fall apart. You have the power to keep them strong. I need you to do that. I know you probably feel guilty. You feel like if you hadn't snapped on my birthday I would still be alive. Don't feel guilty. Be strong.
Love,
Bella
Dear Rosalie and Emmet,
Rosalie I know you didn't like me. I don't know why. I'm sorry for all the pain my actions are going to cause your family. Emmett will probably be upset so be there for him. I am sorry.
Emmet you are an excellent brother. I need you to continue joking and laughing. This family can't fall apart because of my stupidity. Look at the bright side now you have a good reason to pull to keep the family together.
Love,
Bella
Dear Esme and Carlisle,
Esme you have been a great mother. You have your work cut out for you. You are going to have to keep your family together. I know you can do it. You are the most caring woman I know. I'm sorry for all the problems I'm causing. I love you.
Carlisle you are by far the worlds greatest doctor. I have faith that you will be able to repair your broken family. I know that this is going to cause a lot of problems and I am sorry.
Love,
Bella
By the time I had them all written and they were all in envelopes tears were pouring down my cheeks. I had written everyone name on an envelop. When those were written I curled up and went to sleep.
********
When I woke up I went straight into the bathroom. I took a shower then dried my hair. After my hair was dried I went to my room and got the letters. Since no one was home I hadn't bothered to get dressed. I plugged the tub so that the blood would stay in it. After setting the letters on the counter I got in the tub. I sliced each of my wrists nice and deep. I let the pain wash over me. I closed my and fell into a deep sleep.