Before you begin reading, think about what would happen if you died right now.
...Okay?
You may now proceed.
There are unspoken laws that separate the two realms of humans.
One is called 'reality', and the other is called 'game'.
While they are similar in many ways, and can grow to such an extent that it is easy to mistake one for the other, the difference between them is something very important. Something that anyone and everyone must acknowledge.
The difference between a game and reality is that no matter how difficult, no matter how horrifying, no matter how utterly unbearable a game becomes, you will never, ever DIE.
After all, if it was a game of death, then how could anyone possibly smile and hope to enjoy it from the bottom of their hearts?
Sword Art Online had originally been designed to be a game. Perhaps one far more advanced than any other of its generation, but a game nonetheless. Many developers, programmers, and artists had grouped together in order to form the company called Argus and create this absolute masterpiece, with a brilliant game designer called Akihiko Kayaba heading the project. This mimicry of fantasy worlds was such that it was practically guaranteed to be the best possible experience for all gamers out there, and indeed, the beta testing did not disappoint. It had been so realistic and intense that one would find it very hard to call it 'fake'.
She had never really been that much interested in RPGs in the first place, preferring to play things such as detective and puzzle games—however, when the rest of the computer club got really ecstatic about it, what could she do but join in the excitement? Besides, it was promising enough that she would be able to experience a whole new world through this revolutionary new VRMMORPG game.
But barely hours after its debut, it stopped being a game.
After players were tricked into conducting a Full Dive unaware and ended up being imprisoned within it, held hostage by the very console they're wearing, surrounded by monsters everywhere and constantly threatened at every corner with their lives at risk, again and again, without remorse, as if this was nothing more than some cruel, cruel, cruel joke designed to mock all the people who'd just wanted to lie down and enjoy the experience of immersing themselves into a virtual reality—how could anyone call this a mere 'game'?
Both games and reality had communities, cities, food, jobs, pets, weapons, and many other things, but the one thing that really made this false world a reality was the fact that anyone could die.
All the players who'd spent hours, or even days queuing and waiting for the release of the game, they'd all been cut off from the reality they understood, leaving nothing for them but the hell called Aincrad. Sure, the one responsible for it said that they would be allowed to leave once they cleared one hundred floors, but how many people would be alive by then? How many would've had to be sacrificed, how many would've had to DIE just for the sake of returning back to their homes and comfort?
Already, over two thousand people were dead. Some due to being killed by the very deadly monsters around them. Some due to suicide, refusing to believe that they were really trapped. And some due to causes in the outside world, be it an unaware friend or family member trying to take off the NerveGear, a malfunction in the device itself, or just plain neglect.
Without a doubt, this world was just as bad the world that they used to call home. Amongst all the chaos and the confusion, only one thing in Sword Art Online was certain. It wasn't a game. If anyone ever called it as such, then they could only be lying to themselves.
Why did something so messed up have to even happen? Why did they have to be toyed with and die simply for the sake of some game, just because someone decided so?
Why can't we just leave?
Is that so much to ask for?
Holding her knees under the darkness of a damp drain, hidden away from view, all she could do was stare at the water flowing in front of her and have her reflection stare back like a corpse frozen in place, with a cold, expressionless face. A petite body. Dark, shoulder-length hair.
In her opinion, there was nothing especially noteworthy or special about her that stood out about her. She wasn't very athletic, slow on things, and though she liked to tell herself that she was good at puzzles, she was plenty sure that there were a million people better than her.
Four months had passed since they'd been trapped in Sword Art Online, and there she was, pathetically hiding away in such a remote spot far from the main street, the center of Taft. After having tried her best to make it this far with the rest of her friends, she finally couldn't take anymore and ran. Ran, ran, and ran on as far as she possibly could. Or at least, until she realized that there was nowhere else to go, at which point she could only stop.
Occasionally, drops of water would fall near her, so she'd equipped a lightweight mantle over her body to cover it. Not that it helped much, as it was night, and it was just as cold as it would be back in the real world. If they hadn't been trapped, would anyone really want to play such a scary, realistic game? One could only wonder.
Even as she cuddled herself, sitting in silence for what seemed like an eternity, she couldn't really tell what she was hiding or running away from.
"Sachi?" A familiar voice called out to her.
Slowly turning her head up, surprise registered on Sachi's face as a boy her age came into view under the moonlight. He had neat dark hair and equally dark eyes to match, looking about as young as her, if only taller. However, what really stood out was the warm air surrounding him, and even from several meters away, she was able to feel it. He seemed concerned.
"…Kirito."
Having been found, she wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or depressed. How did he even find her here?
"Everyone's worried about you. They've even sent people into the dungeon to look for you," he replied worriedly, approaching her.
At that, she turned her gaze away with reluctance, letting out a short sigh. There really wasn't anything she could do like this, but at the same time, she couldn't just go back after having made her decision. If he insisted on bringing her back, then she would definitely refuse… No, even if she wanted to come back, she neither the strength nor the will to stand up anymore.
As if sensing this, Kirito stopped short, before deciding to sit down with her.
Her guild, the Moonlit Black Cats, had met him while in one of the upper-floor dungeons. He was a solo player that stepped in to help them when he saw that their party was imbalanced. Though, what none of them told him was that the situation had actually been much worse than that. They'd underestimated the new area that they were trying to explore, and hence their health points were running low. It didn't appear like they were going to make it to the exit anytime soon, even though they were all together—the possibility of death was very real back then.
So, when Kirito offered to help, of course they all agreed. He'd given them a little more offense that served to be useful in the long run, and in return, Keita invited him to join the guild.
It must've been a bit awkward for him since he didn't know anyone there. But then again, he'd always been a bit mysterious. Despite being the same level as them, he'd somehow managed to be a solo player for the past four months, whereas everyone else she'd seen in the game so far always had a friend or two to fall back on.
Also, she couldn't help but notice that he stayed quiet when it came to their various hanging-outs and conversations, which wasn't so different from herself, though she highly doubted that it was due to lack of confidence. How to explain? It was like he understood how to live in this world, but preferred to lay back.
Really, for all the information he knew about the game and all the helpful advice he gave, it was a wonder why he even joined their small, insignificant guild.
Well, she didn't have very much proof, but she was able to figure it out after a while. Why he joined them. The close friendship that the computer club had with each other, their openness and relaxed attitudes… These were all things he didn't have. He was a solo player who fought on his own, every single day, unused to having lots of friends around him to talk with. No one else had ever really made the effort to be friends with him.
It was possible that he originally didn't want to be a solo player, and that he'd helped plenty of people before, but, for whatever reason, he ended up fighting alone despite all that.
It was no wonder he accepted their invitation immediately. The Moonlit Black Cats were the first to really appreciate his aid.
Before she knew it, a long silence had passed between the two of them. Nothing but the sound of the flowing water. He must've been thinking that she was weird for acting like this, but honestly, she didn't care anymore.
"Hey, Kirito." Breaking the silence, she decided to suggest something stupid.
"Yeah?"
"Let's…run away."
"Run away?" asked Kirito, confused. "From what?"
Sachi didn't know the answer to that herself, but even though she wasn't sure, her mouth moved on its own to provide a response devoid of any real emotion.
"From this town. From the monsters. From the Moonlit Black Cats... From Sword Art Online itself."
Her words immediately clicking in his head, his face suddenly rose up with a shocked expression. "Wait, d- do you mean a double suicide?!"
Huh. She'd never really thought of it like that, but then again, it made sense. If she really wished to escape, then there was only one clear, guaranteed way out. A faint smile grew on her face at the thought. She highly doubted that anyone would be able to make it to the hundredth floor. No matter how hard they tried, she knew from the bottom of her heart that this virtual game had been programmed to be unbeatable. It was providing them some hope by providing them with levels to reach and challenges to overcome, but there was no guarantee that any of this would actually help them escape.
"Heh, you know, that's not such a bad idea," she admitted.
Thus, something like suicide would naturally be the best solutio—
"…Sorry, no. I lied. If I had the courage to die, I wouldn't be hiding around in town, would I?"
But, there was no way she could bring herself to such a thing.
Kirito's face relaxed at her response, but it was pretty clear that he was starting to get a bit confused with her roundabout behavior.
It was childish, frankly. Even after running away, she couldn't make up her own mind on what to do.
Even though it hurt inside, she couldn't do anything right.
She didn't even know what she was doing. Lost in her own thoughts, she cuddled herself, unsure of anything.
All she understood was that this game was a horrible, horrible place to be.
"But really... Why can't we just leave?" she asked. "Why do we have to die when it's just a stupidgame? What's the point of going through all this?"
Her words weren't aimed at anyone in particular. After all, if the question was about something which was ridiculous in the first place, then there's no way anyone could possibly give a correct answer. Maybe, if Kayaba Akihiko was right here in front of them, even he wouldn't be able to answer any of them.
The black swordsman looked ahead with a serious expression, and answered, "There's no point to it. No one can benefit from this. The moment we became trapped in this world, we lost what's most precious to us."
'Lost what's most precious to us'.
In other words, their former homes. Their former identities. Their former lives. All they had left was the memories of a world that they used to belong to.
Her gaze moved back to the water, which was so realistic that one could almost mistake it for real water. The same applied with practically everything in this virtual world. The system was designed in such a way that, whatever a person observed would be rendered in more detail than something which wasn't, which saved space as well as maintain the illusion that they truly lived elsewhere, though if one looked hard enough, they would be able to barely see the polygons that everything was composed of.
That, along with the health bar at the corner of their eyes and the constant necessity to open the menu each and every day served as a constant reminder that they lived in a game by the innocuous name of Sword Art Online.
So, why couldn't it have been just a game? Why did everyone have to suffer so much? Why couldn't they just have lied down with the NerveGear, enjoy an exhilarating afternoon as they explore the promising new world, and then log out and CONTINUE ON WITH THEIR NORMAL LIVES?
Over time, it looked like most of the players had learned to bear it and make the most of their current situation. They started to let go of their frustration and laugh again instead of panic, all assuring themselves that they'd make it out soon. They dedicated themselves to studying the system and the gaming mechanics, making lives for themselves whilst trying their hardest to forget their worries and fears. It had only been four months, but already they'd reached a quarter through the game. Those people adapted, and became strong as a result of it.
But as for Sachi herself, she hadn't changed one bit. She was still just as terrified as she was on that fateful first day in the plaza, her memories of it just as vivid, her hands still shaking as hard as it was back then.
The only real difference was that she wasn't screaming anymore. Not on the outside, at least.
Every time she had to face a monster, she was risking her life just for the sake of a little col or getting a little stronger, and yet she was expected to do the same thing over and over and over again, without any guarantee that she was getting anywhere by doing this. Truth be told, she wasn't sure how she even found the strength to leave Starting City. It was silly thinking that she could just somehow run away from everything, when the remaining eight thousand players wanted to do just that as well but couldn't.
Why did she even want to run away?
The answer to that was so stupidly obvious that it took her a long time to realize it.
"I'm afraid...of death."
She was trembling as she admitted it. The fear which had been eating away at her all along.
In a world where everyone had to risk their lives in order to get anywhere, she was deathly afraid of the fact that someday, she might die. There was no guarantee that anyone would survive to live another day.
Kirito's eyes widened at her response as realization crept in.
"You're afraid—of dying?"
His voice sounded hoarse. It was strange, really. By his reaction, it was like he'd never thought about it before.
The young girl cuddled herself and looked down even more, her breathing uneven. It hurt. She wasn't taking any damage, but just the thought of it hurt. Hurt, hurt, hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt so much that it felt like a growing void, threatening to consume her with each passing day.
"I'm so scared." Everything she said "It only gets worse every night." they felt "Lately, I've been getting so scared that" so empty. "I haven't been able to sleep at all. I don't know when the last time I slept was."
If she tried to talk about it with everyone, they would only laugh at her. Not because they didn't understand, but because they were busy trying not to think about it.
But she couldn't stop thinking about it.
It was true that everyone died someday, but why it did have to come so close? Why did it have to be so soon? She had ambitions and wanted to live out her life, as did everyone else.
What was the point in denying ten thousand people of such a plain, simple right? An unbelievable amount of people had already died because of this, and without a doubt, the remaining eight thousand would follow suit given enough time. Why did they have to be a part of this? Why did anyone have to be a part of something that didn't make any sense in the first place? There was no point, so why? Why? Why? Why why why why why why why why why why why
WHY DO WE HAVE TO DIE?
...
Then, all of a sudden, the black swordsman lightly told her something impossible, as if to brush away all her worries.
"You won't die," he stated firmly.
Sachi couldn't help but turn towards him in disbelief, since there was no way that could be true. If saying something like 'Let's run away' was childish, then saying something like 'You won't die' could only be even more childish.
"Really? How can you say that for sure?"
"As we are, the Black Cats is a strong guild. Our margin of safety is well above average. Besides, Tetsuo and I are both here, so there's no need for you to force yourself into the front ranks and endanger yourself," explained Kirito, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if surviving was that simple, and that all their problems could be solved just with more decent equipment and a better party structure. And yet. And yet, and yet why did it sound so nice?
"I really don't have to die? I can go back to reality someday?" Her voice began to rise with hope.
Even though the very idea was ridiculous and childish in every way, she found herself believing in it. She thought she'd lost it for good, but there it was. Hope. Hope that there was something beyond the painful virtual reality that surrounded them all.
It's impossible, but…
...why do I feel like I can believe in him?
"Yeah," he affirmed, turning back towards her with a warm smile.
Over a long period of time, ice had festered and built up within her to such an extent that the sharp coldness of fear became all that she could feel. And yet, just by looking at him, it was like that fear of hers was melting, like the void was being filled with something else.
"I'm sure the others will clear this game soon enough, and you'll be back before you know it."
With all the stupid things he was suggesting, it was hard to believe in him. They held no weight, and there was no proof to support him. He couldn't possibly believe in it himself, could he? He was just lying through his teeth to comfort her, and they weren't even that convincing at all.
Sachi stared at him with an unbelieving look at first, since it couldn't possibly be true—but then she found herself smiling, for the very first time in four months, with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Really...? Do you really mean it?"
"Definitely." Kirito answered immediately. "I promise, you won't die. No matter what."
During her whole time spent within the nightmare known as Sword Art Online, only two things were for certain.
One—that this couldn't possibly be called a game. Anyone who referred to it as such were only lying to themselves.
And two—that hearing him say that would forever be the happiest moment of her life.
If only it lasted.
For Kirito, the time he spent with the Moonlit Black Cats was unforgettable, and he treasured every moment of it. It was different from what he was used to, the warm atmosphere being completely different from the attitudes of the Clearers on the higher floors. They were slowly growing, getting stronger, and it seemed that if things carried on at this pace, then they would reach the front lines in no time at all.
But on the twenty-second of July, 2023, in a dungeon on the twenty-seventh floor at exactly 5:45 PM, everything changed.
To start off, since they'd saved up enough Col for them to buy a house, their leader Keita had gone off to the Town of Beginnings to do just that, and so, while he was gone, the rest of the Moonlit Black Cats thought that they should get a little money from one of the upper levels so that they could surprise him when he got back. Of course, Kirito had tried to tell them that they should just stick to their usual hunting spots, but he couldn't really explain why without outing himself. Thus, all he could do was suppress the growing worry as he followed them in, hoping that nothing wrong would happen, hoping that the worst possible event wouldn't occur and that their luck would prevail.
He realized now that this was a mistake. The very dungeon they were in was infamous for having plenty of traps, and he should've just made up an excuse such as having read it in the Daily Argo, or having heard about it from another player. Anything would do. Anything would've done.
At all costs, regardless of their level, they should never have come here.
At this point in the game, there was a rare phenomenon that the Clearers had only recently discovered. It was a rumor spreading throughout the rest of Aincrad that, in some of the newer dungeons, there were hidden doors which would seem to lead to a free reward of some kind, but once they entered, alarms would blare out loud and the floor would glow red, signaling that this was an Anti-Crystal Field that prevented teleportation. It was bad enough for the Clearers, but for lower-leveled players to encounter such a thing was nothing short of a death sentence.
And that was
exactly
what had happened.
Before he could stop them, they'd wandered straight into a room with a treasure chest hoping that it would be able to give them some extra Col. However, it turned out to be a trap. The doors closed, and an uncountable number of Mineral Elementals and Dark Dwarf Miners poured in. The rest of them indeed attempted to escape using the crystals, but none were working. There was no escape, and none of them possessed a high enough trap-dismantling level to deactivate the chest triggering it all.
This could have been prevented. This could have been prevented. Really, this could have been prevented.
He should have raised his voice. He should have tried harder. As a Beater, he knew this dungeon inside-out, so he should have done his very best to keep the unprepared Black Cats from ever coming close to this place…!
The enemies advanced without hesitation, and within seconds, the party was overwhelmed. Due to their sheer numbers, they quickly surrounded and separated all five members of the party, making it impossible for them to stick together and maintain any kind of defense. Everyone was panicking to some extent. Even though they weren't sure what was happening, they could instinctively feel their own deaths.
Unable to go on the offensive lest he be assaulted on all fronts by the monsters, all he could do was block and parry everything that came towards him. Even at his level, he could easily be killed if he let his guard down.
However, that was exactly the point. Everyone else was at least twenty levels lower than him. They had absolutely no chance of victory.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ducker being knocked down. The player panicked and scrambled to get back up on his feet, but he didn't have a chance as mining pickaxes were ruthlessly stabbed into him over and over again, pinning him down. Just one of these attacks would inflict more than half his total HP, so it dropped to zero in an instant. Shattering into shards of data with an inhuman shriek, Kirito's breath was cut short.
No. No, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NO NO NO!
Even as he tried to reach the others, the monsters were in his way and kept respawning, possibly an unlimited amount of times.
He could focus on defense and last until the trap ends, saving himself. Or, he could risk his life to save everyone else.
It didn't need to be said which of those he chose.
Instantly, he stopped caring about the monsters and violently charged onwards. By destroying them before they had a chance to damage him, he could focus on paving his way to the rest. He was panicking, unable to control his breath or his actions, driven solely by his emotions. Was he screaming out? That wasn't important, since a FRIEND had just died right in front of him and the others may very well follow suit if he didn't do anything. The lives of the Moonlit Black Cats were in serious danger, so this was absolutely no time for him to be hiding his status as a Beater, but even though his level of strength was high enough that each swing of his sword was enough to take them out in one hit, there was just so many that it was impossible to reach anyone in time to save them.
Tetsuo died next, disappearing just as he was scathed by the claws of one of the large Elementals. Even though it was reckless to let his guard down, Kirito couldn't have possibly stopped Sasamaru as he charged in with a vengeance—"DAMN YOU!" —stabbing his lance forth into the creature.
However, not only did it not die since golems were immune to piercing attacks, but it proceeded to slice him apart in exactly the same fashion, without a trace of humanity in its actions.
'Why'
'Why can't we just leave'
'Why do we have to die when it's just a stupid game'
'What's the point of going through all this'
Before, he thought he was telling her a lie when he said that there was no point to it. Of course, there must've been a point, he reasoned with himself. Perhaps it was a warped social experiment. Perhaps it was a military test. Perhaps it was only to provide entertainment for some television show out there. Anything would work.
But no, it was indeed the truth.
He'd seen players die before, but it was never anything as brutal as this. The others always had some sort of meaning to their deaths, some sort of honor that they accomplished. But as for this, there was no logic to it. No meaning. No POINT. Just programming and bad luck, that was now resulting in the SLAUGHTER BEFORE HIS EYES.
The last remaining member was that girl.
"Sachi!" Kirito was rushing towards her. With all his strength, unleashing his strongest sword skills, he didn't waste any time as he tried his best to get to her. "Sachi, Sachi, Sachi...!"
The sole reason she was still alive was because she had remained on the defensive to the very end, not considering for an instant that she had any chance of survival by attacking—but even that, a weak, low-leveled player could only last so long with so many monsters around them. The look on her face was that of sheer terror and confusion. She wasn't thinking of anything when she used her pole weapon to block the slashes of the golems around her, nothing but trying to survive a little longer.
Which wouldn't be long, since she was going to die.
"Kirito!" she cried out panickedly, successfully parrying yet another attack from the monsters.
However, it was only delaying the inevitable, for no matter what happened, no matter what either of them did, she was definitely going to die.
'Die'.
She was going to die, and nothing would change that.
She's…going to die?
Yes. Now that the event had been triggered, it could not be changed. Any decent player would be able to recognize this situation.
Since the monsters spawn infinitely, one had to be at least level fifty in order to survive, guaranteeing that there was only one human in this room who would make it out alive.
The boy who, in the beta test, got through the sixth through tenth floors on his own. The boy who fought alone. The boy who took advantage of other players to defeat Floor Bosses and obtain their last-attack drop items. The boy who currently had the highest level in all of Aincrad. The beta tester who was constantly cheating by staying ahead of everyone else and scoring the best quests, taking the best equipment, otherwise known as the Beater. At heart a solo player, he was bound to have become alone again at some point. Abandoned by all those around him, left to fend for himself as a player hated by everyone.
But for all his power, there was no way that he could save anyone of a lower level. No matter how strong they get, even a Beater cannot hope to beat the programming of the game. All his power was nothing more than built-up calculations that came from the system itself.
"SACHI!"
But he wasn't going to think about that. Even if she was going to die, he would save her. Running as fast as he could without any regard for his own safety, diving through the vast hordes of monsters, Kirito endured the sudden onslaught of attacks and reached out his hand as if to grab her and take her away.
He wouldn't make it in time. Looking on in horror, even as he pushed himself to his very limits, he was too far to do anything.
A golem had gotten behind her, and it lashed out with its arm. In less than a second, she would be hit with the overwhelming slash and her health points would be drained. Then, just like that, she would die.
That was how this was going to play out. From the moment they walked into this trap room, something this cruel was only bound to happen.
He tried to run, faster and faster and faster, and just as she was about to be slashed. she turned towards him with widened eyes—and, she still had that look, the same look that she had every night, that glow saying that she trusted him, that everything was going to be alright. Even now, after having failed everyone, she trusted him.
Since she'd had trouble sleeping each night, at some point she came to his room and asked if she could sleep with him. It was nothing romantic, in all honesty. Rather, it was more like two stray puppies licking each other's wounds. He would reaffirm his promise, assuring her that she would be safe, while at the same time she would help him feel better about being a Beater, relieving his guilt a little. Each night, she would give him that same trusting look, the one she had now.
She was afraid of dying, and he'd promised her that she wouldn't die.
That promise was about to be broken, so why? Why, why, why
Why…can't we just leave this game? Why do we have to die?
Time slowed down.
.
.
.
"You won't die."
No.
Just no.
He made a promise. Therefore, there was no way that he would ever let such a thing happen.
With newfound strength, his feet burst forth, and he found himself moving at speeds faster than ever before. There was no time to think how or why this was possible. All he could do was focus on protecting her, and fight. Charging his blade with white energy, he slashed through the Elemental about to hit Sachi, destroying it just like that.
"K- Kirito?!"
Ignoring Sachi's surprised voice, he didn't have time to celebrate about that since they were now completely surrounded by monsters. Sparing a glance at the party meter, it seemed like her health was in the red zone—therefore, if even a single scratch were to hit her, then she would die. Even if he'd reached her location, defending her from the constant barrage would be nothing short of a miracle.
But that didn't matter. As long as he was alive, not a single creature was going to come close to harming the girl standing next to him.
Moving his sword faster than ever before, he smashed through the Dwarfs and golems, moving in a circular manner with a burst of speed granted by his Sprint skill, thus enabling him to dash from front to front and maintain the defense all on his own. He moved fast and attacked, again and again and again in a crazed fashion, to the point that he couldn't feel his arms and legs, but he didn't give up. He would never give up. If the monsters were an endless tidal surge, then he was a spinning machine that held everything back. There would be no end to this. How could there ever be an end? Each enemy would be killed before they could even begin to deal any damage to either him or the girl he was protecting, and he wouldn't be able to stop as long as the enemies kept on spawning. Therefore, this could potentially go on forever.
However, like everything else in reality, there was no such thing as 'forever'.
Sooner or later, something must occur to end an ever-repeating cycle.
And so, in the end, the red lights faded away and the waves of monsters ceased.
Perhaps it wasn't that they spawned limitlessly, but that they spawned a hundred times or more, which Kirito had miraculously managed to exceed. Or perhaps the game system recognized that spending extra effort on rendering monsters that were going to be killed anyway would be pointless, and so it ceased the trap function. Who knew?
In any case, it ended. It was over, and Kirito was finally allowed to stop moving. Even though he was only an avatar in a virtual world, his mind had been strained too much, overexhausted, which reflected in his current state. If his brain slipped into a coma right then, it wouldn't be much of a surprise.
"Are you…safe, Sachi?"
Even though his health was in the red zone and his body was in a much worse shape, he asked such a question, so tired that his vision wasn't even working right now. His body felt like it was made of metal.
For a passing moment, there was no response. Only silence, and the heavy, forced breathing which could have only been his own.
"Sachi? Sachi? Sachi…?!"
Was she not there? Had she really died? As the silence continued on, and as he was unable to move or say anything, a dark horror was settling in. Even after all his efforts, there was a horrifying fear starting to grow in his heart that he'd let an attack get past, which got her killed without him noticing.
If so, then he'd failed her. Despite promising her that she wouldn't die, he'd broken that promise and utterly FAILED her—
"I'm here," a voice responded at last. It was faint, incredibly frail and full of uncertainty, as if incapable of grasping just what had happened in this situation, but that light tone couldn't have belonged to anyone else.
Just by hearing that, it relieved him of his worries. He smiled faintly.
"Good... That's good, that's really good to hear. I was, I was beginning to think that… W- well, anyway…"
Just as he was about to reach down to the pouch attached to his waist, about to take out a crystal and take them home, a gentle hand took hold of his arm to stop him. Even though she barely had any strength in her hand, his had absolutely no strength of which to speak.
"It's okay. It's over, Kirito... There aren't any more monsters. You can stop now." Sachi said a strange thing to him. "Please… There's no need to fight anymore."
She sounded like she was begging, he wasn't sure what she was talking about. No need to fight anymore? He didn't really get it, but even though he'd saved her and they were safe for now, that wasn't going to last much longer, so—
All of a sudden, his body began to topple over, and then it all clicked in his head. Even though it was over, he'd been standing in place, still in a battle position with his sword raised, unconsciously prepared to execute another skill should any other monster abruptly appear to threaten her life. His sword slipped from his hands, but just as he was about to hit the ground, Sachi caught him with her two arms just in time, letting out a harsh gasp as she did so. Of course, there was no way her strength stat was high enough to carry a human being, but she tried anyway.
"It's... It's enough now. It's over, Kirito."
"I- I- I'm sorry, I…" He fumbled to find words to describe the situation, but he was so weak right now that, if a rabbit were to bump into him, then that'd be enough to finish him off. But as he tried to find the words, he was hushed by the very girl who was struggling to carry him.
As his vision slowly cleared, he could see the expression on her face—and it was an expression he didn't want to see.
Pained, empty, uncertain, traumatized. To him, Ducker, Tetsuo, and Sasamaru were his close allies, but it must've been even worse for her, especially since they were friends she'd come to know in real life. And now she'd seen them all die. They were gone, forever, both in this world and in the other world. As soon as their HP had hit zero, the microwave battery in their NerveGears activated, permanently frying their brains.
Even if the game were to be cleared, the families of those three would never be able to see their children wake up again. What little hope they had left crushed. It was only understandable.
No matter how powerful he was, he couldn't have saved any of them. No, even if he was at the cap, even if he was at Lv. 100, then he still wouldn't have been able to do so. Even saving one person was a miracle in and of itself.
"…Sorry, Sachi." But even then, Kirito could only apologize over and over again for his powerlessness. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry…"
"It's okay," she reassured him weakly, devoid of any real emotion. "Let's… Let's just go."
Holding him down until he was on the ground, Sachi proceeded to take out a Teleport Crystal, her hand shaking as she did so.
Then, pressing down on the weakened Beater's chest without any strength to call her own, she uttered the words "Teleport, Town of Beginnings."
The crystal glowed in response, enshrouding them in a painfully bright light that picked them up and immediately transferred them to a much safer location. One without constantly-respawning monsters, without the danger of taking damage, without people dying around them.
Back then, when they appeared in the Town of Beginnings, being battered, deathly low on HP, looking like they'd just come out of a warzone and desperately trying their best not to break down on the spot, it was a wonder what the others made of the two players. With the assistance of some others who were concerned about their condition, they were able to make it to an inn.
Six hours and forty-three minutes had passed since then.
It was nearly midnight in the inn room, and neither Kirito nor Sachi had said anything during this time. Nor did they consider sleep. As of right now, sleep seemed to be something impossible.
As they were both 'broken', a broken thing couldn't possibly find any peace in slumber.
If he honestly had to admit it, Kirito had never really thought about the very real death feature in this virtual world before. He'd never considered what it must be like for the other players. He concentrated only on getting stronger, only on being able to clear the unbeatable game. Systematically defeating monsters and earning experience points, he had never let his health drop into the red zone, and assumed that everyone else had also gotten used to the system over time, that they would adapt to it.
Even after having seen people die, he only barely understood the extreme terror that resulted from the 'death game' called Sword Art Online. It wasn't hard for him to survive, to find proper amounts of col as well as discover the locations of NPCs, but he never thought that the same might not apply to others. For those whose levels were low and who constantly lived in a state of danger and unpredictable happenings, always living in fear of dying, what was it like? So many of them must've been afraid, but at the same time, they did their best to laugh, cry, and live as best as possible inside an unfamiliar, deadly world.
Before he met Sachi, he could never understand it. He'd even taken it for granted. But afterwards, he had begun to realize—death was worse than anything.
Whenever someone died, that person would cease to be for the rest of eternity. They wouldn't be able to do things or achieve their lifelong goals anymore, and for every family out there hoping for them to wake up, all that awaited them was bad news.
"I'm sorry," Kirito apologized once more, breaking the silence.
"It's not your fault," Sachi responded, trying to sound as normal as possible…
However, as their eyes met and she saw the look on his face, that illusion was shattered in an instant. The emotion, the utter sadness and despair that she'd been holding back broke through the wall she'd put up and rushed up towards the surface in the form of thick tears.
She didn't make an effort to wipe away her tears. She didn't scream nor did she cry out. The quiet, subdued nature of her flowing tears and the occasional gasp of breath was somehow even worse than that. It was as if she no longer had any energy left to curse the world. With her figure curled up on the mattress, her eyes void of meaning locked with his, she was like a dying stray animal. One nothing left to live for.
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. If he said anything, then it would only be a lie to make them both feel worse. So in the end, all he could do was lie down in bed next to her, wrap his arms around her, and hold her tightly until she could begin to settle down.
"It's okay, Kirito. It's okay."
But even though she was the one suffering the most, she reached out a hand and wiped away the tears in his own eyes. Naturally, he was crying as well. Of course he was crying. There was no such thing as a human being who could see their friends die without breaking down at some point.
And that was how it lasted for the rest of the night.
Without moving from their positions, their eyes wide open, the only 'comfort' they could find in this world was in each other.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you think the Moonlit Black Cats were all going to survive? Or, did you expect something less depressing? Did you think that this was going to be a cuddly KiritoxSachi fic?...well then, TOO BAD.
You know, I decided to write this for one reason and one reason only. Sword Art Online definitely would've been better had Sachi survived to the end. Had her relationship with Kirito been given more room to grow, would she have learned to conquer her fear or would she only get even more depressed to the point of being unable to do anything? Whatever the answer is, her dynamic with him was so much better than with Asuna. I mean, I don't hate Asuna or anything, but...what if?
This first chapter was unexpectedly long, but it serves to set the air for the rest of the story. Thantophobia is a (obvious) legitimate psychological problem, and the kind of mental disorders that SAO gave its players is something that I fully intend on exploring. Death is not a joke, you know?
Welp, if you liked this, then feel free to review~
...And yes, I haven't forgotten about Keita :3 he'll come in very, VERY soon~