AN: I don`t own Spring Awakening :(
The world is full of fake smiles, everyone wears one and everyone has one. We know how to use it; we know when to use it. But we shouldn't have to use it. The world should be able to understand our pain. We should be allowed to cry, aloud laugh allowed to feel however we please. But that's not how it is especially in my house.
My father is always on a rampage, if he caught me crying, I would have to pay. We don't let others know how we feel. We don't let them in, we carry our pain with us day in and day out. Not letting anyone else in. At least I do. There are some people like Ernst and Wendla who aren't afraid to share how they feel.
Maybe they're blinded by innocence, or maybe they are the brave ones. Maybe they're so strong they are able to let people in. To me it is easier to push the world away then embrace it. Maybe if I was a child of five I would be able to stop this endless game of pretend, I'd be able to be real and not hide everything like a robot. I love Ernst, but I'm too scared to tell him. I don't know what would happen, life isn't supposed to be like this is it? I've never understood so much about this world, but of course I didn't let others know that.
That would show them that I'm weak. Unknowledgeable and my father wouldn't have that. Every time I did something, something that he didn't like him would hit me, with his belt, with his fits with anything. He would yell and scream and my mom would just stand there and look at me. My eyes pleading for help, but she wouldn't help me. She always told me it was my own fault. I brought this upon myself for what I did. I didn't understand how she could be so blind, but she was.
I'm tired of living in a fake world, bottling everything up and appearing strong and somewhat creepy to everyone else. Maybe if I told someone, just one person my life would be better, easier. Maybe if I let someone in, let them know then I could start to feel. I love Ernst - he's my best friend, but I don't want to burden him.
I have to tell him. If I don't I might lose him and he may eventually turn into another fake smile.
AN: Thank you for reading this short fic! :) Please review! :P