A/N: Welcome to video game and fanfiction fans alike! Now, normally my stories are plot driven, romance based, and engaging. This time will be something a little different. Actually it will be ridiculously different. This is a stress relief story. An outlet for when I'm having writers block on my other stories. Fun, crazy, no rules, hello to the fourth wall type of deal. This will be insanity incarnate with no respect for the rules of literature or for readers and their souls. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: So I don't own any part of the Elder Scrolls series or Zootopia, although I do have a Oblivion black furred Khajit named Mr. Manchas and a Skyrim cheetah colored Khajit named Clawhauser. So suck it, Bethesda! Disney? We still tight.
A familiar and haunting tune drifted in through the hole in the stone wall more than ten feet off the floor. Were it not for the bars crossing over it, the opening could almost be considered a window. But considering the bars were there, it was simply a reminder that the only other opening in the room was also covered in bars. And the only occupant of that room stood rigid as if in a game that had been paused. Wait…
A sudden jerking motion went through the fox and if he had been asleep it would have seemed like a simple wake-up call. Instead he had been put into some sort of trance or suspended animation, something that didn't exist in his world so that probably wasn't it. What ever it was it did not go over well with the tod.
"What the hell…Where-…where am I?" Spinning around, Nick took in his surroundings. The iron cuffs on his wrists and the locked cell door had him mystifi- "Why am I in jail?!" Or not so mystified as it turned out. "Oh someone is in for a sternly worded scroll over this."
Before he could explore his circumstances further, a large sign materialized in front of him, to the left and roughly beside his head. "Oh great. What is this thing? Some sort of magic block of wood?" Running his paws under and over the board, he was unable to find any wiring holding it up. "Huh. Neat." Curiosity soon got the better of him. "I wonder what the front says."
As if compelled to move, Nick stepped around to view the board. "Whoa, what is happening with my feet? Oh look, the front of the board." On the front of the board was several words, a list of different attributes a mammal might have. "'Choose your gender.' Huh. Wonder why that's there." Reaching up, he went to touch another panel but his paw accidentally hit the strange arrow painted on the wood. A strange sensation flowed over the Tod, causing him to shiver.
"Well that was-." Nick stopped talking as his own voice reached his ears. It was far too high pitched and rather sensual, not at all like his cocky and smug tone. "Gah!" he screamed out as he looked down. "I'm a Nicole!" Indeed his body had changed to that of a vixen. He couldn't help but admire his new body. "Damn. I look good." Looking over his shoulder at his tail, he whistled appreciatively. "I look like someone I would totally hit on." Reaching up again he slapped the arrow, feeling his body change back. "Ah, that's better." He shifted his pants a little just to confirm all of him was back.
"Alright, so no more touching that button. Wonder what the rest do." Gazing upward, he had to step back a few paces in order to read the words better because the higher you tip your head the harder it is to view things at an angle, especially words. It's just science. "Species? I'm already a fox so that's not helpful." Tapping the icon, he suddenly found himself nearly three times higher off the ground than he was before. A striped tail twitched behind him and his normal yip of distress was instead a high-pitched yowl.
"Okay, this is interesting, but I miss my fluffy tail. Where's that button…" Another tap found him shrinking a bit but his muzzle and fluffy tail was back. Although not in the right size. "Where's the f-Oh wow. These teeth are huge! How do wolves talk with these things?" Reaching back up he keyed it again. This time he grew to gargantuan proportions. "An elephant? Are you kidding me? This cell isn't even big enough for an elephant!" Again and again he tapped the board trying to get back to his original body. "Hippo. Nope. Polar bear. Nope. Buffalo butt. Definitely nope." Reaching the end of the list, Nick paused. "Wait. They don't even have a fox selection?! Those species bastards! Oh wait, there's a 'Reset All' button." Soon he was back in his own body.
"Oooh. A fur changer?!" For several hours Nick went back and forth trying to decide the perfect color of dye for his fluffy coat. It was a toss up between the hot pink and the dark blue. "Decisions, decisions."
"Well hurry up and make one! I'm tired of hearing that stupid blip noise that's been happening over there." Nick turned his head towards the disembodied voice before seeing it wasn't disembodied. In fact it was quite bodied.
"Who the heck are you?" he inquired to the hyena who was locked in a cell much like his, but without a window. "He doesn't have a window? Oh that's just cruel."
The hyena titled his head, confused by the randomness of the fox. To the outside world Nick would appear quite mad, and perhaps he was. Or perhaps he was the only sane mammal there. "I'm uh… Fanglen Dreth?" It came out more of a question than an answer.
"You don't know who you are? Jeez how long have you been down here without a window?"
"How should I know?" the predator snapped back. "I don't have a window! But I do know this. You are never getting out. Listen, the guards are coming. For you," he cackled with glee. There was a pause while both mammals listened but no sound reached them. "Ahem, I said the guards are coming! For you!" Still there was no sound. "Oh bugger it all th-" suddenly there was a sound. "Oh gods dammit. Timing is shit without a window."
The scrape of iron on stone told Nick the prison door had opened and footsteps traveling down the stairs meant company was coming. Quiet coming judging by their light steps, but loud in their voices which seemed a bit of a contradiction to the fox.
"-right now my job is to get you to safety." The face of a large tigress appeared in the gaps between the bars. "Wait. What is this prisoner doing here?"
"Thank you! That's what I've been asking the whole time!" Nick shouted.
"Ugh. Things never go according to plan. Why did I even take this job? Alright, step back prisoner. Over by the window. We won't hesitate to kill you where you stand," the tigress growled.
"It always comes back to the window," Nick muttered. Stepping back to let the trio of guards and one very fat cheetah in rich robes in, he found himself frozen in place. "Gah! I can't move! What the hell is going on this time?!"
The feline and the two wolves accompanying her moved towards the wall across from where Nick stood. Waving her paw over the stone face, the wall suddenly parted revealing a secret entrance. "What a minute. She didn't even touch a button or lever or anything. What is this, touch rocks? I thought Apple wasn't releasing those until next year!"
The wolves looked at each other in confusion along with a mix of concern. The prisoner seemed quite addled, not to mention he was a fox and foxes were never to be trusted, or so they were told when they signed up for guard school.
"O. M. Goodness. You." A rather cheerful voice had Nick breaking his concentration of examining the wall, still trying to find the magic button. "I've seen you."
"Well yeah, Spots. I used to work the pastry stand outside the palace, remember?" Nick could never forget what was easily his favorite customer, mainly because of the rich robes and deep pockets since he came to visit the stand three times a day minimum.
"Oh yes! You're Nick! I totally remember you now. You made those killer cinnamon buns in the shape of paws." Emperor Clawhauser licked his lips at the mere mention of the delectable treats. "What happened though? Why are you in jail?"
"Honestly big fella? I have zero idea. I just sorta…woke up? And I was over there wearing these raggedy clothes. Where the heck did you guys put my flowery green tunic? That was made from pure silk squeezed from fresh worms and spiders." Nick sighed, relinquishing the hope of ever seeing his beloved shirt again. "Benji, help a fox out and get me the heck outta this place?"
"Ooh, no can do, Nick. See, there's these guys trying to as-assass-assab-…well they're trying to kill me and we gotta go deep underground to get outta here. Sorry." And he certainly seemed so. Nick couldn't hold it against the big cat. "But you can come with us if you want."
With that the Emperor and his three guards headed into the open catacombs entrance. For a moment Nick considered going with them, but then the idea of rats and mice and other rodents having set up their colonies in the abandoned parts of the city did not make the idea that appealing. They would most likely try to make him buy something.
Turning to where they had entered the prison however, he saw the cell door still wide open. "You know, this is probably easier to just go out this way." After spending about a tenth of a second thinking about it, Nick left the cell and looked at the steps. "Door's probably locked." Looking to the left instead, he noticed a small table with two keys on it. "That is extremely convenient. And look, they're labeled! 'Prison key' and 'Dreth cell key'. Seems easy enough."
Passing by the closed cell of the hyena, Nick was stopped by the prisoner. "Hey, help a guy out? If you unlock the door I'll show you my secret cache of gold."
"Sorry bud, but I have a feeling you're supposed to be killed in a quest at some point." Whistling his way up the stairs, Nick put the key into the lock and opened the door wide. "Just gotta sneak ou- why is there a giant eye in front of my face? Is this cause I crouched down?"