Beep! Beep! Beep! Five AM means that the clock starts to scream so I can wake up. Today, however, I shut it off. I remind myself it's Saturday and I burrow deeper into the folds of a comforter on my bed. And if all else fails, Dick or Alfred'll come-

Then, I realize everything.

I'm on a flat matress with a thin, scratchy blanket over me. I'm in my tiny apartment, not that huge house. Dick's probably not even in this city. And Alfred isn't going to come wake me up if I decide to sleep in.

They don't care anymore. Not after I died. And today is that day again-my birthday. I'm one more year alive in this mess. After getting dressed, I decide to spend my day thinking. I lay on the sofa and watch the sky outside with my head hanging upside down.

First is for Bruce.

I tried to take the tires off the Batmobile, and he busted me. I could've gotten out of it, and ran, I could've gotten out of all of this if I had ran just then. But he terrified me, and when he took me back to the cave with him, it didn't lessen.

He listened to my story with interest a few mornings later. I can still give him that-he did listen. When he found out that my father and mother had both abandoned me, he took me in. Most people frowned on that, a rich man taking in a street rat like me, but he let me stay regardless. Bruce was a good father, raising me into a fighter and letting me hold my own. If only I had listened that night.

We were fighting Ra's and the Joker, and I'd volunteered to take the clown on my own. He denied me that, saying that I needed to stay with him to be safe. Now, I'm wishing that I'd listened, to keep myself out of this struggle. But I ran off in a scuffle, losing him and chasing down the man in the purple suit-who turned around and ripped into me with that crowbar. He knocked me down pretty quickly.

All the while, I was thinking, Bruce will come in any moment now. He's going to bust down that door, right on the handle, and he'll save me. He's gonna smash a hole in the wall, right there, I can see it-and then he didn't.

But I forgive him. It's okay, he wouldn't have made it no matter what he did. I could've escaped fine if I hadn't snuck off in the first place-and he was the perfect father to try and save me. It was too late for me.

And then thoughts drift to the bird. The bird that maybe might've made it in time, maybe not.

When I arrived at the Cave, he was dressed as Nightwing and waiting. He'd spoken a few words to Bruce, all the while watching me out of the corner of his eye. I couldn't blame him-I was a grease-covered street rat, there in the Batcave. My stained white shirt stood out more than I liked.

A few nights later, I'd discovered Bruce was Batman and deduced Nightwing's identity. He offered me his old suit, which I later discovered was Bruce's idea all along. I accepted, taking the mantle that cost me my life. . . but I had many happy patrols before that dreadful night. Oftentimes he and I would go out together, even.

When I came back, I almost went to him and told him everything. It would've made things easier, I think, to tell him and the girl. He used to chase her, I remember, but now we are simply siblings and nothing more. Perhaps that's for the better, seeing as how she lost so much while I was gone.

I was always closer to her than Dick was, I think-oh, her, Barbara. Barbie, sweet, strong Barbie. She was the first Batgirl, a hero who got to choose her own way into the life. For that I envied her, but at least I had the comfort of knowing I would be better trained on the streets than her. She learned fast, but I always stayed ahead.

Until I died.

When I was gone, that madman went after her. He almost killed her, too, and when I came back, I hunted her out. I found the records telling me all of this, and I followed the trail into the ICU of a Gotham hospital not far from the place we had trained and lived together at. She had a heart of gold, but even that couldn't keep the shadows out of her eyes when she did wake up.

All of this, I watched from a corner in the shadows. She never noticed me, and if she did she simply laid there, murmuring. Her words made my head spin, and I knew she was sick and going to get sicker. "First Dick's gotta go and leave me, and I thought it was bad. Then Jay's off and dead before anyone can find him, and it's my fault, it's my fault for not finding him. Now I can't even sit up on my own, all the feeling's gone from my legs down. I won't get patrol anymore, I can't be Bat-"

Sobs mixed with coughing as she lay there stopped her. I moved to help her before I saw a boy slip into the room and tend to her. He was wearing an old T-shirt I remembered Dick wearing and I knew he was one of them. Had they replaced me?

I had to go and discover this, but not until I took care of my older sister's slowly breaking heart. A note left beside her, tucked under her sleeping hand, would suffice. I leapt out the window, down the roof, and away to where I was spending the night back then-whether it was an alley or a doorway, I can't remember. Back then, I was a loner. I thrived by simply knowing how to survive. As I ran, I remembered the words I had written, and now I think of them one more time.

Barbie-

Be strong for me. You'll be okay.

Tell Dick you miss him, he'll come and visit more often.

I shouldn't have snuck off, because I did I lost my life. If anything my death was MY fault,

not yours. If you wanna take it out on someone, go for the madman.

Jay

PS- Superheroes don't always work in the field, you know. You don't

need to be fighting to still be an amazing hero.

It was time to find the mystery boy.

Sure, I was mad at first. I would go out and watch the kid on patrols sometimes, just wanting to prove to myself that he had a fault. Nothing I saw proved him worthless, however. He was good in combat and he knew stealth(which was probably easier for him since he didn't have pixie shorts and a bright yellow cape on, but I left that out-I got a uniform change, too). I saw him fight without fury, which was a luxury I had for only a few weeks as Robin-but he kept that up for months.

Eventually, that anger turned to envy. Yes, I will admit it now, so many years later, I envied Tim Drake.

He did take the Wayne name, not that I would ever call him that. He was simply my Replacement, and I treated him as such-until I realized he needed a brother, and Dick was out of the question, with all he needed to do with his many groups and such. Not to mention the fact he lived in Bludhaven, and I was skipping around Gotham like a stone on a river. I could be there if I wanted, but resentment was strong in my blood, and it took a dark night to overcome it.

After an almost okay night there, I moved back into the Manor. All I had was a backpack and my Red Hood outfit, so it wasn't exactly hard for me to make the transition-until Bruce found out. To say he was happy would be an understatement-he was spilling over with a cascade of broken joy. We sat out by the fire pit one night, just talking, and we both realized it wasn't just Tim who needed people around, it was all of us.

I feel like Tim deserves more credit for bringing me home.

My thoughts drift like a sled in snow. Snow, white powder that silently overtakes the earth, yes, snow. We were watching it like little kids, Tim and I, when she came in. Barbie and Dick were on the way to yet another Christmas party, and they ditched her in the kitchen, swiping a few of Alfred's still warm cookies while they were at it. Her hair was black, hanging into her eyes in a straight, perfect line. Her dark eyes, facing the floor, were covered in a sticky eyeshadow I knew had been put on several days before.

Bruce and Alfred "talked it over" in the study, and by the raised voices I heard, I knew this girl was going to have a terrible next few days. I watched her eyes flit across the room, but she still faced the floor. I said, "D'you wanna sit down?"

I was answered with a small head shake. Tim pulled out a chair between the two of us and told her to sit anyway. She walked over and faced the table, still silent-and then I realized she couldn't talk. Tim had the same epiphany a moment later and we exchanged a glance. Alfred came in, shooting a look at us, but he didn't say anything, and Bruce stayed where he'd been all along. She was our responsibility.

Makeup removed, a blanket around her shoulders, and a movie chosen by a pointing finger were our to do list. Tim stayed with the girl while I went back into the kitchen and pressured Alfred for answers. He stood at the sink, washing dishes. "Master Jason, I only know that she is a lost soul who will be spending time here for a while. If you would, make her feel at home-I can already tell she will rival you in terms of resistance."

"What makes you say that?" I asked, taking a few plates and putting them in the dishwasher. I knew even back then I was a tough kid to raise, but Alfred got by without even blinking. I still admire him for that quiet, kind strength. He shook his head and told me, "Her name is Cassandra Cain."

Cain-his daughter. As I walked away, I thought, This one might be my favorite yet.

I'd moved back out into my own apartment after Cass got herself settled. Stephanie took my place, following Tim like a lost puppy. I'd come down to the cave for missions, she was at his computer with him. Everywhere I saw him, I assumed she followed behind-and nine out of ten times, I was right. The other one, she'd be with Cass or Bruce. Cass, who'd been Batgirl for a while under Barbie's suggestion, was Black Bat now. Steph took the mantle up, patrolled, and did a fairly good job with it.

Patrols got tolerable. With Dickiebird back in town, there were six of us on the field and whatever Barbara did from the cave-traffic light hacks, security camera checks, and countless repairs to our tech. I got help when I needed it, gave it when I could-or was feeling up to the task of leaving my couch for the dark, anyway.

I could have left then, gone to my own city where I would fix things up like Dick had with Bludhaven. However, I felt like the team forming around Batman should include all of the Robins-even Stephanie, who did get to try out the costume after Tim became Red Robin.

Or maybe I stayed because of the boy I met only a few months later.

I did a double take when I first met Damian. I'd stopped by to turn in a report to Bruce, and I saw the kid at the computer. I recognized him from my days living with Talia, but his name was never known to me-or that he was Bruce's nine year old son. His blood son.

They had the same hairstyle, even. Of course, the Demon Spawn didn't get any affection from me-he spent way too much time at the Manor for that. I'd take Barbie out, Dick and I would go do something, I would let Cass crash at my place after a draining patrol. I would not deal with them all at once, however-way too much sociality and favors and "by the way" circumstances-like how I found out about Tim and Steph's relationship.

We got along fine, him taking a lot of patrols at the borders of my territory. I knew how he felt with Talia and Bruce's influences crashing inside of him, he knew what it was like to be an outcast. Damian soon became my favorite of all my brothers-he had the sense not to kill and tell, and he didn't have that policy of Bruce's to hold him back. When Dick took his place, things changed, however.

He was less of a killer and more of a fighter. I stayed farther and farther away from the Manor. He spoke less formally. I spoke less at all. Until he died, that is.

Then I came straight to the Manor to catch Bruce as he fell.

Looking at it now, we were all there to catch one another. To catch Alfred, even.

Bruce is holding his own as Batman, Dick has returned to life as Nightwing. I'm a year older and dreaming while half asleep. Barbie is a diamond in the rough. Tim's a computer nut with the sense to stand on his own two feet when duty calls. Cass is a picture-perfect heroine, which suprised even me. Stephanie is happy at Tim's side, Batgirl and Red Robin. Dami is alive and fighting and believing he will lead our world someday-which is true, however much I hate to admit it.

Another thing I hate to admit? That I have to get up and go down to the Manor for a celebration tonight.